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·1-10 کے 4829 دکھانے اندراج دیوار

_Aderis_ کہا …
I am the Roast Queen. To add to that I am also the Sass Queen but I prefer the Roast Queen thank آپ very much. گیا کیا پوسٹ پہلے دن X
Riku114 کہا …
Happy Fathers دن to everyone and for those who don't have a father figure in their life یا a good one, I'll adopt آپ :v گیا کیا پوسٹ پہلے دن X
Riku114 کہا …
Man I need a new شبیہ but I havent been super attached to anything as I've been focusing on my finals and getting the fuck ہوم that I really haven't had enough stable free time to just like... chill and read my mangaor anything XD گیا کیا پوسٹ پہلے دن X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
I guess Ill settle with this handsome boy for now پہلے دن X
Riku114 کہا …
Trauma resurfacing from thin dissociaitve walls and bubbling back up in a PTSD sense sucks. Its probably my lightest unprocessed trauma and it fucking sucks.

I can literally be having a good دن then one word یا one image and flick there goes my brain trying to give me a flashback and crap

Kms, not really but still. گیا کیا پوسٹ پہلے دن X
Riku114 کہا …
ONE FINAL DOWN THREE TO GO گیا کیا پوسٹ پہلے دن X
Riku114 کہا …
I honestly cant wait to be ہوم in a little over a week man. گیا کیا پوسٹ پہلے دن X
LuceOfTheLight کہا …
Riku says I have to make my شبیہ Sakamoto. گیا کیا پوسٹ پہلے دن X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
FFF Dont call me out :v I didn't even notice this was here :vvv پہلے دن X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
آپ really should !!!! پہلے دن X
Riku114 کہا …
Honestly a lot of the times my detachment from a lot from the world and what not serves me alright and sometimes well to reaching my goal and not getting bothered سے طرف کی the small things in life, but sometimes, often times, it can get to the worse either when it feels like the world is too far separate from me یا when I feel like this is a secondary world and like I've been detached and disconnect from the world I actually belong in. گیا کیا پوسٹ پہلے دن X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Sometimes its a weird feeling. Its like being homesick from a sense of reality / world that آپ don't even really know. پہلے دن X
_Aderis_ کہا …
Also I added my responses to some of the DID Alter Q and A گیا کیا پوسٹ پہلے دن X
_Aderis_ کہا …
I'm going to compromise and post here just saying that sometimes I feel like I want to use my own account. It's a fine line to walk though, between freaking Riku out and between holding myself back from saying something 'mean' یا 'rude' یا 'improper' that might soil some of Riku's image.

Out of respect for her I try to stay out of the picture but آپ know~

I like to have my fun as well.

Besides, if Lucille can post a thing یا two I sure don't see why I can't post an innocent post. گیا کیا پوسٹ پہلے دن X
_Aderis_ شدہ تبصرہ…
Also hi Riku. Bet this is spookin ya but I want some fun as well. I'm behaving, don't worry about it. Buh bye, that is all. پہلے دن X
_Aderis_ شدہ تبصرہ…
For those that aren't Riku feel free to friend me and message me یا whatever. I don't particularly care and I'll reply like.. whenever I front and feel like it. Maybe that'd be a week, maybe a month, who knows. Not my problem tbh. پہلے دن X
_Aderis_ شدہ تبصرہ…
Buh bye bitches and hoes. (I am mandated to state that I do not actually think آپ are bitches یا hoes since apparently I am 'accidentally mean' a lot.) پہلے دن X
Riku114 کہا …
I am thoroughly attacked. I started watching Sakamoto Desu Ga and this is such a direct parody of myself and my social experience in highschool that it hurts.

I have been parodized گیا کیا پوسٹ پہلے دن X
Riku114 کہا …
"DID pathologizes one of the coolest and amazing ways of exploring your mind"

Yeah, its so cool to have a personality that regularly gets in the way of your interpersonal relationships, one that is actively suicidal and distorted horribly with depression and trauma, and one that literally does nothing but belittle آپ and poke at your largest insecurities.

