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posted by Tamar20
Have آپ ever wanted to annoy someone so bad that they want to kill you? Then this مضمون is right for you! Hahaha. آپ know I've tried most of them and it does work. :P

1. Use potty humor. Announce to them that آپ have to go to the bathroom, and that آپ think that they should go too, as they have been holding it in for quite a while. When they do go to the bathroom, call out to them things like: "Are آپ doing okay in there?". To make it even مزید annoying, if there are other people in the bathroom, proudly announce to them: "My friend is in there," pointing at the bathroom stall. When you...
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posted by Bananaaddict
This فہرست was emailed to me. I thought some of them were pretty clever, so I decided to post it. My پسندیدہ are 3, 5, 22, and 23! Enjoy. :)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round میز, جدول was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much آپ push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth...
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posted by iluvsmj
"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired." = I'm tired.

"Do آپ want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take آپ out to dinner?" = Same as Above

"Can I call آپ sometime?" = Same as Above

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give آپ a massage." = I want to feel your bare skin

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why آپ are making such a big deal out of this.

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are آپ going through now?

"I love you, too." = Okay, I کہا it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I...
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posted by fly210
I bet آپ can't keep up with this oneshot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was walking down the road when I triped on a napkin. I know. a napkin right? but it was a wet napkin and for some reson my sidewalk is made of tial. so I slid on the napkin and bumped into the worst thing ever. Barney. Why barney was there I don't know. Barney started singing so I shot him. But then cops came. But they giggled like little girls and shot barney them selfs. They then کہا they would give me a ride. but then I found out one of the cops was that like 12 سال old boy who drove the car in rebecca...
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1.    When a stranger helps me pick up something I accidentally dropped
2.    When the DJ plays a song I requested
3.    Reading my old diaries/journals
4.    Hearing good results from the dentist
5.    Coming ہوم after being away for a while
6.    The fresh feeling after I wash my face
7.    Getting in line before it gets long
8.    Being in the car while its going through an electric car wash
9.    Finding out your having...
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I was scrolling across deviantART, and came across this HIGHLY shocking news that everyone needs to know about right now!

We all know about copyright infringement and the numerous laws preventing us from using copyrighted material. Some sites and companies take these things very seriously if آپ do not have permission from کہا company. But there are sites and companies that's only ask that آپ give credit where credit is due. Thankfully like DA.

Now, over the past few days I have just been strolling thru the Internet, visiting some of my fav sites to chill on, and every site has been posting...
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posted by kinga10111
..... Random Facts .....

If آپ have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, آپ have $1.19. آپ also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the لنکن Memorial.


President Kennedy was the fastest random speaker in the world with upwards of 350 words per minute.


In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.


Odontophobia is the fear of teeth.


The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottles represents the number of varieties...
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posted by Thecharliejay
100 Ways to Annoy People
1.Get to know a دوستوں bookie and place bets for them. Insist on keeping half of any money they win.
2.Accuse people of "glue sniffing addictions" in public.
3.Call other people "Champ" یا "Tiger.". Refer to yourself as "Coach."
4.Drum on every available surface.
5.Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
6.Staple papers together in the middle of the page.
7.Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
8.Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
9.Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
10.Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
11.Insist on giving...
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posted by chattycandy
Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

Guys hate flirts.

A guy can like آپ for a minute, and then forget آپ afterwards.

When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.

"Are آپ doing something?" یا "Have آپ eaten already?" are the first usual سوالات a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

Guys may be flirting around all دن but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics....
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posted by lloonny
1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
2. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
3. Chuck Norris will never have a دل attack. His دل isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
4. If at first آپ don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris can set ants on آگ کے, آگ with a magnifying glass. At night.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
7. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
8. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
9....
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posted by x-menobsessed26
Useful Hawaiian Phrases
On the Plane
My how your perfume fills the entire cabin!
'A'ala maoli keia wahi o kakou i kau wai 'ala kuikawa!


If I snore, I would like to apologize in advance
Ke nono au, e kala mua mai, i keia manawa ho'i.


I am filled with admiration for my in-flight meal
Kahaha ko'u na'au i ke 'ano o ka mea 'ai ma keia mokulele.


Only six dollars for a headset? Why thats only three dollars per ear!
Eono kala no ka ho'olohe lekio? 'O ia ho'i, 'ekolu wale no kala o kahi pepeiao!


Baby, Severe Turbulance is my middle name
E ku'u kumu e, mai hopohopo, ua kapa 'ia ko'u inoa waena, 'o ia 'o Severe...
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posted by x-menobsessed26
آپ Might be a Child of the 80's If...
You have deep, personal relationships via computers with people you've never met in real life before.


The phrase "going courting", to you, means fighting an unjust traffic ticket یا playing tennis.


