Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13 (Just to be safe.)
Author: WolfAngel'JR (in FanFiction.Net -bendaimmortal here.)
Characters: Barty Crouch Jr., Barty Crouch Sr. & Mrs. (Caroline) Crouch.
Summary: The Crouch family, the دن they save the son from Azkaban. Begins with a look into Junior’s feelings throughout his سال in there but focuses on the دن they save him. As always, in my very different interpretation. This is a one-shot.
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A/N I know most people see them in a completely different light but no flaming, please because this view does make all the sense in the world and it is actually likely that he was مزید devoted to his family than to Voldemort - until Azkaban. All about it, in-depthly analyzed, on my Barty Crouch Jr. پرستار Site. Link in the end of this fic.
My Junior’s looks come from the actor Jamie گھنٹی, بیل and Senior’s from the director Thomas Vinterberg and Mrs. Crouch's from the actor Michelle Pfeiffer. A/N
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Screaming In Our Hearts
It was gone again. The monster was gone, but he didn't even care. He felt always cold. He felt always thoroughly unhappy. He was always sick, too deep inside his mind, یا beside it, so not to scream. Again. He didn't need the Dementors near, to go through it all on an utterly painful level. There had hardly been a moment in all the months, when he hadn't in the least subconsciously, thought of it and died a little bit مزید inside. Soon enough it had truly sunk in. There was no hope. He would die there. There was no moment when the words didn't haunt him, if not in his head, then in his heart. A Dementor always fed on a happy memory while throwing him back into the very nightmare, as if he heard and saw it all for the first time, still unaware that it could ever be possible.
"Father, please…" "…these crimes deserve a life sentence in Azkaban… a life sentence… a life…" "Father, please! I didn't do it! I didn't! Father, no! Don't… not to the Dementors… I'm your son! I'm your son! Mother, don't let him! I didn't do it! I didn't know!" Mother… He had stopped screaming in a few days time in the black pit that truly was a hell. For what was a hell if not a total absence of hope? Mother was not coming. She'd been crying as hysterically as he himself had been screaming and denying any part in the crime. She'd been crying as bitterly and shocked as the judge had کہا the impossible. She was probably already dead. She could not possibly have lived this long after that night. There was no hope.
"You are no son of mine! I have no son!" Even if the Dementors drained him empty of his every memory, he could not forget those words. Nothing could change them to him. Nothing could make this right again.
A pale, unnaturally skinny boy of eighteen, was lying lifelessly, on a hard bed, in a cold, کڑوا, تلخ darkness. He was staring at the roof but he might as well have been blind. The room was small and with only one tiny window way up there, never to be reached but bringing a little air in. It felt like it wasn't even part of the world around it. His hair almost reached his shoulders and it was all messed up. His skin was dirty after crawling on the stone floor. After climbing the walls in the most insane moments. The rings under his eyes were shockingly dark. He was barely conscious. Looked dead already but inside he was painfully alive.
He had searched for his master. He had even done it; the unspeakable. Though he'd denied it to his father in the trial. For he hadn't wanted to go so extreme in the search. He hadn't cared for his master that much. He'd cared مزید for the innocent and the judge. Because he was his son. Even though he had revealed to the Lestranges that he was one of them, they would've still tortured یا even killed him if he didn't agree to do it. They wouldn't have believed in his loyalty at all. Because he was his son.
He kept hearing his father yelling, disowning… sending him to hell… to die alone and insane… seeing his furious, despising eyes… Hearing his mother crying…. seeing her pale pain-stricken face… She had fainted… Sometimes he also heard the Aurors coming…saw the insane faces of the Longbottoms… Heard their distant screams… He'd hoped that the weaker he'd grow the مزید blurry it all would come, but it hadn't. He was now close to dying, but it was as painful as ever. For a time, in the most torturous moments, he had tried to think of his master. How he had to still be out there, somewhere. A wizard that powerful could not possibly die just like that. Bellatrix kept saying so. She should know. She might have always been insane, but she had been master's favourite follower. Master would come. Someday. There was hope. He'd tried to recall the emotion he had when he took the cursed tattoo. The emotion he had when he'd first uttered the damned word. 'Crucio'. To hold on to his devotion caused سے طرف کی his master's promises and how he'd kept them. Promises of accepting him the way he was, just as long as he'd remain loyal to his master. Promises of power greater than his father could ever have. It had been his subconscious goal, to get back at his father in those terms, in as extreme a way as possible. It had felt so right in those moments. The devotion he still felt to a degree. But no. He had found it was not enough.
He had kept coming around to his father and his mother, and it had all fallen apart, over and over again. Inside he still screamed for his daddy to save him, to forgive him, to believe him. Screaming for his mother to make the man see. Yet at the same time, his regret about his undertakings had been growing lesser. Something kept twisting and turning. Growing darker. Growing stronger.
For father had abandoned him to torment and death while saying he didn't even have a son. Master had never mistreated him in any way. Junior's mind had grown warped and twisted, along with his heart. Voldemort was a god. Daddy was… nothing but a ghost of someone he used to look up to, of someone he used to believe in. This didn't ease his pain. He didn't see it. He was dying. He wanted to die. There was no hope because he had loved them with all his heart, and they were gone now. He would never see them again. He had lost their love.
'Mother, forgive me. Father… Still care enough to come spit on my grave, which آپ dug with your words?'
*
Thousands of miles away. In the world of the living. A frail woman was lying on a comfortable bed, but she didn't feel it, یا see the sun shining through the window. She was dying too. To outsiders it looked like she wasn't thinking of anything clearly and that she was in extreme pain. Feverish. Skinny. Blind to all that moved. Deaf to any sound. In her eyes the deepest grief of a devoted mother and a lonely woman. But inside she was feeling calm. In her mind she was with her baby in hell, telling him that everything would be alright. It was always when the sun went down when the hell broke loose. When she might start hysterically crying like that night one سال ago, which always seemed like only yesterday. But she knew it had been a year, and that the letter کہا he was dying, and it only added to her outbreaks. What if he had died already? What if he had drawn his last breath just a منٹ ago? Was he screaming for her, even now, and she wasn't able to comfort him? Silent tears fell down her pale cheeks. Was there any spell in the world to make this unreal?
A man, appearing healthy and strong but extremely tired, was sitting in the corner of the room, at a table. He had been trying to work for hours but hadn't really done anything. He didn't care too much for his current job. He had loved the گزشتہ one and thought he'd get all the way to the top. It had been one of his dreams. But it wasn't essential to him now. Hadn't been ever since he had seen that mark on his son's forearm. Absolutely every reason and dream had ceased to exist in that moment. And come back again in a whirlwind, just to be shattered forever when he'd got undeniable evidence, that the boy was guilty of all charges. To him, it did feel unreal. To the world he appeared as happy as he'd been before that night, but inside he was going mad. He was tortured to no limits, yet he was still sure that nowhere near as badly as his child at the moment. And it certainly did not ease his pain. He was torn between utmost regret and bitterness. How could his son do something like that? His own flesh and blood! Where in the world had daddy's little boy disappeared and when?
