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posted by tokidoki123
[The Simpsons] 1F02 - Homer Goes To College #255
Homer: I've been working on a plan. During the exam, I'll hide under some coats, and hope that somehow everything will work out.
Contributed سے طرف کی funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F05 - Bart's Inner Child #32
Skinner: Damn...they're very slowly getting away!
Moe: They're heading for the old mill!
Homer: No we're not.
Moe: Well, let's go to the old mill anyway -- get some cider!
Contributed سے طرف کی funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F06 - Boy Scoutz 'N the ڈاکو, ہڈ #86
Homer: Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what...
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posted by PsychadelicSkye
60 Fun ways to order a pizza


1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

4. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

5. Tell the order taker a rival پیزا place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

6. Give them your address, exclaim, "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

7. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly...
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 Rose Island before its destruction
Rose Island before its destruction
-The Republic of Rose Island (Respubliko de la Insulo de la Rozol in Esperanto, the official language of the once-micronation)
-Area: .04 km (4305 sq. ft.)
-Date of foundation: June 24, 1968
-Leader: President Giorgio Rosa
-Language: Esperanto
-Currency: Mill
-Location: Adriatic Sea, between Cesnatico and Rimini, Italy

The Republic of Rose Island (Esperanto: Respubliko de la Insulo de la Rozoj) was a short-lived micronation on a man-made platform in the Adriatic Sea, 11 km (7 mi) off the coast of the province of Forlì, Italy.

In 1967, Italian engineer Giorgio Rosa funded the construction of a 400...
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posted by pollydbookworm
*4 Boy friends*
>
> Once upon a time, there was this girl who had four
> boyfriends.
>
> She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adored him with
> rich robes and
> treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him
> nothing but the best.
>
> She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always
> دکھانا him off
> to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one
> دن he would leave
> her for another.
>
> She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and
> was always kind,
> considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced...
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posted by hakadoshi12345
Egypt: -Slaps haka-

Egypt: T//T

Haka~: O_O

Yuki/Midna: HEY! What'd she do to you?

Soda: WHOA WHOA WHOA

Soda: -ties egypt to a باسکٹ, باسکٹ بال net-

Soda: WTF IS GOING ON HERE

Haka~: I didnt touch you! I touched...

Haka~: Soda o.o

Egypt: SHE چرا لیا, چوری کی MY LAST COCONUT!

Egypt: AND SHE ABUSED MY CAKE

Egypt: AND ME AND MY HUSBAND

Egypt: AND MY WHEAT

Egypt: AND MY WEED

Egypt: AND SHE ROBBED MY HOUSE OF MY LOAN

Egypt: SHE TiED UP THE NARUTO FiXER!

Soda: (Is she seriously freaking out یا is this another strange RP?)

Egypt: She ATE SUGAR iNSTEAD OF WHEAT!

Yuki/Midna: Haka didn't do anything.

Yuki/Midna: (I have no idea.)

Egypt:...
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posted by dannylynn92
link

Childbirth is the سیکنڈ most painful thing in the world, right اگلے to being burned alive.

You are مزید likely to get struck سے طرف کی lightning than to be attacked and killed سے طرف کی a bear.

It is unlawful to sit on the floor anywhere in the US Capitol building. It is considered to be protesting.

The chicken is the closest living relative to the T-Rex.

Elephants are the only animal that have 4 knees. They also are the only animal that can't jump.

The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.

Vaccinations contain dead bacteria cells. The bacteria cells are inserted into your body so that...
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posted by ilovetowrite
lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
people on random are the dumbest persons in life they are very disappointed ,they are lost everywhere ,they forget freedom is just another life ,and they are depressed and don't get a life
How pathetic !
They are real trolls
they are annoying
and they will go to hell soon
i'll kick their dirty پچھواڑے, گدا soon
HOW Pathetic are they ?

they should be burnt here and send to the hell!


lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
olololololololloooolloo
I was scrolling across deviantART, and came across this HIGHLY shocking news that everyone needs to know about right now!

We all know about copyright infringement and the numerous laws preventing us from using copyrighted material. Some sites and companies take these things very seriously if آپ do not have permission from کہا company. But there are sites and companies that's only ask that آپ give credit where credit is due. Thankfully like DA.

Now, over the past few days I have just been strolling thru the Internet, visiting some of my fav sites to chill on, and every site has been posting...
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posted by ilovetech29
1."My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."
2."Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot."
3."Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."
4."Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."
5."Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a درخت and misplaced his hip."
6."John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."
7."Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."
8."Megan...
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posted by karpach_14
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
Molly McGee

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, آپ haven't wasted a whole day.
Mickey Rooney

In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
Helen Rowland

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. آپ order what آپ want, then when آپ see what the other fellow has, آپ wish آپ had ordered that.
Unknown

