January 4, 2014,
I have been a complete emotional wreck ever since I found out that Damien wants to fight me for custody of Carter. Part of me wants to believe that it's because he's a changed person and wants to be a father to Carter; but I know in my دل that that isn't the truth! Never in 1 million years did I think Damien would do something like this!
I had spent all morning in my bedroom and had not come downstairs in days! Kyle came upstairs and sat down اگلے to me on the bed. He asked "are آپ okay? I've never seen آپ cry so much before!" I کہا "I won't be okay until this whole Damien thing is over with! Carter's five years old and still thinks that you're his father! I was hoping it would stay that way for a long time! I don't want him to face the reality of who his father really is! Damien isn't the kind of father that Carter can be proud of! Damien is an alcoholic player who takes advantage of any girl that he sees and he is living in some chick's basement! I don't want Carter exposed to all of that; especially because he understands so much مزید now than he did before!" Kyle کہا "I hate that we even have to deal with this right now! If Damien really wanted to spend time with Carter he should have started five years پہلے when he was born!" I کہا "this just sucks and that's all that there is to it!" Kyle کہا "I do know one thing though; آپ need to get out of this room because you're depressing yourself even مزید سے طرف کی being alone and crying! Carter's been asking me why آپ haven't seen him in a few days! I told him that آپ didn't feel good and that آپ would come down eventually! I promise آپ that if آپ go downstairs آپ will feel better!" I wiped tears off of my eyes and kissed Kyle. I کہا "I suppose I should go down there."
Kyle and I walked downstairs and into the living room. Carter turned around and jumped up from the spot where he was sitting on the floor as soon as he saw me. He ran up to me and gave me a huge hug. I knelt down in front of him and he looked at how red my eyes were from the nonstop crying I had been doing. He asked "are آپ okay mommy? Were آپ crying?" I کہا "no; I wasn't crying." He asked "how come آپ weren't coming out of your room? How come daddy had to bring food up to آپ and make آپ eat?" I کہا "I was just busy working on stuff for my job buddy. I needed to be up there because it's quiet and I can think better. Daddy brought the food up to me because I didn't want to stop working at all; but I promise that I'm going to be down here during the دن from now on." Carter کہا "you missed my first دن of kindergarten! I was so sad; I thought آپ were at least going to be there when daddy picked me up!" I کہا "I know buddy; I'm sorry! I promise I'll drop آپ off all سے طرف کی myself tomorrow." Carter got all excited and کہا "I can't wait for آپ to meet my teacher and friends!" I کہا "I only missed one دن of آپ going to school and I promise I won't miss any more!" He gave me a kiss and کہا "I'm so happy that آپ finally came out of your bedroom mommy! I missed you!"
January 5, 2014,
Carter sat in the living room watching TV and eating a bowl of cereal as I tried to wake up سے طرف کی drinking my usual Starbucks coffee that Kyle picked up for me like he does every morning. I put some hair gel in Carter's hair to spike his little fauxhawk and helped him tie his shoes. He ran over and gave Kyle a hug as he grabbed his SpongeBob backpack.
I drove him to school and helped him climb down the high step that is in my truck. Before I could stop him, Carter bolted inside the elementary school and I chased after him. He کہا "come on mommy; I want to دکھائیں آپ my classroom!" I کہا "you have to hang on because I have to sign آپ in at the office so they know you're here." He grabbed my hand and we walked into the main office of the school. As we stood there waiting in line, I was not at all prepared for everything that was about to happen.
As we reached the counter I signed my signature on a paper that was attached to a clipboard and a mother standing اگلے to me asked "are آپ Alanna Jackson?" I passed the clipboard back to the secretary and کہا "yeah." She immediately asked "will آپ sign my daughters iPod? She's a huge پرستار of yours!" I took the pen that was sitting on سب, سب سے اوپر of the clipboard and signed the rubber iPod case with my signature. She کہا "thank آپ so much AJ! My daughter is going to freak out when I give this to her when I picked her up later!" I کہا "no problem; I'm glad I could make her happy."
I grabbed Carter's hand again and we walked out into the hallway. He کہا as he pulled away "there's my classroom mommy!" I followed him inside the room that was covered with shapes all over the wall. He ran up to a woman who didn't look much older than I am and کہا "hi miss Lauren!" She bent down in front of him and کہا "hi Carter; I thought آپ weren't coming to school today!" He کہا "no; I was! Mommy just was running late this morning!" She کہا "okay; go put your backpack in your cubby and I'm going to start دائرے, حلقہ time in about 10 minutes."
I smiled as Carter ran up to a boy and sat down اگلے to him. The teacher finally made eye contact with me and کہا "oh my gosh; I didn't realize that آپ are Carter's mother!" I کہا "yeah; I am. I thought my husband would've told آپ that." She کہا "he told me that your name is Alanna; but I guess I didn't make the connection between your first name and Carter's last name! I really had no idea it was آپ AJ!" I کہا "alright; Carter seems to be all set; so I'll pick him up here at the end of the day." She asked "if آپ want to آپ can stay and observe the class?" I کہا "oh no; I couldn't impose! I'll be back to pick him up at 3 o'clock."
As I walked out of the room, I noticed a sign on the door that کہا "parents not permitted to stay for مزید than five منٹ after class has begun." I wrinkled my eyebrows and walked out of the room.
I arrived back at Neverland 15 منٹ later and walked through the front door. I put my keys on the counter سب, سب سے اوپر and went into the living room. As I sat down on the couch, Kyle asked "how do آپ like Carter's school babe?" I کہا "Carter seems to love it and it looks like he's already starting to make دوستوں with the other kids. Something weird happened with the teacher though." Kyle flipped through the TV channels and asked "what happened?" I کہا "as soon as the teacher figured out that I am a celebrity she started to act all weird! She even asked me if I wanted to stay for the دن and watch her teach the class! When I was leaving the classroom I saw a sign on the door that کہا that the parents aren't allowed to stay in the classroom for مزید than five منٹ after the teacher starts teaching!" Kyle کہا "that is weird for her to offer to let آپ do something that's against the rules." I کہا "I think she's giving me special treatment because I'm famous! What people don't understand is that I'm just a normal person like everyone else and I don't want Carter to be spoiled سے طرف کی the teacher just because I'm a celebrity!" Kyle کہا "now I understand why your dad wanted to homeschool آپ guys when he was alive because imagine how آپ would've been treated just because he is Michael Jackson! I کہا "I wonder if I made the wrong decision سے طرف کی letting Carter go to a normal school! Maybe I should just start homeschooling him instead." Kyle کہا "you can't take him out of school now! He loves it there!" I کہا "I guess you're right; I just hope all the teachers treat him just like a normal kid because that's what he is! He doesn't need مزید attention than the other kids get from the teacher just because I'm Alanna Jackson!"
January 9, 2014,
I was in the studio working on my new album سے طرف کی myself without Frank there because he was busy for the دن and I was able to get a lot of work done without him critiquing everything that I sang. I stopped after about four hours of nonstop recording to have the سینڈوچ that I had picked up earlier this morning.
As I sat down to start eating I noticed a rundown car pulled up in front of the recording studio. As soon as the person got out of the car I recognized who it was. Damien walked up to the door and knocked on it a few times. I was debating whether یا not to answer it; but eventually I reluctantly opened the door. He asked "what's up AJ?" I asked "who the hell told آپ that I was at the recording studio?" He کہا "I called your manager and he told me because he recognized my name when I told him who I was." I کہا "I really don't have anything to say to you!" He کہا "I decided to come here a few weeks early; so I wouldn't have to worry about missing the court date. I can't wait to see Carter! How is the little guy?" I کہا with irritation in my voice "he's not so little anymore!" Damien asked "isn't he like three years old now?" I rolled my eyes and کہا sarcastically "isn't that just great? آپ don't even know how old your son is!" He asked "how old is he?" I کہا "five!" He کہا "I can't wait until I get visitation with him. I miss him!"
I کہا "quit acting like آپ care! I know آپ don't care about him and آپ are just trying to squeeze as much money from me as آپ can! Don't think for a سیکنڈ that I'm going to take it easy on آپ when we're in the courthouse before that judge! I'm going to expose آپ for everything that آپ really are!" He کہا "good luck with that AJ! The judge always feels bad when a son doesn't have a father in his life!" I کہا arrogantly "Carter does have a father in his life and he is a whole hell of a lot better father than آپ would ever be!" He کہا "I don't really like the fact that آپ have your boyfriend around our son without my permission!" I کہا "he's not my boyfriend; he is my husband and how do آپ expect me to ask your permission if you're never around? You're such a jerk and I can already tell that آپ haven't grown up at all since the last time I saw you!" He کہا "okay; I'm going to leave because I want to save all the good fighting for when I kick your پچھواڑے, گدا in court!" I کہا "we'll see about that when the دن comes!"
Immediately after Damien left the recording studio, I got in my truck and drove back to the ranch. I went inside and upstairs to the bedroom. I sat down on the بستر اگلے to Kyle and he asked "how did work go today?" I raised my eyebrows and کہا with a smirk on my face "you'll never guess who I saw today!" He asked "who?" I کہا "Damien!" He کہا "Damien; what is he doing here in California so soon? The court تاریخ isn't for three مزید weeks!" I کہا "I know; he کہا that he was coming out here ahead of time to make sure that he didn't miss the court date!" Kyle laughed and asked "how hard is it for Damien to make sure he’s here in time for court?" I کہا "I imagine it will be pretty damn hard for him because I can guarantee آپ he is going to get hammered drunk the night before the court تاریخ and have a hangover when and if he decides to دکھائیں up!" Kyle said" he seems like a real jerk!" I کہا as I laughed "he was acting all cocky and started complaining about how I should have asked him for his permission before I let آپ around Carter!"
Kyle and I both looked at each other and burst out laughing. Kyle کہا "that's the most ridiculous load of crap I have ever heard in my life! The guy who drinks all دن long and has a different girlfriend every two weeks is going to complain about me being around his son!" I کہا "trust me babe; I was thinking the same thing! I should probably warn آپ ahead of time that Damien is probably going to make fun of your British accent just to get a reaction out of you! He doesn't have a lot to go on to plead his case to the judge; so he'll take whatever he can get that's going to make him look better than us!" Kyle کہا "don't worry AJ; he doesn't scare me!"
February 19, 2014,
Kyle and I pulled up in front of the Santa Barbara County Courthouse dressed in business suits and I took a deep breath. Kyle put his hand on my shoulder and کہا "everything is going to be fine babe!" We got out of the truck and walked up to my lawyer Kenny. I held Kyle's hand as we walked inside and saw Damien sitting on a bench outside the courtroom wearing a casual T-shirt and baggy jeans with his underwear showing. I shook my head in disbelief and Kyle was thinking the exact same thing as me.
Damien's court appointed lawyer talked with Kenny for about 10 منٹ before we were allowed to enter the courtroom. Kyle sat down اگلے to me at the میز, جدول opposite of Damien's میز, جدول and our lawyer opened his briefcase. My hands started sweating vigorously as I held onto Kyle's hand and he whispered "everything's going to be okay babe." Kyle's eyes met with Damien's as they saw each other for the first time. Damien snarled his upper lip at Kyle and Kyle just looked away as he shook his head in disbelief.
A male judge sat down behind the podium and hit his gavel on it. The bailiff read aloud "judge Marion Jones presiding over the case of Damien Adam Hayes versus Alanna Michael Jackson in a custody hearing for the child hereby stated as Carter Shawn Jackson. آپ may proceed." Judge Marion کہا "okay; I would like to begin with an opening statement and/or سوالات سے طرف کی Mr. Hayes's lawyer for any parties involved. Damien's lawyer کہا "thank آپ Your Honor."