One thing he was sure of. It had not been even a surprise really. He knew why the boy had become one of his enemies. Perhaps for one, how little he had shown approval of his choices and dreams in all their years – too eagerly tried to have him go the paths he himself thought best for the boy. Even when the boy had done so well on his O.W.L.s and tried to please him, and be what he wanted him to be - he had lacked in دکھانا just how proud he was and kept asking for more. It may not have felt like encouragement to the boy, but probably had felt like he was never good enough for him, even when he tried to be. He had lacked in دکھانا his child how he in the deepest, accepted him just the way he was. And hadn't he selfishly drowned his own sorrow into work, when he should've been there for his son, who was losing his mother? He had been so power-hungry and ambitious that he had been blind to how bad his boy felt. Apparently the kid had felt really, really bad, if he was willing to شامل میں Voldemort's cause rather than stay on his daddy's side. And no wonder really - Junior had been so utterly a daddy's boy, that lacking the feeling of being accepted, must have been eating him up inside مزید than it would usually in any father-son relationship. And he knew his son. How much alike they were. Like him, Junior had always been able to do anything he'd felt right یا needed for a cause, which in this case must have been to get back at him in certain terms. Barty felt sicker inside سے طرف کی the moment.
But the boy participating in a double-torture to madness was pretty much something that threw him off the edge of any understanding. But it was still his son. His bratty child, who he had tried so hard not to love anymore, during the past months. Only to find out it wasn't up to him. As کڑوا, تلخ as he was about losing any chance of promotion because of his son, about his name driven into eternal shame – he felt even مزید strongly about what he'd done to the boy in the end. Regret about the disowning, and a downright life sentence in that unthinkable place, had left the bitterness in it's shadow, a long, long time ago. The boy had done an unspeakable thing but still… his son… How could he have sent his own son to that place for life? But no one knew he regretted it to any degree. It was a wonder if anyone even reckoned so. Except maybe…
"Barty…?", she uttered her husband's name, her voice so frail and quiet آپ could hardly hear her. "Junior…", she tried to continue but lost her strength to speak. Barty hadn't heard his own name but his son's. That he was sure he'd hear now, even if it was only thought of and not کہا out loud. It still hit him like a thousand daggers and a train at once. It still made him want to both, cry and curse at the same time. But neither he had yet done, except when he was alone.
"Yes", he answered, quietly too, in a pained tone. He didn't even know what he was answering to.
"Have آپ decided yet…?", she asked after a moment of silence. She was now speaking مزید loudly, مزید clearly, but still her back turned on him. She got no answer. He only stared with almost blank eyes, at a paper in front of him.
"Barty, please, آپ know he doesn't deserve it! No one does!" She then broke down into crying again. No one did, indeed. How many people had he thrown in there, even without a trial? Barty breathed in short and quick breaths for a moment, until he couldn't take it anymore - the truth in her words combined to a مزید harsh reason, and in the end, to love.
"Caroline, he took part in torturing two people into madness! With an Unforgivable Curse too! Out of his own-", he started to yell, unable to feel empathy for his wife at the moment, as he stood up and ended up swinging his chair to the other side of the room. He couldn't finish. 'Free will'. He knew it was not possible! It having become another reason why he hated himself sometimes مزید than he hated anyone else. Junior must have been doing it under the influence of the Imperius Curse. Many Death Eaters had claimed themselves so, and no one could deny it to be a possibility. یا he had been in some other way دیا no choice. That, he had not even bothered to check in his son's case. His own son's! No shock یا fury gave him right not to. It had only been the reason why he hadn't been able to think about how he really knew the boy. He had betrayed his son. And now it was easier to live with, if trying to think he could've done it without outside influence.
"I DON'T CARE!", she screamed in desperation, her pale face covered with tears, as she turned to face him. The مزید accurate case was that she didn't believe it. At least not that her child would've done it, if he had a choice. Barty had felt the same in the deepest, so he wasn't too shocked about the words, knowing there was مزید to it than seemed. She was sobbing wildly now, curled up as if trying to close the world outside again. Barty took a deep breath, and half knelt, half fell on his knees, اگلے to her bed.
"I don't have much time. But I can't die like this. I can't leave him there. آپ must help me. آپ must help him.", she spoke between her sobs.
Barty touched her hand, very gently, his sorrow-filled eyes on her withering being.
"You know I love آپ – both of آپ - مزید than anything else in this world.", he stated quietly and sincerely. "But I think it's too late. If he didn't hate me before that night, he most certainly hates me now. He'll go on searching for He-who-shall-not-be-named. How could I possibly restrain him?"
"You'll find a way. I can hear it in your voice. آپ love him. You'll find a way. آپ always did when آپ really meant to.", she spoke and looked up at him, tears still running down her face. Her voice was now soft and convincing.
"And سے طرف کی the way, darling - he can't possibly hate you. Not truly in the deepest. I'm sure he's gone mad in there but آپ must remember how he worshipped آپ when he was little - and in some way all along right down to that night. Barty… His دل was yours so obviously. I don't believe it could really change throughly."
Barty didn't say a word. He was looking away. He supposed he might find a way. And he remembered, but he had done something utterly unforgivable, just like his son. Only, he'd done it سے طرف کی words. He thought it a small miracle if the bond they had still existed and would still hold enough from his son's side, to help in protecting the boy. After all, it would have to be for the rest of their lives. And what about when he'd die? What would happen to Junior then? Best not think too much.
"We're leaving tomorrow morning. I'll send an owl to Azkaban, letting them know we wish to pay him a death-bed visit", he finally said. His voice was expressionless, for he didn't know how to feel about his decision. It was too painful and yet so relieving at the same time. It was impossible to deal with at the moment.
"Hey…", she whispered, gently grabbing his hand as he stood up and tried to leave. He looked at her with only a minority of his attention.
"You're doing the right thing", she کہا in the same soft tone as earlier, with a small but genuine and warm smile. She had suddenly grown unbelievably peaceful.
"Yeah… I… have to get some air…", he stated quickly, and gently squeezed her hand. He let go and disappeared out of the door. He wished he could be so sure about the rightness of what he was about to do. But maybe for the first time in his life, he didn't care if what he'd do, was wrong. It was his wife's last wish and it would save his son's life and health. It was all that mattered.
*
"Crouch!", someone yelled in the infinite darkness of his mind. "You have visitors", a human guard کہا from the doorway of his cell. Junior opened his eyes, waking from a restless sleep though it didn't really feel like waking up. He turned on his side to face the door. His first thought was that his master had come, regardless of it being completely ridiculous, seeing to the way the news were brought to him. Master would probably blow up the place, یا do something else really cool. He let out a quiet, hollow laugh, without even knowing why. There was no light in the doorway. It seemed as if the couple had appeared from nowhere. But then again, that was just what there was in his world. Nowhere. He stared at the sight as if they were the most surprising and most interesting thing he'd ever seen in his existence. Much like a child, who was taking his first look at his own reflection. This was a new vision, he thought. How on earth had he come to dare to dream something like this?
The guard set couple of torches on the walls of the cell, lighted a آگ کے, آگ on them, and then left. Junior's eyes were nailed to the image of his mother. Then to his father's. He couldn't decide which one was مزید stupid option to see, (not to mention both together), in all it's impossibility. He didn't even consider speaking to the image, in fear that it would go away. At least, should he die there and then, he wouldn't die alone but with the hallucination of his parents with him. He kept his eyes on his mother and so did Barty, and he held her protectively. They had asked them to keep the Dementors out for the duration of their visit, but in his opinion, they were still way too near. The mother was looking at her son with double the grief-filled eyes she had had a سال پہلے in the courtroom.
