January 7, 2001,
Grace came back today and dad was so relieved. Don't get me wrong; dad loves being with us سے طرف کی himself but; I think sometimes he gets a little bit overwhelmed. It's almost been a ماہ and a half since dad has had any help with us and he really needs to focus on finishing the "invincible" album because it's supposed to be released in October of this سال and he still needs to write one مزید song.
He's been too busy, reading books, dealing with disciplining us, making sure we get out of the house without getting attacked سے طرف کی شائقین یا paparazzi, and helping me with my school work, obviously because of that; working on the CD was put aside for a while. On سب, سب سے اوپر of all that; Paris has become so attached to dad. He can't go anywhere without her following him یا wanting him to pick her up. She's even started to pretend that she is a baby because she wants dad's attention all the time.
Grace walked through the door and sat at the table. Dad was just bringing Paris down from her nap and she کہا "hi!" Grace took her from dad and کہا "hello sweetheart!" I walked up to Grace and gave her a hug. Prince followed behind me and did the same thing. Grace looked at Paris and asked "were آپ a good girl for your daddy?" Dad کہا "for the most part yes; but there are some things that آپ could help me with!" Grace کہا "whatever آپ need help with." He کہا "I'll probably be in the studio here because I have to work on the album so it will be finished on time! Let me explain to آپ what's been going on here since you've been gone for a while. AJ is pretty self-sufficient now, of course آپ still need to tell her 1000 times to do something before she actually does it. The tutor comes here about once a ماہ to work with Prince on his colors, numbers, and letters because I want him to be ready when kindergarten comes in a few years. Now on to Paris, surprisingly I've been having the most trouble with her. It's not that she is misbehaving but; she kind of has been moving backwards instead of forwards. I think it's because she didn't have آپ here all day. Grace asked "what do آپ mean سے طرف کی moving backwards?" He کہا "well; as آپ can probably tell سے طرف کی now she has that pacifier back in her mouth. She won't let me put her down anywhere and obviously it's not easy to do anything with a two-year-old on your hip! Then about a week after آپ left; she stopped telling me when Prince wasn't being nice and started to hit him!"
Dad ran down to his recording studio and I stood there as grace rolled her eyes and کہا "Paris, Paris, Paris! What has gotten into you?" Paris mumbled something and Grace کہا "I can't understand آپ with that pacifier in your mouth!" Grace took it out of her mouth and Paris کہا "no; I need it!" Grace looked at me and asked "where did she find this pacifier anyway? I thought we through them all away!" I کہا "she was crying like crazy and daddy found it in one of the drawers. He didn't want to give in to her but; he was so tired! That's the very last one though." Grace walked over to the trashcan and tossed the pacifier inside. That's when all hell broke loose.
Paris started screaming at the سب, سب سے اوپر of her lungs "I need it!!!" Grace responded سے طرف کی saying "I don't know why daddy would give آپ that. We got rid of those a long time ago; آپ know that!" I quickly ran into the other room to avoid the whole situation because it was getting very awkward. Paris was getting so upset that I thought she might throw up because she was crying so much. Grace finally came into the living room and put her on the couch. She looked Paris in the eyes and کہا "the pacifier is gone, no more, all done!" Grace has had a lot of experience with taking things away. Prince was a dream child compared to me because he never caused too much of a fuss over giving things up. With me the pacifier and the bottle wasn't that big of a deal but; when it came to giving up my security blanket I freaked out. It wasn't that dad didn't want me to have it back; I wouldn't even give it to him so he could clean it and it obviously started آپ get very disgusting. Grace was able to pry out of my hands and unfortunately it had to be thrown away. I remember being so upset because it was a security blanket with a teddy برداشت, ریچھ head attached to the end of it. Dad ended up buying me the exact same one but; somehow I knew it wasn't the original. Afterwards dad felt terrible because I had trouble sleeping for about a month!