He walked over to our میز, جدول and asked "have آپ been supportive in creating a healthy father-son relationship between Carter and Damien?" I looked at my lawyer to make sure it was okay to answer and کہا "all I can do is try and I tried for a long time!" He asked "what sort of things did آپ try in terms of supporting that relationship between the two of them?" I کہا "the one time he did دکھائیں up I tried to get him involved in caring for our son." The lawyer asked "and how did that experience go? Please try to answer without criticizing Damien's character." I looked at my lawyer confused and he کہا "your honor that سوال is impossible to answer due to the fact that the child's father was never interested in bonding with his son in any way." Damien's lawyer asked "okay then; what is your current relationship like with Damien at this very moment?" I said" I've only seen him a total of three times since Carter has been born." He کہا "I understand that آپ and Damien had several sexual encounters after the time of the child's birth; is this true?" I sarcastically smiled as I shook my head in disbelief and کہا "that is a complete and utter lie!" Damien's lawyer asked "so what you're telling me is that آپ and Damien never had relations after the child's conception?" I quickly glanced over at Damien and کہا "we did once; the دن after Carter's first birthday." The judge کہا "these سوالات are completely irrelevant to the matter of custody; اقدام on Sir!"
Damien's lawyer asked "is it true that آپ yourself have a past filled with underage drinking?" I reluctantly کہا "yes sir." He asked "when was the last time آپ consumed any alcohol?" I had to think about it for a منٹ because it was so long پہلے and کہا "if I'm remembering correctly the summer of 2008." He asked "have آپ had any altercations with the police since the child has been alive?" I کہا "I don't know what آپ consider an altercation with the police; but I do get the occasional speeding ticket." He asked "have آپ been charged with these speeding tickets while Carter is in the vehicle?" I کہا "I would never go over the speed with Carter in the car Sir!" He asked "is it true that آپ have since gotten married?" I کہا "yes sir." Damien's lawyer looked over at Kyle and asked "do آپ feel that آپ and Alanna have created a healthy environment for her son to be growing up in?" Kyle کہا "yes sir." He asked "do آپ feel like آپ and Alanna model a healthy relationship between the two of آپ in front of Carter?" Kyle کہا "very healthy Sir!" Damien's lawyer کہا "that's all the سوالات I have for them Your Honor; آپ may continue."
My lawyer began to interrogate Damien starting with asking "is it true that آپ abandoned Alanna and your unborn child without even giving any notice?" Damien responded "yeah; but I had my reasons for doing that!" My lawyer asked "what would be your reasoning for that? How do آپ justify leaving a 14-year-old girl who just found out she was pregnant to fend for herself?" Damien کہا arrogantly "she wasn't completely on her own! She had Michael there for help and my mother would visit from time to time!" The lawyer asked "is it true that آپ had problems with underage drinking as well?" Damien کہا "I have in the past; but I attend Alcoholics Anonymous on a weekly basis currently."
I looked over at Kyle and whispered "oh that is such بیل crap!" Kyle whispered back "let him say whatever he wants to say because in the end he is only making it harder on himself!" My lawyer asked "how come آپ have not paid a single penny for any of Carter's necessities since he has been alive?" Damien responded "AJ makes millions of dollars; so I didn't think it really mattered!" The lawyer responded "just because she makes millions of dollars doesn't mean that آپ shouldn't be held accountable for your responsibilities to your son!" Damien کہا "yeah well; I don't agree with the fact that AJ's boyfriend یا husband یا whatever the hell he is to her is allowed to be around Carter without my consent!"
I raised my hand and the judge allowed me to see what I was going to say. I کہا "I apologize your honor; but Damien doesn't deserve the right to have his opinion heard! I'm not trying to glorify Kyle because he is imperfect just like everyone else on this earth; but he does everything that Damien should be یا should have been doing this entire time! He watches him all دن long for me while I'm at work! He picks Carter up and drops him off at school most days because I am unable to due to my work schedule! Kyle pretty much single-handedly taught Carter how to use the toilet; including waking up at night with him! Damien; if آپ want to criticize someone's parenting go ahead and pick on me instead of Kyle because he's willing to do everything and anything for Carter and I wish I could say the same thing for you; but I can't!"
The judge کہا "here's what I'm going to do, we're going to do a trial weekend with Carter and Damien together! In order for that to happen, Damien needs to be held accountable for paying some sort of child support! If after the weekend is over and Damien still has not paid any sort of child support then he will be forced to serve four months in jail and all his parental rights will be terminated; am I understood Mr. Hayes?" Damien shook his head in agreement and Judge Marion کہا "courts adjourned!"
As we were walking out of the courthouse and over to the truck, we noticed that Damien's car was parked right اگلے to us. I opened up the truck door as Damien walked to his car and کہا "I'm one step closer to 50-50 custody AJ; which means you'll have to pay me child support just like I'll have to pay you!" Kyle کہا under his breath "just shut up!" Damien کہا as he puffed out his chest trying to act tough "what did آپ say آپ British butt kisser?" I looked at Kyle as I gently pushed him into the truck and کہا "don't listen to him babe! He's just doing that to get a reaction out of you!"
I hurried to start the truck and I stuck my middle finger out the window at Damien as we drove off. As we started our half-hour journey back to Neverland where Prince was babysitting Carter for us I started to tear up. Kyle asked "why do آپ look like you're about to cry babe?" I کہا "I just realized that Damien's going to have Carter all سے طرف کی himself for an entire weekend! In a way; Damien is getting what he wanted this entire time!" Kyle کہا "I highly doubt that after this first visit with Carter that we'll have to worry about Damien anymore!" I کہا as I grabbed Kyle’s hand "it made me so mad when Damien wanted to complain about آپ being around Carter! I couldn't hold my tongue any longer! I just had to say something! If it wasn't for you; I wouldn't have millions and millions of dollars for Damien to try to squeeze out of me! Don't get me wrong; I love Carter to death! I just don’t understand why I had to lose my virginity to such an immature deadbeat dad! Sometimes I just wish that I would've gotten pregnant with your baby and have Carter be yours because I know آپ wouldn't leave me! I mean; any guy who wants to deal with all this drama every دن for the rest of his life all for a kid that isn't even his must have some real balls!" Kyle chuckled and کہا "it's so worth it because every دن I get to hear Carter say 'daddy; I love you! Daddy; am I your good boy! Daddy; will آپ fix my toy for me? Daddy; I want to be just like آپ when I grow up and be the best daddy in the whole wide world!" I started crying even harder and asked "Carter really says all that stuff to you?" Kyle کہا "oh yeah; when he was a little over three he used to follow me around wearing his fake tool بیلٹ, پٹی and tried to copy what I was fixing!" I grabbed Kyle's hand and کہا "I know that Damien's going to screw up this one weekend taking care of Carter on his own; so I can't wait until he is out of our lives for good!" Kyle laughed and I asked "what's so funny?" Kyle کہا "I kind of wish that Damien didn't wait until Carter was five to do this whole weekend alone taking care of him because it would've been funny to send him with Carter when he was a baby! We would've had some really funny stuff to laugh at imagining Damien waking up every 15 منٹ like آپ had to! Damien's going to have a pretty easy weekend with Carter because all he has to do is sit him in front of the TV that entire time!"
February 22, 2014,
Kyle whispered in my ear as I stared at Carter watching TV "Damien's going to be here in a half گھنٹہ to pick up Carter for the weekend! آپ still haven't told Carter that I'm not his father and that his real father is going to be picking him up any minute! آپ have to tell him AJ!" I کہا "I know I do Kyle; but this is going to be hard for me! That's why I waited so long!"
I walked into the living room and کہا "Carter; I need to talk to آپ about something buddy!" He asked "what's wrong mommy?" I کہا "you know that daddy loves آپ very much; but he's not your real daddy." Carter asked "what do آپ mean he is not my real daddy?" I couldn't even respond to him as I stared blankly into his eyes. Kyle کہا "mommy had another boyfriend before she met me and he's your daddy Carter." I کہا "he's coming to pick آپ up in a few منٹ and you're going to spend the weekend with him." Carter کہا as a car pulled up in front of the gate "you're going with me; aren't آپ mommy?" I کہا "I'm not Carter."
Kyle opened the door as Carter jumped into my arms and grabbed onto me with a death grip. I hugged him and carried him outside to the driveway with Kyle walking behind me. I slowly walked up to Damien who was sitting in his car with a police officer standing اگلے to him outside the car. Carter cried hysterically into my shoulder and Damien got out of the car. I کہا as I continuously patted Carter's back "did آپ really need to have the police officer here Damien?" Damien کہا as he mocked to me "I wanted to make sure that آپ went through with giving him to me because this is court ordered and if آپ didn't let me take him from آپ it would be against the law!"
I کہا "okay Carter; Damien's going to take آپ for the weekend now." Carter protested at the سب, سب سے اوپر of his lungs "NO; MOMMY I DON'T WANT TO GO!!! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME!!!” I کہا as I started to tear up while desperately trying to hold it together so Carter wasn't scared مزید than he already was "I have to!!!" The police officer کہا "you need to hurry up Mrs. Jackson because I have places that I need to be!"
As I tried passing Carter from my arms to Damien's, Kyle reluctantly had to pry Carter's fingers from around my neck and Damien buckled him into the car seat. Carter screamed "PLEASE SAVE ME DADDY!!!" Damien looked Carter in his eyes and کہا sternly "stop calling him that! He's not your daddy; I am!" I could see the look of pure terror in Carter's eyes as he immediately کہا "I'm sorry." Kyle کہا as he leaned into the car window "I swear to God if anything happens to him; your پچھواڑے, گدا is mine!!!" Damien just rolled up to his window and followed behind the police officer in the cop car.
I immediately fell to my knees and started crying hysterically. Kyle grabbed onto me and started crying into my shoulder. I کہا in between sobs "I can't do this every weekend! There's just no way!!! Carter wanted me to go with him and I can't believe that he is going to be alone with Damien without any supervision for an entire weekend! CARTER DOESN'T EVEN KNOW DAMIEN!!!" I tried desperately to stand up; but my nerves wouldn't let me. Kyle literally had to carry me inside because if he didn't I would've been out there crying all night long on the driveway!
Kyle sat down on the سوفی, لٹانا as I sat on his lap and cried into my hands. Kyle کہا with tears in his eyes "he wanted me to rescue him and I have to admit that if the police officer wasn't standing right there I would have!" Kyle moved the back of my شرٹ, قمیض down and کہا "there are marks on your back from Carter digging his fingernails into your skin!!!" I کہا "that doesn't surprise me! He was holding on to me for dear life!!!" Kyle کہا as he wiped the tears that were streaming down his face "this is going to be the longest weekend ever babe!!!" I کہا "I want Carter to come back now!" Kyle کہا "I do too!"
February 24, 2014,
I کہا out loud "Damien better hurry up and get here because I've been waiting all weekend to see my son!" Kyle held my hand as Damien pulled up in front of the house. I ran up to the car and without saying a word to Damien, I took Carter out of the car. Damien looked at Carter and smiled before getting a serious expression on his face. He stared at Carter and sternly کہا "don't forget what I said!" With that, Damien sped off down the road and I ran towards Kyle with the biggest smile on my face. Kyle کہا as we walked inside the house "mommy and me missed آپ so much Carter!" I kissed Carter's cheek and asked "did آپ have fun?" Carter looked at me as his body physically shook in my arms. I asked with a confused look on my face "what's wrong Carter?"
Before I could get an answer from him, I felt something warm running down my leg and wrinkled my eyebrows. Kyle کہا "ummm look babe!!!" I looked down at the ground to see that I was standing in a yellow puddle. Carter immediately burst out crying and کہا "I'M SO SORRY MOMMY!!!" I کہا sympathetically "it's alright Carter! I'm not mad at you! We'll just change your clothes because آپ need to take a bath anyway!!!"
The three of us went up to Kyle and I’s bedroom. Kyle started the water in the bathtub in our bedroom's bathroom and I quickly took off my baggy jeans. I changed into a pair of pajama pants. Kyle کہا "okay Carter; you're all set! Mommy and I will come back in a few منٹ to wash your hair."
As Kyle walked into the bedroom I watched as Carter walked into the bathroom shaking with his pants completely soaked and shut the door. Kyle sat down اگلے to me on the edge of the بستر and کہا "that was surprising!" I کہا "yeah; I know! Carter hasn't peed in his pants since he was three!!!" Even if he did have an accident; he would've never gone all over me!" Kyle کہا "I wonder why he keeps shaking so badly!"
