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posted by Liepe
For my friend.

If آپ climb in the saddle, be ready for the ride.

Talk slowly, think quickly.

Never approach a بیل from the front, a horse from the rear یا a fool from any direction.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whloe lot easier than puttin' it back.

Brace your backbone and forget your wishbone.

Just 'cause trouble comes visiting doesn't mean آپ have to offer it a place to sit down.

If آپ find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Don't wake a sleepin' rattler.

Don't squat witn your spurs on.

Every trail has some puddles....
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posted by PartyOrange
 This is your new language.
This is your new language.
(This مضمون is a JOKE. It's not meant to be serious, so don't take it seriously.)

1.Watch hours of عملی حکمت each day, every day.

2. Start wearing shirts/clothing that are written in Katakana.
(For eample: "Kawaii", "Neko", "Baka")

3. Always talk about how آپ want to be "Miku-Chan" when آپ get older.

4. On سب, سب سے اوپر of that, always say "-chan,-san,-sama,-kun",etc...

5.If آپ have family refer to them as "onee-sama/chan and onii-sama/chan".

6. Listen to stereotypical Japanese pop music. (Cute, high-pitched voices with pop instrumentals)

7. Wear obnoxious anime-like outfits everywhere. (Bright-coloured, mix-matching,...
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posted by McDreamyluva
Here's the famous 'Best Divorce Letter' سے طرف کی Dan to Connie, pretty hilarious, definitely a must read! xD

Dear Connie,

I know the counselor کہا we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore.

The دن آپ left, I swore I'd never talk to آپ again but that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first on to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always آپ who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride’s cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you....
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posted by britishboy
During the summer it is so easy to say, "I have nothing to do!" No مزید excuses-here is a فہرست of 50 things to do the اگلے time آپ are bored!
1. Gather up a few friends, and have a picnic in your back .
2. Go on a walk and take pictures of trees, flowers, dogs, etc.
3. Buy some fashion magazines, pick out a couple of really cute outfits, and try to recreate them for less!
4. Bead some bracelets and sell them for charity.
5. Volunteer at the local animal یا homeless shelter.
6. Clean your room!
7. Bake some cupcakes and deliver them to دوستوں and family.
8. Play some childhood games like "Sorry",...
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I just wanna say that I didn't wright this, I just reposted it. so I take on credit AT ALL

1. Take someone's shopping کی ٹوکری, رکن کی نمائندہ and switch the items with stuff from the person اگلے to them's cart
2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen آپ in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment
3. Smash the person in front of آپ on the head with a ham
4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!! etc."
5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person...
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My سیکنڈ hetalia مضمون since all of آپ who شدہ تبصرہ on my other one inspired me to keep writing. I hope آپ like~

1. Say "aru" after everything.

2. Instead of saying yes say "da"

3. ONLY talk about how awesome آپ are

4. Run up to random people and insist they marry آپ in a creepy way

5. Take everything in a perverted way and be all like "Ohonhonhon~"

6. Laugh like america at everything not funny , then when theres something funny dont laugh.

7. Whenever someone annoys you, look at them with a creepy smile and be like KOLKOLKOL

8. Act and talk like poland, then at a random time switch to acting...
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posted by 1-2vampire
The Brittish Nursery Rhyme about Bloody Mary - Mary Tudor - یا Mary I.

Mary Mary quite contrary,
how does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockleshells
And pretty maids all in a row

We thought it was about a girl named Mary who liked gardening یا something - WRONG.

It is in fact about Mary Tudor, or, مزید commenly reffered to as Bloody Mary.

Contrary - Means changing things just for the sake of it (Mary Tudor changed Britain back into a Roman Catholic country after her father and her brother changed it into a Protestant way)

How does your Garden Grow? - Mary wanted a baby very badly, but she...
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1) The Hard man act - guys will put on an act of being hard for 2 reasons: a) They are with mates and having some banter. If ther is banter, there is Hard man acting. b) They fancy you. Some guys will try to give the impression that they are strong, athletic etc. But this is only one way of a guy trying to impress you. If a guy does not do this, it doesn't mean he doesn't fancy you. (see 2)

2) Guys will be sensitive. A guy will be mature and caring around آپ if he fancies you. He wants to دکھائیں he's not just thinking about sex, and is after a meaningful relationship. He wants to present himself...
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posted by spunkyonyx
Angel Eyes
Angel Face (to me this one is a little werid)
Babe ( I like to be called this one)
Baby (I love to be call this one too)
Baby Doll
Baby Face
Baby Girl (I love to be called this one)
Baby Love
Beautiful (this one doesnt fit for me)
Blue Eyes (or in my case brown eyes)
Chunky (If a my man called me this ohhhh lord he be crusin for a brusin)
Dear دل
Dewdrop (all I have to say is lolz)
Dream کشتی (this one makes us sound kinda...
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posted by lalaland101
every گھنٹہ of every day, gamblers lose $696,000 in Las Vegas casinos

south africa fad: some boys in cape town have their upper teeth extracted to look cool

at last count, the U.S. had 612,020 fast food cooks and only 393,730 farm workers

sean connery and lionel richie both keep their oscars in the bathroom

a heated jawbreaker کی, جوبریکر can explode when bitten into

studies دکھائیں that covering a wart with duct tape is مزید effective than having a doctor remove it

your مزید likely to die on your way to buy a lottery ticket then آپ winning the lottery

a glass bottle can take as long as 4,000 years to decompose

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posted by Sheetal1256
Here are some funny New Year's resolutions for 2012...
I will think of a ورڈ پاس other than "password" یا "hello".

