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posted by i_luv_Pelon_xxx
Its not finished yet but I'm gonna continue it...this is (will be) also avadable on my DA account
Iluvpelon14

Yay
One day, a little girl named kaluri was at the zoo. She loved monkeys, she loved throwing the chips for them, but mostly attrackted seagulls and other un-monkey like flying pests. She loved turtals too, untill one farted on her and turned her insane. Right now, she is sitting in a mental heatbox in a mental ہوم for mental hoes and can't stop shaking her head from side to side and moving it round it a دائرے, حلقہ like some retarded freak. She also eats air, don't do drugs kids. This child...
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posted by E-Scope90
Historically, sweat has been an active ingredient in perfume and love potions.g
In Bali, men believed a woman would fall in love if her suitor fed her a certain kind of leaf incised with the image of a god who sported a very large penis.e
The Mexican chief Montezuma considered chocolate a “love drug” and drank 50 cups of chocolate a دن before visiting his harem of 600 women.a
Scientists suggest that most people will fall in love approximately seven times before marriage.h
Some individuals who claim never to have felt romantic love suffer from hypopituitarism, a rare disease that doesn’t...
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posted by hetaliaitaly
It stalks the night
It stalks the day
It seeks out life
And whisks it away
It's known as death
And other things too
But it's all the same
What matters is you.
How do آپ see it?
What does it mean?
It's best if آپ know
For death is unseen.
It can take آپ at day
It can take آپ at night
Knowing death well
Can lend آپ some light
The passage to death
Is always unclear
And it's best to know
That you're very near.
For death is at hand
It is for us all
Know it's face well
So آپ don't stumble and fall
Now think hard on death
And know that it's near
And the meaning of life
Will be all to clear
And...
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posted by hetaliaitaly
1. Why don't آپ go hump a teddy یا something.

2. Stuff it up ya jumper.

3. go eat a dog shit

4. go suck ya mum

5. die block head

6. stick ya head in a feed bag

7. yo dawg go eat ya chum

8. yah smell like a fart

9. i may be dumb but im not stupid

(ok i know some of these are mean and some i would never use and i can add some مزید if u wan't me to I CAN ADD A MILLION مزید MUWAHAHAAAAAAAAA ............................................................................................................HAVE A NICE DAY)
posted by australia-101
37 Rude & Crude Pick-up Lines
1. I wish آپ were a door so I could slam آپ all day.
2. Nice legs...what time do they open?
3. Do آپ work for UPS? I thought I saw آپ checking out my package.
4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
5. Can I buy آپ a drink یا do آپ just want the money?
6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
7. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted بستر Thrasher: have آپ seen one?
8. I'm fighting the urge to make آپ the happiest woman on earth tonight.
9. Want to play army? I'll lay down and آپ can...
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posted by hetaliaitaly
1.Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pool.

2.Try pants on backwards and Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.

3.At any clothing Stores take Heeps of stuff into the dressing room take an آئی پوڈ, ipod یا something and play on it while ur bored and when its time to close say "I STILL HAVE TO TRY STUFF ON IDIOT".

4.Sneeze on the food sample's they have in woolworths.

5.At the bottom of an escalator, scream, “My shoelaces! Augh!” and pretend your stuck.

6.Ask the sales personnel at the موسیقی store whether آپ can get a CD that آپ know they dont have and ask really...
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posted by blossomyumyum
Here is a long riddle for آپ to think about and actually READ. Who cares how long it is?

I hate my name.
I like my name.
I have a best friend.
My best friend is younger than me.
My best friend is older than me.
I have no friends.
I have too many friends.
I always answer my phone.
I never answer my phone.
I answer my phone most of the time.
I play along with prank callers.
I hate when people don’t reply to my text message/take forever to reply.
I have/had blonde hair.
I have/had brown hair.
I have/had red hair.
I have dyed my hair مزید than five times.
I have never dyed my hair.
I hate when people can’t...
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posted by IloveMyLord
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only سے طرف کی this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

"My دوستوں are my estate."
- Emily Dickinson

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

"A friend is one who walks in when others walk out"
-Walter Winchell

"A friend is someone who is there for آپ when he'd rather be anywhere else."
- Len Wein - Sent سے طرف کی Paulo Louro

"A friend is someone who knows the...
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posted by LizzyTheCat
1.Hum loudly in class and when he/she tells 'the person who is humming' to keep quiet-stop but then carry on two منٹ later.

2.Tap your foot loudly when he/she is grading tests.

3.While he/she is busy explaining something, have a huge coughing fit (make sure it's loud) and don't let her finish a sentence.

4.Push your chair in and pull it out, non-stop.

5.Sigh loudly while he/she is explaining something and look longingly at a clock (or your watch if آپ are wearing one) and then look out the window and sigh again.

6.Pretend to be asleep during a lesson and when آپ get woken up, scream loudly...
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posted by tokidoki123
[The Simpsons] 1F02 - Homer Goes To College #255
Homer: I've been working on a plan. During the exam, I'll hide under some coats, and hope that somehow everything will work out.
Contributed سے طرف کی funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F05 - Bart's Inner Child #32
Skinner: Damn...they're very slowly getting away!
Moe: They're heading for the old mill!
Homer: No we're not.
Moe: Well, let's go to the old mill anyway -- get some cider!
Contributed سے طرف کی funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F06 - Boy Scoutz 'N the ڈاکو, ہڈ #86
Homer: Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what...
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posted by tokidoki123
[Family Guy] S01E05 - A Hero Sits اگلے Door #178
Lois: Meg, you're a sweet, beautiful girl, he'll come around.
Meg: That's such a mom answer.
Lois: Well, have آپ tried دکھانا him the goods? How's that for a mom answer?
Meg: Creepy.
Contributed سے طرف کی funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E07 - Lethal Weapons #183
Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like آپ - very homosexually.
Contributed سے طرف کی funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E10 - مچھلی Out Of Water #181
Auctioner: We'll open this auction with this pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagemire: Fifty...
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What Color Of Socks Are آپ Wearing?

