#1:
Critic: So our story begins when they spot two children who, آپ guessed it, stopped caring.
Friend Bear: Hi. I'm Friend Bear, and this is Secret Bear. We're Care Bears. (both stand up and pose)
Jason: (in disgusted tone) What do آپ want?
Friend Bear: Only to be your friends.
NC (vo): Actually, I always wondered what counted as quote/unquote "Caring." I mean, if I'm ordering a پیزا with a friend, is it like...
[Cuts to skit with two NCs talking to each other]
NC 1: Hey, what kind of toppings آپ want?
NC 2: Eh, I don't care. (In panicked tone) No, no, wait! I didn't mea- (sparkling effects sound and NC moans lightly).
Care برداشت, ریچھ (off-screen): Hi. We're the Care Bears, and everybody has to care about something--
(NC brings out his gun and starts shooting at the Care Bears as they are heard screaming.
#2:
NC: آپ know...dick. Cause that's what آپ are, a fucking dick. When آپ دکھائیں this image of the American flag destroyed...
(Such an image is shown)
NC (vo): ...you're not just دکھانا your dollar store symbolism that says "ooh, America's hurt."
NC: But, it's very clear that what is important to آپ is not how آپ view America. What is important to آپ is how others see آپ viewing America. So, آپ can make up whatever آپ want. آپ can fabricate things, آپ can lie about history.
(The hospital attack is shown)
NC (vo): آپ can exaggerate, آپ can glorify, آپ can demonize, آپ can distort the facts.
NC: آپ can make up the truth. Make up the truth about people who lost their lives in this great tragedy. Why? Because you're doing it in the name that آپ (thumping his chest) fuck love America. (now in full-on serious mode) I'm sorry! I-I-I don't fuck around with this shit! I don't, okay? These are people who have lost their lives, people who have been drafted, people who volunteered, people putting their پچھواڑے, گدا on the line, and many of them don't come back! You're taking it upon yourself to دکھائیں that! And, I-I know what you're thinking, yeah, you're thinking, "Well, I'll just make up people, because they weren't really there, so I can do whatever I want with them, I can make shit up." And granted, آپ don't deserve the responsibility to دکھائیں real events. آپ don't live in the real world! But what happens is that when آپ take it and base it on a real event, آپ have to دکھائیں these real people. آپ have to get it right, Michael Bay! آپ have to get it right! Because this, this isn't Transformers, okay? That's kid's shit, آپ can do whatever آپ want. It's not The Rock! It's not Sean Connery saying "winners fuck the prom queen!" No, it's fuck Pearl Harbor! Reality! It actually happened! And I know you're thinking, "Well, it's Hollywood, we take liberties." Fuck you, it's not Hollywood! When آپ take it upon yourself to represent something that really happened and is still painful and hurts a lot of people, that means آپ have to do two things. One, آپ have to grow up and be an adult! Two, آپ have to actually represent these people as best as humanly possible, آپ SON OF A BIIIIIIIIITCH!!!!!!
#3:
Maxie: (narrates) Hortense and Bernice married Kirk and Dirk, who are gloatingly thinking they've got it made. And here we have the ecstatic newlyweds Angelica and William, together with Mother Nanny, Granny, Victoria and the grandchildren, and the dalmatians and their children. Well, here's hoping they all live happily ever after. See آپ soon.
NC: HAPPILY EVER AFTER?! What the hell is wrong with you?! This isn't a postcard! This is the sinking of the fucking Titanic! If آپ wanted to be really faithful, آپ would've said…
NC (voiceover): (as Maxie) Kirk and ڈرک, دیرک got married to the evil stepsisters, William and Angelica married, as well as adopted the two Dalmatians, (An old black-and-white illustration of the real-life Titanic sinking is shown) and over 1,500 died in one of the world's largest and most tragic disasters. See آپ soon!
#4:
Nostalgia Critic: So the old wins in this situation. Does that mean I don't like "The Dark Knight"? Not at all. I just like "Batman" a little more. And, uh, my only hope is that Christian Bale doesn't take what I کہا about him too seriously— [The Critic's cell phone rings] 'Scuse me. [Opens and جوابات it] Hello?
Christian Bale: [Utilizing audio from his infamous rant] What the fuck are آپ DOING?!
Nostalgia Critic: I'm sorry, man, I just thought—
Christian Bale: No, don't just be sorry. THINK for one fuckin' second!
Nostalgia Critic: Well that's not very nice.
Christian Bale: What the fuck is it with you? Are آپ professional یا not?
