Chapter 17,
****Author's note****
I know that I usually start off every chapter as the اگلے سال but; since I ended the گزشتہ chapter in summer 2009, I thought I could just partition the rest of 2009 and all of 2010 in one chapter!
Enjoy, Alanna
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August 20, 2009,
I was sitting alone in my room at my grandmother's house when, I got a text message from Frank. He کہا the words I had been waiting so long to hear "get ready because I'm picking آپ up and were going to the recording studio to lay down some tracks." I couldn't help but smile. This all seems unreal! I can't believe I'm actually going to start a singing career just like my father!
I ran downstairs and stopped at the میز, جدول so I could tie my shoes. My grandmother کہا "well; it's nice to see that you've finally left your room!" I کہا "uncle Frank is coming to pick me up and were going to the recording studio!" She کہا "oh okay; how is Carter?" I کہا "I just put him down for a nap so; he shouldn't be up for a while! I know you're probably going to want to shut the پرستار off in my room but, keep it on because he's wrapped up in three blankets!" She asked with a confused look on her face "why three blankets? It's almost 95° outside." I کہا "he wouldn't let the blankets go and I didn't want to hear him cry."
Frank's car pulled up to the front gate at Havenhurst and I ran outside. I opened the passenger side door and کہا "this is going to be so awesome!" He کہا "I think we should focus on bringing your father's موسیقی back to life for the younger generation that may not know how amazing he was." I کہا "I agree with you; it saddens me when kids today are listening to foul music! I don't really have a lot of room to talk when it comes to that because I'm just as guilty of listening to it as they are! I really want to focus on the age group of eight and up to دکھائیں them what good موسیقی is really like!" He کہا "that's how your dad would want آپ to be with your career too."
We walked inside the recording studio and Frank put an instrumental CD of some of dad's songs. He passed me a set of headphones and motioned for me to go in the sound booth. I walked inside and could hear my voice echo as I jumped with excitement. Frank کہا "why don't we start with something with a strong hook.
I stood there as I sang "Annie are آپ okay? Are آپ okay Annie? You've been hit by, you've been struck by… A smooth criminal!" As I sang my دل out, reality hit me! I thought to myself, wow this is really happening! I really am going to become a famous singer! I wonder if dad watching me right now wherever he is?"
I was snapped out of the trance I was in سے طرف کی Frank saying "that was absolutely amazing AJ; your dad wasn't kidding when he کہا آپ could sing!" We need to put out an album as soon as possible because this thing is going to be a hit! We could even get some major stars of today to do collaborations with آپ on some of your father's biggest hits! I still can't get over how awesome that was! This is going to be huge! I can feel it in my gut! Starting today you'll be in the studio six hours a day, after your schoolwork is done!" I smiled ear to ear and کہا "I forgot to tell آپ that I have over 1 million Twitter followers already and I've only tweeted one thing! I think they know that I'm starting my own musical career!"
August 29, 2009,
I was in the studio working on my debut album when my cell phone rang:
Me: hello grandma! What do آپ need? Is Carter okay?
Grandma: did آپ forget what today is? آپ better be on your way home!
Me: listen; I know it's dad's birthday but I'd rather stay here to keep my mind off of things!
Grandma: I understand that آپ don't want to come ہوم but; I think it's the right thing to do AJ! Everyone would appreciate it if آپ came home!
Me: I don't want to because I'm not ready to deal with the fact that he's gone yet!
Grandma: it's not going to be a sad thing! I promise آپ that AJ! We're just going to have some cake and celebrate your dad's life! Here, Paris wants to talk to you.
Paris: AJ; will آپ please come home? Just for a few hours? We all miss آپ because we hardly see much of آپ since you've been in the studio recording your album!
Me: it's not that I don't want to celebrate with آپ guys; I just can't bring myself to realize that he's actually gone! Do آپ realize how different this birthday is compared to all the other ones we celebrated with dad over the years? He may be there in spirit but; he won't be there in person! I'm sorry but I just can't come home! Making this موسیقی helps me connect with dad! It makes me cope with him being gone! Goodbye; I love you!
September 3, 2009,
I was getting ready to leave because Frank and I are headed to the local radio station to promote my cover/single to 'pretty young thing.' The song debuted at number one on the fresh artists chart and it's been exploding ever since last week!
I ran out to the car after kissing Carter's head and sat in the drivers seat. As we made our way onto the Main Rd., Frank turned on the radio and we heard "she's his PYT, pretty young thing!" I looked at Frank and کہا "it's so weird hearing my voice on the radio! I'm so glad آپ let me change the lyrics a little bit so it was altered for a girl to sing!" He کہا "yeah me too! It would be awkward for آپ saying 'she's my pretty young thing.’ “The voice on the radio کہا "that was Alanna Jackson with her new single PYT! Check back in 25 منٹ for my exclusive interview with the King of Pop's daughter! This is your man Mac Maze and we'll be back after this word from our sponsors! Don't touch that dial!"
As Frank and I walked into the radio station, he کہا "since this will be your first ever interview let me give آپ some tips. First, answer them as honestly as possible and don't be afraid to throw some humor in there! Second, just be as natural as possible, and lastly if there's any سوالات that آپ don't feel comfortable answering یا don't know if آپ should answer I'll handle it!" I کہا "okay; I don't think it's going to be as bad as آپ think it is!"
We entered a big room and a heavyset African-American man with a goatee stood up from his chair to greet us. He کہا "nice to finally meet آپ AJ!" He stared at my fauxhawk hairstyle, bright red hightop sneakers, T-shirt with a chimpanzee wearing headphones on it, and sunglasses I had sticking out of my pocket. He کہا "I hear that you're not the most feminine girl out there!" I laughed and کہا "glitter, ponies, and nail polish are definitely not my thing!" He laughed and کہا "yeah; I can see that! Alright, the commercial break is almost over and you'll be ready to go on air!"
As I was about to sit down in the chair opposite of him, Frank whispered in my ear "pull your pants up! Your boxers are hanging out!" I hiked my baggy jeans up and sat down. Mac کہا "welcome back to the most listened to radio station in all of Los Angeles! This is a Mac and as promised I'm now sitting here with Alanna Jackson! What's it feel like to have your first single 'PYT, pretty young thing be the number one requested song this week?” I spoke into the microphone that was attached to the میز, جدول and کہا "oh; it's awesome man! I didn't expect it to do so well right off the bat!" He کہا "I just have to point out that your dad's talent has definitely rubbed off on you!" I کہا "thanks but; my dad will forever be the best and that's exactly how I want it to stay!" He asked "do آپ hope to one دن match the successes your father has achieved?" I کہا "I mean if it happens; it happens! I never want to outshine my dad though! My dad is the King and that is his crown, not mine!" Mac کہا "we have some شائقین on the line that have سوالات for you! آپ down with that?" I کہا "fan questions? I didn't realize that I had legit شائقین yet; yeah go ahead! I can't wait to hear them!"
Mac opened up the phone lines and کہا "here's our first caller, go ahead." The voice کہا "hi; my name is Becky and I was wondering if آپ are working on an official album?" I کہا "yeah I am!" She asked "do آپ know when it will be released?" I کہا while thinking "January of اگلے سال for sure! We just haven't settled on a specific تاریخ yet." Mac put the اگلے caller through and she asked "will آپ be going on tour soon either as an opening act for other artists یا will آپ be going on your own headlining tour?" I کہا "well; after a few مزید singles drop I'll be having promotional shows all over California and if all goes well a tour of my own will definitely be in the near future!" Mac let someone else through and it sounded like a 13-year-old girl who asked "besides your father, who are some of your musical inspirations?" I کہا "I really like Chris Brown, Drake, Ke$ha, آپ know people like that." Mac کہا "we have time for one more; go ahead caller." This time it was a teenage boy who asked "are آپ single?" I looked up at Frank while wondering if I should lie یا not and he whispered "you can tell the truth AJ." I کہا "yeah I am." The boy responded "what do آپ look for in a guy?" I کہا "let's see; I really like a guy who accepts the fact that I'm a tomboy and that he will never see me wearing a dress یا makeup! I also like a guy who puts me first before his دوستوں and partying!" Mac کہا "alright; that's all we have time for today. I'd like to thank آپ AJ for stopping سے طرف کی today and making us the place where آپ conducted your first interview!" I کہا "thank آپ guys!" He asked "is there anything that you’d like to say before we call it a دن here?" I کہا "PYT, pretty young thing is now available on iTunes. Don't forget to buy that and request! The official Alanna Jackson website and online store will be up اگلے week! آپ can follow me on twitter @officialAlannaJackson! Thank آپ for all your support!"
