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posted by dreamer369
The Chick Code

مضمون 1: Chicks before dicks. The bond between two women is stronger than the bond between a man and a woman because, on average, women are مزید willing and able to commit than men. Unfortunate for our love lives, but true.

مضمون 2: A Chick is always entitled to do something wild, as long as the rest of her Side-Chicks* are all doing it. For example: partaking in "WOOO!"-ing.

مضمون 3: A Chick never divulges the existence of the Chick Code to a man. It is a sacred document not to be shared with guys for any, not even that reason. (Note: if آپ a man reading this, first, let me apologize: it was never my intention for this book to contain so many big words. Second, I urge آپ to look at this document for what it is – a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually believe یا adhere to the vulgar rules contained within.** Oh, and have آپ been working out?)

مضمون 4: A Chick shall not stare inappropriately if she and other Chicks must get naked in front of one another in a locker room, etc. آپ may gossip, joke around, and many other fun activities but never should آپ stare at another Chick's breasts, "No-No Square", and/or bum.

مضمون 5: A Chick never admits that she's PMSing to a guy, not even when she is PMSing.

مضمون 6: Should a Chick be critically injured, her Side-Chicks are to never make jokes about it, unless the hurt Chick does first.

مضمون 7: A Chick will drop whatever she's doing and rush to help her Side-Chick when and if she gets dumped. Things required to ensure maximum comfort for your dumped Side-Chick: a shoulder to cry on, arms to hug, things to break, tissues, chocolate, alcohol, chick flicks, angry chick music, popcorn, mani/pedi kit, facial kit, and words aimed to describe what a douche what's-his-face was.

مضمون 8: A Chick always asks for a guy's help when moving. For مزید effective results (aka getting a reluctant guy friend to اقدام your massive سوفی, لٹانا and California king) مکھن him up about how strong and able and manly he is. For even مزید effective results, it is acceptable to slut it up a little یا "unintentionally" دکھائیں off your assets while buttering him up. Pouting and begging in a sexual manner are also acceptable in this situation.

مضمون 9: On رات کے کھانے, شام کا کھانا dates, do not eat like a pig, but do not be peck-ish either. When dessert rolls around, and you're hoping for an "active" night, nonchalantly licking something off your finger(s) یا the underside of your utensil works most effectively.

مضمون 10: A Chick must always help her fellow Chicks stay away from known یا rumored creeps.

مضمون 11: A Chick shall always help a Side-Chick get a guy. Exception: your Side-Chick is pursuing a taken guy (in a relationship, engaged, یا married).

مضمون 12: If a guy should inquire about another Chick's sexual history, a Chick shall lie and say that she doesn't know so that the Chick questioned about looks not like a whore nor a prude.

مضمون 13: A Chick never dances stupidly nor too slutty. Exception: when a Chick is drunk یا under the pretense of being drunk.

مضمون 14: A Chick should be able, at any time, to recite the following: winner of American Idoland Project Runway; who's on the cover of Vanity Fair and Vogue; who the new "It" couple is; who the سب, سب سے اوپر celebrity couples are; what the latest celebrity scandals are.

مضمون 15: A Chick shall be kind and courteous to her co-workers, unless they are beneath her on the Pyramid of Screaming***, are total jerk wads, completely incompetent, and/or inappropriate (yes, that kind of inappropriate).

مضمون 16: A Chick shall not sleep with another Chick's brother (unless genuinely deemed okay with the Chick who has the brother). However, a Chick shall not let it bother her in any way if another Chick says, "OMG you're brother is, like, so hot!" Should a Chick's brother be interested in the Chick's friend, it is not acceptable for them to get together unless genuinely deemed okay سے طرف کی the Chick with the brother.

مضمون 17: A Chick respects Chicks in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but مزید the point, because they can totally kick your پچھواڑے, گدا when آپ تبصرہ on how camouflage print doesn't look good on them یا their tragic haircut.