January 10, 2001,
Today dad is having a child with cancer come visit him at the ranch. The boy's name is Gavin Arvzio and the Make-A-Wish foundation set up this meeting for him because nobody knows if he will survive. Dad is always doing stuff like this for other people, so I didn't think too much of it.
It was around 2 o'clock and the security guards at Neverland let Gavin and his brother سٹار, ستارہ inside and dad walked up to them. Gavin was in a wheelchair and very weak. He was so skinny and pale that I almost wanted to cry. Dad knelt down and کہا "hi I'm Michael; it's nice to meet you!" Gavin coughed and کہا "wow I never thought this دن would come! I've loved your موسیقی for such a long time. Most days it's the only thing that gives me the will to fight!" I walked over and hugged him. He looked shocked and I کہا "sorry about that! I just had to hug you, I'm his daughter!" Gavin کہا "that's all right; how old are you?" I کہا "I’m almost seven! How old are you?" He کہا "I just turned 11 at couple days ago. This is my brother Star, he's 13." Dad asked Gavin "what would آپ like to do first?" He کہا "I don't know; can آپ just دکھائیں me around?" Dad کہا "of course we can!"
We walked out to the arcade with Gavin being pushed in his wheelchair سے طرف کی his brother. Dad helped Gavin reached the various classic video games so he could play them and I watched as Gavin struggled to even stand. I remember looking over at سٹار, ستارہ and he looked mad, for a reason I can't figure out. He chewed on a piece of gum and looked down at me. He seemed like he was waiting for something. As soon as he saw that I was staring I looked away. I started messing around with the air hockey میز, جدول and Gavin asked "can I play with you?" I کہا "yeah" and turned the power on. Dad, Gavin, and I laughed as I struggled to get the hockey puck past him. I and is up losing but; I was okay with that!
When Gavin was bored we went back to the house and dad gave him a tour of where we live. Gavin کہا "your kids have really big bedrooms!" When we got to my bedroom Gavin stared at my life-size Spiderman that was built completely out of Legos. I asked "it's cool; isn't it?" Gavin کہا "that's an understatement!" Gavin coughed again, this time a lot harder than before and I کہا "here, آپ can have it!" Gavin hesitated and کہا "that's okay, آپ don't have to give it to me!" I کہا as dad smiled down at me "you can enjoy it مزید than I ever did! I want آپ to have it!"
A few منٹ later we went back downstairs because Gavin's mother and sister were here to pick them up. His mother Janet shook dad's hand and کہا "thank آپ for letting them come here! He really enjoys your music!" Dad کہا "it's no problem at all! In fact at like to invite آپ guys to come back anytime آپ want to. My ہوم is your ہوم and I want to see Gavin here healthy again." Gavin looked up at dad in shock and asked "really? We can come back here anytime we want to?" Dad کہا "of course آپ can! If آپ guys ever need help with anything let me know!" The each hugged dad and I right before they left.
I thought it was weird because Gavin's mother Janet was looking around the house instead of looking dad in the eyes while she was talking to him. His sister Catherine was staring off into space almost like she didn't care where she was. I know if I was her and was meeting a celebrity I would be beyond excited about the whole experience. Something is not right here! At least it seems that way to me!
March 1, 2001,
Dad invited Gavin and his family to the ranch again, so they could focus on something other than Gavin's health." Dad was busy setting up the guesthouse when came running in screaming at the سب, سب سے اوپر of my lungs. Dad کہا "I don't have time to deal with this right now! آپ need to go back to the house and Behave!" I started jumping on one of the beds and he کہا "seriously; go back to the house." I got off the بستر and ran all the way up to the main house.
A few منٹ later dad came back to the house and Gavin had just arrived with his brother Star. Gavin looked little bit healthier today and he کہا "my mom got word from the doctors that my cancer is going away because of the chemotherapy!" Dad کہا excited "that's great; where's your mom and sister?" Gavin responded سے طرف کی saying "she told me she has to work and my sister isn't doing very well in school so my mom is forcing her to study all vacation long. She's kind of falling into the bad crowd!" Dad کہا "oh well; I'm sure she'll turn herself around before it's too late, she's young!"