"My baby…", she کہا so quietly and with such a broken voice, it was a wonder anyone heard it through the screaming coming from a cell nearby. But Junior heard. He blinked.
"Mom… You… You're really here…?" he dared to ask out loud. Did hallucinations usually speak? He tried to get up into a sitting position as if to see better, but was too weak and fell down half way through. The اگلے thing he knew was his mother embracing him tightly, in knowing it would be the last time she'd get to hold her baby.
"Ma… Mom, you…can't… be here", Junior کہا with مزید difficulties coming out with it than with anything else in his life. She let him go but still held him close, and he touched her face as cautiously as he could – still fearing it was not real. He studied her face just as cautiously as if even looking at her might make her disappear. Barty was standing further behind, silently watching them. He was glad that the two probably had forgotten he even existed, for he had مزید than enough to do in keeping himself together as it was. He would never forget the way Junior looked when they had walked in. Not his physical appearance, nor his eyes. So sick. So دیا up. So alone.
"I'm here, dear. I'm here. Your father and I came to-", Caroline spoke as quietly as she could without whispering.
"Who?", was Junior's genuine first reaction, until after a beat. "Oh… Him." Even during only two words, his tone went from expressionless to extremely bitter, numerous times. Finally he was truly aware of his father's presence. Of the whole situation being very real. He stared straight ahead, nowhere near his father, who didn't know where to turn یا what to say یا do. He just wished it was all over and that he could find some, any, ذریعہ of strength in the situation. The moment of silence lasted perhaps only a few seconds, but to all of them it felt like minutes.
"We came to-", she started again, but was cut off again, now deliberately.
"You came. He came only because آپ couldn't come alone.", Junior said, not really caring what his mother was trying to tell him. His mother held him upright and he came to lie in her arms, resting his head on her shoulder. He wouldn't have minded dying right there.
"Baby, please, listen to me. You're gonna get out of here", she whispered, running her hand through his over-grown hair, kissing his brow gently.
"I am dreaming…", he کہا breathlessly. The gentle touch and closeness of his mother after a سال of coldness and torture was too much to take in. But it all felt so real he couldn't throw away the spark of hope this situation was. He lifted his eyes to his father, who was looking back at him. In his eyes was worse sorrow than in his wife's, who wasn't losing anything really, in her own mind. Junior's eyes were filled with a mixture of despise and wonder. She whispered into her son's ear so that only he could hear.
"I love you, and I'm not afraid."
The look in Junior's eyes grew distant, though he kept them on his father.
"Why?", he asked his mother.
"Because I'm going to die here in your stead, and I know he loves آپ too. And he's here because of that.", she told him, in her voice all the certainty in the world. This caused Junior to remain silent instead of throwing a stinging remark. But not for long.
"Dad…", he uttered the word quietly. He reached his arm towards his father, in a gesture for him to come closer. His choice of word startled Barty and for a short moment he could only stare at his son, feeling a mixture of laughably wishful thinking, and disbelief.
"Dad…?", Junior repeated, louder. In his mind he was saying it to annoy his father – sure of that it caused the man utter disgust to be called that سے طرف کی him, especially with such a close-relationship term. But having کہا it most of his life, made it also partly genuine, regardless of everything. And in the end, some very small and deeply buried part of him, would never stop loving his dad - while he would never ever forgive the man یا believe in him again. Barty took the few steps and crouched down اگلے to his wife. He didn't hope for the best and he feared for the worst, and it showed in his eyes as he looked at his son's suffering and strangely lit face. Junior took a hold of his coat, as if afraid the man would run away before he'd get to say anything.
"Hey, dad. Tell me...Did I grow up according to the plan?", he asked and sounded as if he actually demanded an answer. On his face was a mocking grin, in his eyes a mixture of that, and sorrow. Barty's stomach turned painfully but something in Junior's behavior – though obviously intended only malicious – gave him faith in this plan actually working. On the way he had even come up with a way to keep the boy from searching for a certain someone, to keep him safe, and to give him a peace of mind after all this torture he had abandoned him into. He dismissed the question. He dug two small bottles from his wallet – one of those, from which no one but it's owner, was able to pull anything out.
"I'm gonna take آپ home", he whispered, holding them right in front of the boy's eyes.
"Mom, آپ can't do this. آپ don't know what it's like. آپ don't want to die here", Junior broke into a protest driven سے طرف کی distress. Especially as he was growing tired of speaking and moving and thinking so much. "I won't…let…", he continued, but grew weary for a moment. He felt his mother's tears on his hair. He would've cried too but he felt like he'd ran out of tears months ago.
"I'll die happier here, آپ must believe me. Knowing you're محفوظ at home."
Junior's eyes were wandering.
"What makes آپ believe he'll take me home…?", he questioned. What he really wanted to ask, was what made anyone think he'd stay there. He would continue searching for Voldemort the very red سیکنڈ he'd somehow have the strength to walk سے طرف کی his own feet and hold a wand. But that was the last thing he wanted his mother to know – he owed her مزید than that, but that's all he was able to give. Besides, he was also interested in what he did ask. This time, however, it wasn't answered سے طرف کی his mother.
Barty gently ran his hand through Junior's hair, making him take an eye contact.
"Daddies don't just love their children every now and then. It's a love without end.", he کہا sincerely. He was sure the boy did not believe, if even truly listened. But even if it would never register to the boy, it was enough for him that it was surely always on the way. Because he knew that Junior knew, that he truly loved him. It might make the years a little bit easier on both of them.
"Where did آپ hear that?", Junior asked, now really wanting an answer. Everything about his being demanded it and in completely negative tone. He was sure that the true answer was because his mother wished it so. He recalled knowing that his father had loved him, but also that he'd felt he loved the mother more.
"Just drink it", his father کہا calmly. He held out one of the bottles to him. Junior took it, and his mother reluctantly let go of him. She took the remaining bottle, and then last, aching, loving look at her son sitting اگلے to her, looking down at his bottle of Polyjuice Potion. The boy was falling back into the surreal state of mind faster سے طرف کی the moment. He thought the situation too good to be true while he was growing wearier than ever.
"Goodbye, love", Barty whispered softly in his wife's ear, and gently kissed her brow, when she took her first sip of the potion.
سے طرف کی the time they'd taken on each other's appearance, Junior was only half conscious, so they had to help him with a final change – the clothes. Barty half carried him all the way to the ship. During those hours, he never left his side. He let him sleep, only waking him enough once in an hour, to have him drink مزید Polyjuice Potion. He slept so peacefully, in fresh air, on his way home. And he appeared as his mother. Barty was not yet able to completely register what had happened, and so, at least for that blessed moment, he felt like he'd done the right thing. To him personally, it was and always would be, the right thing to have done - but he couldn't help thinking also from the point of view of the entire society… and the Longbottoms, including little Neville.
Back in London, still on their way home, he met Mad-Eye Moody to who he informed he would take couple of weeks off from work, to be with his wife in her last days. And that he'd appreciate if he was allowed to spend them undisturbed. He was planning to assign Winky to nurse Junior back to health, but he wanted to make sure everything started rolling nicely before he left the two alone, to go work every day. They reached their ہوم سے طرف کی nightfall, and after carrying him inside, closing all the curtains and turning off the fireplace, he carefully eliminated any evidence of Polyjuice Potion. The اگلے half an گھنٹہ while waiting for Junior to wake up, he stressed about the future. At least he'd always had it so that it was impossible to apparate into their house یا disapparate out of it. It sure erased a major risk of all this happening for nothing.