Nostalgia Critic: Well, I don't like to brag, but—
Christian Bale: Fuck's sake, man, you're amateur!
Nostalgia Critic: Look, I don't know why you're getting so angry—
Christian Bale: No, shut the fuck up!
Nostalgia Critic: Maybe I could, uh—
Christian Bale: No! NO!! I wanna fuckin' kick your fuckin' ass!
Nostalgia Critic: Why are آپ so angry? I just don't get it.
Christian Bale: What don't آپ get about it?
Nostalgia Critic: Hold on, hold on. [Addresses the viewers] I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so آپ don't have to. [Resumes the call]
Christian Bale: Gimme a fuckin' answer!
Nostalgia Critic: I just don't get why آپ made Batman sound like he had lung cancer.
Christian Bale: Ohhh, good for you! You're a nice guy.
Nostalgia Critic: Why thank you!
Christian Bale: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Nostalgia Critic: آپ shut up! Go make "Reign of آگ کے, آگ 2"!
Christian Bale: No!
Nostalgia Critic: YES!
Christian Bale: NO!!
Nostalgia Critic: YES!!
Christian Bale: Fuck's sake.
#5:
Nostalgia: Hello, I’m the…Nostalgia Critic. (pauses) I remember it so آپ don’t have to. And… (He looks up to scan the entire group before lowering his head again in a bit of shame and speak quickly) I kinda like “Spider-Man 3.”
(All the people in the group shout in outrage, and one male gets on a میز, جدول to pound on it in rage),
Nostalgia: I do!
#6:
Pistachio: آپ know, I could tell just سے طرف کی looking at you. (holds up a mini-corn dog and a small handful of nuts) آپ have a little wiener...and some tiny nuts. Oh, yeah.
NC: (bursts into loud, over the top, sarcastic laughter, that gets مزید and مزید hysterical, he then gets out of his chair and leaves the room. Cut to outside where Jim Jarosz is on his cell phone when NC comes out with a baseball bat, continuing to laugh hysterically while beating him down. He then sees Prof. Birmingham Dickens.)
Dickens: Oh, hello.
(A crazy-laughing NC runs up to him and beats the professor down as well. NC then looks at the camera like a wild man and starts running towards him as the cameramen tries backing away but is too slow and Critic beats down the cameraman).
NC: (continues to laugh like a maniac as he throws the bat away and walks off screen left. The camera then pans down to the carnage NC has left as we see Prof. Birmingham Dickens put his pipe into his mouth. Cut back to NC's room as he calms down and sits back down in his chair.)
NC: (suddenly conscious) Where was I the last two minutes?
#7:
Nostalgia Critic: Fucking-A, this is My Little ٹٹو fanfiction! Can't آپ just see an episode ending like that?!
[cuts to a clip of My Little Pony]
Fluttershy: Anyone who would give their soul for love, has the power to change the world! Isn't that right, Ghost ٹٹو Rider?
Ghost ٹٹو Rider: (demonic roar)
Fluttershy: Right!
#8:
Critic: FUCJKING BUBBLES!!
#9:
Mark: I used to know this girl who had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it, beat her up so bad she wound up in a hospital on Guerrero Street.
[Johnny laughs]
Nostalgia Critic: That's not funny, آپ sick fuck.
#10:
Denny: I just like to watch آپ guys.
NC: (stunned again) Uhhhhhh...
#11:
Blade: Some motherfuckers are always tryin' to ice-skate uphill...
Nostalgia Critic: That is a really weird note to go out on.
#12:
Pennywise: I’ll دکھائیں آپ how to FLOOOAAAT down here.
Critic: Why doesn’t he just EAT these fucking kids? He’s eaten like half of the other kids in the neighborhood! Why doesn’t he just finish them off? I mean, what the hell is مزید important in his time?
Critic: (imitates Pennywise) RARRR, I've got آپ now, little boy! (beeping sound, and he looks at his watch) Oh, my God, it’s almost 3:00! (The Critic leaves the screen camera from the left and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song plays.)
#13:
(The باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ phone rings, and Tory جوابات it)
Tory: Hello? Hello? Help us, please! Come help us! We’re trapped inside of here!
Pennywise: Do آپ have Prince Albert in a can? آپ do? Well, ya better let the poor guy out! Wha-haw! Wha-Haw! Wha-Haw!
(Tory hangs up and tears the phone off the wall)
#14:
Malus: HOW'D IT GET BURNED, HOW'D IT GET BURNED?!
Critic: Somebody lit it! Somebody lit it!
