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funny
posted by Hinata-Snow
2
I got this from the joke app I have. Well, enjoy!

25 facts of life
1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
2. آپ will never find anybody who can give آپ a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.
3. People who feel the need to tell آپ that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling آپ that they have no sense of humor.
4. The most valuable function performed سے طرف کی the federal government is entertainment.
5. آپ should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests آپ think she's pregnant unless آپ can see an...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
Solve the puzzles سے طرف کی saying them out loud, over and over, faster and faster, repeating the phrase, until آپ "hear" the answer.

Example: LAWN SAND JEALOUS (place) Answer: Los Angeles

1. SHOCK CUSSED TOE (person)

2. SAND TACKLE LAWS (fictional character)

3. MY GULCH HOARD UN (person)

4. MOW BEAD HICK (book)

5. TALL MISCHIEF HER SUN (person)

6. CHICK HE TUB AN AN US (product)

7. THOUGH TIGHT AN HICK (thing)

8. AISLE OH VIEW (phrase)

9. TUB RAID HEAP HUNCH (TV show)

10. CARESS TROUGHER CLUMP US (person)

11. DOCKED تابوت گاڑی, hearse, ہیارسی WHOSE (person)

12. THUMB ILL KEY WAKE OWL LICKS HE (place)

13. AGE ANT HUB BLOWS HEAVEN...
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posted by gossipgirlxoxo
10
1.When your roommate comes in, pretend that آپ are on the phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After آپ hang up, say "That was your mom She کہا she’d call back".

2.Buy a jack-in-the-box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.

3.Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

4.Keep a tarantula کی, ترانٹولا in a jar for three days. Then get rid of the tarantula. If your roommate asks, say “Oh, he’s…… around here somewhere….

5.Shoot rubber bands...
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posted by Mallory101
9
-The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

-Our eyes never grow, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

-A sneeze can exceed the speed of 100 mph.

-The most common blood type in the world is type O.

-The rarest blood type in the world is type A-H, less than 12 people have it.

-Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails.

-You consume 1/10 of a calorie every time آپ lick a stamp.

-It takes مزید calories to eat a piece of اجوائن, اجمود than the اجوائن, اجمود provides آپ with.

-Many people think eating مچھلی makes آپ مزید intelligent.(sorry - it doesn't)

-Some lions mate 50 times a day.

-No...
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posted by Mallory101
4
" Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Moooooove, I'm trying to speed!
If you're rich, I’m single!
0-60 in 15 minutes!
A clean car is a sign if sick mind.
100% Irony Free
Adrenalin is my drug of choice.
Adults are just kids with money.
Baby on bored
HOME SCHOOL. Smarter than ever.
I talk to strangers
I Think Feminists Are Cute!
Keep honking, I am reloading!
Pain is inevitable misery is optional.
To All آپ Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
Your honor student deals the best drugs.


The fastest way to a fisherman's دل is through his fly
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re...
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Accuse people of "glue sniffing addictions" in public.
Add blank entries to a list, to make it look like it's longer.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that آپ "like it that way".
After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that آپ haven't received enough chocolate sprinkles.
Announce when you're going to the bathroom.
Answer every سوال with another question. As soon as one of آپ says a statement instead of a question, shout "I win!".
Any time a member of the opposite sex tries to talk to...
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added by BartyJrLvr
7
posted by Feathershine
2
1. Flick pencil erasers at the teacher then deny it
2. Say "I'm annoying u! I'm annoying u! I'm annoying u!.." keep doing it and see the teachers reaction
3. Pass notes in class, and when they tell u to stop say "we were sharing notes"
4. During Suisse/tests when everything is quiet say "Why is it so quiet in here?"
5. During tests when your done, turn in your chair if someone else is done, start whispering across the room to them
6. When your in the hallways push people and yell "PUSH AND SHOVE!!"
7. During tests/quizes turn to someone who's finished and mimic them
8. Steal peoples supplies then...
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posted by DramaQueen1020
Sad Stories About AIDS


I found these stories online. These are true stories.