"Mom!", the boy suddenly screamed from the room upstairs, where he had been left with Winky for his company, already دیا her assignments. His dream had turned into another nightmare. He didn't even remember what it had been about before that. There was still very little room in his head for anything but pain, sorrow and bitterness. The utter emotional mess that was his love for his parents, and the subconsciously formed worship of the man for who's following he had suffered so deeply. Added at the moment, confusion about what was happening. He now appeared himself again, the potion's affect had worn completely off.
"Where is she? Where am I? What is this!", he spoke in muffled, distressed voice, trying to get up but barely had the strength to اقدام his arms. He knew he was somewhere new but strangely familiar, and that he didn't feel so unhappy, so tortured as before. Barty came into the room, which was almost totally dark, except for the one lamp light burning on the table, near the bed.
"You're home. Like I promised, you're home", he spoke calmly, crouching اگلے to the bed, beside him.
"Home… home…", Junior kept repeating the word for a moment, in hollow voice, his eyes wandering around the room he thought he had once known. But ہوم was not a clear concept to him anymore. His mother was to die in Azkaban and he had no father, so what was ہوم but an empty dream, lost somewhere in the night of his twisted mind, and in the thing that had become of what used to be his heart. He had another kind of a home, replacing the one the true man inside had valued. He still had one dream, one ambition, which would only grow stronger the longer he'd be kept from reaching it. He had seen it for many months now, and wanted to go there. But only now when he came to realize he was free, it slowly but certainly grew clearer in his mind. There was someone out there, who apparently needed help. And how proud would he be to be the one to help. He started to look feverish, so Winky ran downstairs to get everything she could think needed. She hadn't the slightest idea how bad it would be after so long in a place like Azkaban. سے طرف کی every 'home' Junior uttered, Barty lost some inner strength, so he decided to speak.
"Junior, listen to me. Listen…", he کہا softly. He took his son's face in his hands, so to know that he listened, as the boy now looked at him, even if with slightly absent-minded eyes.
"I will be here for a time, taking care of you, but mostly it will be Winky nursing آپ back to health. And we must continue living as if nothing's changed around here. To the rest of the world you're still in Azkaban and that's how it must remain."
"But I want… I need… my master…", Junior spoke, increasingly feverish, but آپ could still figure out the words, if آپ listened.
"I know. I know…", Barty sighed in pain, looking away to the door's direction. "But that's not what we saved آپ for." He was sure Junior knew and appreciated it too. Maybe, just maybe even felt the same love. It was the only way he'd find strength to agree to do this in the first place, and keep on doing it, no matter what happened. The hope and faith in that his child was still somewhere in there. No matter how deep in and lost himself, but still there.
First he had blamed Junior for destroying two families's lives, but later he'd felt he had destroyed his son's life, and through it the whole family's. He had betrayed his son, who he knew better than to do what he did in the trial. The guilt made it easier to shut out the cold and unthinkable fact about what the boy had done. All he could think of, was to do all in his power, to keep the kid from searching for the monster they'd finally got rid off - and to try and make him feel as peaceful as possible. All these thoughts reminded him of his plan. He didn't have the slightest idea how, سے طرف کی trying to do the best سے طرف کی his child now, he'd end up turning him into just about as bad monster as was the one who he'd lost him to.
"I'm so sorry, son. I was blind.", he کہا quietly, and pointed his wand at him.
"Imperio."
Junior's being grew calm and peaceful, apart from the sweating and tiredness caused سے طرف کی the fever. It was a little comfort, for it was not real. There was nothing he could do to fix him anymore. He was broken forever, and all because of him. He'd keep on seeing his son's pleading eyes as they had looked at him, hearing him hysterically screaming how he was innocent… Seeing it all too clearly in the way he should've seen it that night. That he had still been fixable.
He remembered now, مزید clearly than ever, all those years he'd spent with his little boy, getting to know him, and letting the boy know him and his love. But things had begun to change when the boy had first left to Hogwarts, and his mother's condition to grow worse. They'd still remained close, but those were the years, he thought, when he must have made a crucial mistake یا a few - while he had never been exactly the best possible father, for letting his personal ambition extent to his son, over-shadowing parental support.
He now realized how daddy's little boy had always, always been there in front of him, and how much he had cared about it. But in the end... in his selfish sorrow and love for his work, he had let the cold world come between them, even to a degree where the boy had got lost in it, carrying with him all the bitterness he had caused him. Oh, but the trial... the way the boy had looked at him... Regardless of everything, there had been no bitterness, no hate. Only love and fear. There had been his son, who would've never commited such a horrible crime out of totally free will. Pleading for his daddy to remember him, to punish him with love and not with hate, like it used to be. That's why he'd been lying about his innocence. There had been his son. But what was left of his boy now? How much damage can آپ do with a few simple words, in a state of an utter shock. Now he seemed to have a son only in his own heart. But he held on to a hope that some part of that son, still had a father in his own heart.
"Thank you, Winky. Now bring the invisibility cloak", he کہا with a broken voice. He sat beside Junior, on the edge of the bed. He put a cold towel on his forehead from the pile of them, which Winky just brought in, and disappeared again.
"Listen to me…", he spoke to Junior, when it seemed he was conscious enough to listen.
"You must stay hidden under the invisibility چادر, فرغل at all times. آپ do not take it off without my permission. No one else's but only mine. And if at any time, someone else but me یا Winky is inside this house, آپ do not make a sound, یا go near them. Do آپ understand this?"
Junior remained silent for a beat, until answered calmly. "Yes."
"And when آپ get better…", Barty continued softly. How he wished it could mean مزید than just physical health. "You are not allowed a wand. But you're free to entertain yourself in any other way آپ wish, just as long as it doesn't give out that a third person is living here, and as long as it's nothing dangerous in any other way either. And آپ remain inside this house and let Winky stay nearby, at all times unless I say otherwise.", he spoke steadily, hoping he wasn't forgetting anything crucial in his hopes to make Junior's life as pleasant as possible, but minimize the risk of someone finding out about him, یا him running off.
"Is all this clear?", he asked again.
"Yes", Junior replied.
"Dad…?", he then said, again partly genuinely, mostly in means to annoy. He was trying to look at his father but his gaze wandered as if he was going blind. He couldn't figure out what to make of all those orders. He only knew he felt good and careless, and that they didn't sound too bad. His thoughts were constantly run over سے طرف کی an increasing desire to find his master, and the idea of it made him feel even happier. "What are آپ doing?", he asked curiously. He closed his eyes.
"Just loving you", Barty answered, but he reckoned that to the young man he was looking down at, it seemed only continued imprisoning.
"Take it easy now. Rest", he told him. He gave a lingering kiss on his son's brow, and silently left the room. Even without the curse, it was all Junior could do. He slipped into a restless sleep, filled with a mixture of fanatic dreams of finding his master and distant echoes of the love and devotion he had felt for his father, and the silent tears he was crying for his mother.
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A/N Check out also my other BCJ پرستار fics? All of them are among my مضامین here. And on my linkA/N
Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter world یا any of it’s characters but they belong to J.K Rowling.
