What do آپ guys think of my story "Fanged Kingdom"?

It seems rather rushed as if آپ are glossing over a lot of details that could be expanded on A LOT to make a مزید intriguing story that draws آپ in.

A lot of the scene could have better been done written out rather than summarized like the whole "The parents couple" to "their own" and even a fair amount before that.

Also آپ would probably like to avoid using words like "things" and preferably use مزید detailed words like "skills".

And I didnt read the سیکنڈ chapter, but I skimmed it and just one thing I need to point out

When آپ have dialogue آپ need to create a new paragraph any new person speaks. Making it looks like:

"What are آپ doing?" Bill asked.

"I am doing well." Joe responded.

"Do آپ like pizza?" Bill asked.

"Why do آپ keep asking me questions?" Joe responded

Of course with better words than "responded" and "asked" but I wasnt really trying with the writing.

مجموعی طور پر in general it sounds nice, a bit generic when compared to the RPs Ive been part it, but it seems to be pretty nice. If آپ want tips though, the things I listed above should help but in general, آپ are probably going to want to expand your writing and be مزید descriptive.

It's a good story IMO. Btw, don't use "https." Just use "http."