I opened the bathroom door and walked inside with Kyle behind me. Carter continued to shake as I knelt down in front of the tub to wash his hair. The سیکنڈ I touched Carter's head he flinched and I asked "what's wrong sweetheart? Why are آپ shaking like that Carter?" He کہا something that completely confused me "you can hit me if آپ want to mommy! I shouldn't have had an accident!" I کہا "no; I'm not going to hit you! Where would آپ come up with such a crazy idea like that from Carter? I've never ever hit آپ before and I never ever would hit you; ever!!!!!!!!" I heard Kyle whisper "that son of a bitch; I'm going to fucking kick his ass!!!"
I looked at Kyle with a puzzled expression on my face and asked "what the heck are آپ talking about and why haven't آپ blinked your eyes in the last five minutes? What are آپ staring at Kyle?" Kyle had rage in his eyes like آپ wouldn't believe as he pointed at Carter's back. I leaned backwards and couldn't believe my eyes as I saw an almost a perfect outline of a hand print in red on Carter's back!!! I asked severely concerned "Carter; did Damien hit you?" Carter uncontrollably shook and stuttered as he کہا "I – I – I'm not supposed to say anything!!!" I کہا "I'm going to kill Damien!!!"
After Carter got dressed he کہا "I think Damien still has my bag of clothes with him in his car mommy!" I کہا calmly as I pulled the covers back on his بستر "that's okay; we'll get them!" He climbed into بستر and I covered him up before lying down اگلے to him. Kyle came in and knelt down on the side of the bed. I asked "Carter; why did Damien hit you?" Carter کہا "I told آپ that I can't say anything!" I asked "why not?" He responded "because Damien کہا if I ever told anyone that he would kill both آپ and daddy when you're sleeping!!!!!" I کہا "he won't kill us Carter; I promise!!!" Kyle کہا as he held onto Kyle's hand "I won't let that happen Carter; but آپ need to tell us why Damien hit you!" Carter کہا "he was acting really weird because he was drinking this drink and he tripped over me because I was playing with my race cars on the floor! He was yelling bad words at me and then hit me because I wasn't moving out of the way fast enough!"
My دل broke into 1 million pieces as I tried to imagine how terrified Carter must've been! I shook my head in disgust and kissed the سب, سب سے اوپر of Carter's head. I asked "can I ask آپ something Carter?" He کہا "yeah mommy." I asked "did آپ wet your pants because آپ thought daddy and I would hit you?" Carter کہا "mostly that's why; but Damien didn't let me go to the bathroom before we left the hotel to come back here and سے طرف کی the time we got into the house I couldn't hold it anymore! I really am sorry mommy!" I کہا "you don't have to be sorry Carter! It wasn't your fault! When آپ have to go آپ have too! Kyle کہا as he stroked Carter's fingers "yeah; it's no big deal buddy! I actually thought it was pretty funny that آپ peed all over mommy!" Carter started cracking up and Kyle کہا "we want آپ to know that neither mommy nor I would ever hurt آپ like Damien did!" I کہا "I promise آپ that we will NEVER hit آپ Carter; no matter what آپ do!!!"
We could hear the noise of the doorbell ringing from downstairs and I turned the volume up on Carter's TV to muffle any noise just in case it was Damien downstairs! I shut Carter's bedroom door as Kyle bolted down the steps after looking out the window. I chased after him after seeing that Damien was the one ringing the doorbell.
I ran past Kyle and swung open the door. Damien was about to pass me Carter's backpack full of clothes when I pulled him inside and pushed him to the ground. Damien asked arrogantly "what the fuck is your problem?" I کہا "don't act like آپ don't know!" Damien whispered "oh; that little snitch! He wasn't supposed to say anything!" I کہا "HE'S FREAKING FIVE YEARS OLD DAMIEN!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" He کہا "what's wrong with me? What about what's wrong with آپ AJ? You're the one overreacting and being a کتیا, کتيا for no reason!" Kyle shouted at the سب, سب سے اوپر of his lungs "WHAT THE HELL DID آپ JUST CALL HER?" Damien کہا arrogantly as he smiled "you heard me right! AJ is just some کتیا, کتيا that I screwed around with once and that's all she'll ever be to me!" I کہا as I threw my hands up in the air "oh my God Damien! I'm the mother of your son and all آپ can call me is a bitch!" Kyle کہا "CALL HER THAT AGAIN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!!" Damien asked "why? What are آپ going to do about it?"
I gave Kyle a look of carelessness as I کہا "go right ahead babe; I'm not going to stop you!" Before Damien even had time to react, Kyle decked him in the side of his face so hard that when he fell his head went right through the drywall. I laughed harder than I had ever laughed before as Damien looked up at Kyle as if he was a scared کتے dog! Kyle asked as he looked down at Damien "would آپ like some مزید because there's plenty مزید where that came from?" Damien rapidly shook his head in disapproval and Kyle کہا "I'm giving آپ until the count of three to get the hell out of this house before I change my mind; one, two –!"
I fell to the ground in hysterical laughter as Damien stumbled out of the house and down the سٹریٹ, گلی holding his head. Kyle shut the door and کہا "I don't think we'll have to worry about him for a long time babe!" Kyle helped me off the ground and I کہا while still trying to catch my breath "you freaking scared the crap out of him Kyle! That was the most hilarious thing I have ever seen in my life! The look on his face was priceless! I wish I had my camera with me!" Kyle کہا "he obviously doesn't have any respect for women if he talks to them like that! I wasn't about to let him stand here and call آپ a کتیا, کتيا over and over again! He doesn't treat آپ like he should because آپ are the mother of his son! Now that that's over with, let's go upstairs and watch TV with OUR son!"
February 25, 2014,
Carter has been stuck to me like glue since Damien dropped him off yesterday. He doesn't want to be alone no matter what. We were eating رات کے کھانے, شام کا کھانا and Carter didn't seem like his usual self. He has hardly touched his food and he asked "is Damien going to come pick me up this coming weekend mommy?" I کہا "he's supposed to." Carter کہا with a worried expression on his face "I don't want to go with him again!" I کہا "don't worry Carter; I'm not going to let him take you!" Carter asked "isn't it against the law for آپ to keep me from going with Damien? Won't آپ get in trouble?" I کہا "I don't care if I get in trouble Carter! I'm not going to risk آپ going over there unsupervised and being hit again! I don't think Damien is going to دکھائیں up; but if he does then I'm going with آپ Carter!"
Kyle کہا "I highly doubt that he will actually دکھائیں up after what I did to him yesterday!" I کہا "I think it's ridiculous that he even wants to have Carter on the weekends because آپ and I both know that Damien isn't spending time with him! It's really a waste of my time with Carter because I don't get to spend a lot of time with him either!”
March 2, 2014,
Carter was waiting for Damien to pick him up for the weekend and I had my bags packed because I had fully planned to go with them for safety reasons. An گھنٹہ and a half past and Damien still hadn't arrived and we figured that he wasn't going to دکھائیں up because of the huge fight that happened last weekend.
I was upstairs in the bedroom watching TV with Kyle went I noticed Damien quickly drive up to the mailbox outside the gate and drop something inside. He sped off without even getting out of his car and I کہا "I wonder what he dropped in the mailbox Kyle." Kyle responded "I'll go check; be right back." I watched out the window as Kyle went down and outside to the mailbox.
After grabbing the small white envelope, he made his way back up to our bedroom and passed me what he had retrieved. I was really reluctant to open the envelope because it's usually something bad inside. I pulled out what appeared to be a letter written in Damien's terrible handwriting. I read aloud so Kyle could hear "I obviously can't handle آپ and how bitchy آپ are AJ! I don't know what آپ want from me! One منٹ آپ want me to be there for Carter and the اگلے منٹ آپ don't! I'm done with آپ and your games and have decided to be very selfless! I went to the courthouse and signed a document that terminated all of my parental rights to Carter as his father. I hope you're happy and I want آپ to know that every kid deserves to be smacked around every once in a while! I don't feel bad about hitting Carter at all and I never will! At least, now آپ know where I stand! The only thing I want from آپ now is to keep in contact with my mother because she would be totally devastated if آپ cut Carter out of her life! I don't love him; but she does and it wouldn't be fair to her! I hope آپ have a good life with that meathead husband of yours! PS, it was always about the money! I told آپ that I didn't care about Carter from the very beginning! Say whatever آپ want about me because I obviously don't care what آپ think about my ability to be a good father! I never wanted to be a father and according to the legal termination of my parental rights I'm not a father!"
I کہا "well; I guess we don't have to worry about Damien anymore!" Kyle کہا "he is such an idiot; I mean seriously? He is still trying to justify why he hit Carter! At least he admitted that all he was trying to do was get money from آپ and that he never intended to have a good relationship with Carter!"
March 21, 2014,
Frank leaned over my shoulder as we went on to iTunes.com to see the results of how my new album "footprints of my father" is selling. I smiled as I کہا "I'm number one on the iTunes سب, سب سے اوپر 10! I beat Bieber; even after all this time has gone by!" Frank high-fived me and کہا "I bet آپ already know what I'm thinking!" I کہا "I really don't want to go on tour right now! It was hard enough leaving Carter the first time! Now I'll have to leave Kyle and Carter here! Just when I thought everything was going to calm down; this happens! I still have plenty of money coming in from merchandise sales!" Frank کہا "yeah; but it's nowhere near as much as آپ earn when you're on tour! I'm telling آپ that آپ will make double the cash آپ made with your last tour! That was your debut album and people want مزید from آپ apparently! I think آپ should really consider it because آپ don't want to start losing fans! Alright; well I have to head out. I'll call آپ in a couple of days to hear what آپ decided to do! If I were آپ I would do it! It would be a really good financial investment for آپ and your family because آپ have to remember that you're not only doing this for yourself anymore! This is your job and your way of providing for your family! You're the only income; so it's all on your shoulders! It's up to آپ to make sure that Kyle, Carter, and آپ are able to keep up the lifestyle you've become accustomed to! آپ think you're living the perfect life right now; but wait until $30,000 feels like nothing because آپ make so much money! I'm telling آپ that going on tour in the near future is one of the best decisions that آپ could possibly make! No pressure; just sleep on it kid and I'll give آپ a call in a few days!"
After Frank left, Kyle came downstairs and کہا "hey AJ!" I said" I need to talk to آپ about something." He کہا "that's good because I needed to talk to آپ about something too; آپ go first!" I کہا "Frank thinks it's a good idea that I go on tour again to bring in tons of cash. I kind of want to; but I really don't want to travel all over the world!" Kyle کہا "I think آپ should go on tour! It will be good for آپ because you've been on mommy duty for a little over three years! آپ kind of disappeared out of the public eye! I don't want people to forget who آپ are because I know how much آپ love being a musician! That's been your dream and I don't want آپ to give up on it! I don't care what it takes! I'll be here to watch Carter that entire time that you’re away on tour! Your happiness is the most important thing to me AJ! I just want آپ to go out there and find آپ again because I think you're starting to lose yourself as a person! It's okay that آپ need a break! You're losing your identity as a person! آپ do too much for everyone else and not enough for yourself! It's time to start taking care of you! I've got Carter handled; there's no reason to worry about him!" I asked "are آپ sure about this because if آپ are I'm going to call Frank right now and tell him to start booking کنسرٹ dates?" Kyle کہا "yes AJ; don't worry about us!"
After calling Frank and telling him to start setting up plans for my اگلے tour, I asked Kyle "what did آپ want to talk to me about?" He کہا "never mind babe." I کہا "no; just tell me! I want to know!" He کہا "since I can't get آپ pregnant naturally; I was thinking we could think about adopting a child." I thought about it for a few منٹ before saying "that doesn't actually sound like that bad of an idea! I think Carter would like to have a little brother یا sister. If آپ want to go ahead and start looking into the paperwork and stuff that goes along with adoption; آپ can. It'll give آپ something to do while Carter is at school and I'm away on tour." Kyle کہا "I heard that there's a lot of paperwork to fill out; so it could take up to eight months before adoption agencies can start matching us with available kids."
