Can آپ guys read my story and tell me if آپ like it, what to change and all that stuff, please?

Chapter 1
Boredom

Thantos was sitting on his bed, continuously throwing and catching his blue foam ball, with his headphones in his ears and موسیقی playing too loud and combing his medium length black hair out of his bright abnormally coloured eyes.
“This is so pointless. I need something better to do,” he said, scratching his extremely pale skin.
Thantos paused his IPod to hear a scream and girls laughing.
“What the- what was that about?” He asked himself, getting up from his بستر and walking to his door.
“I’ll never know if I don’t go check it out,” he smiled.
Thantos walked down his stairs and toward his door and covered his ears as the girls screamed again.
He opened his front door to see a beautiful girl in a solid black bikini and another girl in a purple and گلابی strapless one piece.
“What’s all the screaming about?” Thantos yelled at them, laughing.
The girls screamed, looked at Thantos, then started laughing at there foolishness.
“First tell us who آپ are, then we’ll tell آپ why we were screaming,” laughed the girl in the one-piece.
“I’ll tell آپ who I am after آپ tell me who آپ are,” Thantos smirked at them.
The two girls looked at each other and smiled.
Both girls held out there left arm, palms flat facing him. Out of nowhere, water came shooting at Thantos, hitting him painfully hard.
“What was that for?” Thantos yelled, clenching his fists, angrily. “And how the hell did آپ do that?”
“Because we could. Isn’t that a total ‘duh’ factor?” The girl in the bikini asked.
“And how we did it is none of your damn business.” The other girl scolded.
“Just tell me who آپ are,” Thantos said, attempting to breathe calmly and not دکھائیں his anger, but failing, miserably.
“My name is of no concern right now but… I might be willing to tell آپ if آپ tell me yours. We’ll tell آپ why we were screaming and both of our na
 Castalinia posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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XxKeithHarkinxX said:
nice! now read mine!


He ran his fingers through her long golden hair while staring into her hazel eyes
“You have beautiful eyes,” he کہا softly, his accent still managed to slip through his softly spoken words.
“Thank you,” Taylor کہا with a smile of pure delight.
“But I really should get going,” She کہا gently pulling Keith’s hand out of her hair.
This was not because she didn’t love Keith; in fact Taylor loved him with all her heart. It was just everything happened so suddenly. It all started last week in New York City, Keith being a musician had booked a ٹمٹم, gig, لٹو at Red Stallion Pub, and Taylor being a پرستار of his, bought a ticket for the show. Everything was going normally, Keith Played a few tunes, how it managed to last 3 hours is beyond me. After the دکھائیں everyone left talking among themselves about the performance. There was only one person that didn’t leave with the crowd, besides the bartenders of course, Taylor stayed to tell Keith that he was an amazing musician and that she had never heard such beautiful noise in her life. Keith was all done packing his گٹار up and about ready to leave when he noticed someone still standing there.
“ And why might آپ still be here?” his accent wasn’t as thick she thought it would be,
“I-I just wanted to tell آپ something,” Taylor کہا shyly.
“What might that be? Is it that you’re my biggest پرستار and آپ want me to marry you?” Keith کہا with a slight chuckle.
“Oh, nothing like that sir!”
“Please, call me Keith,” he کہا as he carefully put his گٹار case down
“I’m too young to be a sir!” he کہا with a laugh
“So what did آپ want to want to tell me?”
“That آپ are the most amazing guitarist and singer I’ve ever heard!” She کہا slowly letting go of her shyness.
“Why thank you! I must say it’s a lot nicer to hear that then it is to hear all that sappy, lovie, پرستار stuff. آپ kind of get sick of it after 4 years!”

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posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک 
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i like it but, what's with your obsession with Keith?
Castalinia posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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.... ARE آپ QUESTIONING ME!?
XxKeithHarkinxX posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
Shadowmarioking said:
Eh. I don't understand why the girls have to be in bikinis...and the story isn't one that's THAT attention grabbing.
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posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک 
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it will be when there's مزید up. it get's a lot مزید interesting as it goes on.
Castalinia posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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thanks for your opinion though. it is much appreaciated. i will try to improve it.
Castalinia posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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okay. i'll try to do that.
Castalinia posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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