#15:
Tender Heart: Magic isn't the answer, Nicholas. Your feelings can help آپ find the true answer.
NC: Yes. Just listen to the magic, talking bear.
#16:
Brave Heart: Everyone in the Forest of Feelings knows of Playful دل Monkey and Brave Heart. [Cuts to scene from Mel Gibson's Braveheart]
NC: I know, I know. But how can I not put that in?
Critic: So our story begins when they spot two children who, آپ guessed it, stopped caring.
Friend Bear: Hi. I'm Friend Bear, and this is Secret Bear. We're Care Bears. (both stand up and pose)
Jason: (in disgusted tone) What do آپ want?
Friend Bear: Only to be your friends.
NC (vo): Actually, I always wondered what counted as quote/unquote "Caring." I mean, if I'm ordering a پیزا with a friend, is it like...
[Cuts to skit with two NCs talking to each other]
NC 1: Hey, what kind of toppings آپ want?
NC 2: Eh, I don't care. (In panicked tone) No, no, wait! I didn't mea- (sparkling effects sound and NC moans lightly).
Care برداشت, ریچھ (off-screen): Hi. We're the Care Bears, and everybody has to care about something--
(NC brings out his gun and starts shooting at the Care Bears as they are heard screaming.
#2:
NC: آپ know...dick. Cause that's what آپ are, a fucking dick. When آپ دکھائیں this image of the American flag destroyed...
(Such an image is shown)
NC (vo): ...you're not just دکھانا your dollar store symbolism that says "ooh, America's hurt."
NC: But, it's very clear that what is important to آپ is not how آپ view America. What is important to آپ is how others see آپ viewing America. So, آپ can make up whatever آپ want. آپ can fabricate things, آپ can lie about history.
(The hospital attack is shown)
NC (vo): آپ can exaggerate, آپ can glorify, آپ can demonize, آپ can distort the facts.
NC: آپ can make up the truth. Make up the truth about people who lost their lives in this great tragedy. Why? Because you're doing it in the name that آپ (thumping his chest) fuck love America. (now in full-on serious mode) I'm sorry! I-I-I don't fuck around with this shit! I don't, okay? These are people who have lost their lives, people who have been drafted, people who volunteered, people putting their پچھواڑے, گدا on the line, and many of them don't come back! You're taking it upon yourself to دکھائیں that! And, I-I know what you're thinking, yeah, you're thinking, "Well, I'll just make up people, because they weren't really there, so I can do whatever I want with them, I can make shit up." And granted, آپ don't deserve the responsibility to دکھائیں real events. آپ don't live in the real world! But what happens is that when آپ take it and base it on a real event, آپ have to دکھائیں these real people. آپ have to get it right, Michael Bay! آپ have to get it right! Because this, this isn't Transformers, okay? That's kid's shit, آپ can do whatever آپ want. It's not The Rock! It's not Sean Connery saying "winners fuck the prom queen!" No, it's fuck Pearl Harbor! Reality! It actually happened! And I know you're thinking, "Well, it's Hollywood, we take liberties." Fuck you, it's not Hollywood! When آپ take it upon yourself to represent something that really happened and is still painful and hurts a lot of people, that means آپ have to do two things. One, آپ have to grow up and be an adult! Two, آپ have to actually represent these people as best as humanly possible, آپ SON OF A BIIIIIIIIITCH!!!!!!
#3:
Maxie: (narrates) Hortense and Bernice married Kirk and Dirk, who are gloatingly thinking they've got it made. And here we have the ecstatic newlyweds Angelica and William, together with Mother Nanny, Granny, Victoria and the grandchildren, and the dalmatians and their children. Well, here's hoping they all live happily ever after. See آپ soon.
NC: HAPPILY EVER AFTER?! What the hell is wrong with you?! This isn't a postcard! This is the sinking of the fucking Titanic! If آپ wanted to be really faithful, آپ would've said…
NC (voiceover): (as Maxie) Kirk and ڈرک, دیرک got married to the evil stepsisters, William and Angelica married, as well as adopted the two Dalmatians, (An old black-and-white illustration of the real-life Titanic sinking is shown) and over 1,500 died in one of the world's largest and most tragic disasters. See آپ soon!
#4:
Nostalgia Critic: So the old wins in this situation. Does that mean I don't like "The Dark Knight"? Not at all. I just like "Batman" a little more. And, uh, my only hope is that Christian Bale doesn't take what I کہا about him too seriously— [The Critic's cell phone rings] 'Scuse me. [Opens and جوابات it] Hello?