April 26, 2014
I ran frantically for my cell phone as it continuously rang playing my Jesse McCartney ring tone. I looked at the caller ID to see that it was Frank and answered the phone سے طرف کی saying "hello." He کہا "I just got off the phone with some tour promoters and they told me they want to start the tour on December 29 of this year! Starting in Los Angeles, all around the world and completely global this time! Dubai, Japan, China, Switzerland, just pretty much every significant country آپ can think of!" I کہا "December 29; that's only four days after Christmas! Don't آپ think that's asking too much of me to leave Kyle and Carter right after the holidays?" Frank کہا "I know it's going to be hard for آپ AJ; but just think of how much money you'll make and how extremely lavish your lifestyle will be with all that cash in your pocket! Sometimes in life, آپ have to do things that آپ don't want to do just because that's best for everyone around you! The promoters are dead set on December 29th being the first کنسرٹ of your tour!" I کہا "fine; but only because I don't have any other choice!"
Without even saying goodbye to me, Frank hung up the phone and Kyle asked "what was he so excited about? I could hear him screaming from all the way over here!" I کہا "apparently, he just got done talking with the کنسرٹ promoters and they want me on tour at the end of this year!" He کہا "that sounds awesome AJ! Why don't آپ seem excited?" I کہا "I don't know; I guess I just wasn't expecting Frank to اقدام so quickly with getting the tour up and running!" Kyle asked "should we tell Carter that آپ are going to be going on tour again?" I کہا "we will; eventually! I just don't want to upset him right now because I have a feeling that he's not going to like being separated pretty much entirely from me for nine long months! He was only a baby last time I left; so I don't even think he remembers what it's like to not have me there! I sure as hell remember what it was like not being able to be with him every single دن and I'm not looking آگے to it at all!" Kyle کہا "it will be hard on all of us; but it's for the best and I promise that we'll Skype آپ all the time!" I کہا "that will definitely help; but it's not same as being able to hug آپ guys anytime I want to! I just hope that I'm not asking آپ to do too much while I'm away! It's going to be a lot for آپ to handle!" He کہا "don't worry about it AJ; it's not too much for me! Besides, I still have that life-size cardboard cutout of آپ in my closet just in case I get lonely!" I playfully slapped his arm as I کہا "shut up; you're obsessed with that cardboard cutout! I still think that thing is creepy and it better not be standing in the باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ when I get back!"
October 31, 2014,
Carter کہا "trick-or-treat" as he stood in front of one of the million dollar houses in our neighborhood dressed as the مالٹا, نارنگی ninja turtle. After getting his candy, I کہا "okay Carter; we're going to go ہوم now. Daddy and I want to talk to آپ about something on the walk back to the house." I looked at Kyle with a depressed look on my face and he put his hand on my shoulder.
We walked down the سٹریٹ, گلی and I kicked pebbles with my feet as I looked down at the ground waiting for the right moment. I کہا "Carter; I'm going to be going on tour again." Carter got excited and کہا "I can't wait to go with آپ and daddy all over the world!" I sighed and کہا "you and daddy are going to stay here!" He asked "what do آپ mean mommy? آپ can't leave me here! I need to go with آپ because I'll miss آپ too much!" I کہا "I wish I could take آپ Carter; but I just can't!" He کہا "it's not going to be any fun here with just daddy!" Kyle joked "what am I chopped liver; compared to mommy?" Carter کہا "mommy's مزید fun than آپ are daddy." I laughed and کہا "he just dissed آپ Kyle!" Kyle joked "I see how it is Carter; mommy is the favorite! I'll have to remember that اگلے time when آپ want me to help آپ tie your shoes!"
December 20, 2014,
I finished wrapping Carter's Christmas presents on the بستر and Kyle came out of the bathroom wearing just his boxers. I looked over and crossed yet another دن off of my calendar. I sighed and کہا "only eight مزید days left!" Kyle کہا "nine straight months with no sex! I کہا "I have a feeling that I'm not going to be in the mood after tonight because I'll be really depressed! آپ better make tonight count!" He turned on the radio and کہا "trust me; it will be worth it!"
As we lay there with our bodies pressed up against each other, "stay" سے طرف کی Rihanna came on the radio station. "I want آپ to stay, stay, I want آپ to stay" blared through the speakers as Kyle pulled away from our passionate make out session. He saw a single tear run down my face and asked "I'm not hurting you; am I?" I کہا "no; I'm fine!" He rolled off of me and کہا "no you're not; you're crying! If I'm hurting آپ then just tell me!" I کہا "you're not hurting me Kyle!" He asked "then why are آپ crying?" I کہا "BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE!" He asked while continuing what he had stopped "then why are you?" I کہا "I don't have a choice! I have to provide for آپ guys because I'm the only income! Besides, I can't let all my شائقین down! I love performing; but I just wish Frank didn't just throw all of this on my lap!" I already have enough pressure as it is; let alone with him criticizing everything I do! I don't want to talk about this anymore because it's going to get me out of the mood! There's nothing we can do about it; it is what it is! Now if آپ don't mind, can we just get back to the love because that's all either of us are going to be getting for nine months?"
Afterwards, I rolled over with my back to Kyle and my arms crossed as I slipped my clothes back on. Kyle کہا "I didn't mean to make آپ mad AJ!" I کہا "well; آپ succeeded!" He کہا "we still haven't had our first fight yet and I don't want to start now!" I کہا "then I suggest that آپ leave me alone!" He fastened the buttons on his شرٹ, قمیض and کہا "fine; if that's what آپ want then I'll leave آپ alone just to avoid getting into a fight with آپ because I want this to be a fight free marriage. I love آپ AJ and I'm sorry." I کہا as I rolled back over facing towards him "I can't stay mad at you! The entire time I was facing the other direction I was smiling and trying not to laugh!"
December 29, 2014,
I stood there in my tour bus in front of Neverland and looked around. Kyle کہا "okay Carter; we have to get off the bus now." Carter wrapped his arms around my neck and wouldn't let go when I tried to put him down. He screamed "no mommy; I'M GOING WITH YOU!!!" I کہا "you can't Carter! It's not going to be as fun as آپ think it is being on tour! I'm working all the time and I wouldn't be able to spend time with آپ either way! I promise آپ that I'll get on Skype every دن with آپ guys!" I tried to put him down again and he still refused to let go. I کہا "I could use a little help here Kyle!"
Kyle pried Carter away from me as he continued to scream at the سب, سب سے اوپر of his lungs. He cried as he protested "LET ME GO DADDY! I'M STAYING ON THIS BUS!" Kyle turned his face as Carter continuously flailed his arms all over the place trying to get out of his grip. Kyle کہا "I would hug آپ AJ; but as آپ can see my hands are pretty full at the moment. I whispered in his ear "that's okay; I'll see آپ at the کنسرٹ and I can hug آپ there! Don't forget to drop off آپ know who at my grandmother's!" I kissed Carter who was still relentlessly trying to grab hold of me. As I pulled away he grabbed my hair and I کہا while laughing "OUCH; KYLE HURRY UP AND GET OUT OF HERE BECAUSE HE'S RIPPING THE HAIR OUT OF MY HEAD!"
As we made our way to the arena in the tour bus, Frank asked "are آپ okay kid? آپ look pale!" I wiped the sweat off of my forehead and کہا "yeah; I think it's just nerves! It's been over three years since I've performed on tour!" He کہا "you're just like your dad; once آپ get out on that stage all your nerves will disappear!" I کہا "yeah; you're probably right!"
A half گھنٹہ before the کنسرٹ starts, I sat backstage on the سوفی, لٹانا with my hand on my forehead. I looked in the mirror to see that I was pale as a ghost and drenched with sweat. Frank asked "are آپ sure you're feeling okay AJ?" I کہا "yeah; I'm fine! I'll get over whatever is going on! It's these stupid nerves getting –."
Before I could finish the sentence, I ran off to the bathroom and violently started throwing up. Frank knocked on the door and کہا "I've never seen آپ this nervous before! Everything is going to be just fine! Your شائقین love آپ and the dedicated شائقین will always be there; no matter what!" I stood up and walked out of the bathroom as I کہا "you're right Frank; I don't know what's gotten into me! I'm never usually this nervous! It must be because Kyle's going to be here watching me tonight."
There was a knock at the door and Frank کہا "speaking of Kyle; I think he's here!" Frank opened the door and Kyle immediately noticed my appearance. He put his hand on my forehead and کہا "you don't feel warm; but آپ look awful babe!" I laughed it off and کہا "thanks for the compliment!" He کہا "I'm serious AJ! آپ look terrible!" I gently pushed him out of the way and کہا "come on; آپ can sit on the edge of the stage where the backup dancers come in from! You'll be able to see better than anyone else that way! He کہا "I don't think آپ should go out there AJ!" I asked "would آپ just relax; I'm fine! My شائقین are waiting for me and once I get out there and started singing again my anxiety will go away!"
***30 سیکنڈ before the کنسرٹ entrance***
I sat there in the stage ٹوسٹر with my hands on my head trying not to think about how bad my stomach was turning. My head continuously pounded with the sound of the loud screaming. I was catapulted onto the stage and that's when I realized something was seriously wrong with me! The room just felt like it was spinning out of control and I fell to the ground with a bang that was heard loud and clear سے طرف کی the microphone I wore over my head. The last thing I remember was the thousands of شائقین letting out gasps as I saw Kyle run to my side.
***
I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was Kyle's face. I looked around the room and asked "where are we?" He کہا "in the hospital babe." I asked as I sat up at the edge of the بستر "what happened?" He کہا "the doctors don't really know yet! They just ran some tests down to the lab! They کہا آپ could have collapsed from dehydration; but then I told them how much stress آپ have been putting on yourself lately! They are pretty sure that that's what caused آپ to pass out!"
A female doctor came into the room and shook my hand. She sat down in a chair and کہا "it seems like the stress you've been under is really affecting your health! That's مزید than likely what caused آپ to black out. If آپ don't mind, I'm going to ask آپ a few questions." I rubbed my eyes and کہا "go ahead." She asked "have آپ been sleeping okay?" I کہا "yeah; nothing out of the ordinary." She asked "what about eating?" I کہا "just my typical foods that I eat while preparing for my tour." She asked "how far along are you?" I کہا "with the tour; this is the very first concert." She کہا "no, no, not with the tour. How far along are you?" Kyle and I looked at each other in confusion and I کہا "I'm sorry; I don't quite understand what you're asking me." She asked "how far along is the baby?" Kyle and I asked in unison with completely confused looks on our faces "what baby?" She کہا "I'm sorry; I thought آپ knew that you're pregnant!" Kyle laughed and sarcastically کہا "yeah right doctor; stop messing with us! I can't get Alanna pregnant; I'm sterile!"
The doctor passed me a piece of paper and written on it was "pregnancy: positive." I whispered as Kyle continued to laugh because he thought she was joking "the 5% chance." Kyle asked "what did آپ say AJ; sorry I was laughing too hard to hear you?" I کہا "the 5% chance! IT'S THE 5% CHANCE THAT آپ COULD GET ME PREGNANT; that week before Christmas when I was crying and we almost got into a fight; IT WORKED!!!!" Kyle turned white as a ghost and stuttered as he کہا "wait – we had sex – but – how – it's not supposed to – oh my God!!!" His eyes rolled back in the back of his head and he fell to the ground with a thud.
When he came to, I looked down at him as I held his head and he کہا "I'M GOING TO BE A DAD!!! Is this for real? Is this really happening? ARE آپ REALLY PREGNANT AJ?" I nodded my head and کہا "yes; I really am pregnant! مزید importantly though, FRANK HAS TO POSTPONE THE TOUR until after the baby is born!"
I have been a complete emotional wreck ever since I found out that Damien wants to fight me for custody of Carter. Part of me wants to believe that it's because he's a changed person and wants to be a father to Carter; but I know in my دل that that isn't the truth! Never in 1 million years did I think Damien would do something like this!