مضمون 18: A Chick may share her observations about another Chick's smoking hot boyfriend, but in no way must she say anything further to ensure that the Chick with the hot BF doesn't think that the observing Chick will attempt to steal the BF in any way, shape, یا form.

مضمون 19: Homosexual men are completely acceptable as Side-Chicks. Sometimes even better. For example, less of your Gucci's will "go missing". Unless your homosexual guy-friend cross-dresses, which is also completely acceptable.

مضمون 20: There is no law that prohibits a straight man from being a Side-Chick یا "one of the girls". He can make a wonderful wingman or, if all else fails, a backup boyfriend/hubby.

مضمون 21: A Chick shall not sleep with another Chick's ex, unless the Chick whose ex it is does.

مضمون 22: If two Chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other, rather than stripping down and wrestling it out. (See مضمون 38 for a تفصیل of the rules should the strip-n-wrestle situation occur).

مضمون 23: If two Chicks are wearing the same outfit, each retains the right to "accidentally" spill a drink on the other.

مضمون 24: A Chick doesn't let another Chick get a "tramp stamp."

مضمون 25: A Chick never removes her clothing in public, unless at a pool, beach, یا (sometimes) a concert.

مضمون 26: A Chick will, in a timely manner, alert her Side-Chicks to the existence of a sale/clearance.

مضمون 27: If two Chicks decide to catch a movie together, they shall تقسیم, الگ کریں a tub of پاپ کارن, پوپکارن to save money. However, the act of sharing a drink must be decided betwixt the Chicks due to personal levels of awkwardness and/or germaphobia.

مضمون 28: A Chick comparison shops.

مضمون 29: When on the prowl, a Chick hits the most decent seeming guy first in hopes of catching a good one.

مضمون 30: When in a public restroom, a Chick (1) does not look in between the crack in stall doors; (2) waits until the restroom is completely empty before streaking to the اگلے stall when آپ find that the stall آپ chose has no toilet paper (this also applies for when she needs to sprint to the tampon dispenser); (3) taps foot impatiently and huffs a bit when there is a wait; (4) always uses soap.

مضمون 32: When the situation arises where a Chick spies another Chick with fake breasts while with her BF, then تبصرے on it, a Chick always has the right to read between the lines at the BF's reaction تبصرہ (aka catching him staring at her breasts – but at least give him a few brownie points if he decries the silicon masses).

مضمون 33: A Chick always reserves the right to get miffed if her male companion does not exhibit gentlemanly conduct (i.e. not opening the door for her, not pulling out her chair for her to sit down, not offering to pay, etc.)

مضمون 34: Even in a fight to the death, a Chick never assaults, یا attempts to assault, another Chick's breasts, bum, یا "No-No Square." Scratching (this includes eye-gauging) is not suggested, on account of the usually long and sometimes sharp nails of our gender. Hair pulling, unfortunately, is both acceptable and encouraged.

مضمون 35: When a Chick exchanges information with a guy, she is allowed to contact him twice before she must honor the weird "wait three days" ritual guys do.

مضمون 36: Should a Chick be engaged to be married, her Side-Chicks are obligated to help the betrothed out in any way the bride-to-be deems possible. (They shall also throw her a kick پچھواڑے, گدا bachelorette party).

مضمون 37: A Chick is always allowed to cry (and if she can cry on cue, all the better).

مضمون 38: Upon greeting another Chick, a Chick may engage in a hug, cheek kiss(es), high five, hand shake, fist bump, Bro hug, jumping up and down, booty bump, یا light پچھواڑے, گدا smack, but not a kiss on the lips nor grope/caress in any way. Exception: lesbians/bisexuals.

مضمون 39: A Chick loves her country, especially if it's in Europe.

مضمون 40: A Chick may never take off یا اقدام around her swim bottoms while applying sunscreen, though untying the back of her سب, سب سے اوپر is acceptable.

مضمون 41: A Chick does not go to a strip club as a general rule, though it is not prohibited.

مضمون 42: If a Chick is seated اگلے to another Chick who's stuck in the middle نشست on an aircraft, she shall yield her all their shared armrests, unless the girl has (a) been talking absolutely nonstop; (b) is snoring; (c) makes the Chick get up مزید than once to use the lavatory.

