“ Killing someone with a spoon is not bad, but I prefer the chainsaw it's faster.”
~ Serial Killer on spoons

آپ found out آپ hate someone. No, not just hate. آپ FUCKING hate them. No, not just FUCKING hate them, آپ wanna strangle them until their head pops off then shove it down the loo but then it'll go into the sewers and then the police/the fuzz/cops/pigs/gorillas will be like, all, "omfg wutt iz goin on why iz der a hed in me toilet" and then they'll find you're fingerprint on them and be all "haha we fund woo it was it was [insert name here] and then آپ be like "omgomgomg" and then آپ get into prison and then rot there and turn into a ghost and the only thing آپ can do is go onto Uncyclopedia and look up how to kill people with Spoons.

Not that I would know, of course.

But آپ love Spoons. Spoons are sexy. Someone is not. Someone out there is NOT sexy. Whether that's you, yourself, یا maybe perhaps YOU, That someone shall be your victim. And your victim Shall die... سے طرف کی SPOON.

STEP ONE

1) First, آپ need a good Spoon...like a big سوپ Spoon. 2) Find the person آپ hate / یا someone that آپ want to kill with the Spoon! 3) Make sure آپ take them somewhere secret where no-one can hear them screaming. 4) Duct tape their mouth and hands together, but don't forget to duct tape their legs together in case they try to run! 5) start threatening them that your gonna hurt their kitten!

STEP TWO

Learn the ancient art of Tai-Spong.

For many thousands of years, Buddhist monks in the Shaolin temple had denied their existence. They will always say "There is no Spoon", but this was a diversion to hide the terrible truth, of the deadly art of Tai-Spong. Of course, Tai-Spong doesn't actually matter, only whether آپ hate that someone یا not. But آپ do hate them. That's why آپ are killing them...with a Spoon.

STEP THREE

Know your victim:

* How much do they weigh?
* Is he/she physically fit?
* Is it Tuesday?
* Do آپ own a kitten?
* Do آپ like honey?
* How far away are آپ from the moon?
* Do they have a family?
* Do آپ have a family?
* Why don't آپ have a family?

Of course, none of these سوالات actually matter, only whether آپ hate that someone یا not. But آپ do hate them. That's why آپ are killing them...with a Spoon.

STEP FOUR

آپ need to choose your weapon (see step 1) and practice with it (ask the hospitals for a free corpse to train on یا just find a daycare, and use a sleeping child). آپ need to sneak up on your victim (when he is masturbating یا taking a bath یا something like that) And of course:Atttaaaaackkk!!!