Its very cool and very fun and very amazing. گیا کیا پوسٹ پہلے دن X
Lusamine شدہ تبصرہ…
Anybody who romanticizes mental illness is an absolute tool. پہلے دن X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Pfft right? پہلے دن X
Riku114 کہا …
Imma stream at about 2 PM PST (1.5 hours from this point) if آپ guys are interested. گیا کیا پوسٹ پہلے دن X
Riku114 کہا …
Ya know I honestly sometimes get a bit blown away when I think about the people that have claimed that I've helped them both online and offline. Often I don't really consider myself all that great and like... just kind of a pain in the پچھواڑے, گدا of burden with how much baggage I can carry with me as someone to get to know, but then I have to double take and I realize I've really helped a good few people and it just sometimes doesn't sound real to be honest گیا کیا پوسٹ پہلے دن X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Like if there was an alternate reality where I never existed, so many lives could have been different and worse and I really don't like to toot my own horn and I really don't mean to since I'm just kind of shocked and find it a bit hard to digest پہلے دن X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
I dunno, its just hard for me to لپیٹ, لفاف کریں my head around the idea that I am ACTUALLY a good person مزید than anything. پہلے دن X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Like... I'm not a BAD person, but the idea that I am "not a good person" has been a bit of a well known "fact" of my identity for a while that its just kind of hard for me to like be like??? I've helped people??? And I'm kind of caring??? Even when all the evidence shows that I do care about people and have done a lot مزید than I am required to do پہلے دن X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
And its like???? Wow??? پہلے دن X
Riku114 کہا …
Media depiction of DID

Alter: We gotta kidnap and kill them. I want to kill everyone. Stab them - Imma take over and kill them

Reality

Me: Maybe I should have a bit of soda with this popcorn

Lucille: I want tea.

Me: I am not walking out in the rain again to get tea. آپ can come out and make چائے if آپ really want it گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ ایک
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Admittedly, this is like XD There is a lot of work and shit that goes into it, but like XD Its just a meme I had like three سیکنڈ پہلے :v قبل ماہ ایک
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
FYI Lucille is a چائے addict قبل ماہ ایک
Riku114 کہا …
Randomly being able to hear your suicidal alter having some sort of an episode is hard shit. Like, its not emotions and feelings and thoughts that I myself feel like are my own and it is fine, but just constantly hearing "I am so tired of being alive. I am so tired of this existence." and so on and so forth is just... its not easy.

I'd get like "Oh I think shes done and I managed to relax" and then another line will whisper out of no where and itd be square one again. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ ایک
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
I'm just kind of waiting for it to pass and for her to go back to being silent. It kind of sucks because I really can't communicate back so I'm just kind of sitting here listening to it randomly appear قبل ماہ ایک
Riku114 کہا …
ارے dudes, for Mental Health Awareness ماہ I might try to post a few versions of DID سوالات and answer them myself and IF any of my alters come out and are willing to add their thoughts Ill let them :v گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ ایک
Riku114 کہا …
Public Service Announcement Kiddos

Take your medication. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ ایک
Riku114 کہا …
GUYS ITS ALMOST MAY

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH

Maybe Ill do something XD گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ ایک
Riku114 کہا …
It is a good feeling when your old friend آپ had a bit of a really problematic friendship with messages back giving proper closure to the friendship's end and apologizing for some of the behavior in the time and ya know.

As someone who had a lot of codependent دوستوں left hanging, its a good feeling man. :feelsgoodman: گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Imma ramble about some just random DID stuff I've been thinking about lately and its nothing important so dont bother too much with this unless آپ are reaaaaallly bored but anyways here I go گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
So like, there is this thing that apparently a lot of people with DID have that I know I KINDA have and that I USED To have back when I thought I just had an overactive imagination and what not called "inner worlds" where the alters can manifest and occasionally interact and what not and sometimes they are actually kinda like big environments and what not قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Also since I KNOW at least one of them checks my fanpop when he is out sometimes, yes this is at آپ :v :v :v Fight me and don't use my account to redact یا revise what I am saying here :v this is completely valid for me to post on here :v قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
inb4 he doesnt front anytime soon and this post just gets lost in time قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Oh ارے dude! I have a سب, سب سے اوپر Contributor thing now on my club's ہوم page! Thats actually pretty cool XD گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Its kind of nice being ہوم and what not. I get some good time with my fiance and I can kind of relax and pull the breaks a bit. Its pretty good - دیا my middle sister isnt also ہوم گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
آپ know a lot of آپ guys are actually like a genuine family to me مزید than yall probably think آپ all probably think XD