مضمون 43: A Chick always, when the opportunity arises, participates in a drinking game (i.e. "I Never"/"Never Have I Ever", etc.) یا risky party game (i.e. Truth یا Dare, Seven منٹ in Heaven, Would آپ Rather, Spin the Bottle, etc).

مضمون 44: When asked, "Do آپ need some help?" سے طرف کی a super hot guy, a Chick always جوابات yes, whether یا not she's really got it.

مضمون 45: If a Chick should accidentally boob یا butt brush another Chick both shall continue on like nothing had happened. If a Chick should boob یا butt brush a guy on accident she shall act like nothing happened and try not to blush (unless it was on purpose, in which then she may act however sexually alluring she feels is appropriate).

مضمون 46: A Chick checks out another Chick's blind تاریخ and reports back, though the Chick going on the blind تاریخ is obligated to still go on the تاریخ and give the guy a chance even if the رپورٹ is bad.

مضمون 47: A Chick is required to remember birthdays and anniversaries.

مضمون 48: Even in a drought, a Chick always washes her hands after every potty break, and washes her face every morning and night. We are ladies, and ladies are hygienic.

مضمون 49: A Chick is required to go out with her mother on Mother's Day, and her Side-Chicks on Halloween, New Year's Eve, Boxing Day, Black Friday, and Desperation دن (February 13th).

مضمون 50: A Chick is always allowed to borrow clothes from another Chick, unless کہا clothes are unwashed, frumpy, obsolete, ugly, and/or extremely special to the owning Chick.

مضمون 51: A Chick is required to alert another Chick if the Dude/Chick Ratio at a party falls below 1:1 in favor of the Chicks. However, so not to create Chicklandia****, a Chick may only alert three Side-Chicks.

مضمون 52: A Chick always reveals the score of a sporting event to a guy, if she can remember it.

مضمون 53: A Chick always shaves/waxes her legs, armpits, eyebrows (if need be), and "down there." Exception: butch lesbians, Chicks too uncomfortable یا sensitive, یا Chicks who are making a statement سے طرف کی not doing it.

مضمون 54: A Chick always brings a jailed Chick the necessities ("necessities" may vary in definition for each individual, so be sure to know what the jailed Chick would appreciate).

مضمون 55: A Chick will always be respectful to others' parents, even if they're driving her insane.

مضمون 56: A Chick will always alert the significant other of her Side-Chick to an upcoming anniversary, birthday, یا other important events. This is to protect the feelings of her Side-Chick, because آپ knowthat the significant other had forgotten.

مضمون 57: In the event that two Chicks lock on to the same target, they may be somewhat petty towards the opposing chick and somewhat slutty to the target. It is important that the target be aware that there is competition for his affection, but not find out just how vicious and important the situation is. Should it happen that the target choose neither Chick, they reserve the right to blame each other and call each other bad names under their breath.

مضمون 58: A Chick will be completely supportive of all decisions of her Side-Chick in the event of pregnancy. (This includes the touchy subject of abortion, but even then a Chick must respect any and all decisions made سے طرف کی the pregnant Chick).

مضمون 59: In the case of a road trip, the Chick that suggested the road trip must pay for the gas and lodging. Bad things, like car sickness یا post-Taco گھنٹی, بیل potty breaks, willbe blamed on the Chick who suggested the road trip, therefore she must be responsible for both the aforementioned expenses.

مضمون 60: A Chick can order any type of alcoholic drink she wants. Because, unlike men, we can have both fruity drinks with umbrellas andcheap beer.

مضمون 61: A Chick shall always participate in karaoke when the even arises, and, if she can't carry a tune, reserves the right to pretend to be drunk یا get drunk.

مضمون 62: Should آپ know for a fact that your Side-Chick's significant other is cheating on her, then she must tell her Side-Chick, even though it'll hurt her. Getting evidence first also helps.