After we had signed off the air, Frank کہا as he patted me on the back "you did a great job kid!" Mac کہا "I had a great time with آپ here today! آپ better come back and visit! I can already tell آپ going to be the اگلے musical sensation!" I کہا "of course I will be back!"
My phone started ringing frantically and I put it on speaker so Frank could hear. Blanket shouted "OH MY GOD THAT WAS AWESOME AJ!" Prince کہا "I can't believe آپ were on the radio!" Grandma کہا "you did so well!" I کہا "okay; I'm headed ہوم آپ guys so I'll see آپ when I get there!" An ambush of "goodbyes" screamed back at us and I hung up the phone. I still can't believe that this is all really happening to me! I wonder how long it'll be before this whole being famous thing hits me.
October 4, 2009,
I officially finished my album which I named "Legacy" and it will be released on January 23, 2010. I released three مزید singles of my versions of dad's songs, wanna be starting something, working دن and night, they don't care about us, and another part of me. They've been playing the songs on the radio like crazy!
Frank and I wish sitting in the gym at Havenhurst when he کہا "okay; آپ can tweet something about the tickets for the five Californian promotional concerts!" I went on to my twitter account and typed @officialAlannaJackson: tickets go on sale for my five California concerts go on sale in 15 minutes!
A tall man of Mexican descent walked into the room and کہا "hi; my name is Tony and I'll be your choreographer for your concerts!" I bent down to tie my shoe and Frank کہا "I know آپ can sing but; can آپ dance?" I smiled as I adjusted the hat on my head and Tony started walking me through dance moves. Frank stood there with a stunned look on his face and کہا "you are so much like your father it amazes me!"
October 9, 2009,
Today is my first کنسرٹ on my five دکھائیں promotional tour and I'm so excited! I was downstairs at the house when my siblings came running into the room. Prince کہا "we can't wait to see آپ perform today AJ!" Blanket asked "how many مزید hours?" I کہا "an گھنٹہ and a half! Frank is on his way here to pick me up and take me to Universal Studios where the کنسرٹ will be."
After I got in the car, Frank کہا "today's the دن kid! Are آپ ready for this?" I کہا "more than ready!" He کہا "don't be nervous! You'll do just fine!" I کہا "don't worry; I'm not nervous! I'm excited!" He کہا "we're almost there! I wonder how big the turnout will be."
We pulled onto the سٹریٹ, گلی that leads to Universal Studios and I کہا "I wonder what's going on because there's a whole bunch of people lined down the street!" He کہا "I don't know; maybe there's a سٹریٹ, گلی performer outside!" We pulled up to one of the private buildings on the Universal Studios lot and Frank کہا "go on in there and I'll be in after I see what all these people are doing crowding the streets!"
I walked into what appeared to be a large dressing room with a flatscreen TV and black leather couch. My stylist Karen Faye (Michael's personal stylist when he was alive) started to touch up some skin tone make up on my face. I had to turn the volume up on the TV several times because of the commotion going on outside.
Frank came into the room with a huge smile on his face and I asked "what's your problem?" He asked "you know all those people that were lining the streets?" I کہا "yeah!" He کہا as he sat down اگلے to me "you're not going to believe this!" I looked at him confused and asked "what?" He کہا as he stuttered "th – those people are waiting to see you!!!" I کہا as I chuckled in disbelief "yeah right; there's no way!" He کہا "I'm not kidding!!! I just talked to the owner of the park and the 250 tickets that went on sale sold-out in an hour!" My mouth dropped and I asked "so what's with the hundreds and hundreds of people standing outside the park?" He کہا "those are people that weren't able to get tickets! I'm assuming they're hoping that they would catch a glimpse of آپ at some point!"
I got up and looked out the window at the hundreds of شائقین outside. Frank put his hand on my shoulder and asked "do آپ feel famous yet?" I whispered "yeah; I can't believe all these people showed up to hear me sing 4 songs!" He کہا "this is only a small promotional tour! Think about when you're a headliner!"
A few منٹ later, I was introduced سے طرف کی the DJ and stepped out onto the stage wearing just my typical everyday clothes! I put my ear piece in so I could hear myself singing and started the set list. Beginning with PYT, working دن and night, they don't care about us, and lastly wanna be starting something. I could see my family standing on the side of the stage as I sang and they smiled.
Afterwards, Frank and I went back to the large dressing room. I sat down on the سوفی, لٹانا and drank from a water bottle. Blanket, Prince, Paris, and grandma came into the room and started chanting my name! I chuckled as I took Carter from Paris and adjusted the hat on my head. I really am famous!!!
October 13, 2009,
I was sitting at the میز, جدول with my chemistry textbook as I scribbled جوابات on a worksheet. Carter crawled around on the floor as I looked up every so often to see if he was okay. Prince came downstairs and picked him up. Prince walked over and looked over my shoulder to see what I was doing. Carter pointed at me and کہا "mommy." I looked at Prince and he smiled at Carter. I asked with excitement in my voice "did he just say his first word?" Prince کہا "say it again Carter!" Carter کہا "mommy, mommy, mommy!"
I grabbed him from Prince and jumped with excitement. He started giggling at my reaction as he کہا "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy!" Paris came running into the room and asked "what's all the screaming going on in here for? I کہا "HE CALLED ME MOMMY!" She clapped her hands with excitement and کہا "that's so cute! If daddy was here he would be freaking out right now!" I looked at Paris and stared at her in silence for a few minutes. Then I کہا "thanks for ruining the moment سے طرف کی saying something like that!" I passed Carter back to Prince and ran up the stairs as Paris begged "wait AJ; I didn't mean to bring up daddy!"
I slammed my bedroom door and sat down on the bed. Anytime anyone talks about dad I just can't handle it! I'm not really mad at Paris; I'm mad at the fact that dad's gone forever and there's nothing I can do about it to bring him back! It wasn't supposed to be like this! I looked up at the sky and کہا "I wish آپ were here daddy! It just isn't fair!"
October 17, 2009,
Frank and I sat in the living room and he کہا "I have some bad news! Then I have some good news! Here's the bad news, آپ know how آپ have two مزید concerts left in your promotional tour?" I shook my head in agreement and he کہا "the record label canceled them." I asked with anger in my voice "what! Why would they do something like that?" He کہا "before آپ get angry, let me explain! The reason why they canceled them is because of how well you've done and how in demand the tickets to your shows were!" I کہا "well; if the tickets were in such demand then it would be stupid of them to منسوخ the remaining dates!" He کہا "let me finish. As I was saying, they canceled them because they want آپ to go on your own headlining tour starting February 1 of 2010!"
I smiled and کہا "oh okay; I'm not mad anymore! He کہا "I had a meeting with the record label executives yesterday and they کہا that they want to call the tour the 'Legacy Tour.'" I asked "how many dates are scheduled for the tour?" He کہا "87; America, Canada, and the United Kingdom!" I کہا "wow; I didn't know that I was مقبول in other countries besides the US! I kind of wish that I could do a کنسرٹ in Japan though. I loved going there when I was a little kid!" He کہا "you're still young; there's plenty of time to conquer Japan!"
