I found these on Tumblr ... thought they were funny (and pretty damn accurate).
This is a little graphic for those of آپ who shy away from this kinda stuff ;)
1. Bella is clumsy, shy and constantly bites her lower lip when she’s nervous
2. Edward finds her lip biting habits sexy
3. Edward is jealous, over protective and a bit controlling
4. Edward has a temper
5. Though there are no vampires and no werewolves, Human Edward can actually GROWL
6. Edward has the greenest eyes she’s ever seen and a panty dropping crooked smile
7. Edward always has velvety smooth, warm voice that turns to rough when he wants Bella
8. Bella has the deepest brown eyes and he can see to her soul through them
9. Edward has a monster cock that deserves an award and can put any other to shame ;)
10. Though some might think physically impossible, Edward can get hard in less than 3 سیکنڈ after seeing Bella only bite her lip
11. Tanya is a bitch
12. Rose is the coolest badass ever
13. Esme is always wiping tears from her eyes somewhere
14. Carlisle the kindest and most compassionate Doctor ever… unless you’re reading a SAVAGE story [Lorabell note: یا Emancipation Proclamation where he’s a straight up badass]
15. Unless it’s a sex marathon story یا a Dadward/Momella story, you’re gonna have to wait till they say “I love you” before sex
16. Edward always gets Bella to come only 2 سیکنڈ before him and both always happen explosively with white spots behind their eyelids
17. Alice is referred to as a pixie, loves Bella barbie and always takes her shopping against her will
18. No matter how long the story is یا what genre but you’ll ALWAYS find Edward in a towel somewhere with Bella there to drool over the V between his hips
19. Bella hates wearing heels, calls them “death traps” and they’re usually forced on her سے طرف کی Alice یا Rose
20. Edward has LONG fingers that can do wonders with موسیقی and Bella’s [*cough* and Lorabell’s *cough*] lady bits
21. Charlie is always always always fishing… I mean, dude get a life - no one fishes 24/7 not even in Canon
22. Jacob is bad. If he’s not bad, he’s gay. If he’s not gay, he’s a dog. Literally.
23. Mike is a douche. No matter what he does and how nice he is, he’s always a douche with a small dick
24. EVERY TIME Bella and Edward have sex, it’s better than the last and the best sex they have ever had. EVER.
25. Jake almost ALWAYS ends up with Leah
26. Rosalie always smacks Emmet on the back of his head… if she’s not around then it’s Esme
27. They always rip condoms with their teeth
28. At one time یا another you’ll find that “she/he saw something unreadable flicker in his/her eyes but it disappeared before she/he could see what it was”
29. The مصنف will almost always sneak in at least one book یا movie quote
30. When most normal people would have reached for the telephone and dialed 911, Bella is NOT freaked out سے طرف کی Edward watching her sleep
This is a little graphic for those of آپ who shy away from this kinda stuff ;)
1. Bella is clumsy, shy and constantly bites her lower lip when she’s nervous
2. Edward finds her lip biting habits sexy
3. Edward is jealous, over protective and a bit controlling
4. Edward has a temper
5. Though there are no vampires and no werewolves, Human Edward can actually GROWL
6. Edward has the greenest eyes she’s ever seen and a panty dropping crooked smile
7. Edward always has velvety smooth, warm voice that turns to rough when he wants Bella
8. Bella has the deepest brown eyes and he can see to her soul through them
9. Edward has a monster cock that deserves an award and can put any other to shame ;)
10. Though some might think physically impossible, Edward can get hard in less than 3 سیکنڈ after seeing Bella only bite her lip
11. Tanya is a bitch
12. Rose is the coolest badass ever
13. Esme is always wiping tears from her eyes somewhere
14. Carlisle the kindest and most compassionate Doctor ever… unless you’re reading a SAVAGE story [Lorabell note: یا Emancipation Proclamation where he’s a straight up badass]
15. Unless it’s a sex marathon story یا a Dadward/Momella story, you’re gonna have to wait till they say “I love you” before sex
16. Edward always gets Bella to come only 2 سیکنڈ before him and both always happen explosively with white spots behind their eyelids
17. Alice is referred to as a pixie, loves Bella barbie and always takes her shopping against her will
18. No matter how long the story is یا what genre but you’ll ALWAYS find Edward in a towel somewhere with Bella there to drool over the V between his hips
19. Bella hates wearing heels, calls them “death traps” and they’re usually forced on her سے طرف کی Alice یا Rose
20. Edward has LONG fingers that can do wonders with موسیقی and Bella’s [*cough* and Lorabell’s *cough*] lady bits
21. Charlie is always always always fishing… I mean, dude get a life - no one fishes 24/7 not even in Canon
22. Jacob is bad. If he’s not bad, he’s gay. If he’s not gay, he’s a dog. Literally.
23. Mike is a douche. No matter what he does and how nice he is, he’s always a douche with a small dick
24. EVERY TIME Bella and Edward have sex, it’s better than the last and the best sex they have ever had. EVER.
25. Jake almost ALWAYS ends up with Leah
26. Rosalie always smacks Emmet on the back of his head… if she’s not around then it’s Esme
27. They always rip condoms with their teeth
28. At one time یا another you’ll find that “she/he saw something unreadable flicker in his/her eyes but it disappeared before she/he could see what it was”
29. The مصنف will almost always sneak in at least one book یا movie quote
30. When most normal people would have reached for the telephone and dialed 911, Bella is NOT freaked out سے طرف کی Edward watching her sleep
Bella's Pov.
I ran and ran in the castle. The middle door. There was Jasper and the man
with...ROSALIE!!??
"So, آپ decided to marry me, my love?"
"Well...let's just say that I'm ready to defeat you! AND YOUR SO CALLED
'MASTER'" I کہا loudly.
I grabbed Rosalie untied her and کہا quickly to get the others free.
SHE REGAINED HER STRENGTH!!
"Now, it's time to deal with YOU!!"
I threw a potion at Jasper that Carisle gave me for my birthday. Jasper
yelled and screamed. I threw the potion at the "Master" too.
Then he fell to the fround, and the چادر, فرغل disappeared. I saw his bare face.
Then, an image appeared. Then, I realized there was a mask! The real trouble
maker was...ESME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ran and ran in the castle. The middle door. There was Jasper and the man
with...ROSALIE!!??
"So, آپ decided to marry me, my love?"
"Well...let's just say that I'm ready to defeat you! AND YOUR SO CALLED
'MASTER'" I کہا loudly.
I grabbed Rosalie untied her and کہا quickly to get the others free.
SHE REGAINED HER STRENGTH!!
"Now, it's time to deal with YOU!!"
I threw a potion at Jasper that Carisle gave me for my birthday. Jasper
yelled and screamed. I threw the potion at the "Master" too.
Then he fell to the fround, and the چادر, فرغل disappeared. I saw his bare face.
Then, an image appeared. Then, I realized there was a mask! The real trouble
maker was...ESME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edward Cullen (born Edward Anthony Masen) was born on June 20, 1901 in Chicago, Illinois, and is frozen in his 17-year-old body. While dying of the Spanish influenza, he was changed into a vampire سے طرف کی Dr. Carlisle Cullen after Edward's mother, Elizabeth, begged him to save Edward as her dying wish. Edward only drinks animal blood and has the special ability to read minds, with the exception of Bella Swan's. He falls in love with Bella soon after she arrives in Forks. Edward knows that he could kill Bella easily, a fact that torments him so much that, in the book New Moon, he decides to leave Forks with his family so they won't be able to hurt her. He returns, however, because he realizes he cannot live without her. Edward marries Bella in Breaking Dawn and they have a child, Renesmee.