Rating: PG-13 (Just to be safe.)
Author: WolfAngel'JR (in FanFiction.Net -bendaimmortal here.)
Characters: Barty Crouch Jr., Barty Crouch Sr. & Mrs. (Caroline) Crouch.
Summary: The Crouch family, the دن they save the son from Azkaban. Begins with a look into Junior’s feelings throughout his سال in there but focuses on the دن they save him. As always, in my very different interpretation. This is a one-shot.
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A/N I know most people see them in a completely different light but no flaming, please because this view does make all the sense in the world and it is actually likely that he was مزید devoted to his family than to Voldemort - until Azkaban. All about it, in-depthly analyzed, on my Barty Crouch Jr. پرستار Site. Link in the end of this fic.
My Junior’s looks come from the actor Jamie گھنٹی, بیل and Senior’s from the director Thomas Vinterberg and Mrs. Crouch's from the actor Michelle Pfeiffer. A/N
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Screaming In Our Hearts
It was gone again. The monster was gone, but he didn't even care. He felt always cold. He felt always thoroughly unhappy. He was always sick, too deep inside his mind, یا beside it, so not to scream. Again. He didn't need the Dementors near, to go through it all on an utterly painful level. There had hardly been a moment in all the months, when he hadn't in the least subconsciously, thought of it and died a little bit مزید inside. Soon enough it had truly sunk in. There was no hope. He would die there. There was no moment when the words didn't haunt him, if not in his head, then in his heart. A Dementor always fed on a happy memory while throwing him back into the very nightmare, as if he heard and saw it all for the first time, still unaware that it could ever be possible.
"Father, please…" "…these crimes deserve a life sentence in Azkaban… a life sentence… a life…" "Father, please! I didn't do it! I didn't! Father, no! Don't… not to the Dementors… I'm your son! I'm your son! Mother, don't let him! I didn't do it! I didn't know!" Mother… He had stopped screaming in a few days time in the black pit that truly was a hell. For what was a hell if not a total absence of hope? Mother was not coming. She'd been crying as hysterically as he himself had been screaming and denying any part in the crime. She'd been crying as bitterly and shocked as the judge had کہا the impossible. She was probably already dead. She could not possibly have lived this long after that night. There was no hope.
"You are no son of mine! I have no son!" Even if the Dementors drained him empty of his every memory, he could not forget those words. Nothing could change them to him. Nothing could make this right again.
A pale, unnaturally skinny boy of eighteen, was lying lifelessly, on a hard bed, in a cold, کڑوا, تلخ darkness. He was staring at the roof but he might as well have been blind. The room was small and with only one tiny window way up there, never to be reached but bringing a little air in. It felt like it wasn't even part of the world around it. His hair almost reached his shoulders and it was all messed up. His skin was dirty after crawling on the stone floor. After climbing the walls in the most insane moments. The rings under his eyes were shockingly dark. He was barely conscious. Looked dead already but inside he was painfully alive.
He had searched for his master. He had even done it; the unspeakable. Though he'd denied it to his father in the trial. For he hadn't wanted to go so extreme in the search. He hadn't cared for his master that much. He'd cared مزید for the innocent and the judge. Because he was his son. Even though he had revealed to the Lestranges that he was one of them, they would've still tortured یا even killed him if he didn't agree to do it. They wouldn't have believed in his loyalty at all. Because he was his son.
He kept hearing his father yelling, disowning… sending him to hell… to die alone and insane… seeing his furious, despising eyes… Hearing his mother crying…. seeing her pale pain-stricken face… She had fainted… Sometimes he also heard the Aurors coming…saw the insane faces of the Longbottoms… Heard their distant screams… He'd hoped that the weaker he'd grow the مزید blurry it all would come, but it hadn't. He was now close to dying, but it was as painful as ever. For a time, in the most torturous moments, he had tried to think of his master. How he had to still be out there, somewhere. A wizard that powerful could not possibly die just like that. Bellatrix kept saying so. She should know. She might have always been insane, but she had been master's favourite follower. Master would come. Someday. There was hope. He'd tried to recall the emotion he had when he took the cursed tattoo. The emotion he had when he'd first uttered the damned word. 'Crucio'. To hold on to his devotion caused سے طرف کی his master's promises and how he'd kept them. Promises of accepting him the way he was, just as long as he'd remain loyal to his master. Promises of power greater than his father could ever have. It had been his subconscious goal, to get back at his father in those terms, in as extreme a way as possible. It had felt so right in those moments. The devotion he still felt to a degree. But no. He had found it was not enough.
He had kept coming around to his father and his mother, and it had all fallen apart, over and over again. Inside he still screamed for his daddy to save him, to forgive him, to believe him. Screaming for his mother to make the man see. Yet at the same time, his regret about his undertakings had been growing lesser. Something kept twisting and turning. Growing darker. Growing stronger.
For father had abandoned him to torment and death while saying he didn't even have a son. Master had never mistreated him in any way. Junior's mind had grown warped and twisted, along with his heart. Voldemort was a god. Daddy was… nothing but a ghost of someone he used to look up to, of someone he used to believe in. This didn't ease his pain. He didn't see it. He was dying. He wanted to die. There was no hope because he had loved them with all his heart, and they were gone now. He would never see them again. He had lost their love.
'Mother, forgive me. Father… Still care enough to come spit on my grave, which آپ dug with your words?'
*
Thousands of miles away. In the world of the living. A frail woman was lying on a comfortable bed, but she didn't feel it, یا see the sun shining through the window. She was dying too. To outsiders it looked like she wasn't thinking of anything clearly and that she was in extreme pain. Feverish. Skinny. Blind to all that moved. Deaf to any sound. In her eyes the deepest grief of a devoted mother and a lonely woman. But inside she was feeling calm. In her mind she was with her baby in hell, telling him that everything would be alright. It was always when the sun went down when the hell broke loose. When she might start hysterically crying like that night one سال ago, which always seemed like only yesterday. But she knew it had been a year, and that the letter کہا he was dying, and it only added to her outbreaks. What if he had died already? What if he had drawn his last breath just a منٹ ago? Was he screaming for her, even now, and she wasn't able to comfort him? Silent tears fell down her pale cheeks. Was there any spell in the world to make this unreal?
A man, appearing healthy and strong but extremely tired, was sitting in the corner of the room, at a table. He had been trying to work for hours but hadn't really done anything. He didn't care too much for his current job. He had loved the گزشتہ one and thought he'd get all the way to the top. It had been one of his dreams. But it wasn't essential to him now. Hadn't been ever since he had seen that mark on his son's forearm. Absolutely every reason and dream had ceased to exist in that moment. And come back again in a whirlwind, just to be shattered forever when he'd got undeniable evidence, that the boy was guilty of all charges. To him, it did feel unreal. To the world he appeared as happy as he'd been before that night, but inside he was going mad. He was tortured to no limits, yet he was still sure that nowhere near as badly as his child at the moment. And it certainly did not ease his pain. He was torn between utmost regret and bitterness. How could his son do something like that? His own flesh and blood! Where in the world had daddy's little boy disappeared and when?