November 18, 2009,
I was woken up سے طرف کی the sound of Carter saying "mommy" over and over again. I got out of بستر and کہا "happy first birthday buddy!" I changed him and took him downstairs to start setting up for the party. My cell phone rang as I passed him a baby bottle with chocolate milk. I answered it and Damien's mother Kate کہا "hi AJ; how's the birthday boy?" I کہا "he's good!" She کہا "I'm sorry that I couldn't afford to make it out there to help celebrate!" I کہا "it's okay; there's plenty of family coming over today!" She کہا "the go Diego go DVDs I bought him for his birthday should be there any دن now." I کہا "okay; did آپ want to talk to him?"
I tried passing Carter my iPhone and he pushed it away while saying "no mommy no!" I کہا as I put the phone up to his ear "it's grandma Kate! She wants to talk to you; talk to grandma!" He pushed it away and I put the phone back up to my ear. I کہا "his eyes are glued to the TV right now! He doesn't want anything to do with the phone! Sorry, I tried!" She کہا "that's alright; I can't expect too much from a one-year-old! Have a good time at the party today!" I کہا "we will and I will take lots of pictures so آپ can see! Goodbye!"
I stood up on the باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ میز, جدول as Prince passed me the blue and red streamers. Grandma walked into the room and کہا "don't fall AJ!" I کہا "don't worry; even if I did it wouldn't be that bad because the ground is only a few feet away!" Uncle Jermaine opened the front door and کہا "I picked up that blue cake آپ ordered Alanna!" He put the box down on the counter and I hopped off of the میز, جدول to look at it. It was simple but perfect at the same time. It had blue frosting with the words "happy first birthday Carter" written in green frosting.
Other family members started to arrive and Aunt Latoya came in carrying three boxes of پیزا with a gift bag resting on the top. I ran over and کہا "let me help آپ with that!" I took this stack of boxes from her and set them on the table. She hugged me and asked "how are you?" I کہا "I'm okay I guess."
The two of us walked into the ماند, خلوت خانہ and sat down on the سوفی, لٹانا alone. She کہا "your grandmother told me that آپ haven't been expressing your feelings about your dad!" I کہا "it's not that I don't care because I do! It's just hard for me; for the first 15 years of my life the only person that ever saw me cry was dad!" She کہا "I think out of all our extended family I've been the closest of you! If آپ ever need to cry I'm here!" I started to well up with tears and کہا "I just wish Dr. Murray didn't call Prince and I into the room when he performed CPR on dad! I could tell that he was already dead and I knew from the moment we sat down in that room with grandma that she was going to tell us that he was!" She looked at me sympathetically and she herself tried to picture what I must've been feeling.
She hugged me and کہا "cheer up; today is Carter's birthday! آپ have to try to be happy for him!" I wiped the tears away and stood up as I کہا "it's so hard but I'll try!" I opened the door to the ماند, خلوت خانہ as my dog ڈریک jumped up at us.
I sat down at the میز, جدول with everyone else as they were getting ready to bring Carter's birthday cake out. We all sang happy birthday and I cut him a huge piece of cake. I put it on his high chair tray and he was kind of afraid of it. I کہا while laughing “it’s just food; go ahead buddy!" Prince کہا as he walked up to me "I think there's something on the piece of cake AJ! I looked at him confused and کہا "I don't see anything!" He pointed "see it right there!" I کہا "no; I don't know what you're talking about Prince!" I leaned my face in to get a closer look and he کہا "right here" as he smashed my face into the cake.
Everyone started cracking up as I lifted my face off of the cake and wiped the frosting away from my eyes. My face was completely covered with green and blue frosting and Carter started laughing. I کہا "he's supposed to be the one covered in frosting; not me!" I knelt down اگلے to Carter and he puckered his lips for a kiss and I کہا "I think he knows it's frosting now!" I pecked his lips and he took a handful of frosting off my face. He started licking his fingers and we all continued to laugh as I smeared some frosting on the side of Prince's face.
November 19, 2009,
It was midnight and I was just finishing cleaning up the last things from Carter's birthday party. I walked into the living room and found Prince was asleep on the سوفی, لٹانا sitting with Carter snoring on his chest. I smiled as I covered them with a blanket and walked upstairs.
I walked into my room and heard something hitting my window. I walked up to the window and saw little pebbles being pelted at the glass. I opened the window and looked down to see who it was. Damien was standing there wearing a white tank سب, سب سے اوپر and camo cargo shorts. I yelled "what the hell are آپ doing here?" He asked "can I come in?" I کہا reluctantly "fine but; آپ better not be an ass!" I walked downstairs and let him inside as we quietly made our way up to my room.
I shut my bedroom door and asked "what are آپ doing here Damien?" He asked "isn't today Carter's birthday?" I کہا "you would think آپ would know that his birthday was yesterday because you're his dad!" He کہا "oh; well I'm sorry!" I asked irritated "sorry? You're sorry? That's all آپ have to say?" He کہا "I don't know what else آپ want from me AJ!" I کہا "you left me without even saying anything! If it wasn't for my dad I would've been doing everything on my own! That's not how it's supposed to be! You're lucky that I had just had the baby when آپ showed up at the hospital because if I had gotten to آپ instead of my dad I would've دیا آپ a whole hell of a lot worse than a black eye!"
He sat down اگلے to me on the بستر and کہا "I can't really do anything about that now except for apologize and promise آپ that things will be different!" I کہا "if you're going to be a part of his life then be a part of it! I don't want آپ around him if you're just going to abandon him one دن just like آپ did with me! Before آپ ask, we're never going to be boyfriend and girlfriend again. I tried that once and I'm not willing to try again because my first priority is our son. It's yet to be seen if آپ feel the same way!" He looked down seemingly disappointed and کہا "I was kind of hoping…" I looked at him waiting for an answer and he tossed a condom in my lap I looked at him and کہا "fine; but only because آپ came all the way here from Las Vegas to apologize!" I whispered in his ear "by the way; your new mustache is sexy!"
November 20, 2009,
Knowing that the family would be away until this afternoon Damien stayed the night again. He's only been here at night and I have no idea what he's been doing during the day. He's going back to Vegas today and hasn't spent much time with Carter since he's been here. That definitely gets on my nerves and I won't put up with it for long.
Damien came into my room and I کہا "my family will be here in an گھنٹہ so آپ have to leave soon because I don't want them to know that آپ were here!" He stripped down to his boxers and asked "can I use your شاور before I leave?" I کہا "just try to be fast because آپ have to get out of here before they get back!" He کہا "I will" as he shut the door to the bathroom that was in my bedroom.
While Carter took a nap, I heard Damien turn the شاور on and I looked down at my bedroom floor. I saw Damien's cell phone sticking out of the pocket in his shorts and decided to go through it. I went to his باکس ان and started reading his text messages:
Damien: I'm leaving in a few hours :-)
Baby: okay! I miss آپ so much and I hope you're getting along well with your baby's mother.
Damien: I got to go; I'll talk to آپ later! I love you! Hope آپ have something special planned for when I get back
***
I was fuming with anger as I got up from my بستر and used a paperclip to unlock the bathroom door. I opened the door and stormed in. I looked at Damien as he stood in the شاور and pulled him out. I pushed him down on the بستر and he asked "what the hell are آپ doing? I wasn't done taking a شاور yet!" I کہا "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME آپ HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!" He looked up at me and asked "why the fuck do آپ care?" I کہا "because we had sex yesterday آپ jackass!" He کہا obviously unfazed "she's not going to find out anyway! Even if she did; the ladies can't resist me!" I کہا as I shoved him down the stairs and out the door "so آپ were just going to hook up with me then leave!" He کہا "STOP BEING SUCH A کتیا, کتيا AJ!" I کہا as I slapped him across the face "DON'T آپ EVER CALL ME A BITCH! آپ CAN FORGET ABOUT EVER SEEING YOUR SON AGAIN! NOW I KNOW THAT EVERYTHING آپ کہا TO ME ABOUT BEING THERE WAS ALL بیل SHIT!!! He کہا "you think I give a damn if I see him again? I don't; I don't even know the kid!" I کہا "you're a pathetic excuse for a father! That's really sad! I'm glad I care about him enough to keep him away from you! DON'T آپ GET IT? I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE THERE! THE ONLY ONE YOU'RE HURTING IS CARTER! IT'S GOING TO SUCK FOR آپ WHEN HE'S CALLING SOMEONE ELSE DADDY! I'LL BE IN PRISON FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER BEFORE آپ TREAT OUR SON LIKE HE'S WORTHLESS!" I threw him his clothes and کہا "get the hell out of here and don't come back!" He quickly put his clothes on and casually walked down the road like he didn't even care!
