Here's some of my fave "I wasnt that drunk" jokes hope آپ like :)
"I wasn't that drunk"
"You saw a ginger girl eating blueberries and screamed 'No Foxface! Not the berries!'"
"You ran into Walmart and when آپ heard someone talking on the intercom, آپ fell to your knees and said, 'God has spoken!'"
"You grabbed my parakeet, threw it at my sisters piggy bank and yelled, 'ANGRY BIRDS!!!!!'"
"You told me to give آپ a ride ہوم and the part was at your house"
"You asked your girlfriend if she was single"
"You gave a midget a مشروم, کھنبی and yelled 'GROW MARIO GROW!!!'"
"You were cutting open pineapples and yelling, " SPONGEBOB I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!!!!!'"
"You were screaming into my closet "WHERE IS NARNIA?!?'"
"You walked up to a semi- truck and whispered 'I know your secret..... Optimus Prime'"
"You were splashing around in the sink screaming "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming'"
"You were in my pool screaming "WHERE IS NEMO?!?!'"
"You saw a midget, and tried to give him a sock. When he ran away آپ screamed "DOBBY!! STOP! I AM YOUR SAVIOR!!' and ran after him"
"You picked up my میں hamster, ہمزٹر and کہا "I choose you! Go pikachu!'"
"You were trying to swim in mud and کہا 'IM IN WILLY WONKAS CHOCOLATE RIVER!!!'"
"You spent 2 hours trying to drown my goldfish"
"You kept shouting 'NEVER!!' at my sisters Justin Beiber posters"
"You asked my mom is she was a virgin"
"You pushed your girlfriend into my pool and shouted "BE FREE ARIEL!!!'"
"You tried to throw a گلہری, جائے وقوع in my pool and shouted "BIKINI BOTTOM NEEDS آپ SANDY!!'"
"You kept asking my cat why he killed Mufasa"
"You ran into a brick دیوار screaming "HOGWARTS HERE I COME!!'"
"You grabbed a sponge from my باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ and begged it to tell آپ the krabby patty secret formula"
"It was raining and آپ fell in a puddle and screamed "HELP IM DROWNING!!'"
"You held my cat in the air saying 'Simba!!'"
"You hugged an old man and کہا "Dumbledore! You're alive!'"
"When I drove آپ ہوم last night آپ were in the back نشست pretending to steer with a paper plate"
"At a point I convinced آپ to bite your own nose and آپ spent an گھنٹہ rolling around on the floor screaming 'IT'S GETTING AWAY!!!'"
"You ran up to a درخت and کہا "LOOK HOW BIG THIS PIECE OF BROCOLI IS!!!'"
"You took out a باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ چھری had Kelley throw fruit at آپ and yelled 'I AM THE ULTIMATE FRUIT NINJA!!'"
"You took my cat put it in a تکیا and started singing 'IT'S A تکیا IT'S A PET ITS A تکیا PET!!!'"
"You preached at a Barbie dolls wedding"
"You congratulated a potato for getting a part in Toy Story"
"You were telling yo' mama jokes to orphans"
"You were arguing with yourself over the phone and got upset when آپ hung up"
"You got my parents replica of the efile tower stood on سب, سب سے اوپر of it and screamed 'I AM KING KONG!!!!'"
آپ put your phone on airplane mode and kept throwing it up into the air screaming "WHY WON'T آپ FLY?!?!'"
"You put your new سیب, ایپل IPhone in the blender because آپ wanted a smoothie"
"You got in a fist fight with Amy about her being on Team Jacob and then showed us your copies of the twilight books"
"When I drove آپ ہوم آپ yelled 'SWERVE SWERVE!!" when آپ saw the درخت air freshner"
"You saw my sisters 1D poster and screamed 'THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING!!!!!'"
"You picked up a ginger kid and yelled 'ELMO WHERE IS YOUR GOLDFISH?!?!'"
"Your cell phone vibrated and آپ hid under a میز, جدول screaming 'EARTHQUAKE!!!!!'"
"You glued a pop tart to my cat and threw it out of a window screaming 'NYAN CAT FLY!!!!'"
"You covered yourself in glitter and screamed 'I AM EDWARD CULLEN'!"
"You took my hat and muttered 'Not Slytherin'"
"You picked up a little Hispanic girl and yelled 'DORA I NEED YOUR MAP TO GET HOME!!' and the party was at your house"
"You jumped off the counter screaming 'I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!'"
