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posted by flabaloobalah
4
So my uncle told me this joke and I HAD to post it:

So two blondes walk into a bar and sit at the counter. They order drinks, high five, and yell "Three months!" They finish their drinks and repeat.
The bartender is curious and asks, "What does 'three months' mean?"
One blonde explains. "You see, we bought a puzzle and it کہا on the front '3-6 years', but we finished it in three months!"

Got to be the dumbest blondes on earth!

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala.
posted by australia-101
1
آپ may be stupid if...

...you can't remember how to spell "IQ."

...you can't remember the number for 911.

...you just discovered your AM radio also works in the afternoon.

...you use correction fluid on your PC monitor.

...you fail Physical Education.

...you can not spell it.

...you try to turn the light on to find flashlight in a power outage!

...you put braille on a drive up teller machine.

...you think ٹیکو گھنٹی, بیل is a Mexican phone company.

...you think a pigpen is something to write with!!!

...you think a cartoon is a song about automobiles.

...you use your CD-ROM unit as a drink holder.

...you frequently...
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Me:Okay...Got any sixths?
Sam:Go fish,
Emma:GO FISH?I THOUGHT THIS WAS NUMBER BINGO!!
Sam:*Looks at me*What was your first clue?*sarcasm*
Me:Come on!Let's go get some food
*all walk over to kitchen*
Emma:Can I have a sandwich?
Me:Whats the magic word?
Emma:Give...me...my...freaking...sandwich...NOW!!
Me:*Gets bread*Okay!Fine!Sam?What do آپ want?
Sam:Um...I guess I'll have some POPTARTS!!
Me:Okay!So...whats up guys?
Emma:Oh today at school remember That kid Mason کہا I wet myself when it was MILK!
Me:*laughs*And when آپ کہا Ret race instead of retrace!
Sam cracks up.
Emma:THAT WAS A SECRET!!!
Me:You didn't...
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Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate تاریخ to the Yule Ball
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to دکھائیں آپ the pointy hat trick
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense...
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posted by MarMar_XigLux
3
What Being a Retard Online can do for You

Being a retard online will bring آپ riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: آپ crave attention, آپ absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, آپ may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because سے طرف کی being a retard online آپ can get all the attention آپ need for a small fee.

Poor Literacy is Kool!

If آپ want to be a retard آپ must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME!...
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posted by Skater_Girl_1
1
 catal
catal
Anubis (Ancient Greek: Ἄνουβις) is the Greek name for a jackal-headed god associated with mummification and the afterlife in ancient Egyptian religion. In the ancient Egyptian language, Anubis is known as Inpu (variously spelled Anup, Anpu, and Ienpw). According to the Akkadian transcription in the Amarna letters, Anubis' name was vocalized as Anapa. The oldest known mention of Anubis is in the Old Kingdom pyramid texts, where he is associated with the burial of the Pharaoh. At this time, Anubis was the most important god of the dead but he was replaced during the Middle Kingdom by...
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what if بھیڑوں, بھیڑ where one of us do do do
a simple slob like one of us do do do

i don't live on a farm and i don't have a pet بھیڑوں, بھیڑ but there something about writting random مضمون about them i a krave

idiots put them in pies i think that is very disturbing آپ wouldn't but a baby in a pie??!!???!!

so what i'm saying is donate £3 a ماہ and a بھیڑوں, بھیڑ will be دیا a ہوم and not a pie and آپ will get a free adoption pack and a cudderly toy and what eever آپ donate shut-your-face fund will triple it
posted by vanillaicecream
1
So let's say you're talking to your دوستوں and gesturing wildly, and because you're not paying attention, آپ manage to honk some part of a passing stranger's anatomy that is traditionally covered سے طرف کی underpants; spinning around to apologize, آپ instead topple down a staircase and faceplant into a wedding cake, whereupon آپ realize that your pants are unbuttoned. Would this be
a.) the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to آپ یا
b.) a Tuesday?

Everyone's awkward from time to time, but until now it's been impossible to determine, numerically, just how awkward آپ are.

Well, this...
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posted by AMoRPoP
1
Everything I need to know, I learned it from Noah's Ark...

ONE: Don't miss the boat.

TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat.

THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

FOUR: Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone might ask آپ do something really big.

FIVE: Don't listen to critics, just get on with the job that needs to be done.

SIX: Build your future on high ground.

SEVEN: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

EIGHT: Speed isn't always an advantage. Remember, the snails were on board with the cheetahs.

NINE: When you're stressed, float awhile

TEN: Remember, the Ark was built سے طرف کی amateurs; the Titanic سے طرف کی professionals.