December 25, 2009,
It was 7 o'clock in the morning on Christmas دن and I lay in my بستر looking at the ceiling. I talked to myself "I wish آپ were here daddy. Christmas will never be the same without you! I know you'll be there in spirit but; I would do anything just to see آپ one مزید time! I know آپ can hear me up there and my new موسیقی video came out last week! It's really مقبول and I hope I made آپ proud! My album comes out in less than a ماہ and then I'm going on tour! I wish آپ could give me a sigh that آپ are supportive of everything that I've been working on lately!"
I was interrupted سے طرف کی Carter standing up in his پالنے, پالنا crying and I walked over to pick him up. I کہا "Merry Christmas little guy!" Blanket came running into my room and کہا "Santa Claus came!" I asked trying to keep the magic alive for him "he did?" Before I got a response from him, he ran into Prince's room and yelled "PRINCE WAKE UP!" Paris and I looked at each other as we laughed at his excitement. My grandmother came out of her room and smiled as she asked "how late were آپ up last night wrapping Carter's gifts?" I کہا "until two in the morning." I whispered in her ear "keep the kids up here for a few مزید منٹ because I have to go sneak his gift from Santa Claus downstairs, distract him for me!”
After I had put the gift downstairs I کہا "okay; آپ guys can come downstairs now!” I took my iPhone out of the pocket on the red flannel pajama pants that I was wearing and started to take pictures. I smiled as Prince helped Carter walk down the stairs. Carter's been walking for about two months now and hasn't quite mastered the stairs yet.
I smiled as Blanket's mouth dropped as he saw the living room covered with gifts stacked 5 feet high. I knelt down to get a good picture of Carter's face as he saw the giant plastic play باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ that I had bought him. He ran toward it stumbling on his feet and falling down a few times. He pulled himself up on it and I asked "oh my gosh Carter; what did Santa bring you?" Grandma smiled and winked down at me. I stood up and she whispered in my ear "is that where the $300 آپ got from the promotional tour went?" I کہا "of course; I wanted my son to have a good Christmas and I wasn't about to spend my money on myself!" She sat down in the chair behind her and started to tear up. I put my hand on her shoulder and asked "what's wrong grandma?" She کہا "your father would be so proud of آپ right now! I had no idea that آپ spent the little money that آپ got from those three shows on Carter." I کہا "well obviously; I may not make the best decisions most of the time but, when it comes to Carter I'll always put him first before anything else!" She کہا "I was about to confront آپ and ask آپ what stupid thing آپ bought with your money; I guess I underestimated you!" I winked at her and کہا "have a little faith in me grandma, I have a good side too!"
Prince, Paris, and Blanket sat down on the سوفی, لٹانا as I passed them stacks of gifts. As I sat down on the floor blanket کہا "pass me all of my gifts AJ!" I کہا "there's hundreds of gifts with your name on them; it would take me hours to find them! Just start with that and I'll grab مزید later." I grabbed a present with Carter's name on it and کہا as I pulled him away from the play باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ "come on buddy; let's open up some gifts!" He started screaming and reaching for the play باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ and I tried to distract him سے طرف کی ripping a hole through the gift. He wasn't having any of it and I کہا "fine, I'll save your gifts for after everyone else is done!"
We passed out gifts and attacked them one after another. I saw as the gifts started to fade and my siblings had opened their expensive gifts. Paris and Prince both got their own cell phones and Blanket had gotten a laptop. I wasn't expecting much because the most important thing is that Carter got everything that he wanted. I started helping grandma clean up the paper that covered the floor and she کہا "I think there's something else for you."
I looked around and کہا confused "I don't see anything grandma; maybe you're getting it mixed up with something I already opened!" She کہا as she pointed at a little red box that was hanging from a branch on the Christmas درخت "what's that?" I untied the ribbon that was holding the box to the branch and took it off. I looked at grandma and let out a nervous laugh as I asked "why are آپ staring at me with that creepy smile on your face like آپ are going to explode?" She کہا "just open it up and you'll find out!" I asked worried سے طرف کی her anticipation "nothing living is going to jump out at me; right? Like a bug یا something!"
Prince shouted from the other room as he shoved syrup covered waffles کے, waffles into his mouth and listened in on our conversation "just open it already AJ! I want to know what it is!" I کہا "alright, alright I'm opening it!" I untied the bow that was on سب, سب سے اوپر of the box and carefully removed the lid. I looked inside and then looked up as I کہا "you're joking grandma; آپ didn't!" She کہا "you're right; I didn't because your dad did!" Prince tossed his plate in the sink and asked "what is it?" I looked at him shocked beyond belief and pulled out a set of car keys from the box!
I ran out the door barefoot wearing pajama pants and a سٹار, ستارہ Wars T-shirt. Grandma was laughing so hard she barely got out of the words "PUT YOUR SHOES ON!" I was already out the door سے طرف کی that point and my jaw dropped when I saw what was sitting in the driveway. It was the black Ford F1 50 that dad saw me eyeing when I went with him last سال to the car lot so he could trade-in his Rolls-Royce. I didn't even think he was watching me when I was looking at it!
Blanket and Prince climbed into the بستر of the truck. I climbed up into the driver’s نشست and started the engine. I asked as I looked out the window at grandma "can I take it down to the lake that's not too far from here?" She motioned for my brothers to get out of the truck and کہا "just don't get pulled over because آپ only have your drivers permit!" I کہا "don't worry, I won't!"
When I pulled up in front of the lake I turned on the radio as I looked around still in shock. I کہا to myself "I can't believe dad was able to hide this from me for so long!" I opened up the دستانے, دستانہ compartment and was surprised to see a piece of paper inside. I took it out and opened it. It read:
Dated at the سب, سب سے اوپر of the paper: 6 – 23 – 09
Dear Alanna,
I don't know if you'll ever notice this note but, don't make me regret buying آپ this truck! I love آپ so much even though آپ make me want to rip my hair out because of how آپ act! Drive محفوظ kiddo and enjoy!
Love آپ forever, no matter what!!! – Daddy
***
I paused in silence for about five سیکنڈ processing what I had just read and reread the date. I whispered "that was the دن before dad and I had that huge fight!" I couldn't fight back the tears anymore as I pounded my fist on the dashboard. I screamed "I'M SORRY! I DON'T KNOW WHY آپ PUT UP WITH ME and I fought آپ every step of the way! I DON'T KNOW WHY آپ DIDN'T GIVE UP ON ME!" I sobbed uncontrollably for 10 منٹ straight as I gripped the note tightly in my hand. I continue to cry and then suddenly I heard "I just can't stop lovin' you, I just can't stop lovin' you, and if I stop tell me just what will I do cause I just can't stop lovin' you!!!"
I looked up at the station and it کہا "jingle bells" was the song that was playing. I کہا to myself "that wasn't jingle bells! I thought this radio station was supposed to be playing Christmas موسیقی all day!" As I drove back to Havenhurst, I couldn't help but wonder why the radio had کہا it was playing a Christmas song instead of what was actually playing. I know it wasn't just me hearing things because I heard that song like it was clear as day… That's so strange and random of that radio station!!!