You know, سے طرف کی heart, the words to any "Weird" Al Yankovic song.


The Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories.


Songs سے طرف کی Debbie Gibson still haunt آپ to this day.


Three words: "Atari" "IntelliVision" and "Coleco". Sound familiar?


You remember the days when "safe sex" meant "my parents are gone for the weekend".


You remember "Friday Night Videos" before the days of...
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posted by yukikiyruu
Sleeping Beauty: Perfect for the sleepyheads.
Dolly Wholly: This name is perfect for the well-dressed girl.
Honey Bunny: Ideal for your playful girlfriend.
Cutsie Wootsie: This cute name is excellent to say when آپ are pinching her cheeks with both hands.
Pretty Eyes: If your girlfriend has crystal-clear, beautiful eyes, then آپ may call her سے طرف کی this cute name.
Princess: It is a perfect name for your girlfriend, if she has that little girl spirit.
Pumpkin: This name can be used for casual moments.
Doll Face: This name is perfect for a girl with a cute face.
Beautiful: It is a simple but effective...
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posted by TruBerries
Reminder: Please don't misunderstand my tone when I write things. If I were being smart یا yelling, I'd be killing the ایوارڈز right now(lol) but I'm just being real. That's just who I am.

All right, it seems as though every ماہ there's someone posting a picture of themselves in a سوال asking 'am I pretty', 'rate me from 1-10', یا whatever and I must admit, it's extremely annoying. Fanpop is not the place to be posting pictures of yourselves on here knowing that everyone's پروفائل is vulnerable for the taking. I mean it's your decision if آپ want to do that, but I believe it's not safe...
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1. Go to www.google.com and look up funny things that most people would hate.
2. Draw on Justin Beibers face.(french guy, hearts, ect.)
3. sit and watch tv then call ur friend and tell her every detail of what u were watching. dont forget quotes.
4. Yell at a sibling then scream across the house to ur mom tht ur sibling yelled @ u bcuz u called her a midget.
5. Scream to ur friend that آپ had fun in Montanna and that uve nvr been there.
6. Run around thhe neighborhood until u get dizzy
7. Look up how to play a sport u have no interest in then tell ur parents all about the sport and say u dont like it. then change ur mind and ssay آپ love it. then change it again and do that untill your parents get anoyed.
8. Tell ur sister یا brother that she/he's a brat then give them a hug.
9.scream to the computer that u miss your dad. even if he's standing right there.
10. tell justin beiber's pic on the internet that he's a jerk, then apologize.
posted by spunkyonyx
If آپ have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, آپ have $1.19. آپ also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the لنکن Memorial.

President Kennedy was the fastest random speaker in the world with upwards of 350 words per minute.

In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.

Odontophobia is the fear of teeth.

The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottles represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once...
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posted by coolkatstar
Below are 4 questions. Answer them instantly. آپ can't take your time. Answer them immediately. No pencil یا paper! OK?

Let's find out just how smart and clever آپ really are.

Ready? ...

GO!!!


FIRST QUESTION: آپ are participating in a race. آپ overtake the سیکنڈ person. What position are آپ in?
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

ANSWER: If آپ answer that آپ are first, then آپ are absolutely wrong! If آپ overtake the سیکنڈ person and آپ take his place, آپ are second! Try not to screw up in the اگلے question.

To answer the سیکنڈ question, don't take as much
time as آپ took for the first question.

SECOND...
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posted by cute20k
Here are the signs:

1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.

2. Someone at work tells آپ a joke and آپ say "LOL".

3. آپ watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.

4. آپ have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other.

5. آپ keep begging your دوستوں to get an account so "we can hang out".

6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

7. You've even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to- face.

8. آپ have to get a 2d phone line just so آپ can call پیزا Hut.

9. آپ go into labour and آپ stop to type a special e-mail to let everyone know you're...
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posted by spunkyonyx
ارے guys, found some interesting and strange facts, some are just facts I have known a long time ago(school, wandering around websites), others are ones that I have found, I apply the ذریعہ if available. Any others آپ may want to add up feel free to do so. Enjoy!

1) Coca-cola was once green.
It was green because it was accidentally carbonated when a clerk squirted syrup into the wrong glass.

2)Barbie doll measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33. Wow... she's cut from the team.

3)Intelligent people have مزید zinc and copper in their hair. *Checks... Woot!

4)You blink about 84 million times...
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Here with me, I’ve got 99 facts!

Guys don’t actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat and presentable girls.
Guys hate other flirts.
A guy can like آپ for a minute, and then forget آپ afterwards.
When a guy says he doesn’t understand you, it simply means you’re not thinking the way he is.
Are آپ doing something?” یا “Have آپ eaten already?” are the first usual سوالات a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.
Guys may be flirting around all دن but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
When a guy really likes...
continue reading...