Cause "Riku" is actually a personality that is of a system that didn't exist - یا at least didn't firmly تقسیم, الگ کریں / solidify - before Fanpop existed. I'm really an existence that was 'born' here and figured herself out on here so a lot of me quickly kind of 'grew up' and 'developed' around آپ guys like one would with family گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Google: Did I really recover from my depression یا did I just dissociate from it? گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
2ntyOnePilots شدہ تبصرہ…
Ohhhh man. Relatable قبل ماہ X
2ntyOnePilots کہا …
Ok so... I hav3 a سوال that may seem ignorant, but truth is I just can’t remember most o& the distinguished details. What ways are Borderline Personality Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder different? گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
As someone who technically has both (one of my alters is BPD where as I myself is debatable on it) I can explain XD قبل ماہ X
2ntyOnePilots شدہ تبصرہ…
Ok thx sm. That’s so interestin. (Sounding like my mum but fuck it lol) a Definitely clears it up قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Aye drop سے طرف کی any سوالات XD قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
;-; Headache and fatigue for two days in a row ;-; گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
2ntyOnePilots شدہ تبصرہ…
Awe man, I feel that. Get some rest + take care. ❤️ قبل ماہ X
GDragon612 شدہ تبصرہ…
all the best for آپ ma Rikubun, take care and get well soon!! قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
I lowkey love that the دن I go to screening with Neurology to make sure there is no physiological reasons I have memory and identity issues is Dissociative Identity Disorder Awareness Day

The دن my diagnosis will be pretty solid XD گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Inb4 "Oh looks like آپ just have a brain tumor" قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Update: Yeah I am physiologically solid so its probably just dissociation. Big shock XD قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Honestly if any of آپ guys have any سوالات on DID I am good for answering. XD I appreciate سوالات گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
2ntyOnePilots شدہ تبصرہ…
I have a question. Did آپ ever finish the مضمون آپ wrote, and where might I find it? Lol قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
I got it MOST ways done but got distracted XD I need to finish it its still on my فہرست of things to do but man my mental health has been taking up a lot of time XD قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
I am actually getting into the nit and gritty stuff of DID and its quite interesting and very tiresome XD قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
One of these I should work on explaining just how important and why Akashi is such a big thing for all of us. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Also still happy I get to train Lefteris in the way of Kuroko no Basket. Soon there will be someone caught up enough to understand my lord and savior Akashi Seijurrou گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Economnomnomics شدہ تبصرہ…
Glad to see someone joining the cult. How could آپ forget about me, Riku. قبل ماہ X
Economnomnomics شدہ تبصرہ…
Just because I'm inactive doesn’t mean I'm dead 😵💀 قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Man I had a four دن weekend but dude I still have a lot of stuff to get done گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
2ntyOnePilots شدہ تبصرہ…
^ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
There are pretty much like three ways to know when Im MAJORLY dissociating and possibly switching personalities

1) A LOT of face touching. If Im rubbing my face a lot and/or blinking heavily, Im probably dissociating and its habitual touching in attempt to like "clear my eyes" and focus in

2) I space out into absolutely no where

3) I lower my head into my hands یا arms یا away from sight and towards the ground and take irregular breaths. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
I see. That is pretty interesting to know. Have been curious about the signs !!!! قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Holy shit I just realized Ive been worshipping Akashi for like four یا five years now گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
Happy 4th-5th Anniversary of Worshipping then !!!! قبل ماہ X
simrananime کہا …
Joined^^ گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Aye sweet قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
My little boy bird is a big boy now ;-; I raised him since he was a chick and my mom caught him fucking one of the females XD Shes the one Im taking to college and have shipped him with for ages so like... Im not upset and its rather normal for birds especially during this season XD

But man hes a grown boy now. I remember when he was like... a centimeter big and just a little baby chick. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
That feeling when آپ were so dissociated for two to three months and constantly AT BEST half present that آپ THOUGHT آپ were fully present for some parts cause آپ forgot what it was like to be alone in your head / got used to it

Like for the first time probably since Ive come to college, its been just me - no Lucille یا Aderis - and HONESTLY it feels GOOD baby. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Like.... when آپ have مزید than one present up in the front and are dissociated, آپ cant really get into life and do exactly what آپ want to do regularly. آپ cant REALLY perceive all your emotions یا your needs یا the world around آپ cause even if آپ are semi-present, its like there is an overload and آپ only get half of whats being picked up. آپ are kind of stuck at a skin deep level قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Its so peaceful to just have a few days to myself for once and actually feel the world again and oh man. #FeelsGoodMan قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Imma kick back and enjoy this weekend قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
Once again, I'm really happy to see آپ like this. As I said, make the most of this feeling, Rikubun !!!! قبل ماہ X
heart
GDragon612 کہا …
Party finally Rikubun got the 100
btw thanks to Nomy yeah!!!
opens a huge bottle of champaigne and Juice
throwe confetti
drunk now xD
Party hard =D

congrats ma Rikubun💗 گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Thanks XD قبل ماہ X
GDragon612 شدہ تبصرہ…
ya welcome XD قبل ماہ X
GDragon612 شدہ تبصرہ…
throws قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
"I honestly just see myself مزید of a character than anything else. To be honest, I learned most of my actions and who I am from عملی حکمت characters that I liked." ~ Me like.... three یا four years ago