One thing he was sure of. It had not been even a surprise really. He knew why the boy had become one of his enemies. Perhaps for one, how little he had shown approval of his choices and dreams in all their years – too eagerly tried to have him go the paths he himself thought best for the boy. Even when the boy had done so well on his O.W.L.s and tried to please him, and be what he wanted him to be - he had lacked in دکھانا just how proud he was and kept asking for more. It may not have felt like encouragement to the boy, but probably had felt like he was never good enough for him, even when he tried to be. He had lacked in دکھانا his child how he in the deepest, accepted him just the way he was. And hadn't he selfishly drowned his own sorrow into work, when he should've been there for his son, who was losing his mother? He had been so power-hungry and ambitious that he had been blind to how bad his boy felt. Apparently the kid had felt really, really bad, if he was willing to شامل میں Voldemort's cause rather than stay on his daddy's side. And no wonder really - Junior had been so utterly a daddy's boy, that lacking the feeling of being accepted, must have been eating him up inside مزید than it would usually in any father-son relationship. And he knew his son. How much alike they were. Like him, Junior had always been able to do anything he'd felt right یا needed for a cause, which in this case must have been to get back at him in certain terms. Barty felt sicker inside سے طرف کی the moment.
But the boy participating in a double-torture to madness was pretty much something that threw him off the edge of any understanding. But it was still his son. His bratty child, who he had tried so hard not to love anymore, during the past months. Only to find out it wasn't up to him. As کڑوا, تلخ as he was about losing any chance of promotion because of his son, about his name driven into eternal shame – he felt even مزید strongly about what he'd done to the boy in the end. Regret about the disowning, and a downright life sentence in that unthinkable place, had left the bitterness in it's shadow, a long, long time ago. The boy had done an unspeakable thing but still… his son… How could he have sent his own son to that place for life? But no one knew he regretted it to any degree. It was a wonder if anyone even reckoned so. Except maybe…
"Barty…?", she uttered her husband's name, her voice so frail and quiet آپ could hardly hear her. "Junior…", she tried to continue but lost her strength to speak. Barty hadn't heard his own name but his son's. That he was sure he'd hear now, even if it was only thought of and not کہا out loud. It still hit him like a thousand daggers and a train at once. It still made him want to both, cry and curse at the same time. But neither he had yet done, except when he was alone.
"Yes", he answered, quietly too, in a pained tone. He didn't even know what he was answering to.
"Have آپ decided yet…?", she asked after a moment of silence. She was now speaking مزید loudly, مزید clearly, but still her back turned on him. She got no answer. He only stared with almost blank eyes, at a paper in front of him.
"Barty, please, آپ know he doesn't deserve it! No one does!" She then broke down into crying again. No one did, indeed. How many people had he thrown in there, even without a trial? Barty breathed in short and quick breaths for a moment, until he couldn't take it anymore - the truth in her words combined to a مزید harsh reason, and in the end, to love.
"Caroline, he took part in torturing two people into madness! With an Unforgivable Curse too! Out of his own-", he started to yell, unable to feel empathy for his wife at the moment, as he stood up and ended up swinging his chair to the other side of the room. He couldn't finish. 'Free will'. He knew it was not possible! It having become another reason why he hated himself sometimes مزید than he hated anyone else. Junior must have been doing it under the influence of the Imperius Curse. Many Death Eaters had claimed themselves so, and no one could deny it to be a possibility. یا he had been in some other way دیا no choice. That, he had not even bothered to check in his son's case. His own son's! No shock یا fury gave him right not to. It had only been the reason why he hadn't been able to think about how he really knew the boy. He had betrayed his son. And now it was easier to live with, if trying to think he could've done it without outside influence.
"I DON'T CARE!", she screamed in desperation, her pale face covered with tears, as she turned to face him. The مزید accurate case was that she didn't believe it. At least not that her child would've done it, if he had a choice. Barty had felt the same in the deepest, so he wasn't too shocked about the words, knowing there was مزید to it than seemed. She was sobbing wildly now, curled up as if trying to close the world outside again. Barty took a deep breath, and half knelt, half fell on his knees, اگلے to her bed.
"I don't have much time. But I can't die like this. I can't leave him there. آپ must help me. آپ must help him.", she spoke between her sobs.
Barty touched her hand, very gently, his sorrow-filled eyes on her withering being.
"You know I love آپ – both of آپ - مزید than anything else in this world.", he stated quietly and sincerely. "But I think it's too late. If he didn't hate me before that night, he most certainly hates me now. He'll go on searching for He-who-shall-not-be-named. How could I possibly restrain him?"
"You'll find a way. I can hear it in your voice. آپ love him. You'll find a way. آپ always did when آپ really meant to.", she spoke and looked up at him, tears still running down her face. Her voice was now soft and convincing.
"And سے طرف کی the way, darling - he can't possibly hate you. Not truly in the deepest. I'm sure he's gone mad in there but آپ must remember how he worshipped آپ when he was little - and in some way all along right down to that night. Barty… His دل was yours so obviously. I don't believe it could really change throughly."
Barty didn't say a word. He was looking away. He supposed he might find a way. And he remembered, but he had done something utterly unforgivable, just like his son. Only, he'd done it سے طرف کی words. He thought it a small miracle if the bond they had still existed and would still hold enough from his son's side, to help in protecting the boy. After all, it would have to be for the rest of their lives. And what about when he'd die? What would happen to Junior then? Best not think too much.
"We're leaving tomorrow morning. I'll send an owl to Azkaban, letting them know we wish to pay him a death-bed visit", he finally said. His voice was expressionless, for he didn't know how to feel about his decision. It was too painful and yet so relieving at the same time. It was impossible to deal with at the moment.
"Hey…", she whispered, gently grabbing his hand as he stood up and tried to leave. He looked at her with only a minority of his attention.
"You're doing the right thing", she کہا in the same soft tone as earlier, with a small but genuine and warm smile. She had suddenly grown unbelievably peaceful.
"Yeah… I… have to get some air…", he stated quickly, and gently squeezed her hand. He let go and disappeared out of the door. He wished he could be so sure about the rightness of what he was about to do. But maybe for the first time in his life, he didn't care if what he'd do, was wrong. It was his wife's last wish and it would save his son's life and health. It was all that mattered.
*
"Crouch!", someone yelled in the infinite darkness of his mind. "You have visitors", a human guard کہا from the doorway of his cell. Junior opened his eyes, waking from a restless sleep though it didn't really feel like waking up. He turned on his side to face the door. His first thought was that his master had come, regardless of it being completely ridiculous, seeing to the way the news were brought to him. Master would probably blow up the place, یا do something else really cool. He let out a quiet, hollow laugh, without even knowing why. There was no light in the doorway. It seemed as if the couple had appeared from nowhere. But then again, that was just what there was in his world. Nowhere. He stared at the sight as if they were the most surprising and most interesting thing he'd ever seen in his existence. Much like a child, who was taking his first look at his own reflection. This was a new vision, he thought. How on earth had he come to dare to dream something like this?
The guard set couple of torches on the walls of the cell, lighted a آگ کے, آگ on them, and then left. Junior's eyes were nailed to the image of his mother. Then to his father's. He couldn't decide which one was مزید stupid option to see, (not to mention both together), in all it's impossibility. He didn't even consider speaking to the image, in fear that it would go away. At least, should he die there and then, he wouldn't die alone but with the hallucination of his parents with him. He kept his eyes on his mother and so did Barty, and he held her protectively. They had asked them to keep the Dementors out for the duration of their visit, but in his opinion, they were still way too near. The mother was looking at her son with double the grief-filled eyes she had had a سال پہلے in the courtroom.