مضمون 63: A Chick will drive another Chick to the airport and, if she's available, also pick her up – both of which on time and/or early. She is expected to inquire how her trip was and her general wellbeing, and offer to help her with her luggage

مضمون 64: Chicks are strongest in three's and four's. Can't explain it, but so true

مضمون 65: A Chick always spell-checks.

مضمون 66: When a group of Chicks are in a restaurant, each shall pay for what they ate. (This is because it eliminates the time-wasting "bill jockeying" and it is very fair

مضمون 67: Yellow stoplights are an option – either slow down and accept the red light, یا speed up and get across while آپ can.

مضمون 68: A Chick must never ever get her vagina pierced.

مضمون 69: Duh.

مضمون 70: A Chick can always be honest to a guy about their occupation (because she knows that he'll imagine it as a sexual role play no matter what it is).

مضمون 71: A Chick reserves the right to be a bit miffed should her BF act differently toward her around his Bros, but will only confront him when the Bros have all gone away. Because Chicks are courteous.

مضمون 72: Chicks may always snuggle, cuddle, and spoon.

مضمون 73: A Chick shall never Cock Block***** her Side-Chick(s). Exception: he's a known یا rumored creep, یا it's known that he's taken.

مضمون 74: At a wedding, a Chick shall be excited about the bouquet catch, even if she isn't, for the sake of the bride.

مضمون 75: Chicks are not dolls, toys, یا experiments. Hazing is absolutely unacceptable.

مضمون 76: A Chick always puts the toilet نشست back down – we are ladies.

مضمون 77: If two Chicks get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, she is expected to take it back, apologize, and make amends. Otherwise the offended Chick reserves the right to never speak to the out-of-line-Chick again.

مضمون 78: Though it is not strictly prohibited, mixing it up romantically with a coworker is not suggested. (Seeing each other all the time at work after a break up? Awkward...)

ARCTICLE 79: If a Chick buys a new car, she is required to accessorize it immediately.

مضمون 81: A Chick shall accessorize. Period. Nuff said. مضمون 69.

مضمون 82: A Chick never سوالات another Chick's stated amount of shoes, calories she's eaten that day, یا how many times she's dyed her hair.

مضمون 83: If a Chick, for whatever reason, must drive another Chick's car, she may adjust the mirrors and نشست position, but put it back to the way it was before giving it back. A Chick must not let anything impair her driving.

مضمون 84: A Chick does not work in the kitchen, nor does she make/bring her man a sandwich. Exception: she's a chef.

مضمون 85: A Chick always brings over a bottle of wine when invited to an event at someone's house. Exception: under the age of 21 (USA).

مضمون 86: A Chick must not, under any circumstances, become like her mother.

مضمون 87: Chicks shall swear off men at least once a year, for the sake of feminism, یا because of douche bags.

مضمون 88: Chick will call her BF "cute" یا "adorable" once in front of his Bros just for fun, then promise never to do it again…when he's around. ;)

مضمون 89: Asking for directions, maps, GPS... it doesn't matter, okay? Do whatever will help آپ get to your destination.

مضمون 90: When pulling up to a stoplight, a Chick may text (etc.), regardless of whether یا not her state has made that illegal.

مضمون 91: If a Chick asks another Chick to keep a secret, she shall take it to her grave and beyond. Yes, this will be very difficult since the human race is a very social species and she might feel the exploding need to spill the beans یا gossip, but she shan't because دوستوں are مزید important than having the latest scoop. Exception: if she یا anyone else is in danger.

مضمون 92: A Chick shall take great care in selecting her outfit for any occasion.

مضمون 93: A Chick never wears Christmas colors (red and green) when it's not Christmas time. Same goes for Halloween colors (orange and black), and Independence دن colors (red, white, and blue).

مضمون 94: The father and/or stepfather of a Chick is always off-limits.

مضمون 95: If a Chick is not invited to another Chick's wedding, she doesn't make a huge deal out of it, even if, let's face it, she was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect wedding gift and everything. It's cool. No biggie. (Talking discreetly behind the bride's back may work, if she truly feels the need to make a semi-big deal out of it).