I had spent all morning in my bedroom and had not come downstairs in days! Kyle came upstairs and sat down اگلے to me on the bed. He asked "are آپ okay? I've never seen آپ cry so much before!" I کہا "I won't be okay until this whole Damien thing is over with! Carter's five years old and still thinks that you're his father! I was hoping it would stay that way for a long time! I don't want him to face the reality of who his father really is! Damien isn't the kind of father that Carter can be proud of! Damien is an alcoholic player who takes advantage of any girl that he sees and he is living in some chick's basement! I don't want Carter exposed to all of that; especially because he understands so much مزید now than he did before!" Kyle کہا "I hate that we even have to deal with this right now! If Damien really wanted to spend time with Carter he should have started five years پہلے when he was born!" I کہا "this just sucks and that's all that there is to it!" Kyle کہا "I do know one thing though; آپ need to get out of this room because you're depressing yourself even مزید سے طرف کی being alone and crying! Carter's been asking me why آپ haven't seen him in a few days! I told him that آپ didn't feel good and that آپ would come down eventually! I promise آپ that if آپ go downstairs آپ will feel better!" I wiped tears off of my eyes and kissed Kyle. I کہا "I suppose I should go down there."
Kyle and I walked downstairs and into the living room. Carter turned around and jumped up from the spot where he was sitting on the floor as soon as he saw me. He ran up to me and gave me a huge hug. I knelt down in front of him and he looked at how red my eyes were from the nonstop crying I had been doing. He asked "are آپ okay mommy? Were آپ crying?" I کہا "no; I wasn't crying." He asked "how come آپ weren't coming out of your room? How come daddy had to bring food up to آپ and make آپ eat?" I کہا "I was just busy working on stuff for my job buddy. I needed to be up there because it's quiet and I can think better. Daddy brought the food up to me because I didn't want to stop working at all; but I promise that I'm going to be down here during the دن from now on." Carter کہا "you missed my first دن of kindergarten! I was so sad; I thought آپ were at least going to be there when daddy picked me up!" I کہا "I know buddy; I'm sorry! I promise I'll drop آپ off all سے طرف کی myself tomorrow." Carter got all excited and کہا "I can't wait for آپ to meet my teacher and friends!" I کہا "I only missed one دن of آپ going to school and I promise I won't miss any more!" He gave me a kiss and کہا "I'm so happy that آپ finally came out of your bedroom mommy! I missed you!"
January 5, 2014,
Carter sat in the living room watching TV and eating a bowl of cereal as I tried to wake up سے طرف کی drinking my usual Starbucks coffee that Kyle picked up for me like he does every morning. I put some hair gel in Carter's hair to spike his little fauxhawk and helped him tie his shoes. He ran over and gave Kyle a hug as he grabbed his SpongeBob backpack.
I drove him to school and helped him climb down the high step that is in my truck. Before I could stop him, Carter bolted inside the elementary school and I chased after him. He کہا "come on mommy; I want to دکھائیں آپ my classroom!" I کہا "you have to hang on because I have to sign آپ in at the office so they know you're here." He grabbed my hand and we walked into the main office of the school. As we stood there waiting in line, I was not at all prepared for everything that was about to happen.
As we reached the counter I signed my signature on a paper that was attached to a clipboard and a mother standing اگلے to me asked "are آپ Alanna Jackson?" I passed the clipboard back to the secretary and کہا "yeah." She immediately asked "will آپ sign my daughters iPod? She's a huge پرستار of yours!" I took the pen that was sitting on سب, سب سے اوپر of the clipboard and signed the rubber iPod case with my signature. She کہا "thank آپ so much AJ! My daughter is going to freak out when I give this to her when I picked her up later!" I کہا "no problem; I'm glad I could make her happy."
I grabbed Carter's hand again and we walked out into the hallway. He کہا as he pulled away "there's my classroom mommy!" I followed him inside the room that was covered with shapes all over the wall. He ran up to a woman who didn't look much older than I am and کہا "hi miss Lauren!" She bent down in front of him and کہا "hi Carter; I thought آپ weren't coming to school today!" He کہا "no; I was! Mommy just was running late this morning!" She کہا "okay; go put your backpack in your cubby and I'm going to start دائرے, حلقہ time in about 10 minutes."
I smiled as Carter ran up to a boy and sat down اگلے to him. The teacher finally made eye contact with me and کہا "oh my gosh; I didn't realize that آپ are Carter's mother!" I کہا "yeah; I am. I thought my husband would've told آپ that." She کہا "he told me that your name is Alanna; but I guess I didn't make the connection between your first name and Carter's last name! I really had no idea it was آپ AJ!" I کہا "alright; Carter seems to be all set; so I'll pick him up here at the end of the day." She asked "if آپ want to آپ can stay and observe the class?" I کہا "oh no; I couldn't impose! I'll be back to pick him up at 3 o'clock."
As I walked out of the room, I noticed a sign on the door that کہا "parents not permitted to stay for مزید than five منٹ after class has begun." I wrinkled my eyebrows and walked out of the room.
I arrived back at Neverland 15 منٹ later and walked through the front door. I put my keys on the counter سب, سب سے اوپر and went into the living room. As I sat down on the couch, Kyle asked "how do آپ like Carter's school babe?" I کہا "Carter seems to love it and it looks like he's already starting to make دوستوں with the other kids. Something weird happened with the teacher though." Kyle flipped through the TV channels and asked "what happened?" I کہا "as soon as the teacher figured out that I am a celebrity she started to act all weird! She even asked me if I wanted to stay for the دن and watch her teach the class! When I was leaving the classroom I saw a sign on the door that کہا that the parents aren't allowed to stay in the classroom for مزید than five منٹ after the teacher starts teaching!" Kyle کہا "that is weird for her to offer to let آپ do something that's against the rules." I کہا "I think she's giving me special treatment because I'm famous! What people don't understand is that I'm just a normal person like everyone else and I don't want Carter to be spoiled سے طرف کی the teacher just because I'm a celebrity!" Kyle کہا "now I understand why your dad wanted to homeschool آپ guys when he was alive because imagine how آپ would've been treated just because he is Michael Jackson! I کہا "I wonder if I made the wrong decision سے طرف کی letting Carter go to a normal school! Maybe I should just start homeschooling him instead." Kyle کہا "you can't take him out of school now! He loves it there!" I کہا "I guess you're right; I just hope all the teachers treat him just like a normal kid because that's what he is! He doesn't need مزید attention than the other kids get from the teacher just because I'm Alanna Jackson!"
January 9, 2014,
I was in the studio working on my new album سے طرف کی myself without Frank there because he was busy for the دن and I was able to get a lot of work done without him critiquing everything that I sang. I stopped after about four hours of nonstop recording to have the سینڈوچ that I had picked up earlier this morning.
As I sat down to start eating I noticed a rundown car pulled up in front of the recording studio. As soon as the person got out of the car I recognized who it was. Damien walked up to the door and knocked on it a few times. I was debating whether یا not to answer it; but eventually I reluctantly opened the door. He asked "what's up AJ?" I asked "who the hell told آپ that I was at the recording studio?" He کہا "I called your manager and he told me because he recognized my name when I told him who I was." I کہا "I really don't have anything to say to you!" He کہا "I decided to come here a few weeks early; so I wouldn't have to worry about missing the court date. I can't wait to see Carter! How is the little guy?" I کہا with irritation in my voice "he's not so little anymore!" Damien asked "isn't he like three years old now?" I rolled my eyes and کہا sarcastically "isn't that just great? آپ don't even know how old your son is!" He asked "how old is he?" I کہا "five!" He کہا "I can't wait until I get visitation with him. I miss him!"
I کہا "quit acting like آپ care! I know آپ don't care about him and آپ are just trying to squeeze as much money from me as آپ can! Don't think for a سیکنڈ that I'm going to take it easy on آپ when we're in the courthouse before that judge! I'm going to expose آپ for everything that آپ really are!" He کہا "good luck with that AJ! The judge always feels bad when a son doesn't have a father in his life!" I کہا arrogantly "Carter does have a father in his life and he is a whole hell of a lot better father than آپ would ever be!" He کہا "I don't really like the fact that آپ have your boyfriend around our son without my permission!" I کہا "he's not my boyfriend; he is my husband and how do آپ expect me to ask your permission if you're never around? You're such a jerk and I can already tell that آپ haven't grown up at all since the last time I saw you!" He کہا "okay; I'm going to leave because I want to save all the good fighting for when I kick your پچھواڑے, گدا in court!" I کہا "we'll see about that when the دن comes!"
Immediately after Damien left the recording studio, I got in my truck and drove back to the ranch. I went inside and upstairs to the bedroom. I sat down on the بستر اگلے to Kyle and he asked "how did work go today?" I raised my eyebrows and کہا with a smirk on my face "you'll never guess who I saw today!" He asked "who?" I کہا "Damien!" He کہا "Damien; what is he doing here in California so soon? The court تاریخ isn't for three مزید weeks!" I کہا "I know; he کہا that he was coming out here ahead of time to make sure that he didn't miss the court date!" Kyle laughed and asked "how hard is it for Damien to make sure he’s here in time for court?" I کہا "I imagine it will be pretty damn hard for him because I can guarantee آپ he is going to get hammered drunk the night before the court تاریخ and have a hangover when and if he decides to دکھائیں up!" Kyle said" he seems like a real jerk!" I کہا as I laughed "he was acting all cocky and started complaining about how I should have asked him for his permission before I let آپ around Carter!"
Kyle and I both looked at each other and burst out laughing. Kyle کہا "that's the most ridiculous load of crap I have ever heard in my life! The guy who drinks all دن long and has a different girlfriend every two weeks is going to complain about me being around his son!" I کہا "trust me babe; I was thinking the same thing! I should probably warn آپ ahead of time that Damien is probably going to make fun of your British accent just to get a reaction out of you! He doesn't have a lot to go on to plead his case to the judge; so he'll take whatever he can get that's going to make him look better than us!" Kyle کہا "don't worry AJ; he doesn't scare me!"
February 19, 2014,
Kyle and I pulled up in front of the Santa Barbara County Courthouse dressed in business suits and I took a deep breath. Kyle put his hand on my shoulder and کہا "everything is going to be fine babe!" We got out of the truck and walked up to my lawyer Kenny. I held Kyle's hand as we walked inside and saw Damien sitting on a bench outside the courtroom wearing a casual T-shirt and baggy jeans with his underwear showing. I shook my head in disbelief and Kyle was thinking the exact same thing as me.
Damien's court appointed lawyer talked with Kenny for about 10 منٹ before we were allowed to enter the courtroom. Kyle sat down اگلے to me at the میز, جدول opposite of Damien's میز, جدول and our lawyer opened his briefcase. My hands started sweating vigorously as I held onto Kyle's hand and he whispered "everything's going to be okay babe." Kyle's eyes met with Damien's as they saw each other for the first time. Damien snarled his upper lip at Kyle and Kyle just looked away as he shook his head in disbelief.
A male judge sat down behind the podium and hit his gavel on it. The bailiff read aloud "judge Marion Jones presiding over the case of Damien Adam Hayes versus Alanna Michael Jackson in a custody hearing for the child hereby stated as Carter Shawn Jackson. آپ may proceed." Judge Marion کہا "okay; I would like to begin with an opening statement and/or سوالات سے طرف کی Mr. Hayes's lawyer for any parties involved. Damien's lawyer کہا "thank آپ Your Honor."
He walked over to our میز, جدول and asked "have آپ been supportive in creating a healthy father-son relationship between Carter and Damien?" I looked at my lawyer to make sure it was okay to answer and کہا "all I can do is try and I tried for a long time!" He asked "what sort of things did آپ try in terms of supporting that relationship between the two of them?" I کہا "the one time he did دکھائیں up I tried to get him involved in caring for our son." The lawyer asked "and how did that experience go? Please try to answer without criticizing Damien's character." I looked at my lawyer confused and he کہا "your honor that سوال is impossible to answer due to the fact that the child's father was never interested in bonding with his son in any way." Damien's lawyer asked "okay then; what is your current relationship like with Damien at this very moment?" I said" I've only seen him a total of three times since Carter has been born." He کہا "I understand that آپ and Damien had several sexual encounters after the time of the child's birth; is this true?" I sarcastically smiled as I shook my head in disbelief and کہا "that is a complete and utter lie!" Damien's lawyer asked "so what you're telling me is that آپ and Damien never had relations after the child's conception?" I quickly glanced over at Damien and کہا "we did once; the دن after Carter's first birthday." The judge کہا "these سوالات are completely irrelevant to the matter of custody; اقدام on Sir!"