"My baby…", she کہا so quietly and with such a broken voice, it was a wonder anyone heard it through the screaming coming from a cell nearby. But Junior heard. He blinked.
"Mom… You… You're really here…?" he dared to ask out loud. Did hallucinations usually speak? He tried to get up into a sitting position as if to see better, but was too weak and fell down half way through. The اگلے thing he knew was his mother embracing him tightly, in knowing it would be the last time she'd get to hold her baby.
"Ma… Mom, you…can't… be here", Junior کہا with مزید difficulties coming out with it than with anything else in his life. She let him go but still held him close, and he touched her face as cautiously as he could – still fearing it was not real. He studied her face just as cautiously as if even looking at her might make her disappear. Barty was standing further behind, silently watching them. He was glad that the two probably had forgotten he even existed, for he had مزید than enough to do in keeping himself together as it was. He would never forget the way Junior looked when they had walked in. Not his physical appearance, nor his eyes. So sick. So دیا up. So alone.
"I'm here, dear. I'm here. Your father and I came to-", Caroline spoke as quietly as she could without whispering.
"Who?", was Junior's genuine first reaction, until after a beat. "Oh… Him." Even during only two words, his tone went from expressionless to extremely bitter, numerous times. Finally he was truly aware of his father's presence. Of the whole situation being very real. He stared straight ahead, nowhere near his father, who didn't know where to turn یا what to say یا do. He just wished it was all over and that he could find some, any, ذریعہ of strength in the situation. The moment of silence lasted perhaps only a few seconds, but to all of them it felt like minutes.
"We came to-", she started again, but was cut off again, now deliberately.
"You came. He came only because آپ couldn't come alone.", Junior said, not really caring what his mother was trying to tell him. His mother held him upright and he came to lie in her arms, resting his head on her shoulder. He wouldn't have minded dying right there.
"Baby, please, listen to me. You're gonna get out of here", she whispered, running her hand through his over-grown hair, kissing his brow gently.
"I am dreaming…", he کہا breathlessly. The gentle touch and closeness of his mother after a سال of coldness and torture was too much to take in. But it all felt so real he couldn't throw away the spark of hope this situation was. He lifted his eyes to his father, who was looking back at him. In his eyes was worse sorrow than in his wife's, who wasn't losing anything really, in her own mind. Junior's eyes were filled with a mixture of despise and wonder. She whispered into her son's ear so that only he could hear.
"I love you, and I'm not afraid."
The look in Junior's eyes grew distant, though he kept them on his father.
"Why?", he asked his mother.
"Because I'm going to die here in your stead, and I know he loves آپ too. And he's here because of that.", she told him, in her voice all the certainty in the world. This caused Junior to remain silent instead of throwing a stinging remark. But not for long.
"Dad…", he uttered the word quietly. He reached his arm towards his father, in a gesture for him to come closer. His choice of word startled Barty and for a short moment he could only stare at his son, feeling a mixture of laughably wishful thinking, and disbelief.
"Dad…?", Junior repeated, louder. In his mind he was saying it to annoy his father – sure of that it caused the man utter disgust to be called that سے طرف کی him, especially with such a close-relationship term. But having کہا it most of his life, made it also partly genuine, regardless of everything. And in the end, some very small and deeply buried part of him, would never stop loving his dad - while he would never ever forgive the man یا believe in him again. Barty took the few steps and crouched down اگلے to his wife. He didn't hope for the best and he feared for the worst, and it showed in his eyes as he looked at his son's suffering and strangely lit face. Junior took a hold of his coat, as if afraid the man would run away before he'd get to say anything.
"Hey, dad. Tell me...Did I grow up according to the plan?", he asked and sounded as if he actually demanded an answer. On his face was a mocking grin, in his eyes a mixture of that, and sorrow. Barty's stomach turned painfully but something in Junior's behavior – though obviously intended only malicious – gave him faith in this plan actually working. On the way he had even come up with a way to keep the boy from searching for a certain someone, to keep him safe, and to give him a peace of mind after all this torture he had abandoned him into. He dismissed the question. He dug two small bottles from his wallet – one of those, from which no one but it's owner, was able to pull anything out.
"I'm gonna take آپ home", he whispered, holding them right in front of the boy's eyes.
"Mom, آپ can't do this. آپ don't know what it's like. آپ don't want to die here", Junior broke into a protest driven سے طرف کی distress. Especially as he was growing tired of speaking and moving and thinking so much. "I won't…let…", he continued, but grew weary for a moment. He felt his mother's tears on his hair. He would've cried too but he felt like he'd ran out of tears months ago.
"I'll die happier here, آپ must believe me. Knowing you're محفوظ at home."
Junior's eyes were wandering.
"What makes آپ believe he'll take me home…?", he questioned. What he really wanted to ask, was what made anyone think he'd stay there. He would continue searching for Voldemort the very red سیکنڈ he'd somehow have the strength to walk سے طرف کی his own feet and hold a wand. But that was the last thing he wanted his mother to know – he owed her مزید than that, but that's all he was able to give. Besides, he was also interested in what he did ask. This time, however, it wasn't answered سے طرف کی his mother.
Barty gently ran his hand through Junior's hair, making him take an eye contact.
"Daddies don't just love their children every now and then. It's a love without end.", he کہا sincerely. He was sure the boy did not believe, if even truly listened. But even if it would never register to the boy, it was enough for him that it was surely always on the way. Because he knew that Junior knew, that he truly loved him. It might make the years a little bit easier on both of them.
"Where did آپ hear that?", Junior asked, now really wanting an answer. Everything about his being demanded it and in completely negative tone. He was sure that the true answer was because his mother wished it so. He recalled knowing that his father had loved him, but also that he'd felt he loved the mother more.
"Just drink it", his father کہا calmly. He held out one of the bottles to him. Junior took it, and his mother reluctantly let go of him. She took the remaining bottle, and then last, aching, loving look at her son sitting اگلے to her, looking down at his bottle of Polyjuice Potion. The boy was falling back into the surreal state of mind faster سے طرف کی the moment. He thought the situation too good to be true while he was growing wearier than ever.
"Goodbye, love", Barty whispered softly in his wife's ear, and gently kissed her brow, when she took her first sip of the potion.
سے طرف کی the time they'd taken on each other's appearance, Junior was only half conscious, so they had to help him with a final change – the clothes. Barty half carried him all the way to the ship. During those hours, he never left his side. He let him sleep, only waking him enough once in an hour, to have him drink مزید Polyjuice Potion. He slept so peacefully, in fresh air, on his way home. And he appeared as his mother. Barty was not yet able to completely register what had happened, and so, at least for that blessed moment, he felt like he'd done the right thing. To him personally, it was and always would be, the right thing to have done - but he couldn't help thinking also from the point of view of the entire society… and the Longbottoms, including little Neville.
Back in London, still on their way home, he met Mad-Eye Moody to who he informed he would take couple of weeks off from work, to be with his wife in her last days. And that he'd appreciate if he was allowed to spend them undisturbed. He was planning to assign Winky to nurse Junior back to health, but he wanted to make sure everything started rolling nicely before he left the two alone, to go work every day. They reached their ہوم سے طرف کی nightfall, and after carrying him inside, closing all the curtains and turning off the fireplace, he carefully eliminated any evidence of Polyjuice Potion. The اگلے half an گھنٹہ while waiting for Junior to wake up, he stressed about the future. At least he'd always had it so that it was impossible to apparate into their house یا disapparate out of it. It sure erased a major risk of all this happening for nothing.
