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Could U Pls Help Me!?

I wrote this story and I want to know if its any good.


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 misscrazel posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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KoreanBird said:
That seems great! Nice opening! Your wording could use a little improvement.
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posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک 
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Okay! Thanks!^-^
misscrazel posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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