Red = Loud
Green = Stupid
None = Freaky
Fuzzy = Gorgeous
Yellow = Innocent
Purple = A Little Too Happy
Black = Emo
Stripes = Funny
Gray = Ugly.
گلابی = Preppy
Light Blue = Sweaty
Other = Hot
White = Sexy


What Kind Of Pants Are آپ Wearing?
Shorts = Cutie
Skirt/Skort = Cheerleader
Corduroy = Weirdo
Tight Jeans = Scene Kid
Ripped Jeans = Emo
Cammo = Cage Fighter
Jeans = Prep .
Pajamas = Creep
Cargo = Clown
Sweats = Athlete
Boxers = Brat
Booty Shorts = Female
Capris = Gangster
Nothing = Dare-Devil
Dickies = Weirdo
Bikini Bottoms = Tiki Girl
Other = Drug Addict


What Is Your Natural...
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posted by Wendy99
LITTLE TONY FROM BROOKLYN ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and آپ shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little TONY says, "I have a سوال for YOU."

"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The سیکنڈ is gobbling down the سب, سب سے اوپر and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the سب, سب سے اوپر of the ice cream....
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posted by Usui--takumi
Why was Tigger looking in the bowl??
He was trying to find pooh.
There were three men on an airplane, one of them decides to bring a baby.There is a crash and only three parachutes so they leave the baby behind. When they get to the bottom they hear screaming. They find the baby on the ground. The dad of the baby says, '' How did آپ get down here? ''. The baby replies, '' Me not dumb, me not silly, me hold on to daddy's willy!''
What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
A پینگوئن, پیںگان rolling down a hill.
Yo momma so fat, when she jumps her own boobs slap her.
Yo momma so dumb AND fat,...
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posted by bizeshnakarki
I found this مضمون on the internet.

1. Insist that آپ are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the بستر holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say آپ know nothing about them.
2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors سے طرف کی your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.
3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as آپ can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards,...
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posted by adaug
Mom:Okay kids!(4 kids)get in here!I got news!
Kennedy:What is it?
Mom:Me and your dad are going on a date
*grasshopper sound*
Mom:so آپ guy will need a babysitter!


*10 منٹ later the baby sitter came*
Mom:Hello!I'm Amy!
Babysitter:I'm Ashley!
Mom:DARELL!Get your butt in here!
*Mom and Dad leave*
Ashley:Hi kids!I'm your babysitter Ashley!
kids:HI!
Kid:I'm Amber!I'm four!
Ashley:Hi Amber!*ruffles hair*cute!
Amber:Never...touch...ME!!!
Ashley:OH kay!
Kid:I'm Zack!I'm 9
Ashley:Hello!


*59 منٹ later*
Amber:I wuv چائے parties!!
Ashley*Walks in*Hey Amber what are آپ doing?
Amber:Having a چائے party!
Ashley:Can I...
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posted by pure-angel
Dost thou love life?
Then do not squander time,
for that is the stuff life is made of.
Benjamin Franklin

Life is either a daring adventure یا nothing.
Helen Keller

Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt آپ represents determinism; the way آپ play it is free will.
Jawaharal Nehru








Life is like the dice that, falling, still دکھائیں a different face. So life, though it remains the same, is always presenting different aspects.
Alexis

Our life's a stage, a comedy: either learn to play and take it lightly, یا برداشت, ریچھ its troubles patiently.
Palladas

The geat blessing of mankind are within us and...
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posted by Juilet1234
Mittens.
They warm your hands, protect آپ from the cold. They're not a bad thing.
But imagine if for your whole life آپ wore heavy mittens. If آپ dial a phone, try to use a remote control, یا try to play a board game, you're still wearing mittens. Practically everything is much مزید difficult.
Right there.
Practically everything is much مزید difficult.
Remember that.
Now imagine this.
You're in a room with the TV on full volume. The radio is blaring loud, screeching music. The lights are flickering on and off. Everything آپ see is magnified, is a much bigger deal than it normally would...
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 Rose Island before its destruction
Rose Island before its destruction
-The Republic of Rose Island (Respubliko de la Insulo de la Rozol in Esperanto, the official language of the once-micronation)
-Area: .04 km (4305 sq. ft.)
-Date of foundation: June 24, 1968
-Leader: President Giorgio Rosa
-Language: Esperanto
-Currency: Mill
-Location: Adriatic Sea, between Cesnatico and Rimini, Italy

The Republic of Rose Island (Esperanto: Respubliko de la Insulo de la Rozoj) was a short-lived micronation on a man-made platform in the Adriatic Sea, 11 km (7 mi) off the coast of the province of Forlì, Italy.

In 1967, Italian engineer Giorgio Rosa funded the construction of a 400...
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posted by Thecharliejay
Act like a spy / secret agent for the day
Act like آپ just met your friend for the first time
Act profound
Ad lib
Add some strawberries to your ice cream
Adopt strange mannerisms
Alphabetize the food in your fridge
Announce your candidacy for President.
Annoy total strangers
Apply for a unicorn hunting license
Appreciate everything
Archive the Internet to 3.5" floppy disks (low density of course)
Arrest yourself
Ask a سوال nobody can answer
Ask embarrassing questions
Ask for seconds
Ask people how to pronounce their name
Ask people if they want to see your “belly button treasure”
Ask...
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