"Mom!", the boy suddenly screamed from the room upstairs, where he had been left with Winky for his company, already دیا her assignments. His dream had turned into another nightmare. He didn't even remember what it had been about before that. There was still very little room in his head for anything but pain, sorrow and bitterness. The utter emotional mess that was his love for his parents, and the subconsciously formed worship of the man for who's following he had suffered so deeply. Added at the moment, confusion about what was happening. He now appeared himself again, the potion's affect had worn completely off.
"Where is she? Where am I? What is this!", he spoke in muffled, distressed voice, trying to get up but barely had the strength to اقدام his arms. He knew he was somewhere new but strangely familiar, and that he didn't feel so unhappy, so tortured as before. Barty came into the room, which was almost totally dark, except for the one lamp light burning on the table, near the bed.
"You're home. Like I promised, you're home", he spoke calmly, crouching اگلے to the bed, beside him.
"Home… home…", Junior kept repeating the word for a moment, in hollow voice, his eyes wandering around the room he thought he had once known. But ہوم was not a clear concept to him anymore. His mother was to die in Azkaban and he had no father, so what was ہوم but an empty dream, lost somewhere in the night of his twisted mind, and in the thing that had become of what used to be his heart. He had another kind of a home, replacing the one the true man inside had valued. He still had one dream, one ambition, which would only grow stronger the longer he'd be kept from reaching it. He had seen it for many months now, and wanted to go there. But only now when he came to realize he was free, it slowly but certainly grew clearer in his mind. There was someone out there, who apparently needed help. And how proud would he be to be the one to help. He started to look feverish, so Winky ran downstairs to get everything she could think needed. She hadn't the slightest idea how bad it would be after so long in a place like Azkaban. سے طرف کی every 'home' Junior uttered, Barty lost some inner strength, so he decided to speak.
"Junior, listen to me. Listen…", he کہا softly. He took his son's face in his hands, so to know that he listened, as the boy now looked at him, even if with slightly absent-minded eyes.
"I will be here for a time, taking care of you, but mostly it will be Winky nursing آپ back to health. And we must continue living as if nothing's changed around here. To the rest of the world you're still in Azkaban and that's how it must remain."
"But I want… I need… my master…", Junior spoke, increasingly feverish, but آپ could still figure out the words, if آپ listened.
"I know. I know…", Barty sighed in pain, looking away to the door's direction. "But that's not what we saved آپ for." He was sure Junior knew and appreciated it too. Maybe, just maybe even felt the same love. It was the only way he'd find strength to agree to do this in the first place, and keep on doing it, no matter what happened. The hope and faith in that his child was still somewhere in there. No matter how deep in and lost himself, but still there.
First he had blamed Junior for destroying two families's lives, but later he'd felt he had destroyed his son's life, and through it the whole family's. He had betrayed his son, who he knew better than to do what he did in the trial. The guilt made it easier to shut out the cold and unthinkable fact about what the boy had done. All he could think of, was to do all in his power, to keep the kid from searching for the monster they'd finally got rid off - and to try and make him feel as peaceful as possible. All these thoughts reminded him of his plan. He didn't have the slightest idea how, سے طرف کی trying to do the best سے طرف کی his child now, he'd end up turning him into just about as bad monster as was the one who he'd lost him to.
"I'm so sorry, son. I was blind.", he کہا quietly, and pointed his wand at him.
"Imperio."
Junior's being grew calm and peaceful, apart from the sweating and tiredness caused سے طرف کی the fever. It was a little comfort, for it was not real. There was nothing he could do to fix him anymore. He was broken forever, and all because of him. He'd keep on seeing his son's pleading eyes as they had looked at him, hearing him hysterically screaming how he was innocent… Seeing it all too clearly in the way he should've seen it that night. That he had still been fixable.
He remembered now, مزید clearly than ever, all those years he'd spent with his little boy, getting to know him, and letting the boy know him and his love. But things had begun to change when the boy had first left to Hogwarts, and his mother's condition to grow worse. They'd still remained close, but those were the years, he thought, when he must have made a crucial mistake یا a few - while he had never been exactly the best possible father, for letting his personal ambition extent to his son, over-shadowing parental support.
He now realized how daddy's little boy had always, always been there in front of him, and how much he had cared about it. But in the end... in his selfish sorrow and love for his work, he had let the cold world come between them, even to a degree where the boy had got lost in it, carrying with him all the bitterness he had caused him. Oh, but the trial... the way the boy had looked at him... Regardless of everything, there had been no bitterness, no hate. Only love and fear. There had been his son, who would've never commited such a horrible crime out of totally free will. Pleading for his daddy to remember him, to punish him with love and not with hate, like it used to be. That's why he'd been lying about his innocence. There had been his son. But what was left of his boy now? How much damage can آپ do with a few simple words, in a state of an utter shock. Now he seemed to have a son only in his own heart. But he held on to a hope that some part of that son, still had a father in his own heart.
"Thank you, Winky. Now bring the invisibility cloak", he کہا with a broken voice. He sat beside Junior, on the edge of the bed. He put a cold towel on his forehead from the pile of them, which Winky just brought in, and disappeared again.
"Listen to me…", he spoke to Junior, when it seemed he was conscious enough to listen.
"You must stay hidden under the invisibility چادر, فرغل at all times. آپ do not take it off without my permission. No one else's but only mine. And if at any time, someone else but me یا Winky is inside this house, آپ do not make a sound, یا go near them. Do آپ understand this?"
Junior remained silent for a beat, until answered calmly. "Yes."
"And when آپ get better…", Barty continued softly. How he wished it could mean مزید than just physical health. "You are not allowed a wand. But you're free to entertain yourself in any other way آپ wish, just as long as it doesn't give out that a third person is living here, and as long as it's nothing dangerous in any other way either. And آپ remain inside this house and let Winky stay nearby, at all times unless I say otherwise.", he spoke steadily, hoping he wasn't forgetting anything crucial in his hopes to make Junior's life as pleasant as possible, but minimize the risk of someone finding out about him, یا him running off.
"Is all this clear?", he asked again.
"Yes", Junior replied.
"Dad…?", he then said, again partly genuinely, mostly in means to annoy. He was trying to look at his father but his gaze wandered as if he was going blind. He couldn't figure out what to make of all those orders. He only knew he felt good and careless, and that they didn't sound too bad. His thoughts were constantly run over سے طرف کی an increasing desire to find his master, and the idea of it made him feel even happier. "What are آپ doing?", he asked curiously. He closed his eyes.
"Just loving you", Barty answered, but he reckoned that to the young man he was looking down at, it seemed only continued imprisoning.
"Take it easy now. Rest", he told him. He gave a lingering kiss on his son's brow, and silently left the room. Even without the curse, it was all Junior could do. He slipped into a restless sleep, filled with a mixture of fanatic dreams of finding his master and distant echoes of the love and devotion he had felt for his father, and the silent tears he was crying for his mother.
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A/N Check out also my other BCJ پرستار fics? All of them are among my مضامین here. And on my linkA/N
Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter world یا any of it’s characters but they belong to J.K Rowling.