I don't know why but; after the three of them went outside I started to feel really jealous of Gavin. Dad helped him climb his special درخت that he writes songs in. Before then, I was the only one with ever been up there besides dad himself. I think I was also mad because I was stuck inside the house doing school work while they were getting attention from my dad.
After I was done my school work; I went outside and dad was just hoping Gavin down from the tree. Once again, سٹار, ستارہ was giving me a very rude look and I just turned my back to him. I liked having Gavin around because he treated me almost like a little sister. His brothers the whole different story though and I think he is having a bad influence on Gavin. I would only see him whispering something in his ear instead of saying it out loud. I heard him saying "asked Michael if آپ can have that! It looks really expensive! My دوستوں would be so jealous of me if I have that and they didn't! Asked Michael if آپ can have it! Asked Michael if آپ can have it!" I could tell that Gavin really in want to ask dad for stuff but; سٹار, ستارہ was pressuring him to!"
March 2, 2001,
Gavin's mom showed up today and کہا "the cancer's gone! آپ beat it Gavin!" He کہا "my here is finally going to grow back!" I hugged Gavin and then he looked like he was about to cry! I asked "what's wrong آپ should be happy?" Gavin کہا "I guess this means now that I'm all better I won't see آپ as much Michael!" Dad looked shocked and کہا "when I کہا آپ could visit anytime; I meant it! It doesn't matter if you're healthy یا not! Our ہوم is your home!" It kind of bothered me that Gavin's mother Janet; wasn't thankful to dad at all for all that he has done for their family. He paid off all their medical bills because because they didn't have any health insurance, he made sure that Gavin always has everything he ever wanted یا needed, and paid to have college funds set up for Gavin and his siblings. I thought she was at least appreciate him but; she didn't even mention anything.
I'm kind of hoping that now that Gavin is healthier he won't be around so much. I like having him around most of the time but; something feels weird and I can't put my finger on it! I think there's some arterial motives here! I don't think dad can see it but; I can definitely tell that something's not right!
May 16, 2001,
Gavin and his family haven't been around for a while and I'm definitely enjoying a little time with dad that I have because he's always in the studio working on his album. Thankfully the album is almost done and I can't wait to have dad's full attention back. I think dad can definitely tell that it's taking a toll on me not having him there all the time!
I was sitting in the dining room waiting for Grace to bring رات کے کھانے, شام کا کھانا to the table. I found it weird that dad wasn't ہوم yet because he always made a point to be home, so he could have رات کے کھانے, شام کا کھانا with us. As she was bringing the food to the میز, جدول I heard the front door shut and ran into dad's arms. He asked "were آپ well behaved today AJ?" I کہا "yes daddy!" He کہا "I'm glad رات کے کھانے, شام کا کھانا is ready because I have a huge announcement to make!" I looked at him puzzled and کہا "okay daddy!"
We ran into the dining room and all of us sat at the table. As I started to cut my food dad asked "AJ; what would آپ think if I decided I wanted to have another baby?" I کہا shocked "it would be cool to have two boys and two girls!" He کہا "because I'm thinking about giving آپ guys another brother یا sister!" Paris کہا "daddy I want to be a big sister!" He asked "so I guess آپ all are okay with it?" I کہا "yeah; just as long as آپ have enough love to go around for all of us!" He کہا "of course I will silly!" Dad looked at all of us and کہا "I can't guarantee that it will be another boy but; no matter what the child is I'll love آپ all equally, no matter what!"
June 13, 2001,
The album is officially finished, it won't be released until October though! Dad stayed up till midnight putting the finishing touches on the last few tracks so; he still asleep. I was downstairs with my brother and sister watching TV while Grace was doing dishes in the kitchen. I was bored out of my mind because there was nothing to do.
