Tommy: Cole... آپ stupid.
Pam: This is great. This is really, really, great. I fly all the way here with Harold Muppet and the Blue Notes, and I still can't get out of this marriage.
Tommy: Sheneneh, آپ say you're a Christian woman... yet آپ sit here and آپ lie to these people. Now آپ better tell 'em the truth and tell them now!
Sheneneh: Oh, my goodness! Somebody get me the witness protection program!
Martin: Pam, do آپ prefer to be called "Ms. یا Mr."?
Pam: Do آپ prefer "Jack" یا "a**"?
Martin: Darn it, Tommy! We don't need umbilical cords! This is TV!
Valentino: I told you, آپ could super-size it!
Sheneneh: I told you!... I'm a lady, and آپ don't disrespect no lady! آپ better watch your back!
Valentino: Sheneneh, I can't buy nothin' with $5!
Sheneneh: آپ can buy a one-way ticket to get the hell outta' my face!
Cole: Rent-A-Spoons!
Cole: I'll see آپ in Hell, Martin!
Martin: Yeah, you'll be the only one down there still living with your mother!
Martin: Pam, your hair is so nappy Wilson couldn't pick it!
Martin: Brother Man, whatcha doin' here, man?
Brother Man: Nothin'
[pause]
Brother Man: just chillin'.
Martin: Stanks a lot, Pam.
Tommy: My mama always told me, if she can't use your comb, don't bring her home!
Cole: Tommy, آپ dated a white girl in college!
Tommy: Oh, no, she wasn't white! She was French!
Mama Payne: Every اقدام آپ make, every breath
[sniffs]
Mama Payne: آپ take... I'll be watching you!
Mama Payne: Yo' applehead چرا لیا, چوری کی my boy!
Rev. Love: If I was still living that foul life, I'll get Franklins, but I'm not!
Laquita: (singing) Laquita Lumpkins an' her homegirl Sheneneh in da hizz-ouse! Hey!
Gina: Struck سے طرف کی lightning, stay away from me!
Martin: The Lord know I just be playin' around!
Martin: Cole! no آپ are NOT cuttin' yo' crusty-ass toenails up in here!
Martin: Bro'man! it's 3 in the morning! What are آپ doin' up in here?
Martin: I keep having these nightmares. آپ ever have them?
Brother Man: Yeah. I had a dream one time. I was climbin' this آگ کے, آگ escape, and I couldn't make it to the top. So I climbed through the window of this fly پچھواڑے, گدا crib!. With a big see-thru 'fridgerater. It was full of sammiches! But... , but... I couldn't open the door Martin! So I just stood there and cried man. Oh yeah! Bro'man cried.
Martin: WAZZUP!
Jerome: [singing] Uh-uh! Uh-uh-uh! I say Jerome's in da house! I say Jerome's in da hou-oo-ah-oo - In da house!
Pam: Martin was the one who کہا Cole was a virgin until he was 23!
Cole: He کہا the سٹو, اسیجنا was so bad, the homeless give it back!
Martin: I love the stew, baby! It looked like Alpo, but I loved it!
Mrs. Trinidad: Martin, don't fight this! Don't آپ want me?
Gina: No, slut, I want you!
Gina: Where are they going to get married?
Shanise: At a church, Gina. Duh!
Martin: Cole, the اگلے time آپ think about getting another place, I don't wanna hear about it. Don't even call me!
Tommy: Cole.
Cole: Yes?
Tommy: I want آپ to testify for me.
[Cole and Shanise carry on as if they were in church]
Tommy: I'm talkin' 'bout testifyin' in court, Cole!
Martin: Cole, I got four words to say to آپ - Un, em, ploy, ment!
Gina: If آپ don't get yo' Smokey-the-Bear, corny-joke tellin' behind out there, *you* are goin' to need a تلاش party! That's the oath!
Martin: Pam, is that your breath smellin' like boiled bologna?
Pam: No, that's yo' feet eatin' through those shoes again.
Martin: آپ ain't GOT no job, man!
Cole: That's because آپ don't have an IQ of 31 like me.
Shanise: Don't آپ mean 13?
Pam: I heard that, Ashford and Shrimpson!
[leaving a message]
Cole: Mom, I don't like it here. I wanna come ہوم and my place is wack! See آپ later. Oh, and سے طرف کی the way, this is your son, Cole.
[Gary Coleman guest stars as "Maddog"]
Maddog: Let me tell you, I'm gonna start making money the right way. I'm a florist now.
Martin: What'chu talkin' 'bout, Maddog?
Mama Payne: Oh don't play dumb with me Gina! آپ know damn well what this is about! آپ got too much head to be stupid! آپ didn't even invite me to the wedding! I'm still pissed about that... Thin Thighs!
Martin: When you're with Pam, read the signs. When آپ feed bears, they follow ya home!
Gina: There's nothing wrong with my head, Martin! There's nothing wrong with my head!
Martin: Cole, do me a favor. Remind me to give آپ an ass-whoopin' tomorrow.
Cole: [pulls out pen & pad] What time is good for you?
Martin: Cole, do me a favor.
Cole: What's up?
Martin: Remind me to give آپ an ass-whoopin' later.
Cole: [pulls out pen & pad] What time is good for you?
Martin: Ummm... how 'bout 6:43?
Cole: I'm busy at 6:43... but I'm free at 6:44 though.
Martin: Oh, alright. Then at 6:44, I'ma be waitin' on that ass-whoopin'.
[At haunted house, a howling sound is made from the background]
Martin: That's just Pam, letting us know she's alright.
[the gang thinks Tommy is rushing into marriage]
Gina: This is ridiculous! How's Tommy gonna marry someone he just met?
Shanise: At a church, Gina. Duuuh!