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
posted by lloonny
1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
2. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
3. Chuck Norris will never have a دل attack. His دل isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
4. If at first آپ don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris can set ants on آگ کے, آگ with a magnifying glass. At night.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
7. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
8. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
9....
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1. Go to www.google.com and look up funny things that most people would hate.
2. Draw on Justin Beibers face.(french guy, hearts, ect.)
3. sit and watch tv then call ur friend and tell her every detail of what u were watching. dont forget quotes.
4. Yell at a sibling then scream across the house to ur mom tht ur sibling yelled @ u bcuz u called her a midget.
5. Scream to ur friend that آپ had fun in Montanna and that uve nvr been there.
6. Run around thhe neighborhood until u get dizzy
7. Look up how to play a sport u have no interest in then tell ur parents all about the sport and say u dont like it. then change ur mind and ssay آپ love it. then change it again and do that untill your parents get anoyed.
8. Tell ur sister یا brother that she/he's a brat then give them a hug.
9.scream to the computer that u miss your dad. even if he's standing right there.
10. tell justin beiber's pic on the internet that he's a jerk, then apologize.
posted by TruBerries
**Before I begin, I would like to say that I'm writing this out of experience so y'all don't be thinking that I'm guessing, putting other people down who did یا are doing this, یا that I'm being absolutely rude about it, which I'm not.**

In everyone's life, we all want someone that we want to have, hold, and love and never having that feeling of ever being alone for the rest of our lives. We all know that it takes time and patience, but the thing about it is that there's people out there that jump head first into generating a relationship out of thin air with someone he/she has just met online....
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posted by JoannaVonDoom
Im sorry if this has been گیا کیا پوسٹ before
If not, do not give me credit


1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with دوستوں in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If آپ have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours سے طرف کی hooking a camcorder کی, camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat...
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posted by cute20k
Here are the signs:

1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.

2. Someone at work tells آپ a joke and آپ say "LOL".

3. آپ watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.

4. آپ have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other.

5. آپ keep begging your دوستوں to get an account so "we can hang out".

6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

7. You've even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to- face.

8. آپ have to get a 2d phone line just so آپ can call پیزا Hut.

9. آپ go into labour and آپ stop to type a special e-mail to let everyone know you're...
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posted by x-menobsessed26
found on different websites, but crazy baby names have been driving me nuts. Time to get the word out that parents need to stop and think before they let the doctor put pen to paper.

Al Bino (albino)
Amanda Lynn (a mandolin)
Anna Sassin (an assassin)
Annie Howe (any how)
Barb Dwyer (barbed wire)
Barry Cade (barricade)
Ben Dover (bend over)
Brighton Early (bright and early)
Brock Lee (broccoli)
Chris پار, صلیب (criss-cross)
Chris P. بیکن (crispy bacon)
Constance Noring (constant snoring)
Crystal Ball
Crystal Claire Waters (crystal clear waters)
Dan Druff (dandruff)
Richard Burns (dick burns)
Richard...
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1. Alektrophobia -> Fear of Chickens
2. Allodoxaphobia -> Fear of opinions
3. Arachibutyrophobia -> Fear of مونگفلی, مونگ پھلی مکھن sticking to the roof of the mouth
4. Bogyphobia -> Fear of bogies (snot) یا the Bogeyman
5. Japanophobia -> Fear of Japanese people
6. Koniophobia -> Fear of dust
7. Leukophobia -> Fear of the colour white
8. Myrmecophobia -> Fear of ants
9. Thaasophobia -> Fear of sitting
10. Uraphobia -> Fear of urine یا urinating
11. Xerophobia -> Fear of dryness
12. Zemmiphobia -> Fear of a تل, مول rat
13. Genuphobia -> Fear of knees
posted by invadercalliope
Ok today i'm going to tell آپ a story!
Mrs.green: Class today is friday and this is your last peried but still doesn't give آپ the right to slack off! ARE WE CLEAR!
Class: YES MA'AM!
Cheral:Hi i'm Cheral this is my class i'm in the seventh grade and it's been a fun year!
Tabbi:Hi i'm new in the class i have only been here for a week and it's been fun! my rival here is cheral we sometimes have a fight with umm braging in it it's a never win یا lose fight its one of those that آپ hate.
Cheral:Do آپ have that one girl that آپ don't like naturaly its not that we figght about whose better its that...
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posted by KilledbyanAngel
Dear Twilight fans,
Edward is a FAIRY.
Sincerely, Logic
-----------------------------------------
Dear push down and twist medicine bottles,
Not every one can multitask.
Sincerely, I.need.my.meds.
-----------------------------------------
Dear teacher,
Why didn't I go to the bathroom during lunch?
BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE TO THEN!
Sincerely, Annoyed Student
-----------------------------------------
Dear iPod,
You fought bravely. But stay out of the laundry اگلے time.
Sincerely, Washing Machine
-----------------------------------------
Dear Parents,
I'm starting to realize that when آپ send me to my room after...
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posted by iamagagamonster
~~ dont be offended, i love bruno mars' music, he just walked into this trap~~

** follow the beat of just the way آپ are **

oh her eyes shadow makes her look like a clown and i hate it
her hair her hair looks like spiders live in it and its weird
shes so creepy
and i tell her everyday

oh i know i know when tell her this she won't believe me
and its so its so sad that she dont see what i see
but everytime she asks me "do i look ok" i say..

when i see your face, theres that perfect thing that i would change cos look at that mustache
girl آپ need to shave

and when آپ smile, the whole world ducks and...
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