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posted by jessicamc26
3
The Engineer

An engineer dies and reports to hell.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.

After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty مقبول guy.

One دن God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here یا I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are آپ going to get a lawyer?"
I dont undestand
i never did
and i guess i never will

i took a shot
i tried my best
to fiure آپ out
i gues its the end

CHOUUS:
that was yourlast shot. i put all my trust in آپ and آپ let me down.i am not sorry. i wont forgive آپ , its the end
so آپ can put your fist down right now
its over,you had your shot, now heres mine. and now im saying goodbye...gooodbye

you broke my heart
all i wanted was a faher to love
when my mother died
you never cried
you just used the oppertuniy
to push me down

never wil آپ burn me
or beat me
and call me wortless as آپ push me down

CHOUUS:
that was yourlast shot. i put all my...
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posted by IsabellaMCullen
3
Whenever آپ are اگلے bored, یا feel like being annoying, here are some cool things to do.

At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

Insist that your میل ای address begins with 'xena-warrior-princess' یا 'elvis-the-king'.

Every time someone asks آپ to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Put your garbage can on your ڈیسک and label it "IN."

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their...
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posted by McDreamyluva
1
 Eat them...you know آپ want to
Eat them...you know you want to
For nutritious sugar hit, embrace the dark side...


The best news we’ve heard all year: studies prove chocolate is good for مزید than a broken heart. The secret behind its powerful punch: cacao. Packed with healthy flavonoids and the chemical theobromine (which widens blood vessels), this little سیم, پھلی is a disease-fighting bullet. The problem? Cacao is bitter, chalky and hardly palatable. Enter milk, sugar and مکھن – great for tastebuds, not so for health. Besides adding kilojoules, they dilute cacao’s benefits. So stick to chocolate with at least 70 per cent cacao – یا cocoa, which...
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posted by candyangel
1. Chickens say jerk jerk.

2. Cows say moop moop meep.

3. Bunnies say chirp chirp.

4. Lobsters say clurp clurp clurp.

5. Chickens say burgack burgack.

6. Dragons say shlurp shlurp.

7. Snakes say slither tither slither tither.

8. Elephants say near near fear near.

9. Moose say poooo poooo low.

10. Bears say guro guro guro.

11. Alligators say pow pow bow pow.

12. مچھلی say blub blub blub.

13. Unicorns say ashshnifafurfur.

14. Monkeys say quack quack quack brack.

15. Frogs say rebite rebite.
posted by Jeffersonian
A teacher forwarded this فہرست of تبصرے from test papers, essays, etc., کیا پیش to science and health teachers سے طرف کی elementary, junior high, high school, and college students. As she noted, It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades.

The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the دل and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it...
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1 when they ask u what your name is, make a name up (like hello kitty یا santino marella. یا even better, if youre a girl make up a guys vice versa for da guys)

2 when they ask u what insturment u play, make up a name for your insturment

3 when u have to introduce that person, mess up, like say a stupid name and a wierd insturment they play. then explain that's what آپ heard when they explained it 2 you

4 wear a شرٹ, قمیض over your uniform that makes the other teams band members offended.

5 hug them, and place a beetle INSIDE their uniform

6 bring along your little Brother/sister (if u dont hav one...
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posted by basket_case1880
4
Almost every week, BBC publishes 10 things we learn every week. Here are the facts from this week.

1. iPhones are not yet sold in China.

2. Margaret Thatcher suffered one Parliamentary defeat as Prime Minister - on Sunday trading laws.

3. English holidaymakers drink an average of eight alcoholic drinks a day.

4. The UK population grew in مزید 2008 than at any time since 1962.

5. Meanwhile, Germany's population is shrinking.

6. West Ham's stadium is really called the Boleyn Ground, not Upton Park.

7. The smell of cut گھاس makes people happy.

8. A pint glass lasts an average of only three months.

9. An Englishman sailed to the "New World" only two years after the first European is thought to have landed in Newfoundland.

10. Men in China cannot marry until they are 22.

Hopefully there will be مزید اگلے week.
posted by cheeeese
13
yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyyy
posted by TheFan2000
5:45 AM- Wake up, whine to parents about a terrible headache
6:00 AM- Discover that temperature is 99 degrees, go back to sleep
6:45 AM- Wake up again suffering a severe bout of chills and feeling extremely groggy
7:00 AM- Eat breakfast, make final decision to stay ہوم from school
7:30 AM- Suffer another episode of chills and go up to bedroom
7:35 AM- Take a morning nap before chills get worse
7:45 AM- Become extremely cold, get another headache, crank up the heated blanket to the highest it'll go
8:00 AM- Violently yank off heated blanket and turn down heat after waking up sweating
9:00 AM- Wake...
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posted by randomgirl3000
1.Every human dreams. There are tons of people who can’t remember their dreams when they wake up, but they still get them
2.Human beings spend roughly around 6 years of their lifetime dreaming
3.Sometimes we dream outside of our REM sleep (Rapid Eye Movement)
4.Thousands of years ago, the Egyptians were the first to create adream dictionaryin 4000 B.C.E
5.We roughly spend around 1/3 of our lives sleeping
6.People who suffer from apersonalitydisorderlack dream activity
7.Our brains tend to be way مزید active when we sleep, than when we’re awake
8.Humans tend to have around 3 to 7 dreams a night....
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posted by pokemonyellow
4
Love is a mystery, but don’t worry, Sewlock Holmes is on the case!