مضمون 96: A Chick never lets another Chick look like trash. Exception: the other Chick is a frenemy/enemy.

مضمون 97: If a Chick forgets another Chick's name, somehow devise a plan to learn her name without actually asking her.

مضمون 98: When Chicks attend a sporting event and see themselves on the JumboTron, they shall wave, point, blow kisses, and/or hide her face.

مضمون 99: If a guy orders a Chick a drink, the Chick shall use gestures to thank him for the drink, then ask the bar tender if he knows if the drink-sender is a decent guy.

مضمون 100: If a Chick discovers another Chick has forgotten to sign out of her email, the Chick shall respectfully sign out for her without peeking at anything.

مضمون 101: Should a Girl Power song come on, a Chick is expected, at the very least, to shriek about how much she loves that song.

مضمون 102: Should a Chick need to bunk at another Chick's house for an extended period of time, she is expected to help pay for food, toiletries, and any delivered movie-rentals.

مضمون 103: If a Chick finds a "clothing optional" beach, and it's not in Europe, then it is not suggested that she attend.

مضمون 104: A Chick never willingly relinquishes possession of her cell phone. Should another Chick snatch it from her, then the offended Chick reserves the right to be very angry and possibly mildly harm the theiving Chick in order to retrieve her cell phone.

مضمون 105: A Chick must, at the very least, attempt not to drink in front of a recovering alcoholic.

مضمون 106: Chicks must always wear sunscreen.

مضمون 107: If a Chick owns a convertible, she is required to, during warm days/months/seasons, have the سب, سب سے اوپر off, let her hair loose, and wear sunglasses.

مضمون 108: A Chick reserves the right to be hyper.

مضمون 109: A Chick lets guys win half the time. (Enough so that he doesn't get bitter, enough so that she'll still feel good about herself).

مضمون 110: When driving with a friend following, a Chick always makes sure that she is in sight of the friend.

مضمون 111: A Chick shall always help another Chick reconstruct the events from the گزشتہ night.

مضمون 112: If a Chick lends another Chick a DVD, مضمون of clothing, CD, یا anything else, she shall expect to get it back and will hold it against the borrowing Chick in the occurrence of an argument.

ARTIVLE 113: A Chick shall not hitchhike anywhere ever.

مضمون 114: Chicks do not fart.

مضمون 115: When hosting, a Chick makes sure that her BF hasn't messed with anything. If he has, then she must fix it immediately.

مضمون 116: Getting kneed in the crotch hurts Chicks, too.

مضمون 117: A Chick reserves the right to simply walk away after the first five منٹ of a date. This is the "Lemon Law" and آپ can find cut outs of it in the fabled "Bro Code" (see مضمون 118).

مضمون 118: Yes, it's true – guys really do have their own Code, much like this document. But it is full of sexist text, and obviously the مصنف was thinking from his crotch and not his brain. As a Chick, it is our vagina-given right to frown upon The Bro Codeand those who actually live سے طرف کی it. [A/N: I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself and cracked up all over the place as I wrote this. It, of course, is a lie – theBro Codeis hilarious and awesome, and Barney Stinsen is the King.]

مضمون 119: A Chick must get a mani/pedi/facial/massage about every two months to ensure a happy and healthy body.

مضمون 120: A Chick shall seek no revenge if she passes out around her Side-Chicks and wakes up to find that they've pulled numerous pranks on her sleeping form (i.e. marker all over her face, the hot water trick, the shaving cream trick, etc).

مضمون 121: Chicks care about the environment.

مضمون 122: Chicks care about animals. (And not in the "I wonder which one is 'in' right now" way, but in the very humane, loving, and non-clothes way).

مضمون 123: A Chick never sleeps nude while bunings with someone else. Exception: sex with the one(s) you're bunking with.

مضمون 124: If a Chick sees one of her Side-Chicks get into a fight, she attempts to rip the fighters away from each other.

مضمون 125: Chicks are smarter than guys. It's a scientific fact.
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