****Author's note****
I know that I usually start off every chapter as the اگلے سال but; since I ended the گزشتہ chapter in summer 2009, I thought I could just partition the rest of 2009 and all of 2010 in one chapter!
Enjoy, Alanna
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August 20, 2009,
I was sitting alone in my room at my grandmother's house when, I got a text message from Frank. He کہا the words I had been waiting so long to hear "get ready because I'm picking آپ up and were going to the recording studio to lay down some tracks." I couldn't help but smile. This all seems unreal! I can't believe I'm actually going to start a singing career just like my father!
I ran downstairs and stopped at the میز, جدول so I could tie my shoes. My grandmother کہا "well; it's nice to see that you've finally left your room!" I کہا "uncle Frank is coming to pick me up and were going to the recording studio!" She کہا "oh okay; how is Carter?" I کہا "I just put him down for a nap so; he shouldn't be up for a while! I know you're probably going to want to shut the پرستار off in my room but, keep it on because he's wrapped up in three blankets!" She asked with a confused look on her face "why three blankets? It's almost 95° outside." I کہا "he wouldn't let the blankets go and I didn't want to hear him cry."
Frank's car pulled up to the front gate at Havenhurst and I ran outside. I opened the passenger side door and کہا "this is going to be so awesome!" He کہا "I think we should focus on bringing your father's موسیقی back to life for the younger generation that may not know how amazing he was." I کہا "I agree with you; it saddens me when kids today are listening to foul music! I don't really have a lot of room to talk when it comes to that because I'm just as guilty of listening to it as they are! I really want to focus on the age group of eight and up to دکھائیں them what good موسیقی is really like!" He کہا "that's how your dad would want آپ to be with your career too."
We walked inside the recording studio and Frank put an instrumental CD of some of dad's songs. He passed me a set of headphones and motioned for me to go in the sound booth. I walked inside and could hear my voice echo as I jumped with excitement. Frank کہا "why don't we start with something with a strong hook.
I stood there as I sang "Annie are آپ okay? Are آپ okay Annie? You've been hit by, you've been struck by… A smooth criminal!" As I sang my دل out, reality hit me! I thought to myself, wow this is really happening! I really am going to become a famous singer! I wonder if dad watching me right now wherever he is?"
I was snapped out of the trance I was in سے طرف کی Frank saying "that was absolutely amazing AJ; your dad wasn't kidding when he کہا آپ could sing!" We need to put out an album as soon as possible because this thing is going to be a hit! We could even get some major stars of today to do collaborations with آپ on some of your father's biggest hits! I still can't get over how awesome that was! This is going to be huge! I can feel it in my gut! Starting today you'll be in the studio six hours a day, after your schoolwork is done!" I smiled ear to ear and کہا "I forgot to tell آپ that I have over 1 million Twitter followers already and I've only tweeted one thing! I think they know that I'm starting my own musical career!"
August 29, 2009,
I was in the studio working on my debut album when my cell phone rang:
Me: hello grandma! What do آپ need? Is Carter okay?
Grandma: did آپ forget what today is? آپ better be on your way home!
Me: listen; I know it's dad's birthday but I'd rather stay here to keep my mind off of things!
Grandma: I understand that آپ don't want to come ہوم but; I think it's the right thing to do AJ! Everyone would appreciate it if آپ came home!
Me: I don't want to because I'm not ready to deal with the fact that he's gone yet!
Grandma: it's not going to be a sad thing! I promise آپ that AJ! We're just going to have some cake and celebrate your dad's life! Here, Paris wants to talk to you.
Paris: AJ; will آپ please come home? Just for a few hours? We all miss آپ because we hardly see much of آپ since you've been in the studio recording your album!
Me: it's not that I don't want to celebrate with آپ guys; I just can't bring myself to realize that he's actually gone! Do آپ realize how different this birthday is compared to all the other ones we celebrated with dad over the years? He may be there in spirit but; he won't be there in person! I'm sorry but I just can't come home! Making this موسیقی helps me connect with dad! It makes me cope with him being gone! Goodbye; I love you!
September 3, 2009,
I was getting ready to leave because Frank and I are headed to the local radio station to promote my cover/single to 'pretty young thing.' The song debuted at number one on the fresh artists chart and it's been exploding ever since last week!
I ran out to the car after kissing Carter's head and sat in the drivers seat. As we made our way onto the Main Rd., Frank turned on the radio and we heard "she's his PYT, pretty young thing!" I looked at Frank and کہا "it's so weird hearing my voice on the radio! I'm so glad آپ let me change the lyrics a little bit so it was altered for a girl to sing!" He کہا "yeah me too! It would be awkward for آپ saying 'she's my pretty young thing.’ “The voice on the radio کہا "that was Alanna Jackson with her new single PYT! Check back in 25 منٹ for my exclusive interview with the King of Pop's daughter! This is your man Mac Maze and we'll be back after this word from our sponsors! Don't touch that dial!"
As Frank and I walked into the radio station, he کہا "since this will be your first ever interview let me give آپ some tips. First, answer them as honestly as possible and don't be afraid to throw some humor in there! Second, just be as natural as possible, and lastly if there's any سوالات that آپ don't feel comfortable answering یا don't know if آپ should answer I'll handle it!" I کہا "okay; I don't think it's going to be as bad as آپ think it is!"
We entered a big room and a heavyset African-American man with a goatee stood up from his chair to greet us. He کہا "nice to finally meet آپ AJ!" He stared at my fauxhawk hairstyle, bright red hightop sneakers, T-shirt with a chimpanzee wearing headphones on it, and sunglasses I had sticking out of my pocket. He کہا "I hear that you're not the most feminine girl out there!" I laughed and کہا "glitter, ponies, and nail polish are definitely not my thing!" He laughed and کہا "yeah; I can see that! Alright, the commercial break is almost over and you'll be ready to go on air!"
As I was about to sit down in the chair opposite of him, Frank whispered in my ear "pull your pants up! Your boxers are hanging out!" I hiked my baggy jeans up and sat down. Mac کہا "welcome back to the most listened to radio station in all of Los Angeles! This is a Mac and as promised I'm now sitting here with Alanna Jackson! What's it feel like to have your first single 'PYT, pretty young thing be the number one requested song this week?” I spoke into the microphone that was attached to the میز, جدول and کہا "oh; it's awesome man! I didn't expect it to do so well right off the bat!" He کہا "I just have to point out that your dad's talent has definitely rubbed off on you!" I کہا "thanks but; my dad will forever be the best and that's exactly how I want it to stay!" He asked "do آپ hope to one دن match the successes your father has achieved?" I کہا "I mean if it happens; it happens! I never want to outshine my dad though! My dad is the King and that is his crown, not mine!" Mac کہا "we have some شائقین on the line that have سوالات for you! آپ down with that?" I کہا "fan questions? I didn't realize that I had legit شائقین yet; yeah go ahead! I can't wait to hear them!"
Mac opened up the phone lines and کہا "here's our first caller, go ahead." The voice کہا "hi; my name is Becky and I was wondering if آپ are working on an official album?" I کہا "yeah I am!" She asked "do آپ know when it will be released?" I کہا while thinking "January of اگلے سال for sure! We just haven't settled on a specific تاریخ yet." Mac put the اگلے caller through and she asked "will آپ be going on tour soon either as an opening act for other artists یا will آپ be going on your own headlining tour?" I کہا "well; after a few مزید singles drop I'll be having promotional shows all over California and if all goes well a tour of my own will definitely be in the near future!" Mac let someone else through and it sounded like a 13-year-old girl who asked "besides your father, who are some of your musical inspirations?" I کہا "I really like Chris Brown, Drake, Ke$ha, آپ know people like that." Mac کہا "we have time for one more; go ahead caller." This time it was a teenage boy who asked "are آپ single?" I looked up at Frank while wondering if I should lie یا not and he whispered "you can tell the truth AJ." I کہا "yeah I am." The boy responded "what do آپ look for in a guy?" I کہا "let's see; I really like a guy who accepts the fact that I'm a tomboy and that he will never see me wearing a dress یا makeup! I also like a guy who puts me first before his دوستوں and partying!" Mac کہا "alright; that's all we have time for today. I'd like to thank آپ AJ for stopping سے طرف کی today and making us the place where آپ conducted your first interview!" I کہا "thank آپ guys!" He asked "is there anything that you’d like to say before we call it a دن here?" I کہا "PYT, pretty young thing is now available on iTunes. Don't forget to buy that and request! The official Alanna Jackson website and online store will be up اگلے week! آپ can follow me on twitter @officialAlannaJackson! Thank آپ for all your support!"
