Lucifer recap: 'Anything Pierce Can Do I Can Do Better' 

At last, at last, at last, Lucifer had a mature reckoning about his feelings for Chloe.

Iin the end, if we learn nothing from this week’s episode, it’s that Dr. Linda is wise and should be listened to.

But first, Pierce’s change of heart: Now that the Mark of Cain is gone, Lucifer’s offer to end his long life with a big rock doesn’t sound so appealing. Pierce is convinced that he became mortal thanks to Chloe’s love, and with this new lease on life, he sets to win her back so they can grow old together. Lucifer, however, interprets the removal of the mark as yet another punishment from God, because of course he does.

At the week’s crime scene, Lucifer demonstrates his usual, erm, tact by telling a red-eyed and broken-hearted Chloe that he hopes they never see “that lying lieutenant” ever again.

And then the lying lieutenant rolls up on his motorcycle and approaches Chloe AT THE CRIME SCENE to tell her that he got scared the night before, but he does love her and wants to be with her. Instead of being like, “Hi, investigating a murder here,” Chloe tells him she can’t trust what he says anymore.

So. Murder. Prima ballerina Raina was strangled with the ribbons from a pair of shoes, and when Lucifer compares the murderer to scum like Pierce, Chloe tells him to button it because their relationship is none of his business. “Whether I decide to take Piece back or not, it has nothing to do with you,” she snaps, ripping a folder out of Lucifer’s hands and giving him a nasty paper cut.

his business again because if Pierce is vulnerable due to Chloe’s love, well, Lucifer’s vulnerable, too, which means a part of her also loves him. This logical leap requires us to a) subscribe to Pierce’s theory that vulnerability only comes from Chloe’s love, and b) said love is a zero-sum game that Chloe can only feel for one person.

Lucifer explains the situation to Dr. Linda and hatches a plan to get Chloe off the fence and make her see that he’s better than that “charming oaf” Pierce. He goes charging out, leaving Linda to mutter, “Why do I feel like I should’ve stopped him this time?” In reality, Lucifer should probably be stopped every time, don’t you think?

Lucifer’s wooing of Chloe beings with buying her a latte and a lemon bar, her favorite. But good ol’ Pierce baked her a whole plate of lemon bars as an apology, and if anybody’s keeping track, lemon bars are

Ella then comes in with the news that she traced specific ingredients on the ribbons of the murder weapon shoe to Raina’s understudy, Amber, who’s assumed the role of prima ballerina following Raina’s death.

When Chloe and Lucifer interrupt the L.A. West Ballet practice, lead male dancer Miguel explains that everyone’s shaken by Raina’s murder. Amber professes her innocence and informs them that Raina left the company for a week to take a gig hosting

, but that fell through and she’s just returned to the troupe.

This leads the police to Miles Drucker, who oversees

Drucker’s dancing career was cut short when he lost his leg in a car crash, and he used his triumph-over-tragedy story to become a world-famous choreographer.

When questioned, Drucker says he was blackmailed into hiring Raina, but when her accused her of being the blackmailer, she quit. To extract more information, Lucifer then hits him with the “what do you desire” whammy, reminding Chloe that

Drucker confesses that even though he built his brand on overcoming tragedy, the crash didn’t permanently injure him, and he actually wears a prosthetic over his undamaged leg. That’s…deeply messed up.

Pierce, meanwhile, continues his apology tour by covering Chloe’s car with roses and a note that reads, “No more empty words.” Incensed, Lucifer summons Amenadiel and asks his brother to help remove Pierce from the board by proving his Sinnerman/criminal underworld ties.

Amenadiel agrees, reasoning that he originally created Chloe to cross paths with Lucifer, and Lucifer is his earthly test, so if he brings those two together, he’ll land back in God’s good graces.

To prove Pierce’s evil, he enlists the help of Charlotte, who’s awaiting damnation by day-drinking wine in a three-star hotel. (“It’s what I deserve!” she insists.) Charlotte’s intrigued by the notion of helping Amenadiel enact God’s will, which might put her in His good graces, too.

Before you know it, she’s had Pierce’s phone tapped, and she and Amenadiel are snapping photos of him exchanging envelopes with a known fence. It’s shady, and Charlotte decides she needs to know what’s in the envelope. She commandeers a motorcycle from a startled civilian, kneeing him and explaining, “Don’t worry, it’s for God.”

After a motorcycle chase showing little concern for physical safety, Pierce corners Charlotte, who lies that she wanted to help him through his breakup. She tries to worm her hand into his jacket to get the envelope, but he says he’s in love with Chloe and removes her eager little paw.

Lucifer, meanwhile, decides to one-up Pierce by presenting Chloe with her very own extremely sexy convertible, proudly explaining that it’s a competition, and “anything Piece can do, I can do better.” Oh, Lucifer. Oh, honey.

Frustrated, Chloe tells him it’s not about stuff, hands back the keys, and walks away.