Holmes remembers his first love…

“Crocheting is not a girly hobby!” کہا Holmes, defending himself against bullies, who were making fun of the crocheting pins and yarns that noodle out of his backpack when they hustled him on his way home.

Earlier that day, Holmes had excitedly packed the scarf he had made for Winnie. She was Holmes’ پسندیدہ person in school. They had bonded together geekily (in Science class), when they were discussing protanopia, and Holmes found out that she was one of the rare girls who had the disease....
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posted by Sandfire_Paiger
1
Today I had a really bad day, so Im just putting it in an مضمون because it didn't fit on the wall.

:p دن was kinda bad. I was playing flag football. I tryed to grab one of a boys flags. He had a weird rope thing on his pants, and it skinned my finger pretty good.
Then my sister, who I TOLD that I had band today, that I had a huge saxaphone to carry on the bus, STILL brought her clarinet کے, الغوزہ for me to bring ہوم on the bus for her.
And I had a project that was due today, and I hadn't even star...ted yet, so I had to color all of my 11:45-12:30 study hall, still didn't finish, finished coloring right as the 3:18 گھنٹی, بیل rang during homeroom (I had band, so I couldn't do it during 2:00-3:00 study hall). My cousin was nice enough to take my bag, saxaphone, and my sisters clarinet کے, الغوزہ out to the bus pickup/dropoff place while I literally sprinted to get my project to Mrs. Beauchene so I didn't get a 0 on my project.

Lovely day, wasn't it?
posted by shutyourface
well as آپ probally know if آپ like my article
i have not published anything in a very long time
and i was like sufing the web and i notice
"yoo idiot. آپ have not updated in ages i mean all your شائقین are waiting for آپ to post something really strange and random. and also آپ have not metion sheeps یا bananas?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

so i felt like saying:
"when i searched the web, and i saw fanpop,
i thought to myself ba-na-nas
ran-dom x4
viva la bananas
viva la sheep
viva la fanpop
what the random
so i phoned up my friend johnny, and i کہا to him, johnny :
who ever created random is amazing!"

thankyou, thankyou
if آپ like my مضمون i thank you
if آپ would like to پرستار me your welcome and well thankyou
:3 (kitty face)
Pretty much in no specific order. Enjoy!

~~

CLANNAD + {CLANNAD After Story}

Easily an instant classic, and needs مزید publicity. Very touching with memorable characters. I don't recommended this عملی حکمت for anxious people (mostly boys) who aren't comfortable with a steady plot with not too much going on until later in the story. WARNING: 99% chance of uncontrollable crying. Good luck, my دوستوں xD

Main themes: Comedy, romance, drama, slice of life


Kuroshitsuji (I + II)

I have been a پرستار of this series for a long while. It's origins are Victorian Era England, which makes it enjoyable for anyone who's...
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Chapter One- Dominence
    I growled at my opponent's blood soaked face. He was a brown wolf, his کوٹ tattared and split, giving him a look of insantity. He trotted in place, kicking up the mushy blood-mixed snow beneath his paws.
    His posture was dominent, legs hunched, spread apart evenly, his tail and head held high, but I could sence the fear in his green eyes.
    This was way to easy.
    My ear twitched, as if to remind me not to let my guard down. If this بھیڑیا senced it, he could take me down. And I would...
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posted by JonasLuver1
5
1.Whats your full name? – Jessica Drew William
2.How big is your bed? - normal
3.What are آپ listening to right now? – See No مزید – Joe Jonas
4.What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number? - 7755
5.What was the last thing آپ ate? – crunchy cats (:
6.Last person آپ hugged? – My half-Sister <3
7.How is the weather right now? - cool
8.Who was the last person آپ talked to on the phone? - My BF
9.What is the first thing u notice in the opposite sex? - Smile یا Eyes
10.Favorite type of Food. - Fast Food :]
11.Do آپ want children?- Yea but not now.
12.Do آپ drink? – No sir(:
13.Ever...
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posted by Hot_n_cold
3
Nosebleed (noun) - When your boogers get their period.

Unicorn (noun) - When a narwhal and a horse love each other very much...

My hand (noun) - A dolphin.

Lent (noun) - A سیکنڈ chance to fail at your New Year's resolution.

Imagination (noun) - The ability to turn anything into a rocketship; usually lost at puberty.

Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature's way of getting آپ to slap yourself.

Just kidding (phrase) - A phrase used to get away with something آپ کہا and fully meant.

Etc. (adverb) - Used to make others believe that آپ know مزید than آپ actually do.

Cleaning your room (verb) - Shoving everything...
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posted by Cantwait4book5
3
Why Can't I Own a Canadian?

October 2002

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she کہا that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned سے طرف کی a east coast resident, which was گیا کیا پوسٹ on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank آپ for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share...
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posted by karpach_14
7
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 سیکنڈ AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The اگلے morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her روب, چغہ and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.