After we had signed off the air, Frank کہا as he patted me on the back "you did a great job kid!" Mac کہا "I had a great time with آپ here today! آپ better come back and visit! I can already tell آپ going to be the اگلے musical sensation!" I کہا "of course I will be back!"
My phone started ringing frantically and I put it on speaker so Frank could hear. Blanket shouted "OH MY GOD THAT WAS AWESOME AJ!" Prince کہا "I can't believe آپ were on the radio!" Grandma کہا "you did so well!" I کہا "okay; I'm headed ہوم آپ guys so I'll see آپ when I get there!" An ambush of "goodbyes" screamed back at us and I hung up the phone. I still can't believe that this is all really happening to me! I wonder how long it'll be before this whole being famous thing hits me.
October 4, 2009,
I officially finished my album which I named "Legacy" and it will be released on January 23, 2010. I released three مزید singles of my versions of dad's songs, wanna be starting something, working دن and night, they don't care about us, and another part of me. They've been playing the songs on the radio like crazy!
Frank and I wish sitting in the gym at Havenhurst when he کہا "okay; آپ can tweet something about the tickets for the five Californian promotional concerts!" I went on to my twitter account and typed @officialAlannaJackson: tickets go on sale for my five California concerts go on sale in 15 minutes!
A tall man of Mexican descent walked into the room and کہا "hi; my name is Tony and I'll be your choreographer for your concerts!" I bent down to tie my shoe and Frank کہا "I know آپ can sing but; can آپ dance?" I smiled as I adjusted the hat on my head and Tony started walking me through dance moves. Frank stood there with a stunned look on his face and کہا "you are so much like your father it amazes me!"
October 9, 2009,
Today is my first کنسرٹ on my five دکھائیں promotional tour and I'm so excited! I was downstairs at the house when my siblings came running into the room. Prince کہا "we can't wait to see آپ perform today AJ!" Blanket asked "how many مزید hours?" I کہا "an گھنٹہ and a half! Frank is on his way here to pick me up and take me to Universal Studios where the کنسرٹ will be."
After I got in the car, Frank کہا "today's the دن kid! Are آپ ready for this?" I کہا "more than ready!" He کہا "don't be nervous! You'll do just fine!" I کہا "don't worry; I'm not nervous! I'm excited!" He کہا "we're almost there! I wonder how big the turnout will be."
We pulled onto the سٹریٹ, گلی that leads to Universal Studios and I کہا "I wonder what's going on because there's a whole bunch of people lined down the street!" He کہا "I don't know; maybe there's a سٹریٹ, گلی performer outside!" We pulled up to one of the private buildings on the Universal Studios lot and Frank کہا "go on in there and I'll be in after I see what all these people are doing crowding the streets!"
I walked into what appeared to be a large dressing room with a flatscreen TV and black leather couch. My stylist Karen Faye (Michael's personal stylist when he was alive) started to touch up some skin tone make up on my face. I had to turn the volume up on the TV several times because of the commotion going on outside.
Frank came into the room with a huge smile on his face and I asked "what's your problem?" He asked "you know all those people that were lining the streets?" I کہا "yeah!" He کہا as he sat down اگلے to me "you're not going to believe this!" I looked at him confused and asked "what?" He کہا as he stuttered "th – those people are waiting to see you!!!" I کہا as I chuckled in disbelief "yeah right; there's no way!" He کہا "I'm not kidding!!! I just talked to the owner of the park and the 250 tickets that went on sale sold-out in an hour!" My mouth dropped and I asked "so what's with the hundreds and hundreds of people standing outside the park?" He کہا "those are people that weren't able to get tickets! I'm assuming they're hoping that they would catch a glimpse of آپ at some point!"
I got up and looked out the window at the hundreds of شائقین outside. Frank put his hand on my shoulder and asked "do آپ feel famous yet?" I whispered "yeah; I can't believe all these people showed up to hear me sing 4 songs!" He کہا "this is only a small promotional tour! Think about when you're a headliner!"
A few منٹ later, I was introduced سے طرف کی the DJ and stepped out onto the stage wearing just my typical everyday clothes! I put my ear piece in so I could hear myself singing and started the set list. Beginning with PYT, working دن and night, they don't care about us, and lastly wanna be starting something. I could see my family standing on the side of the stage as I sang and they smiled.
Afterwards, Frank and I went back to the large dressing room. I sat down on the سوفی, لٹانا and drank from a water bottle. Blanket, Prince, Paris, and grandma came into the room and started chanting my name! I chuckled as I took Carter from Paris and adjusted the hat on my head. I really am famous!!!
October 13, 2009,
I was sitting at the میز, جدول with my chemistry textbook as I scribbled جوابات on a worksheet. Carter crawled around on the floor as I looked up every so often to see if he was okay. Prince came downstairs and picked him up. Prince walked over and looked over my shoulder to see what I was doing. Carter pointed at me and کہا "mommy." I looked at Prince and he smiled at Carter. I asked with excitement in my voice "did he just say his first word?" Prince کہا "say it again Carter!" Carter کہا "mommy, mommy, mommy!"
I grabbed him from Prince and jumped with excitement. He started giggling at my reaction as he کہا "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy!" Paris came running into the room and asked "what's all the screaming going on in here for? I کہا "HE CALLED ME MOMMY!" She clapped her hands with excitement and کہا "that's so cute! If daddy was here he would be freaking out right now!" I looked at Paris and stared at her in silence for a few minutes. Then I کہا "thanks for ruining the moment سے طرف کی saying something like that!" I passed Carter back to Prince and ran up the stairs as Paris begged "wait AJ; I didn't mean to bring up daddy!"
I slammed my bedroom door and sat down on the bed. Anytime anyone talks about dad I just can't handle it! I'm not really mad at Paris; I'm mad at the fact that dad's gone forever and there's nothing I can do about it to bring him back! It wasn't supposed to be like this! I looked up at the sky and کہا "I wish آپ were here daddy! It just isn't fair!"
October 17, 2009,
Frank and I sat in the living room and he کہا "I have some bad news! Then I have some good news! Here's the bad news, آپ know how آپ have two مزید concerts left in your promotional tour?" I shook my head in agreement and he کہا "the record label canceled them." I asked with anger in my voice "what! Why would they do something like that?" He کہا "before آپ get angry, let me explain! The reason why they canceled them is because of how well you've done and how in demand the tickets to your shows were!" I کہا "well; if the tickets were in such demand then it would be stupid of them to منسوخ the remaining dates!" He کہا "let me finish. As I was saying, they canceled them because they want آپ to go on your own headlining tour starting February 1 of 2010!"
I smiled and کہا "oh okay; I'm not mad anymore! He کہا "I had a meeting with the record label executives yesterday and they کہا that they want to call the tour the 'Legacy Tour.'" I asked "how many dates are scheduled for the tour?" He کہا "87; America, Canada, and the United Kingdom!" I کہا "wow; I didn't know that I was مقبول in other countries besides the US! I kind of wish that I could do a کنسرٹ in Japan though. I loved going there when I was a little kid!" He کہا "you're still young; there's plenty of time to conquer Japan!"