I will not tell the same story at every get together.

I won't worry so much.

I will cut my hair.

I will grow my hair.

I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits اگلے to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!

I will be مزید imaginative.

I will not bore my boss سے طرف کی with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some مزید excuses.

I will do less laundry and use مزید deodorant.

I will avoid taking a bath whenever...
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This was definitely the most difficult فہرست I've made so far. I even made a few changes when I was deciding the ranking. آپ can obviously tell that this wasn't easy and took A LOT of dedication in order for me to figure it out. First of all, I will only be talking about the سب, سب سے اوپر 10 and just listing the other women and دکھانا pictures. I figured that it not only makes it easier for me to make but also makes it easier for آپ guys to read and not be overwhelmed. I hope آپ enjoy it and keep in mind this is just my personal opinion. Please don't forget to تبصرہ and I can't wait to hear what...
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posted by blondcat30
its so sweet n awww every1 says can we all b real? شاور 2gether? hell yea playtime wash eachother but married? kids? hide ur ding dong یا hoohaa...but I can get any man in the world and stay N pay everything buy everything pay bills and get nothing no sex no I love yous یا calls u those cute names only when he wants sumthin then ignores u playing on internet then find out he tells random girl shes sexier than a goddess who deserves a king یا fb bunch a tricks then hug me tell me sorry we had great nite til he sleeps and wakes up different I cry all nite says shut up calls names I cud never...
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posted by vlad_todd_fan

My name is Chris,
I am three,
My eyes are swollen..
I cannot see.

I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made,
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy,
Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong,
I can't speak at all,
Or else I'm locked up,
All دن long.

When I'm awake,
I'm all alone,
The house is dark,
My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come home,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get,
One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car,
My daddy is back,
From Charlie's bar

I hear...
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1. Q."Can I screw you?"
A.I would say: "No..."

2. Q/M."Would آپ mind if I read this?"*Holds up some porn magazine*
A. I would say: "I don't give a da**..."

3. Q/M. *Hugs آپ and takes a little something off آپ would like him not to*
A.I would slap him and say "Don't do that, da** it!"

4. Q. "Are آپ sure we can't f***?"
A. I would say: "If آپ say that agin...I swear I'm going to get ticked..."
5. Q. "That somehow arouses me..."
A. I would say:"Get aroused all آپ want, not like I care if آپ are یا aren't...As long as آپ don't jump around..."

6. Q. "I want to sign your shirt..."
A. I would say:...
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posted by ilovepenguins
I didn't write this!

Sell used bus tickets. Claim they are for half the price.

Get on the bus, grinning widely. As soon as the bus begins to move, burst into song. When آپ arrive at the اگلے stop, stop singing. Step off the bus backwards, still grinning widely.

If آپ are seated between two passengers, yawn loudly, strech, and put your arms around them.

Greet passengers with a big hug, handshake, smile and say ³Hi, call me Norman²

Put a leash on a friend and walk him/her onto the bus. Insist he/she is a dog and should go for half fare.

When arriving at your stop, do not push the button to...
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posted by KatiiCullen94
1. when i sneeze i sneeze again like straight after the first one, i cant just sneeze once!!

2. i don't tan. i burned, peel and then white again!

3. when i use new soap, my hands itch.

4. i like to read out load. reading in my head is a little unfocused for me.

5. i get zits on my arms!!! eww!

6. i have two freckles on my thighs that look my bites, (im a fangerbanger!! shh)

7. i really really really hate crocs (the shoes!)

8. i will scream down a building if i see toads! i am petrified!!

9. i constantly talk to myself, and i mean it!! ALLLLLLLLLLLL THE TIME!!!

10. I make funny noise when i drink, i cant help it!
Well, I opened up my mailbox the other دن and pulled out a letter adressed to me from some...person named "Kether Smith". And first thing I thought was "Kether.... that's a weird name!" but I opened up the letter anyway hoping that this "Kether" was a secret admierer یا something sending me some money, but insted, the letter کہا (word for word! I'm typing this strait out of the letter!)

    I know that you’ll want to come looking for me, but don’t. I’m not worth it. آپ remember that ہار I gave you? That holds some of my power within it, so it’s okay...
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1.They always smell good even if it's just shampoo

2.The way their heads always find the right spot on your shoulder

3.The ease with which they fit into your arms

4.The way they kiss آپ and all of a sudden everything is right in the world

5.How cute they are when they eat

6.The way they take hours to dress‚ but in the end it's all worthwhile

7.Because they're always warm‚ even when it's negative thirty degrees outside

8.The way they look good no matter what they wear

9.The way they مچھلی for compliments

10.How cute they are when they argue

11.The way their hands always find yours

12.The way they smile...
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Here are some things to do with the dummy Bob,

1. Practice karate on Bob
2. Dress Bob up
3. Use Bob as a boat
4. Use Bob to help آپ make a fort
5. Use Bob as a tree
6. Use Bob to lighten your stress سے طرف کی punching and kicking him
7. Use Bob as a way to practice how to fall in slow motion
8. Use Bob to take your anger out سے طرف کی punching and kicking him
9. Use Bob to tie things up on
10. Use Bob to سہارا things up on
11. Use Bob as an audience
12. Have a staring contest with Bob
13. Use Bob reenact David and Goliath
14. Destroy Bob! Mwahahahaha!
15. Learn from Bob how to scowl
16. Learn from Bob how not to scowl
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