It's Painful sometimes. Knowing the fact they're not real and never will be is terrible. Even the fact that he's Dead kills me everyday.
But then, I just cheer him on. I pair him with Ciel anyways ~ Instead of seeing myself and him there's always Ciel to be with him. Even seeing him Smile یا being happy makes me happy. And if he's happy, then that makes me the happiest woman alive.