November 18, 2009,
I was woken up سے طرف کی the sound of Carter saying "mommy" over and over again. I got out of بستر and کہا "happy first birthday buddy!" I changed him and took him downstairs to start setting up for the party. My cell phone rang as I passed him a baby bottle with chocolate milk. I answered it and Damien's mother Kate کہا "hi AJ; how's the birthday boy?" I کہا "he's good!" She کہا "I'm sorry that I couldn't afford to make it out there to help celebrate!" I کہا "it's okay; there's plenty of family coming over today!" She کہا "the go Diego go DVDs I bought him for his birthday should be there any دن now." I کہا "okay; did آپ want to talk to him?"
I tried passing Carter my iPhone and he pushed it away while saying "no mommy no!" I کہا as I put the phone up to his ear "it's grandma Kate! She wants to talk to you; talk to grandma!" He pushed it away and I put the phone back up to my ear. I کہا "his eyes are glued to the TV right now! He doesn't want anything to do with the phone! Sorry, I tried!" She کہا "that's alright; I can't expect too much from a one-year-old! Have a good time at the party today!" I کہا "we will and I will take lots of pictures so آپ can see! Goodbye!"
I stood up on the باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ میز, جدول as Prince passed me the blue and red streamers. Grandma walked into the room and کہا "don't fall AJ!" I کہا "don't worry; even if I did it wouldn't be that bad because the ground is only a few feet away!" Uncle Jermaine opened the front door and کہا "I picked up that blue cake آپ ordered Alanna!" He put the box down on the counter and I hopped off of the میز, جدول to look at it. It was simple but perfect at the same time. It had blue frosting with the words "happy first birthday Carter" written in green frosting.
Other family members started to arrive and Aunt Latoya came in carrying three boxes of پیزا with a gift bag resting on the top. I ran over and کہا "let me help آپ with that!" I took this stack of boxes from her and set them on the table. She hugged me and asked "how are you?" I کہا "I'm okay I guess."
The two of us walked into the ماند, خلوت خانہ and sat down on the سوفی, لٹانا alone. She کہا "your grandmother told me that آپ haven't been expressing your feelings about your dad!" I کہا "it's not that I don't care because I do! It's just hard for me; for the first 15 years of my life the only person that ever saw me cry was dad!" She کہا "I think out of all our extended family I've been the closest of you! If آپ ever need to cry I'm here!" I started to well up with tears and کہا "I just wish Dr. Murray didn't call Prince and I into the room when he performed CPR on dad! I could tell that he was already dead and I knew from the moment we sat down in that room with grandma that she was going to tell us that he was!" She looked at me sympathetically and she herself tried to picture what I must've been feeling.
She hugged me and کہا "cheer up; today is Carter's birthday! آپ have to try to be happy for him!" I wiped the tears away and stood up as I کہا "it's so hard but I'll try!" I opened the door to the ماند, خلوت خانہ as my dog ڈریک jumped up at us.
I sat down at the میز, جدول with everyone else as they were getting ready to bring Carter's birthday cake out. We all sang happy birthday and I cut him a huge piece of cake. I put it on his high chair tray and he was kind of afraid of it. I کہا while laughing “it’s just food; go ahead buddy!" Prince کہا as he walked up to me "I think there's something on the piece of cake AJ! I looked at him confused and کہا "I don't see anything!" He pointed "see it right there!" I کہا "no; I don't know what you're talking about Prince!" I leaned my face in to get a closer look and he کہا "right here" as he smashed my face into the cake.
Everyone started cracking up as I lifted my face off of the cake and wiped the frosting away from my eyes. My face was completely covered with green and blue frosting and Carter started laughing. I کہا "he's supposed to be the one covered in frosting; not me!" I knelt down اگلے to Carter and he puckered his lips for a kiss and I کہا "I think he knows it's frosting now!" I pecked his lips and he took a handful of frosting off my face. He started licking his fingers and we all continued to laugh as I smeared some frosting on the side of Prince's face.
November 19, 2009,
It was midnight and I was just finishing cleaning up the last things from Carter's birthday party. I walked into the living room and found Prince was asleep on the سوفی, لٹانا sitting with Carter snoring on his chest. I smiled as I covered them with a blanket and walked upstairs.
I walked into my room and heard something hitting my window. I walked up to the window and saw little pebbles being pelted at the glass. I opened the window and looked down to see who it was. Damien was standing there wearing a white tank سب, سب سے اوپر and camo cargo shorts. I yelled "what the hell are آپ doing here?" He asked "can I come in?" I کہا reluctantly "fine but; آپ better not be an ass!" I walked downstairs and let him inside as we quietly made our way up to my room.
I shut my bedroom door and asked "what are آپ doing here Damien?" He asked "isn't today Carter's birthday?" I کہا "you would think آپ would know that his birthday was yesterday because you're his dad!" He کہا "oh; well I'm sorry!" I asked irritated "sorry? You're sorry? That's all آپ have to say?" He کہا "I don't know what else آپ want from me AJ!" I کہا "you left me without even saying anything! If it wasn't for my dad I would've been doing everything on my own! That's not how it's supposed to be! You're lucky that I had just had the baby when آپ showed up at the hospital because if I had gotten to آپ instead of my dad I would've دیا آپ a whole hell of a lot worse than a black eye!"
He sat down اگلے to me on the بستر and کہا "I can't really do anything about that now except for apologize and promise آپ that things will be different!" I کہا "if you're going to be a part of his life then be a part of it! I don't want آپ around him if you're just going to abandon him one دن just like آپ did with me! Before آپ ask, we're never going to be boyfriend and girlfriend again. I tried that once and I'm not willing to try again because my first priority is our son. It's yet to be seen if آپ feel the same way!" He looked down seemingly disappointed and کہا "I was kind of hoping…" I looked at him waiting for an answer and he tossed a condom in my lap I looked at him and کہا "fine; but only because آپ came all the way here from Las Vegas to apologize!" I whispered in his ear "by the way; your new mustache is sexy!"
November 20, 2009,
Knowing that the family would be away until this afternoon Damien stayed the night again. He's only been here at night and I have no idea what he's been doing during the day. He's going back to Vegas today and hasn't spent much time with Carter since he's been here. That definitely gets on my nerves and I won't put up with it for long.
Damien came into my room and I کہا "my family will be here in an گھنٹہ so آپ have to leave soon because I don't want them to know that آپ were here!" He stripped down to his boxers and asked "can I use your شاور before I leave?" I کہا "just try to be fast because آپ have to get out of here before they get back!" He کہا "I will" as he shut the door to the bathroom that was in my bedroom.
While Carter took a nap, I heard Damien turn the شاور on and I looked down at my bedroom floor. I saw Damien's cell phone sticking out of the pocket in his shorts and decided to go through it. I went to his باکس ان and started reading his text messages:
Damien: I'm leaving in a few hours :-)
Baby: okay! I miss آپ so much and I hope you're getting along well with your baby's mother.
Damien: I got to go; I'll talk to آپ later! I love you! Hope آپ have something special planned for when I get back
***
I was fuming with anger as I got up from my بستر and used a paperclip to unlock the bathroom door. I opened the door and stormed in. I looked at Damien as he stood in the شاور and pulled him out. I pushed him down on the بستر and he asked "what the hell are آپ doing? I wasn't done taking a شاور yet!" I کہا "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME آپ HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!" He looked up at me and asked "why the fuck do آپ care?" I کہا "because we had sex yesterday آپ jackass!" He کہا obviously unfazed "she's not going to find out anyway! Even if she did; the ladies can't resist me!" I کہا as I shoved him down the stairs and out the door "so آپ were just going to hook up with me then leave!" He کہا "STOP BEING SUCH A کتیا, کتيا AJ!" I کہا as I slapped him across the face "DON'T آپ EVER CALL ME A BITCH! آپ CAN FORGET ABOUT EVER SEEING YOUR SON AGAIN! NOW I KNOW THAT EVERYTHING آپ کہا TO ME ABOUT BEING THERE WAS ALL بیل SHIT!!! He کہا "you think I give a damn if I see him again? I don't; I don't even know the kid!" I کہا "you're a pathetic excuse for a father! That's really sad! I'm glad I care about him enough to keep him away from you! DON'T آپ GET IT? I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE THERE! THE ONLY ONE YOU'RE HURTING IS CARTER! IT'S GOING TO SUCK FOR آپ WHEN HE'S CALLING SOMEONE ELSE DADDY! I'LL BE IN PRISON FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER BEFORE آپ TREAT OUR SON LIKE HE'S WORTHLESS!" I threw him his clothes and کہا "get the hell out of here and don't come back!" He quickly put his clothes on and casually walked down the road like he didn't even care!