Cheers!
posted by EllentheStrange
Her Eyes Hold The Apocalypse
March Of The Dead
Through The Eyes Of A Killer
Bloodbath On Monday!
Fear the Spork
Run With Scissors
Toxic Neon
When Two Are One
Blood Red Saturday
Eat the Children,Raw!
Lipstick Napkins
Forever December
Unhappy Meal
Welcome to the Freakshow
I Like Pie,but Pie Doesn't Like Me
Ace Diggy
Chemical Reaction
Skateboarding is Deadly
Blood Thristy Vampires
I Slap People With Sammiches
With آپ Stake My Heart
!@#$%^&*
Vampires WILL Hurt You
Save My Soul
Let Them Die
Let Her In
Bleeding Black Roses
When Will آپ Let Me In
Crooked Spoons
Blood Splatter Dress
If I Promise Not To Kill You,Can I Have A Hug?
October Vampires
posted by samuraibond005
4
I hate facebook, I hate that game they call 'fart', I hate how my dad had to drag me out to play it, I hate his lack of understanding the fact that I do in fact like talking to my دوستوں online and that I have a reason for it, I hate ignorance, I hate people that have to have their own way, I have being shoved into a corner, I hate my math class, I hate having to walk to school in the cold, I hate the idiots at school, I hate closed minded people, I hate society and I hate the government. But above all I hate a lack of morals. Why cant people just be like they used to, stick to a code of honor?...
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5 مزید incredibly random stuff...I'd like to note that not everything listed is exactly possible, but each is genuinely unique and random in it's own way....

5) wear a nametag that reads "hello. My name is Jesus Christ" (or famous person) when some one says "you're not Jesus" turn around and say "Jesus? Where?"
4) befriend a zombie (don't try unless you're okay with being bitten)
3) give out autographs to complete strangers and pretend you're famous
2) divide سے طرف کی zero (it's a little harder than it looks)
1) walk up behind someone and whisper in their ear "I like mudkips...."

Lots of laughs...I recommend 3, 2 and 1
posted by karpach_13
1
Blonde Cop


This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.

The blonde driver looks all around in her پرس, تھیلی and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.”

“Well, do آپ have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.

The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”

“Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known آپ were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”



Civic Lesson

In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications...
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posted by hassleberrygirl
1
it was a very warm day.So we decided to go to the park.we were walking in the park and we heared thunder and lighting.We continued walking in the park and its started to rain.We continued to walk in the park and it rained even harder.We continued to walk intill i hit a tree.Then my cell phone rang and anwsered it but no one anwsered.I was scaryed to death.I walked ہوم with my friends.But i hit another درخت my دوستوں helped me up.but when we got to my house we heared a ghost that کہا GET OUT.My دوستوں all ran out of the house.Then my parents came out from hiding and scaryed the crap out of me and stabbed them with a plastic knife.They laughed at me. it was a funny stroy
As I weaved through the crowded hallway, I focussed on the rhythm of my footsteps. I was lost. It was as if I was a new student یا something. Now that Annabella was gone, the hallway made me dizzy with fear. I stood in this hallway and whined, begging for her not to leave. This is where I shared the last hug I will ever share with Annabella. When you're with your best friend, nothing matters. When آپ know you'll never see her again, not even a faint light of happiness appears at the end of the freight tunnel.
I had a hard life. We all do. I lived in a small mountain town in North Carolina...
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posted by jessicamc26
1
TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER IS SO COOL MY TEACHER...
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posted by Kanji
When آپ woke up zein was siting on the بستر "Your up!"he کہا delighted he was dressed in normal clothes today and he did look kinda cute."How do آپ feel?"asked Ivy from the other side of the room."f-fine"you answered آپ saw max was also in the room.He was glaring at آپ his eyes full of hatered "Master zein?"He spoke slowly Zein looked as if he just pulled out of a trance"Yes" "Why do آپ care for that human some much"He spoke as if the words burned his mouth like acid Zein looked shocked"I dont care for her but it was our falt that see got hurt"he told max.Max smiled like he just got a...
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posted by sweetseena97
One late night there was a girl name kat IT was her brithday and. She was waking to the batingcade to meet some of her friends. She hered something. she کہا it was just the wind mabe?.Then her cellphone rang she got scared she ansered it was her friend Lilly she کہا are آپ on your way? becouse me and مورگن are here. Kate کہا yes i am سے طرف کی the woods i am almost here. O ok then bye. Then Kate stared waking again 5 منٹ latter here cellphone rang again she ansered hello she said. ارے i see you. who is this? she said. Hahahahh کہا the voise آپ are so cute when آپ freack out, REALLY WHO...
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posted by Hollestercutie
9
All with [x] apply to me all with r idks


I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be smart.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

[x]I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.(yep)

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm an ATHEIST, so I MUST hate the world.

I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION,...
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posted by Yama
1
I stepped out for the very first time, after this there was no going back. I told them I wanted to do this. Now I was regretting it... Big time. I was doing this for me and them it was for my own good. They will probably miss me as much as I'll miss them. Why did I agree to اقدام away? Far away. Austrailia is so far away from Liverpool. I will miss my دوستوں other than Emily who is coming with me. I wonder if she is feeling the same way as me. Life was so complicated for me.
I looked back to see my father and my mother putting on brave faces. I wonder how they felt seeing me go away for two...
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