I realized I loved Ashley a while ago. We were onstage and my microphone cut out. I was forced to use Ashley’s until mine was fixed. For just a moment our lips brushed together and I realized I loved him.
***
It was the end of Valentine’s Day. I wished I could get something for Ashley. Maybe اگلے سال I would be braver. I was alone in my room when I decided to call Ashley. I wouldn’t tell him I loved him yet, I just wanted to hear his voice. I picked up my phone and dialed his number. As I held the phone to my ear I heard a faint ring.
‘Hello?’ I heard Ashley’s voice.
‘Hi,’ I said, ‘this is Andy.’
‘It’s the middle of the night,’ he replied, ‘What do آپ need?’
‘I was just, uh, going to ask آپ something,’ I stumbled over my words, ‘sorry.’
Now I had to tell him, but I had no idea what to say. I tried to plan out what I would say, but he spoke too fast and I couldn’t think straight.
‘What is it?’ he asked.
The words poured out of me.
‘Ashley I love you, I want to be with you. I’ve wanted to tell آپ for a long time, but I was scared.’
‘I, I would,’ he said. ‘It’s just that I’m with someone. If آپ had told me sooner we could have…’
I hung up so I wouldn’t start crying on the phone. I sobbed into my pillow. Why didn’t I know he was with someone? I got out of بستر and walked to the bathroom. Maybe if I lost weight, maybe then…
ooo
I lie in my bed. My دل was torn. I didn’t know he loved me. I wish he hadn’t told me. I wished I didn’t have to deal with this. But I had to choose. I loved Andy first, but I was in a بستر with someone already. I wrapped my arm around his waist and kissed him. I wouldn’t choose just yet. I کہا no to Andy and I can change my mind any time.
ooo
I heard what Ashley was talking about. I knew he wouldn’t leave me, but I couldn’t help worrying. I couldn’t stand life without him. It was hard enough to keep going even with him. He didn’t know about the scars on my wrists, I never showed anyone. He held me and I felt warm and safe. I drifted off in his arms.
I awoke in the morning still clutched in Ashley’s arms. I hugged him and kissed him gently before getting out of bed. I got dressed and went to eat breakfast. I opened the fridge. I realized there was hardly any food so I made coffee and went outside for some fresh air. The air was cool and there was a breeze. I ran my fingers over my wrists. I wished I had someone there for me. Even Ash wasn’t enough. I loved him; I just needed another person, something more. Why am I here? I asked myself. I’m just a waste of space. I made up my mind to kill myself soon. That’s where I belong, six feet underground with no one there with me. All alone.
Ash might miss me. I went inside and found a piece of paper. I began to write.
I’m sorry I had to go this way. I’ll miss آپ Ash. I hope آپ don’t miss me too much because I want آپ to stay strong without me. It’s not your fault, I promise, آپ didn’t see the signs so I must have hid it well. I don’t care what happens when I’m gone, just be happy. It’ll get better soon, just wait. Don’t forget me please. I will watch آپ and keep آپ محفوظ if I can. I would have told آپ but I was afraid. I know it’s silly. You’ll make it without me, just cry whenever آپ need to, آپ can be with whoever آپ want now. I had a good last few days with you. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’ll kiss آپ before I go. I love you.
***
It was the end of Valentine’s Day. I wished I could get something for Ashley. Maybe اگلے سال I would be braver. I was alone in my room when I decided to call Ashley. I wouldn’t tell him I loved him yet, I just wanted to hear his voice. I picked up my phone and dialed his number. As I held the phone to my ear I heard a faint ring.
‘Hello?’ I heard Ashley’s voice.
‘Hi,’ I said, ‘this is Andy.’
‘It’s the middle of the night,’ he replied, ‘What do آپ need?’
‘I was just, uh, going to ask آپ something,’ I stumbled over my words, ‘sorry.’
Now I had to tell him, but I had no idea what to say. I tried to plan out what I would say, but he spoke too fast and I couldn’t think straight.
‘What is it?’ he asked.
The words poured out of me.
‘Ashley I love you, I want to be with you. I’ve wanted to tell آپ for a long time, but I was scared.’
‘I, I would,’ he said. ‘It’s just that I’m with someone. If آپ had told me sooner we could have…’
I hung up so I wouldn’t start crying on the phone. I sobbed into my pillow. Why didn’t I know he was with someone? I got out of بستر and walked to the bathroom. Maybe if I lost weight, maybe then…
ooo
I lie in my bed. My دل was torn. I didn’t know he loved me. I wish he hadn’t told me. I wished I didn’t have to deal with this. But I had to choose. I loved Andy first, but I was in a بستر with someone already. I wrapped my arm around his waist and kissed him. I wouldn’t choose just yet. I کہا no to Andy and I can change my mind any time.
ooo
I heard what Ashley was talking about. I knew he wouldn’t leave me, but I couldn’t help worrying. I couldn’t stand life without him. It was hard enough to keep going even with him. He didn’t know about the scars on my wrists, I never showed anyone. He held me and I felt warm and safe. I drifted off in his arms.