Damien's lawyer asked "is it true that آپ yourself have a past filled with underage drinking?" I reluctantly کہا "yes sir." He asked "when was the last time آپ consumed any alcohol?" I had to think about it for a منٹ because it was so long پہلے and کہا "if I'm remembering correctly the summer of 2008." He asked "have آپ had any altercations with the police since the child has been alive?" I کہا "I don't know what آپ consider an altercation with the police; but I do get the occasional speeding ticket." He asked "have آپ been charged with these speeding tickets while Carter is in the vehicle?" I کہا "I would never go over the speed with Carter in the car Sir!" He asked "is it true that آپ have since gotten married?" I کہا "yes sir." Damien's lawyer looked over at Kyle and asked "do آپ feel that آپ and Alanna have created a healthy environment for her son to be growing up in?" Kyle کہا "yes sir." He asked "do آپ feel like آپ and Alanna model a healthy relationship between the two of آپ in front of Carter?" Kyle کہا "very healthy Sir!" Damien's lawyer کہا "that's all the سوالات I have for them Your Honor; آپ may continue."
My lawyer began to interrogate Damien starting with asking "is it true that آپ abandoned Alanna and your unborn child without even giving any notice?" Damien responded "yeah; but I had my reasons for doing that!" My lawyer asked "what would be your reasoning for that? How do آپ justify leaving a 14-year-old girl who just found out she was pregnant to fend for herself?" Damien کہا arrogantly "she wasn't completely on her own! She had Michael there for help and my mother would visit from time to time!" The lawyer asked "is it true that آپ had problems with underage drinking as well?" Damien کہا "I have in the past; but I attend Alcoholics Anonymous on a weekly basis currently."
I looked over at Kyle and whispered "oh that is such بیل crap!" Kyle whispered back "let him say whatever he wants to say because in the end he is only making it harder on himself!" My lawyer asked "how come آپ have not paid a single penny for any of Carter's necessities since he has been alive?" Damien responded "AJ makes millions of dollars; so I didn't think it really mattered!" The lawyer responded "just because she makes millions of dollars doesn't mean that آپ shouldn't be held accountable for your responsibilities to your son!" Damien کہا "yeah well; I don't agree with the fact that AJ's boyfriend یا husband یا whatever the hell he is to her is allowed to be around Carter without my consent!"
I raised my hand and the judge allowed me to see what I was going to say. I کہا "I apologize your honor; but Damien doesn't deserve the right to have his opinion heard! I'm not trying to glorify Kyle because he is imperfect just like everyone else on this earth; but he does everything that Damien should be یا should have been doing this entire time! He watches him all دن long for me while I'm at work! He picks Carter up and drops him off at school most days because I am unable to due to my work schedule! Kyle pretty much single-handedly taught Carter how to use the toilet; including waking up at night with him! Damien; if آپ want to criticize someone's parenting go ahead and pick on me instead of Kyle because he's willing to do everything and anything for Carter and I wish I could say the same thing for you; but I can't!"
The judge کہا "here's what I'm going to do, we're going to do a trial weekend with Carter and Damien together! In order for that to happen, Damien needs to be held accountable for paying some sort of child support! If after the weekend is over and Damien still has not paid any sort of child support then he will be forced to serve four months in jail and all his parental rights will be terminated; am I understood Mr. Hayes?" Damien shook his head in agreement and Judge Marion کہا "courts adjourned!"
As we were walking out of the courthouse and over to the truck, we noticed that Damien's car was parked right اگلے to us. I opened up the truck door as Damien walked to his car and کہا "I'm one step closer to 50-50 custody AJ; which means you'll have to pay me child support just like I'll have to pay you!" Kyle کہا under his breath "just shut up!" Damien کہا as he puffed out his chest trying to act tough "what did آپ say آپ British butt kisser?" I looked at Kyle as I gently pushed him into the truck and کہا "don't listen to him babe! He's just doing that to get a reaction out of you!"
I hurried to start the truck and I stuck my middle finger out the window at Damien as we drove off. As we started our half-hour journey back to Neverland where Prince was babysitting Carter for us I started to tear up. Kyle asked "why do آپ look like you're about to cry babe?" I کہا "I just realized that Damien's going to have Carter all سے طرف کی himself for an entire weekend! In a way; Damien is getting what he wanted this entire time!" Kyle کہا "I highly doubt that after this first visit with Carter that we'll have to worry about Damien anymore!" I کہا as I grabbed Kyle’s hand "it made me so mad when Damien wanted to complain about آپ being around Carter! I couldn't hold my tongue any longer! I just had to say something! If it wasn't for you; I wouldn't have millions and millions of dollars for Damien to try to squeeze out of me! Don't get me wrong; I love Carter to death! I just don’t understand why I had to lose my virginity to such an immature deadbeat dad! Sometimes I just wish that I would've gotten pregnant with your baby and have Carter be yours because I know آپ wouldn't leave me! I mean; any guy who wants to deal with all this drama every دن for the rest of his life all for a kid that isn't even his must have some real balls!" Kyle chuckled and کہا "it's so worth it because every دن I get to hear Carter say 'daddy; I love you! Daddy; am I your good boy! Daddy; will آپ fix my toy for me? Daddy; I want to be just like آپ when I grow up and be the best daddy in the whole wide world!" I started crying even harder and asked "Carter really says all that stuff to you?" Kyle کہا "oh yeah; when he was a little over three he used to follow me around wearing his fake tool بیلٹ, پٹی and tried to copy what I was fixing!" I grabbed Kyle's hand and کہا "I know that Damien's going to screw up this one weekend taking care of Carter on his own; so I can't wait until he is out of our lives for good!" Kyle laughed and I asked "what's so funny?" Kyle کہا "I kind of wish that Damien didn't wait until Carter was five to do this whole weekend alone taking care of him because it would've been funny to send him with Carter when he was a baby! We would've had some really funny stuff to laugh at imagining Damien waking up every 15 منٹ like آپ had to! Damien's going to have a pretty easy weekend with Carter because all he has to do is sit him in front of the TV that entire time!"
February 22, 2014,
Kyle whispered in my ear as I stared at Carter watching TV "Damien's going to be here in a half گھنٹہ to pick up Carter for the weekend! آپ still haven't told Carter that I'm not his father and that his real father is going to be picking him up any minute! آپ have to tell him AJ!" I کہا "I know I do Kyle; but this is going to be hard for me! That's why I waited so long!"
I walked into the living room and کہا "Carter; I need to talk to آپ about something buddy!" He asked "what's wrong mommy?" I کہا "you know that daddy loves آپ very much; but he's not your real daddy." Carter asked "what do آپ mean he is not my real daddy?" I couldn't even respond to him as I stared blankly into his eyes. Kyle کہا "mommy had another boyfriend before she met me and he's your daddy Carter." I کہا "he's coming to pick آپ up in a few منٹ and you're going to spend the weekend with him." Carter کہا as a car pulled up in front of the gate "you're going with me; aren't آپ mommy?" I کہا "I'm not Carter."
Kyle opened the door as Carter jumped into my arms and grabbed onto me with a death grip. I hugged him and carried him outside to the driveway with Kyle walking behind me. I slowly walked up to Damien who was sitting in his car with a police officer standing اگلے to him outside the car. Carter cried hysterically into my shoulder and Damien got out of the car. I کہا as I continuously patted Carter's back "did آپ really need to have the police officer here Damien?" Damien کہا as he mocked to me "I wanted to make sure that آپ went through with giving him to me because this is court ordered and if آپ didn't let me take him from آپ it would be against the law!"
I کہا "okay Carter; Damien's going to take آپ for the weekend now." Carter protested at the سب, سب سے اوپر of his lungs "NO; MOMMY I DON'T WANT TO GO!!! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME!!!” I کہا as I started to tear up while desperately trying to hold it together so Carter wasn't scared مزید than he already was "I have to!!!" The police officer کہا "you need to hurry up Mrs. Jackson because I have places that I need to be!"
As I tried passing Carter from my arms to Damien's, Kyle reluctantly had to pry Carter's fingers from around my neck and Damien buckled him into the car seat. Carter screamed "PLEASE SAVE ME DADDY!!!" Damien looked Carter in his eyes and کہا sternly "stop calling him that! He's not your daddy; I am!" I could see the look of pure terror in Carter's eyes as he immediately کہا "I'm sorry." Kyle کہا as he leaned into the car window "I swear to God if anything happens to him; your پچھواڑے, گدا is mine!!!" Damien just rolled up to his window and followed behind the police officer in the cop car.
I immediately fell to my knees and started crying hysterically. Kyle grabbed onto me and started crying into my shoulder. I کہا in between sobs "I can't do this every weekend! There's just no way!!! Carter wanted me to go with him and I can't believe that he is going to be alone with Damien without any supervision for an entire weekend! CARTER DOESN'T EVEN KNOW DAMIEN!!!" I tried desperately to stand up; but my nerves wouldn't let me. Kyle literally had to carry me inside because if he didn't I would've been out there crying all night long on the driveway!
Kyle sat down on the سوفی, لٹانا as I sat on his lap and cried into my hands. Kyle کہا with tears in his eyes "he wanted me to rescue him and I have to admit that if the police officer wasn't standing right there I would have!" Kyle moved the back of my شرٹ, قمیض down and کہا "there are marks on your back from Carter digging his fingernails into your skin!!!" I کہا "that doesn't surprise me! He was holding on to me for dear life!!!" Kyle کہا as he wiped the tears that were streaming down his face "this is going to be the longest weekend ever babe!!!" I کہا "I want Carter to come back now!" Kyle کہا "I do too!"
February 24, 2014,
I کہا out loud "Damien better hurry up and get here because I've been waiting all weekend to see my son!" Kyle held my hand as Damien pulled up in front of the house. I ran up to the car and without saying a word to Damien, I took Carter out of the car. Damien looked at Carter and smiled before getting a serious expression on his face. He stared at Carter and sternly کہا "don't forget what I said!" With that, Damien sped off down the road and I ran towards Kyle with the biggest smile on my face. Kyle کہا as we walked inside the house "mommy and me missed آپ so much Carter!" I kissed Carter's cheek and asked "did آپ have fun?" Carter looked at me as his body physically shook in my arms. I asked with a confused look on my face "what's wrong Carter?"
Before I could get an answer from him, I felt something warm running down my leg and wrinkled my eyebrows. Kyle کہا "ummm look babe!!!" I looked down at the ground to see that I was standing in a yellow puddle. Carter immediately burst out crying and کہا "I'M SO SORRY MOMMY!!!" I کہا sympathetically "it's alright Carter! I'm not mad at you! We'll just change your clothes because آپ need to take a bath anyway!!!"
The three of us went up to Kyle and I’s bedroom. Kyle started the water in the bathtub in our bedroom's bathroom and I quickly took off my baggy jeans. I changed into a pair of pajama pants. Kyle کہا "okay Carter; you're all set! Mommy and I will come back in a few منٹ to wash your hair."
As Kyle walked into the bedroom I watched as Carter walked into the bathroom shaking with his pants completely soaked and shut the door. Kyle sat down اگلے to me on the edge of the بستر and کہا "that was surprising!" I کہا "yeah; I know! Carter hasn't peed in his pants since he was three!!!" Even if he did have an accident; he would've never gone all over me!" Kyle کہا "I wonder why he keeps shaking so badly!"