Still honestly not inaccurate, but the degree I saw myself a vessel to write and create a story in rather than to live in was interesting. I wouldn't go and say I dont view it that way anymore, but its much less severe if آپ were to ask me. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
heart
GDragon612 کہا …
just one مزید پرستار then آپ got 100 fans
then I open a champaigne yeah(for non alcoholics رس, جوس =3) گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
GDragon612 شدہ تبصرہ…
hwaiting*-*<3 قبل ماہ X
GDragon612 شدہ تبصرہ…
will open<<< قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
NOMY MADE THE 100! HALELLUJAH قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
MY FIANCE کہا I CAN MAKE HIM WATCH KNB WHEN WE ARE LIVING TOGETHER YAS گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
Yeee! One مزید person has been added to the KnB Gang !!!! قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Me: Man I never write مضامین anymore. I still have like three یا four half completed مضامین to do. Im so lazy man. Why am I always so tired and not in the mood for writing and explaining things when I remind myself of my articles?

Me: *working on a website to build and explain an entire fictional world with races and classes and cities and functions* *writes easily over a thousand یا two on the website whenever shes bored enough to do it*

Me: Man I never write. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Lusamine کہا …
Joined! گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Welcome! قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Im still upset Ill never be able to be someones gay boyfriend گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Lusamine شدہ تبصرہ…
I know, I was sad too. قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
;-; قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Sometimes I wish I had someone to look up to tbh. Someone to take guidance off of. Someone who I am impressed so thoroughly سے طرف کی that they serve as an inspiration. But alas, it turns out I am stuck سے طرف کی myself. I have to generate goals and admiration from myself within myself. I have to generate the drive and inspiration and will entirely on my own.

Its not horrible. It makes me independent

But sometimes having the safety net so آپ can take a break once and a while would be great گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
Isn't there though? At least those who have contributed their fair share of inspiration over the years. Maybe not a complete Role Model through Life (A lot really have a hard time finding something like this and might also be not be the best option depending on one's selection) but the experiences taught through them and the examples آپ have taken can be valuable nonetheless. Regardless of being Family یا Friends, irl People یا Fictional, etc. I have noticed that they could have an impact in a person's jouney. Something that I can relate with myself !!!! قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
That being said, it is apparent that your progress so far is mainly because of yourself. No one else could define it. Your very own driving force that pushed آپ towards Improvement. It is something to be truly admired and a reason why many others look up to آپ and seek for your guidance themselves. Something to take great Pride in !!!! قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
^ As excessively Optimistic I might be coming across, that is my Hope. A pure one and I find it to be worthy holding on to it in your case. Just letting that be known !!!! قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
“I wonder since when, I started yawning as I left my ہوم for a match. I wonder since when I stopped feeling anything even when we won. The person who can win against me is me alone. But all I wanted was an opponent that I could go all out against. I've always wished for a tight game in which آپ couldn't tell if you'd win یا lose...I am grateful to آپ Tetsu." ~ Daiki Aomine گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
" *in meh mood* .... lets eat پاپ کارن, پوپکارن and soda"

"You know we literally just agreed and decided wed lean back towards چائے and fruit since drinking things that do not excite the brain and fuels the body with HEALTHY stuff will actually almost factually pick up our mood right? Get some fruit and tea"