Christian Bale: [Utilizing audio from his infamous rant] What the fuck are آپ DOING?!
Nostalgia Critic: I'm sorry, man, I just thought—
Christian Bale: No, don't just be sorry. THINK for one fuckin' second!
Nostalgia Critic: Well that's not very nice.
Christian Bale: What the fuck is it with you? Are آپ professional یا not?
Nostalgia Critic: Well, I don't like to brag, but—
Christian Bale: Fuck's sake, man, you're amateur!
Nostalgia Critic: Look, I don't know why you're getting so angry—
Christian Bale: No, shut the fuck up!
Nostalgia Critic: Maybe I could, uh—
Christian Bale: No! NO!! I wanna fuckin' kick your fuckin' ass!
Nostalgia Critic: Why are آپ so angry? I just don't get it.
Christian Bale: What don't آپ get about it?
Nostalgia Critic: Hold on, hold on. [Addresses the viewers] I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so آپ don't have to. [Resumes the call]
Christian Bale: Gimme a fuckin' answer!
Nostalgia Critic: I just don't get why آپ made Batman sound like he had lung cancer.
Christian Bale: Ohhh, good for you! You're a nice guy.
Nostalgia Critic: Why thank you!
Christian Bale: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Nostalgia Critic: آپ shut up! Go make "Reign of آگ کے, آگ 2"!
Christian Bale: No!
Nostalgia Critic: YES!
Christian Bale: NO!!
Nostalgia Critic: YES!!
Christian Bale: Fuck's sake.
#5:
Nostalgia: Hello, I’m the…Nostalgia Critic. (pauses) I remember it so آپ don’t have to. And… (He looks up to scan the entire group before lowering his head again in a bit of shame and speak quickly) I kinda like “Spider-Man 3.”
(All the people in the group shout in outrage, and one male gets on a میز, جدول to pound on it in rage),
Nostalgia: I do!
#6:
Pistachio: آپ know, I could tell just سے طرف کی looking at you. (holds up a mini-corn dog and a small handful of nuts) آپ have a little wiener...and some tiny nuts. Oh, yeah.
NC: (bursts into loud, over the top, sarcastic laughter, that gets مزید and مزید hysterical, he then gets out of his chair and leaves the room. Cut to outside where Jim Jarosz is on his cell phone when NC comes out with a baseball bat, continuing to laugh hysterically while beating him down. He then sees Prof. Birmingham Dickens.)
Dickens: Oh, hello.
(A crazy-laughing NC runs up to him and beats the professor down as well. NC then looks at the camera like a wild man and starts running towards him as the cameramen tries backing away but is too slow and Critic beats down the cameraman).
NC: (continues to laugh like a maniac as he throws the bat away and walks off screen left. The camera then pans down to the carnage NC has left as we see Prof. Birmingham Dickens put his pipe into his mouth. Cut back to NC's room as he calms down and sits back down in his chair.)
NC: (suddenly conscious) Where was I the last two minutes?
#7:
Nostalgia Critic: Fucking-A, this is My Little ٹٹو fanfiction! Can't آپ just see an episode ending like that?!
[cuts to a clip of My Little Pony]
Fluttershy: Anyone who would give their soul for love, has the power to change the world! Isn't that right, Ghost ٹٹو Rider?
Ghost ٹٹو Rider: (demonic roar)
Fluttershy: Right!
#8:
Critic: FUCJKING BUBBLES!!
#9:
Mark: I used to know this girl who had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it, beat her up so bad she wound up in a hospital on Guerrero Street.
[Johnny laughs]
Nostalgia Critic: That's not funny, آپ sick fuck.
#10:
Denny: I just like to watch آپ guys.
NC: (stunned again) Uhhhhhh...
#11:
Blade: Some motherfuckers are always tryin' to ice-skate uphill...
Nostalgia Critic: That is a really weird note to go out on.
#12:
Pennywise: I’ll دکھائیں آپ how to FLOOOAAAT down here.
Critic: Why doesn’t he just EAT these fucking kids? He’s eaten like half of the other kids in the neighborhood! Why doesn’t he just finish them off? I mean, what the hell is مزید important in his time?
Critic: (imitates Pennywise) RARRR, I've got آپ now, little boy! (beeping sound, and he looks at his watch) Oh, my God, it’s almost 3:00! (The Critic leaves the screen camera from the left and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song plays.)
#13:
(The باورچی خانے, باورچی خانہ phone rings, and Tory جوابات it)
Tory: Hello? Hello? Help us, please! Come help us! We’re trapped inside of here!