I opened the bathroom door and walked inside with Kyle behind me. Carter continued to shake as I knelt down in front of the tub to wash his hair. The سیکنڈ I touched Carter's head he flinched and I asked "what's wrong sweetheart? Why are آپ shaking like that Carter?" He کہا something that completely confused me "you can hit me if آپ want to mommy! I shouldn't have had an accident!" I کہا "no; I'm not going to hit you! Where would آپ come up with such a crazy idea like that from Carter? I've never ever hit آپ before and I never ever would hit you; ever!!!!!!!!" I heard Kyle whisper "that son of a bitch; I'm going to fucking kick his ass!!!"
I looked at Kyle with a puzzled expression on my face and asked "what the heck are آپ talking about and why haven't آپ blinked your eyes in the last five minutes? What are آپ staring at Kyle?" Kyle had rage in his eyes like آپ wouldn't believe as he pointed at Carter's back. I leaned backwards and couldn't believe my eyes as I saw an almost a perfect outline of a hand print in red on Carter's back!!! I asked severely concerned "Carter; did Damien hit you?" Carter uncontrollably shook and stuttered as he کہا "I – I – I'm not supposed to say anything!!!" I کہا "I'm going to kill Damien!!!"
After Carter got dressed he کہا "I think Damien still has my bag of clothes with him in his car mommy!" I کہا calmly as I pulled the covers back on his بستر "that's okay; we'll get them!" He climbed into بستر and I covered him up before lying down اگلے to him. Kyle came in and knelt down on the side of the bed. I asked "Carter; why did Damien hit you?" Carter کہا "I told آپ that I can't say anything!" I asked "why not?" He responded "because Damien کہا if I ever told anyone that he would kill both آپ and daddy when you're sleeping!!!!!" I کہا "he won't kill us Carter; I promise!!!" Kyle کہا as he held onto Kyle's hand "I won't let that happen Carter; but آپ need to tell us why Damien hit you!" Carter کہا "he was acting really weird because he was drinking this drink and he tripped over me because I was playing with my race cars on the floor! He was yelling bad words at me and then hit me because I wasn't moving out of the way fast enough!"
My دل broke into 1 million pieces as I tried to imagine how terrified Carter must've been! I shook my head in disgust and kissed the سب, سب سے اوپر of Carter's head. I asked "can I ask آپ something Carter?" He کہا "yeah mommy." I asked "did آپ wet your pants because آپ thought daddy and I would hit you?" Carter کہا "mostly that's why; but Damien didn't let me go to the bathroom before we left the hotel to come back here and سے طرف کی the time we got into the house I couldn't hold it anymore! I really am sorry mommy!" I کہا "you don't have to be sorry Carter! It wasn't your fault! When آپ have to go آپ have too! Kyle کہا as he stroked Carter's fingers "yeah; it's no big deal buddy! I actually thought it was pretty funny that آپ peed all over mommy!" Carter started cracking up and Kyle کہا "we want آپ to know that neither mommy nor I would ever hurt آپ like Damien did!" I کہا "I promise آپ that we will NEVER hit آپ Carter; no matter what آپ do!!!"
We could hear the noise of the doorbell ringing from downstairs and I turned the volume up on Carter's TV to muffle any noise just in case it was Damien downstairs! I shut Carter's bedroom door as Kyle bolted down the steps after looking out the window. I chased after him after seeing that Damien was the one ringing the doorbell.
I ran past Kyle and swung open the door. Damien was about to pass me Carter's backpack full of clothes when I pulled him inside and pushed him to the ground. Damien asked arrogantly "what the fuck is your problem?" I کہا "don't act like آپ don't know!" Damien whispered "oh; that little snitch! He wasn't supposed to say anything!" I کہا "HE'S FREAKING FIVE YEARS OLD DAMIEN!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" He کہا "what's wrong with me? What about what's wrong with آپ AJ? You're the one overreacting and being a کتیا, کتيا for no reason!" Kyle shouted at the سب, سب سے اوپر of his lungs "WHAT THE HELL DID آپ JUST CALL HER?" Damien کہا arrogantly as he smiled "you heard me right! AJ is just some کتیا, کتيا that I screwed around with once and that's all she'll ever be to me!" I کہا as I threw my hands up in the air "oh my God Damien! I'm the mother of your son and all آپ can call me is a bitch!" Kyle کہا "CALL HER THAT AGAIN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!!" Damien asked "why? What are آپ going to do about it?"
I gave Kyle a look of carelessness as I کہا "go right ahead babe; I'm not going to stop you!" Before Damien even had time to react, Kyle decked him in the side of his face so hard that when he fell his head went right through the drywall. I laughed harder than I had ever laughed before as Damien looked up at Kyle as if he was a scared کتے dog! Kyle asked as he looked down at Damien "would آپ like some مزید because there's plenty مزید where that came from?" Damien rapidly shook his head in disapproval and Kyle کہا "I'm giving آپ until the count of three to get the hell out of this house before I change my mind; one, two –!"
I fell to the ground in hysterical laughter as Damien stumbled out of the house and down the سٹریٹ, گلی holding his head. Kyle shut the door and کہا "I don't think we'll have to worry about him for a long time babe!" Kyle helped me off the ground and I کہا while still trying to catch my breath "you freaking scared the crap out of him Kyle! That was the most hilarious thing I have ever seen in my life! The look on his face was priceless! I wish I had my camera with me!" Kyle کہا "he obviously doesn't have any respect for women if he talks to them like that! I wasn't about to let him stand here and call آپ a کتیا, کتيا over and over again! He doesn't treat آپ like he should because آپ are the mother of his son! Now that that's over with, let's go upstairs and watch TV with OUR son!"
February 25, 2014,
Carter has been stuck to me like glue since Damien dropped him off yesterday. He doesn't want to be alone no matter what. We were eating رات کے کھانے, شام کا کھانا and Carter didn't seem like his usual self. He has hardly touched his food and he asked "is Damien going to come pick me up this coming weekend mommy?" I کہا "he's supposed to." Carter کہا with a worried expression on his face "I don't want to go with him again!" I کہا "don't worry Carter; I'm not going to let him take you!" Carter asked "isn't it against the law for آپ to keep me from going with Damien? Won't آپ get in trouble?" I کہا "I don't care if I get in trouble Carter! I'm not going to risk آپ going over there unsupervised and being hit again! I don't think Damien is going to دکھائیں up; but if he does then I'm going with آپ Carter!"
Kyle کہا "I highly doubt that he will actually دکھائیں up after what I did to him yesterday!" I کہا "I think it's ridiculous that he even wants to have Carter on the weekends because آپ and I both know that Damien isn't spending time with him! It's really a waste of my time with Carter because I don't get to spend a lot of time with him either!”
March 2, 2014,
Carter was waiting for Damien to pick him up for the weekend and I had my bags packed because I had fully planned to go with them for safety reasons. An گھنٹہ and a half past and Damien still hadn't arrived and we figured that he wasn't going to دکھائیں up because of the huge fight that happened last weekend.
I was upstairs in the bedroom watching TV with Kyle went I noticed Damien quickly drive up to the mailbox outside the gate and drop something inside. He sped off without even getting out of his car and I کہا "I wonder what he dropped in the mailbox Kyle." Kyle responded "I'll go check; be right back." I watched out the window as Kyle went down and outside to the mailbox.
After grabbing the small white envelope, he made his way back up to our bedroom and passed me what he had retrieved. I was really reluctant to open the envelope because it's usually something bad inside. I pulled out what appeared to be a letter written in Damien's terrible handwriting. I read aloud so Kyle could hear "I obviously can't handle آپ and how bitchy آپ are AJ! I don't know what آپ want from me! One منٹ آپ want me to be there for Carter and the اگلے منٹ آپ don't! I'm done with آپ and your games and have decided to be very selfless! I went to the courthouse and signed a document that terminated all of my parental rights to Carter as his father. I hope you're happy and I want آپ to know that every kid deserves to be smacked around every once in a while! I don't feel bad about hitting Carter at all and I never will! At least, now آپ know where I stand! The only thing I want from آپ now is to keep in contact with my mother because she would be totally devastated if آپ cut Carter out of her life! I don't love him; but she does and it wouldn't be fair to her! I hope آپ have a good life with that meathead husband of yours! PS, it was always about the money! I told آپ that I didn't care about Carter from the very beginning! Say whatever آپ want about me because I obviously don't care what آپ think about my ability to be a good father! I never wanted to be a father and according to the legal termination of my parental rights I'm not a father!"
I کہا "well; I guess we don't have to worry about Damien anymore!" Kyle کہا "he is such an idiot; I mean seriously? He is still trying to justify why he hit Carter! At least he admitted that all he was trying to do was get money from آپ and that he never intended to have a good relationship with Carter!"
March 21, 2014,
Frank leaned over my shoulder as we went on to iTunes.com to see the results of how my new album "footprints of my father" is selling. I smiled as I کہا "I'm number one on the iTunes سب, سب سے اوپر 10! I beat Bieber; even after all this time has gone by!" Frank high-fived me and کہا "I bet آپ already know what I'm thinking!" I کہا "I really don't want to go on tour right now! It was hard enough leaving Carter the first time! Now I'll have to leave Kyle and Carter here! Just when I thought everything was going to calm down; this happens! I still have plenty of money coming in from merchandise sales!" Frank کہا "yeah; but it's nowhere near as much as آپ earn when you're on tour! I'm telling آپ that آپ will make double the cash آپ made with your last tour! That was your debut album and people want مزید from آپ apparently! I think آپ should really consider it because آپ don't want to start losing fans! Alright; well I have to head out. I'll call آپ in a couple of days to hear what آپ decided to do! If I were آپ I would do it! It would be a really good financial investment for آپ and your family because آپ have to remember that you're not only doing this for yourself anymore! This is your job and your way of providing for your family! You're the only income; so it's all on your shoulders! It's up to آپ to make sure that Kyle, Carter, and آپ are able to keep up the lifestyle you've become accustomed to! آپ think you're living the perfect life right now; but wait until $30,000 feels like nothing because آپ make so much money! I'm telling آپ that going on tour in the near future is one of the best decisions that آپ could possibly make! No pressure; just sleep on it kid and I'll give آپ a call in a few days!"
After Frank left, Kyle came downstairs and کہا "hey AJ!" I said" I need to talk to آپ about something." He کہا "that's good because I needed to talk to آپ about something too; آپ go first!" I کہا "Frank thinks it's a good idea that I go on tour again to bring in tons of cash. I kind of want to; but I really don't want to travel all over the world!" Kyle کہا "I think آپ should go on tour! It will be good for آپ because you've been on mommy duty for a little over three years! آپ kind of disappeared out of the public eye! I don't want people to forget who آپ are because I know how much آپ love being a musician! That's been your dream and I don't want آپ to give up on it! I don't care what it takes! I'll be here to watch Carter that entire time that you’re away on tour! Your happiness is the most important thing to me AJ! I just want آپ to go out there and find آپ again because I think you're starting to lose yourself as a person! It's okay that آپ need a break! You're losing your identity as a person! آپ do too much for everyone else and not enough for yourself! It's time to start taking care of you! I've got Carter handled; there's no reason to worry about him!" I asked "are آپ sure about this because if آپ are I'm going to call Frank right now and tell him to start booking کنسرٹ dates?" Kyle کہا "yes AJ; don't worry about us!"
After calling Frank and telling him to start setting up plans for my اگلے tour, I asked Kyle "what did آپ want to talk to me about?" He کہا "never mind babe." I کہا "no; just tell me! I want to know!" He کہا "since I can't get آپ pregnant naturally; I was thinking we could think about adopting a child." I thought about it for a few منٹ before saying "that doesn't actually sound like that bad of an idea! I think Carter would like to have a little brother یا sister. If آپ want to go ahead and start looking into the paperwork and stuff that goes along with adoption; آپ can. It'll give آپ something to do while Carter is at school and I'm away on tour." Kyle کہا "I heard that there's a lot of paperwork to fill out; so it could take up to eight months before adoption agencies can start matching us with available kids."