".....popcorn and soda" گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Im not living am I? گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Man I havent گیا کیا پوسٹ on here in a while. Its... been a week. XD Chaos man. Tiresome. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
Relatable XD !!!! قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Im in love گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
GDragon612 شدہ تبصرہ…
with your boyfriend یا your birds Rikubun <3 قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Birds, boyfriend (fiance), and Akashi XDD قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
#TripleLove !!!! قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
The Holy Trinity of Riku's Obsessions !!!! قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
...... can someone tell my lungs how to breathe? گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
link قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
MY LUNGS DONT WORK گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Personally, I identify مزید masculine than feminine and typically want to be and identify with مزید male / masculine things. I actually never wanted to be a girlfriend when I was younger. I hated the idea of being a GIRLfriend. I was 100% alright with being a boyfriend but the term girlfriend just grossed me out and Im still not a HUGE پرستار of it but Im used to it so I dont mind XD گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Theres the whole thing about wanting to be a prince and my style and all. There was even a point in my life / time when I wanted to look as masculine as possible and a bit of dysphoria but that all went away when I really stopped bothering with gender. قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
I got overwhelmed and tired with all the gender culture and decided I was just going to be me and not do anything to my body that could harm it including binding my boobs cause once آپ get past 38D its really not محفوظ to bind قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Plus I like my tits and my fiance likes my tits so... قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
“I wish we met before they convinced آپ life is war.” گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
Relatable !!!! قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Ah man. I was not ready to go back to college to be honest. Ill probably be better once I get back into academia and get fed the drug of constant work but ugh. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
I have a cheese addiction tbh گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Zeppie شدہ تبصرہ…
As I'm munching through a handful of grated موتزاریلا, موززریلا I find this relatable v: قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
^^ قبل ماہ X
JetBlack__ کہا …
Riku didn’t post in 24 hours !!
call 911 گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
XD Im alright man XD قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Me: I didnt take my meds yet. Dont forget. Yeah just after I find some good موسیقی to listen to.

"Honestly sometimes don't آپ think it would be easier to play the roll of broken, edgy, depressed, and unhealthy drug lord یا something than this high standing skilled academic and mental health caring scholar? It would be so easy to maintain that and we'd just have to stop trying with everything. Wouldn't that be fu-"

Me: Okay time to take medication. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
2ntyOnePilots شدہ تبصرہ…
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
i cant sleep cos i cant stop imagining things and scenarios :vv ;-; گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
JetBlack__ شدہ تبصرہ…
It's alright Riku it is all temporary,it's over now.you okay.. back to awesome Riku kicking life shit. قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
XD Its fine XD Its just lowkey nostalgic قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Me: I am not that bad of a maladaptive daydreamer

Me: *organizes a DnD group*

Me: *literally can not stop knocking out into obsessive character planning and background forming and daydreaming up different potential characters legit for the اگلے 12 hours straight including while go kart racing to which Im shocked I didnt crash* گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Stream might be delayed due to DMV stuff گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
BlueDopamine شدہ تبصرہ…
ok, Anna قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
:vv Dont call me سے طرف کی my first name قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
It makes me uncomfortable XD Not cause its online but for other reasons I dont wanna go into XD قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
یا well real name I suppose XD قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
ANYWAYS. I finally get to take my drivers test after annoying delays twice and a random appointment cancellation that the DMV didnt tell us about XD All the delays pretty much have me at the end of my learners permit though XD So I need to pass this یا Ill have to start from square one again XD

But I think Ill do fine probably. I mean I am not the best driver and personally I wouldn't drive if I didn't have to cause of my dissociation, but Im somehow better than گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
my older sister according to my mom and she has a license so... I think Ill do fine. XD قبل ماہ X
Rihanna312 شدہ تبصرہ…
Welp, this is the third سال when I`m postponing getting a license. Mostly because I don`t feel the need for it. But if آپ have the reason and need it, I`m sure you`ll do good on the test! قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
But yeah I would have passed since my driving was stellar but not noticing it was a yield left was an instant fail قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Ah man its bird fucking season it seems XD My birds keep trying to fuck گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
JetBlack__ شدہ تبصرہ…
That’s disturbing yet cute xD قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
.... on another note I just realized I am 18 and have been living for the past few months with the self pressure as if I was like 21-24 گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Like my mom reminded my dad I was turning 19 and I was like "HOLY SHIT WAIT IM 18 WHAT THE HECK IM DOING JUST FINE. WHY AM I TREATING MYSELF LIKE IM WAY BEHIND?!?!" XD قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
With that being said, I am not going to change the working speed and rate I am working at :v I want to get everything done as fast as possible but man I shoulda cut myself some slack XD قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
"There is no victory for the passive" گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
I wanted to do something when I got back but now House is hallucinating a person and it reminds me too much of personal shit so Im hooked XD گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Fresh Owari no Seraph پروفائل گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Shukuya شدہ تبصرہ…
Looks cool! قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
Noice. Looks pretty neat !!!! قبل ماہ X
JetBlack__ شدہ تبصرہ…
It’s perfect. قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Me: *gets into the car and sees fiance's جیکٹ in the backseat and put it on*

Him: You? Cold? Who are you?

