What do آپ think?

I was bored so I wrote this poem. I'd like to know what آپ think. Be honest. Sorry if there are any typos.


Snow Day:

Snow on the ground.
There's no school today.
So instead of learning
I'm going to waste the دن away.

I'll start of with breakfast.
Hmm...cereal یا bacon?
I can't really decide
Since I've just awaken.

اگلے I'll watch some TV,
But evrything's a bore.
What's wrong with the world?
Seems the only thing on is Jersey Shore.

I guess I must have fallen asleep,
Because it's now four.
The afternoon's almost over
And there's no snow anymore.
 HeyItsMe8137 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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Random جوابات

HunnyBunni93 said:
Honestly, I love it! I'm a sucker for poems that rhyme. It's like a song without a beat,but amazing nonetheless,
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posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک 
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Thanks! (:
HeyItsMe8137 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
Lucy19 said:
nice =)
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posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک 
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Thx
HeyItsMe8137 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
Insane4ever said:
Eh lol
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posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک 
x-menobsessed26 said:
I love it. Do nothing snow days are the best!
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posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک 
futori said:
Eh, it sucks. :P
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posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک 
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Well, what do آپ expect I'm not a professional lol (:
HeyItsMe8137 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
samuraibond005 said:
It's great. :D
I wish I had that kind of skill.
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posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک 
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Thanks!
HeyItsMe8137 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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Where did آپ learn to write like that, was it school یا special poetry classes?
samuraibond005 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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Thanks. :D
samuraibond005 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
PaisleyPark said:
I'll be honest..

I don't like it much. It seems very.. immature?

I don't know how to describe it.

Maybe not rhyme as much.
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posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک 
RandomOne said:
i'll be honest...
it sucks, it's horrible, and it's a piece of shit
no offense. آپ told me to be honest
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posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک 
LinaHarrow said:
I like it, I love writing poems, especially when they rhyme. ^^

But, now it's time for constructive criticism:

"Snow on the ground.
There's no school today.
So instead of learning
I'm going to waste the دن away."
-Consider finding a way to drop "day" from the last line. It sounds too repetitive.

"I'll start of with breakfast."
-should be "I'll start off with breakfast."

"But evrything's a bore."
-should be "But everything's a bore."

But it was quite good, I did like it. =)
I think part of the reason I liked it is because I can relate to it, lol!
Gosh, I feel like I'm reviewing fanfiction. x)
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posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک 
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Thanks for the tips!
HeyItsMe8137 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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