I used to know Josephat and his lovely family of a wife, 2 daughters and a son. He used to live in a town 1,000Km from the city. The town is on the Tanzania Zambia border. He used to come to the city many times during the سال on his pickup وین but when I did not see him for over a سال I inquired from his cousin. The cousin informed me that he had a motor accident on the Dar es Salaam Zambia Highway. He died on the spot. That was 6 years ago. I had forgotten about him and family till yesterday when I met his cousin...
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added by bvbmary15
added by adultswimperson
Source: Google
posted by someone_save_me
6
These are just some, مزید will probably be added later.

I hate:
-Animal abusers
-Child abusers
-Butthurt moralfags (If آپ get mad at me saying moralfags, well then, آپ must be new here. I'm not homophobic.)
-3/4 the mainstream crap on the radio
-Jersey Shore
-Homophobes
-People who don't thank آپ when آپ open a door for them
-Toddlers and Tiaras
-People who are always snooPING AS usual I see. /shot so fuckin' hard
-Fuckers who judge people سے طرف کی their appearance
-When my computer breaks down
-Fangirls who get mad at if آپ aren't borderline insanely obsessed with the same thing they are (Go on the Michael...
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added by r-pattz
Source: tumblr.
1
posted by patrisha727
4
1.1 out of every 8 couples married in the U.S. last سال met online?

2.New York City has 578 miles of waterfront?

3.In New York, at the سب, سب سے اوپر of a سکائی سکریپر, بلند ترین عمارات it is possible for people to see snow falling while people on the ground see rain?

4.Passports issued سے طرف کی the US after January 1, 2007 have always-on radio frequency identification chips?

5.Shopping is the most مقبول domestic trip activity سے طرف کی American travelers?

6.There are almost two million women veterans in the US?

7.The average American woman weighs 140 pounds?

8.The average clothing size for women in America is size 14?

9.The longest street...
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added by bubblegum_kiss
1
posted by EmzLovesCheryl
1
Hey, this is my piece for my drama exam, without the stage directions. I started writing it out on here as a way of learning it, then I thought, why no post it? I may as well, it's going to do no harm. :D
So here it is, its rather depressing though. So if آپ don't need to be depressed right now, then I suggest آپ don't read it. :)




[Give me a break. You’re going to go back to your دوستوں and either forget all about us یا tell a story about the hideous freak آپ met tonight. آپ don’t know me, if آپ did, you’d never think we’d be friends. I don’t have دوستوں - except my brother....
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added by DaegFaerchsGirl
8
posted by tokidoki123
[Everybody Loves Raymond] 116 - Diamonds #385
Marie: Oh I used to love Valentines Day!... then I met your father.
Frank: I used to love every day.
Contributed سے طرف کی funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 121 - Fascinating Debra #409
Debra: There's nothing funny about me to imitate y'know?
Ray: Oh, what are آپ talking about? Here I'll do you. "Ray, get off of me, it's not your birthday"
Contributed سے طرف کی funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 202 - Father Knows Least #380
Ray: Look, آپ have to do what Mommy says.
Ally: Why?
Ray: 'Cause I do.
Contributed سے طرف کی funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond]...
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posted by Joe1996
9
1. When آپ get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"

2. When he asks why آپ were speeding, tell him آپ wanted to race.

3. When he talks to you, pretend آپ are deaf.

4. If he asks if آپ knew how fast آپ were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to......

5. Ask if آپ can see his gun.

6. When he says آپ aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.

7. Touch him.

8. When he asks why آپ were speeding, tell him آپ had to buy a hat.

9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.

10. Refer to him سے طرف کی his first name.

11. Pretend آپ are gay and ask...
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posted by TDAPlayer158
3
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If آپ can't drink and drive, why do آپ need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Do آپ need a silencer if آپ are going to shoot a mime?

Have آپ ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11...
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