Me: Nah, I just miss your jacket

*twenty منٹ later*

Me: Actually I was a bit chilly but I did really mainly want it cos I missed it.

Him: I know, آپ just have to be big strong girl that doesnt get cold

Me: >.> Shut up. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
After all these, anyone who still can't see آپ being a Tsundere simply knows nothing XD !!!! قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
YES I AM STILL THE QUEEN OF MEDIATING AND ARGUMENT CLEAN UP!

Managed to simultaneously

-Keep my sisters fiance from having to deal with my family's bs arguments
-Made sure my sister was alright the دن before leaving
-Made sure my mom understood where my sister was coming from
-Made sure my mom was alright with how she left my sister
-Made sure everyone was at least neutral
-Ended the drama
-Explained my 'disowning' of my middle sister
-Everyone is alright گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Oh on that note, my middle sister I blantantly let it be known Im done trying with her and I am going to need to see her change and get her act together before I start trying again cos I got tired being let down on us getting along and her being nice and respectful to my existence قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
I honestly cant hate her, but its not good for me to keep trying to be nice and get along cause Ill be sucked dry and left used if I keep trying when she isnt. قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
A bit of appreciation, but I honestly love my fiance. The مزید I think about it, the مزید of a rare human that probably has like a 0.01% chance of existing that fits my tastes in people, quirky interests, patient, capable, and understanding enough of my mental health bullshit, and everything to somehow find me and care / like me enough to make me give them a chance even after I tore them apart. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Like... being in my tastes and being someone Im willing to spend time around IRL is like.... a one in a millionth shot (not really but its pretty rare) قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Then just multiplying the rarity of everything else... قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Im just lucky to have him قبل ماہ X
Zeppie شدہ تبصرہ…
So sweet ❤ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
I swear Ill get back to Hakuoki eventually XD

Im currently bouncing around a few other games though since there are some good sales on thigns I want

Currently doing Jurassic World: Evolution and then Devil May Cry 1 after. If I like Devil May Cry 1 I might get مزید of the series in the future but I dunno گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Dude, I found a clear definitive hole in my memory. My sister's fiance's sister apparently was like... best دوستوں with me in elementary school and APPARENTLY I was teased a lot یا something like that and she asked about me when my sister met her and I honest to god dont recognize her much at all if at all.

I was a biiit skeptical that it was overexaggerating but legit found pictures of me hugging her as a kid so??? گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
And I was in the same school as her for three years at the very least and she is somehow entirely absent from all my memories? I mean thats not shocking because I dont remember much from elementary school but I did make a hell of a hard job remembering the general story including دوستوں of mine at the time. قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
I remember some of my other دوستوں at the time Im pretty sure...??? So its weird but the photographs dont lie... .-. قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Legit my first PROOF backed lost memory and its kinda..... odd?? قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Bruh solid Christmas this year. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
>.> Starting to get to that "hating break" mood cause Im running out of things to keep my mind stimulated گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
I honestly hate wasting time قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
I hate being stressed out about wasting time especially on vacations because I know its irrational but I cant. قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Im honestly kind of jealous of people who can comfortably do nothing with their time may it be on vacations یا not قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
ارے guys I'm not dead I swear گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Aye guess who is officially engaged now? گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Might stream tomorrow at 12 PM PST Kingdom Hearts 1 with my boyfriend. Might not, still considering it گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Nah decided against streaming btw XD Figured itd be مزید fun just to chill with my boi قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Since I dont really have the ability to remember my moods for مزید than two weeks and it screws up a lot of my psychiatry فورم and all, I am going to now keep a mood log to keep track of how I feel so I can مزید accurately رپورٹ it گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
^ That is a really nice idea !!!! قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
I might be kind of between fragments یا something because I am feeling two extremely polar emotions at the same time that shouldn't be able to coexist at the extent that they are and because I can't respond to really interesting Fanpop Random سوالات because I cant come up with any consistent ideas so my sense of identity is probably obscure and messed up even though I dont notice it. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
^ Relatable in a way. Have been similarly felt confused about some of them myself !!!! قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
SAIX DESERVES مزید LOVE گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Its a bit shocking that I am still a good bit affected / bothered سے طرف کی my first major codependent break up. I've mostly moved on and I dont have breakdowns over it every other week like I did two years پہلے and I don't compulsively stalk unless "triggered" and thus there is like a REALLY small one in comparison to before

