HOW TO INSTALL SOFTWARE
1. Examine the software packaging until آپ find a little printed box that explains what kind of computer system آپ need to run the software. It should look something like this:
SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS
2386 PROCESSOR یا HIGHER
628.8 MEGAHERTZ MODEM
719.7 MB FREE DISK SPACE
3546 MB RAM
432323 MB ROM
05948737 MB RPM ANTILOCK BRAKING SYSTEM
NOTE: This software will not work on your computer.
2. Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will contain detailed instructions on installing, operating, and troubleshooting the software. Throw it away.
3. Find the actual software, which should be in the form of either a 3.5-inch floppy diskette یا a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope that says:
LICENSING AGREEMENT:
سے طرف کی breaking this seal, the user hereinafter agrees to abide سے طرف کی all the terms and conditions of the following agreement that nobody ever reads, as well as the Geneva Convention and the U.N. Charter and the Secret Membership Oath of the Benevolent Protective Order of the Elks and such other terms and conditions, real and imaginary, as the Software Company shall deem necessary and appropriate, including the right to come to the user's ہوم and examine the user's hard drive, as well as the user's underwear drawer if we feel like it, take it یا leave it, until death do us part, one nation indivisible, سے طرف کی the dawn's early light,....finders keepers, losers weepers, thanks you've been a great crowd, and don't forget to tip your servers.
4. Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12 and say, "(Name of child), please install this on my computer."
5. If آپ have no child age 3 through 12, insert the software in the appropriate drive, type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.
6. Turn the computer on, آپ idiot.
7. Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.
8. آپ will hear grinding and whirring noises for awhile, after which the following message should appear on your screen:
The installation Program will now examine your system to see what would be the best way to render it inoperable. Is it OK with you? Choose one, and be honest:
+-------+ +--------+ | YES | | SURE | +-------+ +--------+
9. After آپ make your selection, آپ will hear grinding and whirring for a very long time while the installation program does God knows what in there. Some installation programs can actually alter molecular structures, so that when they're done, your computer has been transformed into an entirely new device, such as a food processor. At the very least, the installation program will create many new directories, sub-directories, sub-sub-directories, on your hard drive and fill them with thousands of mysterious files with names like "puree.exe," "fester.dat," and "doo.wha."
10. When the installation program is finished, your screen should display the following message:
CONGRATULATIONS The installation program cannot think of anything else to do to your computer and has grown bored. آپ may now attempt to run your software. If آپ experience any problems, electrical shocks, insomnia, shortness of breath, nasal discharge, یا intestinal parasites, آپ should immediately *!@!$)$%@&*^)$*!#$_$.
11. At this point your computer system should become less functional than the federal government, refusing to respond even when struck with furniture.
12. Call the toll-free Technical Support Hotline number listed on the package and wait on the line for a representative, who will explain to you, in a clear, step-by-step manner, how to adopt a child aged 3 through 12.
1. Examine the software packaging until آپ find a little printed box that explains what kind of computer system آپ need to run the software. It should look something like this:
SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS
2386 PROCESSOR یا HIGHER
628.8 MEGAHERTZ MODEM
719.7 MB FREE DISK SPACE
3546 MB RAM
432323 MB ROM
05948737 MB RPM ANTILOCK BRAKING SYSTEM
NOTE: This software will not work on your computer.
2. Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will contain detailed instructions on installing, operating, and troubleshooting the software. Throw it away.
3. Find the actual software, which should be in the form of either a 3.5-inch floppy diskette یا a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope that says:
LICENSING AGREEMENT:
سے طرف کی breaking this seal, the user hereinafter agrees to abide سے طرف کی all the terms and conditions of the following agreement that nobody ever reads, as well as the Geneva Convention and the U.N. Charter and the Secret Membership Oath of the Benevolent Protective Order of the Elks and such other terms and conditions, real and imaginary, as the Software Company shall deem necessary and appropriate, including the right to come to the user's ہوم and examine the user's hard drive, as well as the user's underwear drawer if we feel like it, take it یا leave it, until death do us part, one nation indivisible, سے طرف کی the dawn's early light,....finders keepers, losers weepers, thanks you've been a great crowd, and don't forget to tip your servers.
4. Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12 and say, "(Name of child), please install this on my computer."
5. If آپ have no child age 3 through 12, insert the software in the appropriate drive, type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.
6. Turn the computer on, آپ idiot.
7. Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.
8. آپ will hear grinding and whirring noises for awhile, after which the following message should appear on your screen:
The installation Program will now examine your system to see what would be the best way to render it inoperable. Is it OK with you? Choose one, and be honest:
+-------+ +--------+ | YES | | SURE | +-------+ +--------+
9. After آپ make your selection, آپ will hear grinding and whirring for a very long time while the installation program does God knows what in there. Some installation programs can actually alter molecular structures, so that when they're done, your computer has been transformed into an entirely new device, such as a food processor. At the very least, the installation program will create many new directories, sub-directories, sub-sub-directories, on your hard drive and fill them with thousands of mysterious files with names like "puree.exe," "fester.dat," and "doo.wha."
10. When the installation program is finished, your screen should display the following message:
CONGRATULATIONS The installation program cannot think of anything else to do to your computer and has grown bored. آپ may now attempt to run your software. If آپ experience any problems, electrical shocks, insomnia, shortness of breath, nasal discharge, یا intestinal parasites, آپ should immediately *!@!$)$%@&*^)$*!#$_$.
11. At this point your computer system should become less functional than the federal government, refusing to respond even when struck with furniture.
12. Call the toll-free Technical Support Hotline number listed on the package and wait on the line for a representative, who will explain to you, in a clear, step-by-step manner, how to adopt a child aged 3 through 12.
Q .. How do آپ sink a submarine full of blondes?
A .. Knock on the door.
Q .. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A .. The instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds".
Q .. What stops then goes then stops then goes?
A .. A blonde at a blinking red light.
Q .. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A .. A blonde parade.
Q .. What is the blonde's highest ambition in life?
A .. They want to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q .. What are the six worst years in a blonde's life.
A .. Third grade.
Q .. What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A .. آپ keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q .. How to آپ keep a blonde busy all day?
A .. Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q .. What do آپ do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A .. Run! She's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
A .. Knock on the door.
Q .. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A .. The instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds".
Q .. What stops then goes then stops then goes?
A .. A blonde at a blinking red light.
Q .. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A .. A blonde parade.
Q .. What is the blonde's highest ambition in life?
A .. They want to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q .. What are the six worst years in a blonde's life.
A .. Third grade.
Q .. What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A .. آپ keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q .. How to آپ keep a blonde busy all day?
A .. Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q .. What do آپ do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A .. Run! She's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Things to do when bored.
1 call all of your contacts on your phone
2 walk around your neighborhood and everytime آپ see someon say a compleatly random word like tacos
3 fake play a video game to annoy someone don't forget sound effects
4 dance to every song on the radio
5 walk around a public place with your pants pulled up like a nerd
6 hang out with old friends
7 have a چائے party like آپ did when آپ were little
8 write your name n a piece of paper over and over
9 play ding dong ditch
10 act. Like your alseep on a chair in public and scare everyone who comes سے طرف کی except old people
تبصرہ and I will make more
1 call all of your contacts on your phone
2 walk around your neighborhood and everytime آپ see someon say a compleatly random word like tacos
3 fake play a video game to annoy someone don't forget sound effects
4 dance to every song on the radio
5 walk around a public place with your pants pulled up like a nerd
6 hang out with old friends
7 have a چائے party like آپ did when آپ were little
8 write your name n a piece of paper over and over
9 play ding dong ditch
10 act. Like your alseep on a chair in public and scare everyone who comes سے طرف کی except old people
تبصرہ and I will make more