Pennywise: Do آپ have Prince Albert in a can? آپ do? Well, ya better let the poor guy out! Wha-haw! Wha-Haw! Wha-Haw!
(Tory hangs up and tears the phone off the wall)
#14:
Malus: HOW'D IT GET BURNED, HOW'D IT GET BURNED?!
Critic: Somebody lit it! Somebody lit it!
#15:
Tender Heart: Magic isn't the answer, Nicholas. Your feelings can help آپ find the true answer.
NC: Yes. Just listen to the magic, talking bear.
#16:
Brave Heart: Everyone in the Forest of Feelings knows of Playful دل Monkey and Brave Heart. [Cuts to scene from Mel Gibson's Braveheart]
NC: I know, I know. But how can I not put that in?
Unfortunately, I have been caught up in other issues for the past week and there is thus no new کچھی سینڈوچ this week. But I am writing this to establish many things, seeing as although I didn't have much "doing stuff" time, I had plenty of time to think.
1. Despite delays individual to this week, I will have time in the future to make this work on a weekly basis, and so it will stay that way.
2. I have thought مزید about how video games would work with this, and decided that they actually wouldn't.
3. Between فلمیں and TV shows, I want there to be some schedule for the order of them. But I also realize that I watch فلمیں far مزید often than entire seasons of TV shows, and that a lot of people are probably the same on that. Therefore, for every month, I will select the last Tuesday to be for TV shows, and the rest will be movies.
I am sorry for failing this city (or whatever city آپ might live in) this week, but I will attempt to make مزید time for this in the future.
1. Despite delays individual to this week, I will have time in the future to make this work on a weekly basis, and so it will stay that way.
2. I have thought مزید about how video games would work with this, and decided that they actually wouldn't.
3. Between فلمیں and TV shows, I want there to be some schedule for the order of them. But I also realize that I watch فلمیں far مزید often than entire seasons of TV shows, and that a lot of people are probably the same on that. Therefore, for every month, I will select the last Tuesday to be for TV shows, and the rest will be movies.
I am sorry for failing this city (or whatever city آپ might live in) this week, but I will attempt to make مزید time for this in the future.
I've been meaning to do this for a while. This is a countdown, meaning that number one is the best. Also, this is just my personal opinion so keep your rude تبصرے to yourself. I hope آپ like it and please tell me what آپ think.
1-Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper یا self-confidence.
(Robert Frost)
2-The roots of education are کڑوا, تلخ but the fruit is sweet.
(Aristotle)
3-Education is the most powerful weapon which آپ can use to change the future. (Nelson Mandela)
4-Education is not learning of facts , but the training of minds to think. (Albert Einstein)
5-Education is not preparation for life, Education is life
itself (John Dewey)
6-Education is the movement from darkness to light.
(Allan Bloom)
7-The highest result of education is tolerance.
(Helen Keller)
(Robert Frost)
2-The roots of education are کڑوا, تلخ but the fruit is sweet.
(Aristotle)
3-Education is the most powerful weapon which آپ can use to change the future. (Nelson Mandela)
4-Education is not learning of facts , but the training of minds to think. (Albert Einstein)
5-Education is not preparation for life, Education is life
itself (John Dewey)
6-Education is the movement from darkness to light.
(Allan Bloom)
7-The highest result of education is tolerance.
(Helen Keller)
When a guy flirts with other women.while out with his girl, it. may be he is just trying to be funny and charming یا seem polite. یا he may secretly be feeling insecure. Maybe he fears his gal is still.into her ex, یا worries she may be seeing simeone else besides him. He wont come out and say his fears, so rather he tries to appear مزید of a stud flirting with ladies. What he may not realize is this drives a gal away and makes her feel unimportant. How would a guy like it if a gal behaved that way toward him? Does anyone have any suggestions how to deal with this obnoxious male behavior? Does a gal call him out on it? یا simply walk away, as I did from a guy I loved a lot, and not call him out on it, just simply tell him, "You hurt me."?
note:this spell can be casted any time,any day.
okay,step one;light the candle and hold it in your left hand.
step2;put a little honey in your mouth(don't swallow)get a pitch of honey on the object,hold the object in your right hand,close your eyes and chant"i call upon the the dark god of magick to protect me from all negative energies and forces that may come my way,may this be my magic wand to make my wish come true so mote it be.
open your eyes,put the wand in the candle fire, let it burn for a منٹ then after that use the honey to quench fire,BING BANG BOOM! it's done!have fun.