"You stood on the edge of a cliff singing 'I'm on the edge of glory'"
"I wasn't that drunk"
"You saw a ginger girl eating blueberries and screamed 'No Foxface! Not the berries!'"
"You ran into Walmart and when آپ heard someone talking on the intercom, آپ fell to your knees and said, 'God has spoken!'"
"You grabbed my parakeet, threw it at my sisters piggy bank and yelled, 'ANGRY BIRDS!!!!!'"
"You told me to give آپ a ride ہوم and the part was at your house"
"You asked your girlfriend if she was single"
"You gave a midget a مشروم, کھنبی and yelled 'GROW MARIO GROW!!!'"
"You were cutting open pineapples and yelling, " SPONGEBOB I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!!!!!'"
"You were screaming into my closet "WHERE IS NARNIA?!?'"
"You walked up to a semi- truck and whispered 'I know your secret..... Optimus Prime'"
"You were splashing around in the sink screaming "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming'"
"You were in my pool screaming "WHERE IS NEMO?!?!'"
"You saw a midget, and tried to give him a sock. When he ran away آپ screamed "DOBBY!! STOP! I AM YOUR SAVIOR!!' and ran after him"
"You picked up my میں hamster, ہمزٹر and کہا "I choose you! Go pikachu!'"
"You were trying to swim in mud and کہا 'IM IN WILLY WONKAS CHOCOLATE RIVER!!!'"
"You spent 2 hours trying to drown my goldfish"
"You kept shouting 'NEVER!!' at my sisters Justin Beiber posters"
"You asked my mom is she was a virgin"
"You pushed your girlfriend into my pool and shouted "BE FREE ARIEL!!!'"
"You tried to throw a گلہری, جائے وقوع in my pool and shouted "BIKINI BOTTOM NEEDS آپ SANDY!!'"
"You kept asking my cat why he killed Mufasa"
"You ran into a brick دیوار screaming "HOGWARTS HERE I COME!!'"
"You grabbed a sponge from my باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ and begged it to tell آپ the krabby patty secret formula"
"It was raining and آپ fell in a puddle and screamed "HELP IM DROWNING!!'"
"You held my cat in the air saying 'Simba!!'"
"You hugged an old man and کہا "Dumbledore! You're alive!'"
"When I drove آپ ہوم last night آپ were in the back نشست pretending to steer with a paper plate"
"At a point I convinced آپ to bite your own nose and آپ spent an گھنٹہ rolling around on the floor screaming 'IT'S GETTING AWAY!!!'"
"You ran up to a درخت and کہا "LOOK HOW BIG THIS PIECE OF BROCOLI IS!!!'"
"You took out a باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ چھری had Kelley throw fruit at آپ and yelled 'I AM THE ULTIMATE FRUIT NINJA!!'"
"You took my cat put it in a تکیا and started singing 'IT'S A تکیا IT'S A PET ITS A تکیا PET!!!'"
"You preached at a Barbie dolls wedding"
"You congratulated a potato for getting a part in Toy Story"
"You were telling yo' mama jokes to orphans"
"You were arguing with yourself over the phone and got upset when آپ hung up"
"You got my parents replica of the efile tower stood on سب, سب سے اوپر of it and screamed 'I AM KING KONG!!!!'"
آپ put your phone on airplane mode and kept throwing it up into the air screaming "WHY WON'T آپ FLY?!?!'"
"You put your new سیب, ایپل IPhone in the blender because آپ wanted a smoothie"
"You got in a fist fight with Amy about her being on Team Jacob and then showed us your copies of the twilight books"
"When I drove آپ ہوم آپ yelled 'SWERVE SWERVE!!" when آپ saw the درخت air freshner"
"You saw my sisters 1D poster and screamed 'THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING!!!!!'"
"You picked up a ginger kid and yelled 'ELMO WHERE IS YOUR GOLDFISH?!?!'"
"Your cell phone vibrated and آپ hid under a میز, جدول screaming 'EARTHQUAKE!!!!!'"
"You glued a pop tart to my cat and threw it out of a window screaming 'NYAN CAT FLY!!!!'"
"You covered yourself in glitter and screamed 'I AM EDWARD CULLEN'!"
"You took my hat and muttered 'Not Slytherin'"
"You picked up a little Hispanic girl and yelled 'DORA I NEED YOUR MAP TO GET HOME!!' and the party was at your house"
"You jumped off the counter screaming 'I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!'"
"You stood on the edge of a cliff singing 'I'm on the edge of glory'"