December 25, 2009,
It was 7 o'clock in the morning on Christmas دن and I lay in my بستر looking at the ceiling. I talked to myself "I wish آپ were here daddy. Christmas will never be the same without you! I know you'll be there in spirit but; I would do anything just to see آپ one مزید time! I know آپ can hear me up there and my new موسیقی video came out last week! It's really مقبول and I hope I made آپ proud! My album comes out in less than a ماہ and then I'm going on tour! I wish آپ could give me a sigh that آپ are supportive of everything that I've been working on lately!"
I was interrupted سے طرف کی Carter standing up in his پالنے, پالنا crying and I walked over to pick him up. I کہا "Merry Christmas little guy!" Blanket came running into my room and کہا "Santa Claus came!" I asked trying to keep the magic alive for him "he did?" Before I got a response from him, he ran into Prince's room and yelled "PRINCE WAKE UP!" Paris and I looked at each other as we laughed at his excitement. My grandmother came out of her room and smiled as she asked "how late were آپ up last night wrapping Carter's gifts?" I کہا "until two in the morning." I whispered in her ear "keep the kids up here for a few مزید منٹ because I have to go sneak his gift from Santa Claus downstairs, distract him for me!”
After I had put the gift downstairs I کہا "okay; آپ guys can come downstairs now!” I took my iPhone out of the pocket on the red flannel pajama pants that I was wearing and started to take pictures. I smiled as Prince helped Carter walk down the stairs. Carter's been walking for about two months now and hasn't quite mastered the stairs yet.
I smiled as Blanket's mouth dropped as he saw the living room covered with gifts stacked 5 feet high. I knelt down to get a good picture of Carter's face as he saw the giant plastic play باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ that I had bought him. He ran toward it stumbling on his feet and falling down a few times. He pulled himself up on it and I asked "oh my gosh Carter; what did Santa bring you?" Grandma smiled and winked down at me. I stood up and she whispered in my ear "is that where the $300 آپ got from the promotional tour went?" I کہا "of course; I wanted my son to have a good Christmas and I wasn't about to spend my money on myself!" She sat down in the chair behind her and started to tear up. I put my hand on her shoulder and asked "what's wrong grandma?" She کہا "your father would be so proud of آپ right now! I had no idea that آپ spent the little money that آپ got from those three shows on Carter." I کہا "well obviously; I may not make the best decisions most of the time but, when it comes to Carter I'll always put him first before anything else!" She کہا "I was about to confront آپ and ask آپ what stupid thing آپ bought with your money; I guess I underestimated you!" I winked at her and کہا "have a little faith in me grandma, I have a good side too!"
Prince, Paris, and Blanket sat down on the سوفی, لٹانا as I passed them stacks of gifts. As I sat down on the floor blanket کہا "pass me all of my gifts AJ!" I کہا "there's hundreds of gifts with your name on them; it would take me hours to find them! Just start with that and I'll grab مزید later." I grabbed a present with Carter's name on it and کہا as I pulled him away from the play باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ "come on buddy; let's open up some gifts!" He started screaming and reaching for the play باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ and I tried to distract him سے طرف کی ripping a hole through the gift. He wasn't having any of it and I کہا "fine, I'll save your gifts for after everyone else is done!"
We passed out gifts and attacked them one after another. I saw as the gifts started to fade and my siblings had opened their expensive gifts. Paris and Prince both got their own cell phones and Blanket had gotten a laptop. I wasn't expecting much because the most important thing is that Carter got everything that he wanted. I started helping grandma clean up the paper that covered the floor and she کہا "I think there's something else for you."
I looked around and کہا confused "I don't see anything grandma; maybe you're getting it mixed up with something I already opened!" She کہا as she pointed at a little red box that was hanging from a branch on the Christmas درخت "what's that?" I untied the ribbon that was holding the box to the branch and took it off. I looked at grandma and let out a nervous laugh as I asked "why are آپ staring at me with that creepy smile on your face like آپ are going to explode?" She کہا "just open it up and you'll find out!" I asked worried سے طرف کی her anticipation "nothing living is going to jump out at me; right? Like a bug یا something!"
Prince shouted from the other room as he shoved syrup covered waffles کے, waffles into his mouth and listened in on our conversation "just open it already AJ! I want to know what it is!" I کہا "alright, alright I'm opening it!" I untied the bow that was on سب, سب سے اوپر of the box and carefully removed the lid. I looked inside and then looked up as I کہا "you're joking grandma; آپ didn't!" She کہا "you're right; I didn't because your dad did!" Prince tossed his plate in the sink and asked "what is it?" I looked at him shocked beyond belief and pulled out a set of car keys from the box!
I ran out the door barefoot wearing pajama pants and a سٹار, ستارہ Wars T-shirt. Grandma was laughing so hard she barely got out of the words "PUT YOUR SHOES ON!" I was already out the door سے طرف کی that point and my jaw dropped when I saw what was sitting in the driveway. It was the black Ford F1 50 that dad saw me eyeing when I went with him last سال to the car lot so he could trade-in his Rolls-Royce. I didn't even think he was watching me when I was looking at it!
Blanket and Prince climbed into the بستر of the truck. I climbed up into the driver’s نشست and started the engine. I asked as I looked out the window at grandma "can I take it down to the lake that's not too far from here?" She motioned for my brothers to get out of the truck and کہا "just don't get pulled over because آپ only have your drivers permit!" I کہا "don't worry, I won't!"
When I pulled up in front of the lake I turned on the radio as I looked around still in shock. I کہا to myself "I can't believe dad was able to hide this from me for so long!" I opened up the دستانے, دستانہ compartment and was surprised to see a piece of paper inside. I took it out and opened it. It read:
Dated at the سب, سب سے اوپر of the paper: 6 – 23 – 09
Dear Alanna,
I don't know if you'll ever notice this note but, don't make me regret buying آپ this truck! I love آپ so much even though آپ make me want to rip my hair out because of how آپ act! Drive محفوظ kiddo and enjoy!
Love آپ forever, no matter what!!! – Daddy
***
I paused in silence for about five سیکنڈ processing what I had just read and reread the date. I whispered "that was the دن before dad and I had that huge fight!" I couldn't fight back the tears anymore as I pounded my fist on the dashboard. I screamed "I'M SORRY! I DON'T KNOW WHY آپ PUT UP WITH ME and I fought آپ every step of the way! I DON'T KNOW WHY آپ DIDN'T GIVE UP ON ME!" I sobbed uncontrollably for 10 منٹ straight as I gripped the note tightly in my hand. I continue to cry and then suddenly I heard "I just can't stop lovin' you, I just can't stop lovin' you, and if I stop tell me just what will I do cause I just can't stop lovin' you!!!"
I looked up at the station and it کہا "jingle bells" was the song that was playing. I کہا to myself "that wasn't jingle bells! I thought this radio station was supposed to be playing Christmas موسیقی all day!" As I drove back to Havenhurst, I couldn't help but wonder why the radio had کہا it was playing a Christmas song instead of what was actually playing. I know it wasn't just me hearing things because I heard that song like it was clear as day… That's so strange and random of that radio station!!!