Dad came downstairs carrying his cell phone and looking down at it. He کہا "Gavin is coming over without his brother this time." I کہا "I don't want this to sound mean; but I don't like his brother that much!" Dad asked "why do آپ say that?" I کہا "well he is always looking at me weird and I don't like it!" Dad کہا "I haven't seen him look at آپ in a weird way; I'm sure he doesn't mean to!" I asked "what time is Gavin going to get here?" Dad کہا "in about 45 minutes." I کہا "I hope we are going to go do something because I'm really bored here! I'm glad your CD is done because I want to spend some time with you!" He hugged me and کہا "yeah I know; I want to spend some time with آپ too!"
Gavin came into the ranch a little while later and he looked like a totally different person! He wasn't pale anymore, wasn't too skinny, and his head was covered with short black hair!" He walked over and gave dad a hug. Dad کہا "I'm so glad you're not sick anymore!" Gavin کہا "thank آپ for letting me come here Michael!" Dad کہا "you don't have to thank me! As I کہا before; our ہوم is your home." Gavin کہا "I really want to go on some of the rides!" Dad کہا "I would let آپ go on them but; this is the one week out of the سال that the staff is dealing with maintenance and safety checks." Gavin looked disappointed and کہا "that's okay." Dad کہا "but we can do anything else that آپ would like." Gavin asked "can we go shopping?" Dad کہا "I don't see why not." I asked "can I go with آپ guys daddy?" Dad whispered "yes; just as long as آپ don't say anything to your brother یا sister because I can't handle all of آپ without bringing Grace with us." I کہا "I won't tell them, I promise!"
A few منٹ later the three of us got into the car and one of the bodyguards drove us to one of the local toy stores. When we arrived; I jumped out of the car and waited for them to get out. Dad کہا "AJ; آپ can buy only one toy so; make sure it's one that آپ really want." I کہا "okay I will!"
We walked into the store and I carefully went down every shelf. I was careful not to pick the first thing that I saw because I knew that was the only thing I was going to be able to get. At one point I looked over and Gavin was putting everything that he had any interest in inside his cart. I remember looking up at dad and we both had the same look on our faces. We were both shocked سے طرف کی the amount of things that Gavin had picked out. I think dad wanted to say something to stop him from grabbing anything else but; I think he still feels bad about all that he has had to go through. When we got to the checkout counter, Gavin placed toy after toy on the countertop. I looked over at dad as if to say "are آپ going to do anything? You're not going to pay for all that are you?" Dad looked at everything laid out in front of him and reached into his pocket. I gave him a worried look as the cashier کہا "your total is $1576. Dad pulled out his credit card and had a guilty look on his face as the cashier put the total amount of the bill on the credit card.
When we got home, I went up to my room without even saying a word. Dad followed me upstairs and asked "do آپ like your new action figure set?" I didn't say anything to him as I carefully took each of them out of the box. Dad کہا as he sat down on the floor "I know what you're thinking; and I wasn't planning on letting him spend that much money!" I asked "then why did you?" He sighed and کہا "he had already picked everything out and I didn't want to tell him that he couldn't have all of it! He was so excited already." I asked "did آپ notice that he didn't even thank آپ for any of the stuff that آپ bought him?" Dad کہا "I'm sure he appreciates it; he just doesn't دکھائیں it." I کہا "if that's what آپ want to think then go-ahead!" He کہا "listen; I didn't mean to make آپ jealous but; he is the guest."
I'm worried that dad is in denial about Gavin and his intentions but; I'm not going to say anything because there is a chance that I'm wrong! I’ll have to see as time goes on if dad says anything to him. I don't think dad had the دل to tell him no but; I feel it needs to be done before things get too out of hand!
June 29, 2001,
Gavin got off school for the summer a few days پہلے and his entire family is here for a couple of days. His sister is upset because she doesn't want to be here. We were all sitting in the باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ and dad was cooking breakfast. He made waffles کے, waffles and casually put them on the counter. Gavin had disappeared and nobody seemed concerned besides me. I asked "daddy; I'm she worried about where Gavin is?" Dad کہا "I'm sure he will be down in a منٹ once he realizes breakfast is ready."