April 26, 2014
I ran frantically for my cell phone as it continuously rang playing my Jesse McCartney ring tone. I looked at the caller ID to see that it was Frank and answered the phone سے طرف کی saying "hello." He کہا "I just got off the phone with some tour promoters and they told me they want to start the tour on December 29 of this year! Starting in Los Angeles, all around the world and completely global this time! Dubai, Japan, China, Switzerland, just pretty much every significant country آپ can think of!" I کہا "December 29; that's only four days after Christmas! Don't آپ think that's asking too much of me to leave Kyle and Carter right after the holidays?" Frank کہا "I know it's going to be hard for آپ AJ; but just think of how much money you'll make and how extremely lavish your lifestyle will be with all that cash in your pocket! Sometimes in life, آپ have to do things that آپ don't want to do just because that's best for everyone around you! The promoters are dead set on December 29th being the first کنسرٹ of your tour!" I کہا "fine; but only because I don't have any other choice!"
Without even saying goodbye to me, Frank hung up the phone and Kyle asked "what was he so excited about? I could hear him screaming from all the way over here!" I کہا "apparently, he just got done talking with the کنسرٹ promoters and they want me on tour at the end of this year!" He کہا "that sounds awesome AJ! Why don't آپ seem excited?" I کہا "I don't know; I guess I just wasn't expecting Frank to اقدام so quickly with getting the tour up and running!" Kyle asked "should we tell Carter that آپ are going to be going on tour again?" I کہا "we will; eventually! I just don't want to upset him right now because I have a feeling that he's not going to like being separated pretty much entirely from me for nine long months! He was only a baby last time I left; so I don't even think he remembers what it's like to not have me there! I sure as hell remember what it was like not being able to be with him every single دن and I'm not looking آگے to it at all!" Kyle کہا "it will be hard on all of us; but it's for the best and I promise that we'll Skype آپ all the time!" I کہا "that will definitely help; but it's not same as being able to hug آپ guys anytime I want to! I just hope that I'm not asking آپ to do too much while I'm away! It's going to be a lot for آپ to handle!" He کہا "don't worry about it AJ; it's not too much for me! Besides, I still have that life-size cardboard cutout of آپ in my closet just in case I get lonely!" I playfully slapped his arm as I کہا "shut up; you're obsessed with that cardboard cutout! I still think that thing is creepy and it better not be standing in the باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ when I get back!"
October 31, 2014,
Carter کہا "trick-or-treat" as he stood in front of one of the million dollar houses in our neighborhood dressed as the مالٹا, نارنگی ninja turtle. After getting his candy, I کہا "okay Carter; we're going to go ہوم now. Daddy and I want to talk to آپ about something on the walk back to the house." I looked at Kyle with a depressed look on my face and he put his hand on my shoulder.
We walked down the سٹریٹ, گلی and I kicked pebbles with my feet as I looked down at the ground waiting for the right moment. I کہا "Carter; I'm going to be going on tour again." Carter got excited and کہا "I can't wait to go with آپ and daddy all over the world!" I sighed and کہا "you and daddy are going to stay here!" He asked "what do آپ mean mommy? آپ can't leave me here! I need to go with آپ because I'll miss آپ too much!" I کہا "I wish I could take آپ Carter; but I just can't!" He کہا "it's not going to be any fun here with just daddy!" Kyle joked "what am I chopped liver; compared to mommy?" Carter کہا "mommy's مزید fun than آپ are daddy." I laughed and کہا "he just dissed آپ Kyle!" Kyle joked "I see how it is Carter; mommy is the favorite! I'll have to remember that اگلے time when آپ want me to help آپ tie your shoes!"
December 20, 2014,
I finished wrapping Carter's Christmas presents on the بستر and Kyle came out of the bathroom wearing just his boxers. I looked over and crossed yet another دن off of my calendar. I sighed and کہا "only eight مزید days left!" Kyle کہا "nine straight months with no sex! I کہا "I have a feeling that I'm not going to be in the mood after tonight because I'll be really depressed! آپ better make tonight count!" He turned on the radio and کہا "trust me; it will be worth it!"
As we lay there with our bodies pressed up against each other, "stay" سے طرف کی Rihanna came on the radio station. "I want آپ to stay, stay, I want آپ to stay" blared through the speakers as Kyle pulled away from our passionate make out session. He saw a single tear run down my face and asked "I'm not hurting you; am I?" I کہا "no; I'm fine!" He rolled off of me and کہا "no you're not; you're crying! If I'm hurting آپ then just tell me!" I کہا "you're not hurting me Kyle!" He asked "then why are آپ crying?" I کہا "BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE!" He asked while continuing what he had stopped "then why are you?" I کہا "I don't have a choice! I have to provide for آپ guys because I'm the only income! Besides, I can't let all my شائقین down! I love performing; but I just wish Frank didn't just throw all of this on my lap!" I already have enough pressure as it is; let alone with him criticizing everything I do! I don't want to talk about this anymore because it's going to get me out of the mood! There's nothing we can do about it; it is what it is! Now if آپ don't mind, can we just get back to the love because that's all either of us are going to be getting for nine months?"
Afterwards, I rolled over with my back to Kyle and my arms crossed as I slipped my clothes back on. Kyle کہا "I didn't mean to make آپ mad AJ!" I کہا "well; آپ succeeded!" He کہا "we still haven't had our first fight yet and I don't want to start now!" I کہا "then I suggest that آپ leave me alone!" He fastened the buttons on his شرٹ, قمیض and کہا "fine; if that's what آپ want then I'll leave آپ alone just to avoid getting into a fight with آپ because I want this to be a fight free marriage. I love آپ AJ and I'm sorry." I کہا as I rolled back over facing towards him "I can't stay mad at you! The entire time I was facing the other direction I was smiling and trying not to laugh!"
December 29, 2014,
I stood there in my tour bus in front of Neverland and looked around. Kyle کہا "okay Carter; we have to get off the bus now." Carter wrapped his arms around my neck and wouldn't let go when I tried to put him down. He screamed "no mommy; I'M GOING WITH YOU!!!" I کہا "you can't Carter! It's not going to be as fun as آپ think it is being on tour! I'm working all the time and I wouldn't be able to spend time with آپ either way! I promise آپ that I'll get on Skype every دن with آپ guys!" I tried to put him down again and he still refused to let go. I کہا "I could use a little help here Kyle!"
Kyle pried Carter away from me as he continued to scream at the سب, سب سے اوپر of his lungs. He cried as he protested "LET ME GO DADDY! I'M STAYING ON THIS BUS!" Kyle turned his face as Carter continuously flailed his arms all over the place trying to get out of his grip. Kyle کہا "I would hug آپ AJ; but as آپ can see my hands are pretty full at the moment. I whispered in his ear "that's okay; I'll see آپ at the کنسرٹ and I can hug آپ there! Don't forget to drop off آپ know who at my grandmother's!" I kissed Carter who was still relentlessly trying to grab hold of me. As I pulled away he grabbed my hair and I کہا while laughing "OUCH; KYLE HURRY UP AND GET OUT OF HERE BECAUSE HE'S RIPPING THE HAIR OUT OF MY HEAD!"
As we made our way to the arena in the tour bus, Frank asked "are آپ okay kid? آپ look pale!" I wiped the sweat off of my forehead and کہا "yeah; I think it's just nerves! It's been over three years since I've performed on tour!" He کہا "you're just like your dad; once آپ get out on that stage all your nerves will disappear!" I کہا "yeah; you're probably right!"
A half گھنٹہ before the کنسرٹ starts, I sat backstage on the سوفی, لٹانا with my hand on my forehead. I looked in the mirror to see that I was pale as a ghost and drenched with sweat. Frank asked "are آپ sure you're feeling okay AJ?" I کہا "yeah; I'm fine! I'll get over whatever is going on! It's these stupid nerves getting –."
Before I could finish the sentence, I ran off to the bathroom and violently started throwing up. Frank knocked on the door and کہا "I've never seen آپ this nervous before! Everything is going to be just fine! Your شائقین love آپ and the dedicated شائقین will always be there; no matter what!" I stood up and walked out of the bathroom as I کہا "you're right Frank; I don't know what's gotten into me! I'm never usually this nervous! It must be because Kyle's going to be here watching me tonight."
There was a knock at the door and Frank کہا "speaking of Kyle; I think he's here!" Frank opened the door and Kyle immediately noticed my appearance. He put his hand on my forehead and کہا "you don't feel warm; but آپ look awful babe!" I laughed it off and کہا "thanks for the compliment!" He کہا "I'm serious AJ! آپ look terrible!" I gently pushed him out of the way and کہا "come on; آپ can sit on the edge of the stage where the backup dancers come in from! You'll be able to see better than anyone else that way! He کہا "I don't think آپ should go out there AJ!" I asked "would آپ just relax; I'm fine! My شائقین are waiting for me and once I get out there and started singing again my anxiety will go away!"
***30 سیکنڈ before the کنسرٹ entrance***
I sat there in the stage ٹوسٹر with my hands on my head trying not to think about how bad my stomach was turning. My head continuously pounded with the sound of the loud screaming. I was catapulted onto the stage and that's when I realized something was seriously wrong with me! The room just felt like it was spinning out of control and I fell to the ground with a bang that was heard loud and clear سے طرف کی the microphone I wore over my head. The last thing I remember was the thousands of شائقین letting out gasps as I saw Kyle run to my side.
***
I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was Kyle's face. I looked around the room and asked "where are we?" He کہا "in the hospital babe." I asked as I sat up at the edge of the بستر "what happened?" He کہا "the doctors don't really know yet! They just ran some tests down to the lab! They کہا آپ could have collapsed from dehydration; but then I told them how much stress آپ have been putting on yourself lately! They are pretty sure that that's what caused آپ to pass out!"
A female doctor came into the room and shook my hand. She sat down in a chair and کہا "it seems like the stress you've been under is really affecting your health! That's مزید than likely what caused آپ to black out. If آپ don't mind, I'm going to ask آپ a few questions." I rubbed my eyes and کہا "go ahead." She asked "have آپ been sleeping okay?" I کہا "yeah; nothing out of the ordinary." She asked "what about eating?" I کہا "just my typical foods that I eat while preparing for my tour." She asked "how far along are you?" I کہا "with the tour; this is the very first concert." She کہا "no, no, not with the tour. How far along are you?" Kyle and I looked at each other in confusion and I کہا "I'm sorry; I don't quite understand what you're asking me." She asked "how far along is the baby?" Kyle and I asked in unison with completely confused looks on our faces "what baby?" She کہا "I'm sorry; I thought آپ knew that you're pregnant!" Kyle laughed and sarcastically کہا "yeah right doctor; stop messing with us! I can't get Alanna pregnant; I'm sterile!"
The doctor passed me a piece of paper and written on it was "pregnancy: positive." I whispered as Kyle continued to laugh because he thought she was joking "the 5% chance." Kyle asked "what did آپ say AJ; sorry I was laughing too hard to hear you?" I کہا "the 5% chance! IT'S THE 5% CHANCE THAT آپ COULD GET ME PREGNANT; that week before Christmas when I was crying and we almost got into a fight; IT WORKED!!!!" Kyle turned white as a ghost and stuttered as he کہا "wait – we had sex – but – how – it's not supposed to – oh my God!!!" His eyes rolled back in the back of his head and he fell to the ground with a thud.
When he came to, I looked down at him as I held his head and he کہا "I'M GOING TO BE A DAD!!! Is this for real? Is this really happening? ARE آپ REALLY PREGNANT AJ?" I nodded my head and کہا "yes; I really am pregnant! مزید importantly though, FRANK HAS TO POSTPONE THE TOUR until after the baby is born!"
1. Because He Seems Like To Be A Fun Person To Hang Out With And
2.Because He Seems Nice And Caring.
When He Was Born Back In 2002 I Just Turned 8 And Now I Feel Old When Im Only 18 Lol. Well Thats All I Wanted To Say So Yeah.
Happy BirthDay Blanket I Hope Its A Good One And I Hope آپ Have Fun. Lots Of L.O.V.E.<3
P.S. Always Remember That The MJFamily Will Always L.O.V.E.<3 آپ Forever!!!!!!!!!!!!