I awoke in the morning still clutched in Ashley’s arms. I hugged him and kissed him gently before getting out of bed. I got dressed and went to eat breakfast. I opened the fridge. I realized there was hardly any food so I made coffee and went outside for some fresh air. The air was cool and there was a breeze. I ran my fingers over my wrists. I wished I had someone there for me. Even Ash wasn’t enough. I loved him; I just needed another person, something more. Why am I here? I asked myself. I’m just a waste of space. I made up my mind to kill myself soon. That’s where I belong, six feet underground with no one there with me. All alone.
Ash might miss me. I went inside and found a piece of paper. I began to write.
I’m sorry I had to go this way. I’ll miss آپ Ash. I hope آپ don’t miss me too much because I want آپ to stay strong without me. It’s not your fault, I promise, آپ didn’t see the signs so I must have hid it well. I don’t care what happens when I’m gone, just be happy. It’ll get better soon, just wait. Don’t forget me please. I will watch آپ and keep آپ محفوظ if I can. I would have told آپ but I was afraid. I know it’s silly. You’ll make it without me, just cry whenever آپ need to, آپ can be with whoever آپ want now. I had a good last few days with you. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’ll kiss آپ before I go. I love you.
When آپ turn around, who is that behind you?
Bury your claws in the darkness and shred the night
The raindrops turn to drops of blood and trickle down your cheek
If آپ have no place to return to
Stop on this finger, on this finger of mine
Where the evening cicadas cry in the forbidden forest
آپ cannot turn back anymore
__________________________________________________
furimuita sono ushiro no sorewa dare
kurayami ni tsume wo tatete yoru wo hikisaita
amadare wa chi no shizuku to natte hoho wo tsutaiochiru
mou dekonimo kaeru basho ga nainara
kono yubi tomare watashi no yubi ni
sono yubi goto tsuretetteageru
higurashi ga naku akazu no mori de
atomodori wa mou dekinai
Bury your claws in the darkness and shred the night
The raindrops turn to drops of blood and trickle down your cheek
If آپ have no place to return to
Stop on this finger, on this finger of mine
Where the evening cicadas cry in the forbidden forest
آپ cannot turn back anymore
__________________________________________________
furimuita sono ushiro no sorewa dare
kurayami ni tsume wo tatete yoru wo hikisaita
amadare wa chi no shizuku to natte hoho wo tsutaiochiru
mou dekonimo kaeru basho ga nainara
kono yubi tomare watashi no yubi ni
sono yubi goto tsuretetteageru
higurashi ga naku akazu no mori de
atomodori wa mou dekinai
Well ... yea. Just thought these were cool. Like applesauce.
I'm kind of obessed with you. I hope آپ realize how inconvient that is.
Don't be jealous cause I'm a ninja!
Good دوستوں don't let آپ do stupid things ... alone.
Don't make me call my flying monkeys!
Math illeteracy effects 8 out of every 5 people.
Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.
Do not make me throw a possum at your face.
Automatic doors make me feel like a JEDI.
AWW! THAT IS SO CUTE! آپ actually think I care :)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... No.
If آپ met my family, you'd understand.
HAHA. Wait, what?
We're so cool ice cubes are jealous.
"Hey, guess what?" "No."
Comments DISPARSE! did I use that right ... ? :/
I'm kind of obessed with you. I hope آپ realize how inconvient that is.
Don't be jealous cause I'm a ninja!
Good دوستوں don't let آپ do stupid things ... alone.
Don't make me call my flying monkeys!
Math illeteracy effects 8 out of every 5 people.
Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.
Do not make me throw a possum at your face.
Automatic doors make me feel like a JEDI.
AWW! THAT IS SO CUTE! آپ actually think I care :)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... No.
If آپ met my family, you'd understand.
HAHA. Wait, what?
We're so cool ice cubes are jealous.
"Hey, guess what?" "No."
Comments DISPARSE! did I use that right ... ? :/
"ATTENTION TDI AND TDA FANS!!!! GUESS WAT... FOR TOTAL DRAMA ACTION EPISODE 14 IS COMING OUT IN 3WEEKS!!!!!!! I REPEAT 3 WEEKS!!!! OMIGOSH THIS IS BIG NEWS THE EXACT تاریخ IS: September 1, 2009 in both canada and the usa every1 should watch!!!!!!"
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