A half-hour later; we were done eating and there was no sign of Gavin anywhere. I went upstairs to investigate and searched everywhere for him. I was shocked when I found him standing in my room. As soon as he saw me there he stopped looking through the drawers and I asked "what are آپ doing in my room?" He کہا "nothing! آپ better not tell your dad I was in here either!" I کہا as I ran down the stairs "of course I'm going to tell him! آپ didn't ask to be my room and I didn't tell آپ آپ could!" He chased me down the stairs and pulled me aside before got the chance to get dad's attention. He کہا angry "don't آپ dare say anything! Do آپ honestly think your dad will listen to آپ anyway! I didn't say anything but; if I wasn't half his age I would have put him in his place!
The two of us casually walked into the living room and Gavin کہا "sorry; I was distracted سے طرف کی the TV in one of the upstairs guest rooms. I didn't say anything but; I really wanted to. I don't know for what reason but; Gavin had convinced me that dad wouldn't believe me if I had کہا something. I went to بستر that night thinking about what Gavin had کہا and whether یا not I should bring it to dad's attention!"
October 17, 2001,
Dad's album "invincible" was released today and he is really upset because his record label didn't give him enough money to properly promote the album. The head of the record division, dad thinks he's a racist. He actually protest any purchase of any other album from the company because he doesn't feel their reasons are okay.
Dad's friend Frank Cassio is here for support because dad is really, really mad. I came downstairs and sat down at the میز, جدول so I could be breakfast. Dad came over and sat اگلے to me with his hands covering his face in disbelief. I looked up at him and he کہا "everything is okay; I'm just disappointed." Frank sat down and کہا "there's always a positive side to everything. آپ have to look at it that way Michael!" He کہا "well; because of all the things that have happened in New York; I wrote a new song called what مزید can I give and I collaborated with the whole bunch of other famous artist and all the proceeds from the downloads and purchases will go to 9/11 relief." Frank کہا "see, آپ always know how to turn a bad situation into a good one."
October 23, 2001,
Dad was getting ready to perform at Madison Square Garden for his 30th anniversary کنسرٹ special. I can tell that he's really nervous because this will be the first time he's performed with his brothers since 1984. He let me come along with him so I could watch him from the TV backstage. Prince and Paris are at ہوم because they have an earlier bedtime than I do. I'm excited to see him perform but; at the same time I want everything to be done with! I know that dad is in much needed the break and the surrogate mother carrying my new baby brother is due in a few months.
I was sitting backstage watching dad performed a few songs when grandma walked up to me. I was surprised to see her there and کہا "I missed you!" She کہا as she hugged me. "I missed آپ to AJ." I was worried that she wouldn't دکھائیں up because dad and grandpa got in a huge fight over the phone last night. Dad was mad because grandpa was trying to convince him to شامل میں back into the group with my uncles. Dad knew he was just saying that because he wanted money and he is getting sick of being asked to give money to them.
Dad came backstage a few منٹ before the کنسرٹ was over and asked his friend Frank Cassio to watch me. He went back on stage and sang "you walk my world" as I watched completely fascinated سے طرف کی what he was doing! He came back to get me and asked "did آپ like the show?" I کہا "that was so awesome! I can't wait to be like آپ someday!" He asked "did آپ have fun seeing grandma?" I کہا "yeah; how come she doesn't come over to Neverland as much as she used to?" He asked as he searched for the right answer "what do آپ mean?" I کہا "I remember when I was three and we used to have cookouts all the time. Everyone would come over and we would fun!" He کہا "trust me, I wish it was still like that, but; there are some things that I don't want to tell آپ yet and that's the reason we don't come over as often as they used to!" I stayed quiet. After that because I figured dad obviously didn't want to go into too much detail about what was going on between him and the family members!" I'm assuming it has something to do with money though! It always does!