0 = Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as any bayonet.
1 = Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being.
2 = Lager warming up head. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse.
3 = Crossword in newspaper filled in. After a while blanks are filled in with random letters and numbers.
4 = Barmaid complimented on choice of bra, partially visible when bending to get packet of crisps. Try to instigate conversation about bras. Order half a dozen packets of crisps one سے طرف کی one.
5 = Have brilliant discussion with guy on the اگلے bar stool. Devise fool-proof scheme for winning lottery, sort out Manchester United's problems.
6 = Feel like a Demi-God. Map out rest of life on cigarette packet. Realize that everybody loves you. Call parents and tell them آپ love them. Call girlfriend to tell her آپ love her and she still has an amazing figure.
7 = Send drinks over to woman sitting at میز, جدول with boyfriend. No reaction. Scribble out message of love on five کاک, کاکٹیل napkins and Frisbee them to her across the room. Boyfriend asks آپ outside. آپ buy him a Slim Panatela.
8 = Some slurring. Offer to buy drinks for everyone in room. Lots of people say yes. Go round the bar hugging them one سے طرف کی one. Fall over. Get up.
9 = Head-ache kicks in. بیئر tastes off. Send it back. اگلے bottle comes back tasting the same. Say, "That's much better." Fight nausea سے طرف کی trying to play old Space Invaders game for ten منٹ before seeing out of order sign.
10 = Some doubling of vision. Stand on میز, جدول shouting abuse at all four barmen. Talked down سے طرف کی barmaid, who آپ offer to give a baby to. Fall over. Get up. Fall over. Impale head on corner of table. Fail to notice oozing head wound.
11 = Speech no longer possible. Eventually manage to find door. Sit and take stock. Realize آپ are sitting in pub cellar, having taken wrong turning. Vomit. Pass out.
12 = Put in cab سے طرف کی somebody. Give ہوم address. Taken home. Can't get key in door. Realize you've دیا address of your local gym. Generally pleased at way evening has gone. Pass out again.
1 = Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being.
2 = Lager warming up head. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse.
3 = Crossword in newspaper filled in. After a while blanks are filled in with random letters and numbers.
4 = Barmaid complimented on choice of bra, partially visible when bending to get packet of crisps. Try to instigate conversation about bras. Order half a dozen packets of crisps one سے طرف کی one.
5 = Have brilliant discussion with guy on the اگلے bar stool. Devise fool-proof scheme for winning lottery, sort out Manchester United's problems.
6 = Feel like a Demi-God. Map out rest of life on cigarette packet. Realize that everybody loves you. Call parents and tell them آپ love them. Call girlfriend to tell her آپ love her and she still has an amazing figure.
7 = Send drinks over to woman sitting at میز, جدول with boyfriend. No reaction. Scribble out message of love on five کاک, کاکٹیل napkins and Frisbee them to her across the room. Boyfriend asks آپ outside. آپ buy him a Slim Panatela.
8 = Some slurring. Offer to buy drinks for everyone in room. Lots of people say yes. Go round the bar hugging them one سے طرف کی one. Fall over. Get up.
9 = Head-ache kicks in. بیئر tastes off. Send it back. اگلے bottle comes back tasting the same. Say, "That's much better." Fight nausea سے طرف کی trying to play old Space Invaders game for ten منٹ before seeing out of order sign.
10 = Some doubling of vision. Stand on میز, جدول shouting abuse at all four barmen. Talked down سے طرف کی barmaid, who آپ offer to give a baby to. Fall over. Get up. Fall over. Impale head on corner of table. Fail to notice oozing head wound.
11 = Speech no longer possible. Eventually manage to find door. Sit and take stock. Realize آپ are sitting in pub cellar, having taken wrong turning. Vomit. Pass out.
12 = Put in cab سے طرف کی somebody. Give ہوم address. Taken home. Can't get key in door. Realize you've دیا address of your local gym. Generally pleased at way evening has gone. Pass out again.