BUT Id be lying if I کہا I wasn't still held back and occasionally bothered سے طرف کی it. There are some things that can "trigger" small little moments to which گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
I recover from rather fast قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Its almost four years passed at this point I believe قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
سے طرف کی the way stream this week is canceled due to my schedule combined with other people's schedules گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
*sigh* Its hard to convince myself to sleep cause my brains oddly on edge over the session earlier today and the fact I gotta ride Uber to the airport which Ive always been paranoid about گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Not like horrifically but enough that Im resistant to sleep out of discomfort قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Tfw آپ have to talk with your therapist over why something آپ know is irrational is irrational because your brain doesnt always listen to ration and آپ just sit there like "Fuck man, now we look dramatic because آپ were freaking out over something I told آپ was irrational and pointless and potentially unhealthy." گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
And then him pointing out the fact I over prepare and over plan for the worst to the point its kinda bad with how it takes a lot of the fun and excitement out of life and then Im like ":vvvv Dont bring me into this :vv Im just trying to protect us :v We might get caught off guard if we dont know whats going on :vv" قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
.... I really clearly dissociate myself in therapy dont I? قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
I dont really mean dissociate in like... the experience of dissociation, but the way I talk about myself and my issues in therapy REALLY sounds like Im REALLY تقسیم, الگ کریں and like "pfft thats not me" when it fucking is ya hoe. Like its not THAT apparently until I talk about my emotions and way of doing things قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Also I gotta stop talking in first person plural so much. XD یا maybe not, cause it might be something I should stop restricting myself on. I dunno. Im curious what psychiatry will say when I go to it on the topic. And after I get MRI scans and shit on my brain so I can make sure its not like some tumor یا anything that might be causing the memory issues and stuff just so they can go through the procedure of diagnosing shit قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
TFW آپ lazily and casually take the ECON practice exam that is 20 سوالات longer than the one آپ will take today and get an 96% on it with a little over 40 منٹ to spare when آپ really didnt do anything other than Chem and a little bit of Animal Science for about a week گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Honestly I kind of doubt when I say I have extremely fragmented personalities because a good 90% of the time I currently feel really like... single. I dont mean dating wise, but like... I feel like Im the only one up in my head and Im like "Nah I must have faked it before" but I vaguely remember having way too indepth discussions with "thoughts" that had extremely different opinions and voices in my head and my boyfriend claims hes seen it in my eyes / body when I claimed to be Aderis so.. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Lately its only when Im really stressed / threatened that I hear anything in my mental space - either that یا briefly when something 'stimulates' one of them I guess قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
I think I got Chem down XD I mean I learned the majority of it in the last two days cause I was on a good track for the first half of the quarter then the fires came and ruined my momentum XD

But its still pretty good. I hear the teacher curves the class two letter grades and I only need a 30% I think then? Which I know I can pull off. Plus I feel like I might know it better than a good chunk of people? گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Yo hearing your oldest sister be like "Yeah, I didn't really care that آپ were مزید attached to him than me, I was just glad there was someone else helping out because I could barely keep آپ alive since there is only so much a sister could do."

Well geee.

I mean I remember being bad but not that bad :v گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
But then again I dont really remember XD At least people being really up front with how close I seemed to be to offing myself gives me validation that I really was depressed at some point like my sparknotes of my own life says :v قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Lowkey kinda wanna go back and experience again just to see how bad I really was but I think Id regret that five سیکنڈ in قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
I don't really have a good sense of when Im pushing myself too hard to be entirely honest. Usually I end up pushing myself and pushing myself unaware of the toll its having یا only minimal awareness of it to the point I feel like I can do a lot مزید then I just suddenly snap / break / crack and am forced to stop

Its something I am working on and I only really stopped studying (out of boredom) cause I took a short rbeak to call my boyfriend and he told me to take a break گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Turns out Im kinda feeling how exhausted I was after taking about an گھنٹہ break XD قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Same kinda goes with most internal feelings, may it be hunger, exhaustion, and sometimes even just flat out pain. Im really bad at recognizing it until Im barely functioning and at that point it tends to be too late :v But Im working on it and try to listen when someone I know that can read me and that I trust tells me to take a break cos I know some people are better at telling when Im worn down than I am XD قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Man going through your tumblr (a place آپ only ranted on when REALLY bad and not really wanting people to know) and specifically go back to the rants cause آپ know آپ had a tag for them

