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posted by tammyr50
As I put Rachel to بستر I take a deep breath and I open a book I try hard not to think about my birthday. The harder I try to put the events from yesterday out of my head the مزید I hang on to every word and replay every moment.
Mother was a handful as usual and as usual she was able to find fault with everything I did.
I am the "Dean of Medicine", graduated medical school in the سب, سب سے اوپر of my class, and I run a hospital and it is still not enough to earn her respect.
She called me a slut. How could she actually call me....?
Then there is House. آپ were going to stand up for me. آپ felt defensive of me. I should tell آپ that I loved the way that felt. آپ whom I have loved forever and wanted to pay some attention to me. آپ felt like a hero to me in that moment. I know آپ needed time alone. I have done nothing but order آپ around and keep آپ jumping through hoops.
I don't know why everything آپ do makes me مزید afraid that this is not what آپ want. I wish I could tell آپ that I am scared. I have never wanted many things in my life. My life has been based on gaining approval. But, "I want you." I have always wanted you.
"I am screwing this up." I am screwing us up.
I wish I could tell آپ that when آپ walk into the room I just want to touch you. I think about what it feels like when your lips brush across mine. I can feel آپ inside me and how amziing آپ feel to me. I can feel آپ in my core. The moment that آپ took me in your arms and آپ picked up and I laid underneath you. I never imagined that آپ would feel so good to me. I felt like I was.........................Home.
I knew from the beginning that دن in the bookstore I would never meet another man that I wanted the way I wanted you. But I know it doesn't seem that way. Lately I can't hold a smile. Lately...... Lately I am so afraid آپ will find out I am not what آپ want. آپ will realize I am not good enough.
She put her head in her hands and tears began streaming down her face. I need آپ House. I need آپ so much. Please ........
At that moment she felt a hand touch her. She didn't jump because she knew the touch.
Cuddy come here. House pulled her up gently and he sat down and she sat in his lap and she buried her head in his shoulder. He held her and he rocked as she cried.
Cuddy talk to me. Tell me what's wrong.
She just hung on to him tighter and cried harder.
Why are آپ so upset now? Is it because I drugged your mother یا I tried to get out of being here? I am sorry. Cuddy do آپ want out of this?
She raised up and she put her hand on his face. Maybe that would be the best. Maybe this is just مزید than آپ can handle.
With that he stood up. "What?!" مزید than I can handle? I am not the one who looks miserable all the time یا barks out orders like they are a drill instructor. آپ wait on me to screw up یا to let آپ down.
House maybe that is why آپ lied to me یا tried to get out of my birthday dinner. آپ are just sabtoging this.
Again with the lying. Cuddy I did that to save my patient. I didn't tell آپ afterwards because آپ made a production out of me respecting your wishes. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to hurt us. I didn't want to lose you.
I drugged your mother because I didn't want to spend the evening with her and her ranting. I didn't want to listen to Wilson whining.
For someone who didn't want me to change آپ have done nothing but try to change me. I feel like I am on a tightrope.
Well آپ can leave. آپ don't have to be here. آپ are free to leave anytime آپ want. I have always survived. I cried myself to sleep many nights because of you. One مزید is not really a big deal.
He approached her and she tried to pull away but he held on. I don't want to leave Cuddy. I.....
We have everything but the truth Cuddy.
"Cuddy what is the truth?" He put his finger under her jaw and raised her face upward until their eyes met.
"I can't..................."
"Cuddy", the truth?
Her eyes were so full of fear and then she just کہا it.
I'm afraid!!! ok I am afraid.
آپ are not the only one who is broken and screwed up. I am so in love with you. آپ were my fantasy House. آپ were in my head and now آپ are in my............ And again the tears streamed down her face.
You're in my دل now and I don't know how to deal with it. I know what it feels like to be touched سے طرف کی آپ and how آپ feel when آپ make love to me and I can't imagine how that would feel if I...... if I lost........
He wrapped his arms around her little frame and sighed and as he began to speak a tear escaped his eyes.
Cuddy I was drowning in my self pity and my pills and آپ put your faith in me and آپ found a way to breathe life back into me. That chasm that we talked about a few years ago; آپ turned a deaf ear to it and آپ just dealt with me from your heart.
I am a different man now. I am here because I want to be here and I am trying to reach you. Cuddy come here to me.
Cuddy, "I love you. He led her to the piano and he began to play.
"Wilson had it sent over from his condo to Cuddy's." It was therapuetic for House and Wilson had bought for him.
As he played the tension in her body eased and she watched his hands اقدام across the keys.
"That is beautiful House. What is it?
"Cuddy's Serenade." I composed it the night of Rachel's Simchat.
"What?"
I wrote it that night.
House I wanted to invite you. "I wanted آپ there." I didn't know how to say it یا how to ask you.
There was a moment that I realized آپ had always been there to save me Cuddy and آپ took the hit and my wrath. I realized how much آپ have دیا up and sacrificed for me. آپ put yourself out there for this hospital, patients, and for me.
I was so mad at آپ about the surgery آپ did but آپ did it to save my life. آپ knew I would be furious.
House did آپ forgive me?
Cuddy آپ have been there every step and took everything I had to dish out. The سوال is now,
"can آپ forgive me?"
"I love آپ Cuddy." "The way آپ draw your bottom lip in when آپ want something and آپ don't know how to ask for it. The way آپ raise your eyebrow and square your shoulders when آپ are trying to put your foot down. The way آپ flirt with me and even the way آپ look at me at the رات کے کھانے, شام کا کھانا میز, جدول when I am getting ready to put your mother in her place."
"House", I thought آپ wanted the night alone.
"That's the thing Cuddy." I am never alone. I don't feel alone and I like the way that feels. The only thing I could think of anyway was آپ naked. So here I am.
"She laughed" and then she laughed harder. He watched her but then as he was watching her he just leaned into her. Cuddy I want you.
House آپ always want sex.
No. I want you. I want آپ to hear آپ laugh. I want آپ to stop preparing for defeat and open up to me. I want آپ to wear low cut blouses to get my attention. I want آپ to put me in my place when I am being a jerk. I want آپ to let me in.
"House." And she drew her bottom lip in as she stood up. She raised up on her tip toes and she kissed him. She took his hand and led him to the bedroom and began to undress him and with all abandon she made love to him.
She left him breathless all night.
They were slowly forming a bond and they were beginnning to دکھائیں they had the ability to bend and not break.
As the light came in from the morning sun they looked at each other and they realized this was a new دن and a chance to make history.
"Their history."
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