"I WANT TO DISSOCIATE. I WANT ADERIS. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL یا BE HERE." گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
[Hashtags so I could find the post if need be] #I Hate That Ive Been Stopping With My Dissociation #I Want It Back #I Dont Want To Be Here #I Dont Want To Feel For Now #If I Had To Give The Personality To Her #I Would #I Want Someone Else To Protect Me #I Want Someone Else To Handle The Stress #I Dont Want To Be The One To Take This Bullcrap #I Want Someone Who Doesnt Judge Herself #I Want Someone Who Can Say 'Fuck آپ And Fuck It' #I Want Someone Narcissistic And Egotistical #Just Not Me قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
April 4th 2018 apparently. I wish I knew what happened that دن XD قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
tfw آپ went to the nearby campus market to get مزید Icebreakers, forget, buy a soda and Ramune for the stream, then half an گھنٹہ after آپ come back آپ just go "shit I dont have any icebreakers" گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
"Yeah, youre probably right. [...] Were probably all insane.. broken. But whose fault is that!? The adults are the ones who broke us! آپ want to hear the truth? .. We're scared" ~Nagisa Shingetsu (DRAE) گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Was gonna make my پروفائل "Just Riku" entirely cause I felt like it but nah. I felt like mixing it up since I didnt have a Danganronpa-specific background.

... quite shockingly actually. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
TheLefteris24 شدہ تبصرہ…
^ I'm shocked myself !!!! قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
... I just realized now after reading 'scientific literature' for an Animal Science Assignment a few weeks پہلے that I find reading "scientific literature" for psychiatry and psychology as just like... a hobby XD گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
Just a reminder of the stream on Saturday 2 PM گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
On another note, getting a double major in Animal Science (Avian and Behavior specialization) and Psychology in 4 years seems a lot easier than Pre-Vet in 3.5 years XD گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
I THINK I FINALLY FIGURED OUT EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR FUCKS SAKE FINALLY THE AMBIGUOUS PIECES OF ANIMAL SCIENCE MATCHED. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Okay so like I am going to complete my major in Animal Science, Avian Science Specialization and BEHAVIOR Disciplinary Focus. All of that is necessary for the Animal Science degree btw. A specialization and a Disciplinary Focus. But listen here - Im either going to minor یا double major in psychology just like I used to plan to for the majority of my middle / highschool career and carry on to get a Doctorate in Animal Behavior and / یا Psychology and then go into research for the both of them and essentially try to bridge the سوال marks between animal and human psychology and see how the two could better develop, grow, and understand when looked at each other in a parallel manner. قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
This solves a lot of my issues and pretty much combines my main two interests, obsessions, overwhelming passions, and ties in my otherwise 'random' goals into a larger circle. Like one of the issues with being a Veterinarian was that I felt I would get bored being specialized in that and just working commercially and I wouldnt be learning at the rate I like to. My brain would get bored and Id start to feel like life is dull. As for genetics and convservation, it just seems fun but half baked. I wasnt passionate یا THAT curious about it. BUT WHEN آپ GO INTO ANIMAL BEHAVIOR AND PSYCHOLOGY, THEY ARE BOTH HUGE PASSIONS OF MINE AND THEY ARE BOTH RATHER UNEXPLORED TERRITORIES SO THERE IS A LOT OF سوالات AND THINGS TO FIGURE OUT قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Okay enough of me being a nerd. I just felt some of youd be curious XD قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
But yeah for those of آپ that dont fully understand how problematic dissociative amnesia is when getting mental help

Therapy: So how was your week?

Me: ??????? I can check my notes if آپ like????????

Psychiatry: Okay lets track your progress. In the past two weeks have آپ felt this?

Me: ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Me: WHAT IS TWO WEEKS. HOW COULD I REMEMBER THE PAST TWO WEEKS. MAYBE IVE BEEN GOOD MAYBE I HAVENT WHO KNOWS گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
I can probably maybe answer for "The past two days" confidently at best XD قبل ماہ X
Riku114 کہا …
On a سیکنڈ note, we have a "stale" (someone who joined the band post-Summer Retreat) and my motherly "adoptive" instincts kicked in and I think he thought I was an "upper" / "returner" for a bit until I was like "Oh yeah Im new too so I know how آپ feel" گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
BlueDopamine کہا …
97th. Was waiting to be the 100th, but knowing the growing community fanpop's active members number , this might take forever. گیا کیا پوسٹ قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Understandable XD قبل ماہ X
Riku114 شدہ تبصرہ…
Honestly Ive lost a member یا two so its kinda been staying around 95-97 for the past long while قبل ماہ X