[Martin has insulted Pam during a ٹوسٹ to her marriage]
Gina: Martin, stop it!
Pam: Nah, nah, it's ok Gina. I mean, Martin did climb all the way down from that wedding cake to make this toast.
Martin: Tommy, it's all good. If آپ like her, then we like her. It don't matter what color she is. I don't care if she's black, white, green, یا whatever.
Cole: [laughing] Martin, c'mon now! آپ know you'd be trippin' if Tommy was dating a green girl.
Martin: [about Cole's lousy new apartment] Cole, c'mon now! This place is so small, that آپ gotta go outside to change your mind!
Cole: See آپ later, Pam... my little chocolate ho-ho.
Pam: [offended] What did آپ call me?
Tommy: He meant "ring ding"... like the cupcake.
Sheneneh: [shouting] Is that your wife, یا is your dog walking backwards?
[Two midgets want Tommy to step outside with them in regards to some beef]
Martin: [ready to rumble] Tommy, آپ alright? Want me to come with you?
Tommy: Martin, c'mon now! I can handle this on my own. I mean, what they gonna do? Untie my shoes?
[laughs hysterically]
[leaving message on answering machine]
Cole: Mom, I wanna come back. I'm lonely and my place is wack. Oh, and if آپ get this message, it's me, Cole.
Brother Man: I'm Bruh-Man.
[holds up four fingers]
Brother Man: From the fifth flo'
Martin: آپ know I'm sensitive about my job, آپ didn't have to go there!
Pam: آپ know I'm sensative about my buck shots, آپ didn't have to go there!
Martin: There's a difference, a good job is hard to come by, but they got Dark & Lovely on damn near every corner آپ pass!
Sheneneh: Kid, can آپ kiss me like آپ did that light-skinned girl in House Party?
Pam: This is great. This is really, really, great. I fly all the way here with Harold Muppet and the Blue Notes, and I still can't get out of this marriage.
Tommy: Sheneneh, آپ say you're a Christian woman... yet آپ sit here and آپ lie to these people. Now آپ better tell 'em the truth and tell them now!
Sheneneh: Oh, my goodness! Somebody get me the witness protection program!
Martin: Pam, do آپ prefer to be called "Ms. یا Mr."?
Pam: Do آپ prefer "Jack" یا "a**"?
Martin: Darn it, Tommy! We don't need umbilical cords! This is TV!
Valentino: I told you, آپ could super-size it!
Sheneneh: I told you!... I'm a lady, and آپ don't disrespect no lady! آپ better watch your back!
Valentino: Sheneneh, I can't buy nothin' with $5!
Sheneneh: آپ can buy a one-way ticket to get the hell outta' my face!
Cole: Rent-A-Spoons!
Cole: I'll see آپ in Hell, Martin!
Martin: Yeah, you'll be the only one down there still living with your mother!
Martin: Pam, your hair is so nappy Wilson couldn't pick it!
Martin: Brother Man, whatcha doin' here, man?
Brother Man: Nothin'
[pause]
Brother Man: just chillin'.
Martin: Stanks a lot, Pam.
Tommy: My mama always told me, if she can't use your comb, don't bring her home!
Cole: Tommy, آپ dated a white girl in college!
Tommy: Oh, no, she wasn't white! She was French!
Mama Payne: Every اقدام آپ make, every breath
[sniffs]
Mama Payne: آپ take... I'll be watching you!
Mama Payne: Yo' applehead چرا لیا, چوری کی my boy!
Rev. Love: If I was still living that foul life, I'll get Franklins, but I'm not!
Laquita: (singing) Laquita Lumpkins an' her homegirl Sheneneh in da hizz-ouse! Hey!
Gina: Struck سے طرف کی lightning, stay away from me!
Martin: The Lord know I just be playin' around!
Martin: Cole! no آپ are NOT cuttin' yo' crusty-ass toenails up in here!
Martin: Bro'man! it's 3 in the morning! What are آپ doin' up in here?
Martin: I keep having these nightmares. آپ ever have them?
Brother Man: Yeah. I had a dream one time. I was climbin' this آگ کے, آگ escape, and I couldn't make it to the top. So I climbed through the window of this fly پچھواڑے, گدا crib!. With a big see-thru 'fridgerater. It was full of sammiches! But... , but... I couldn't open the door Martin! So I just stood there and cried man. Oh yeah! Bro'man cried.
Martin: WAZZUP!
Jerome: [singing] Uh-uh! Uh-uh-uh! I say Jerome's in da house! I say Jerome's in da hou-oo-ah-oo - In da house!
Pam: Martin was the one who کہا Cole was a virgin until he was 23!
Cole: He کہا the سٹو, اسیجنا was so bad, the homeless give it back!
Martin: I love the stew, baby! It looked like Alpo, but I loved it!
Mrs. Trinidad: Martin, don't fight this! Don't آپ want me?
Gina: No, slut, I want you!
Gina: Where are they going to get married?
Shanise: At a church, Gina. Duh!
Martin: Cole, the اگلے time آپ think about getting another place, I don't wanna hear about it. Don't even call me!
Tommy: Cole.
Cole: Yes?
Tommy: I want آپ to testify for me.
[Cole and Shanise carry on as if they were in church]
Tommy: I'm talkin' 'bout testifyin' in court, Cole!
Martin: Cole, I got four words to say to آپ - Un, em, ploy, ment!
Gina: If آپ don't get yo' Smokey-the-Bear, corny-joke tellin' behind out there, *you* are goin' to need a تلاش party! That's the oath!
Martin: Pam, is that your breath smellin' like boiled bologna?
Pam: No, that's yo' feet eatin' through those shoes again.
Martin: آپ ain't GOT no job, man!
Cole: That's because آپ don't have an IQ of 31 like me.
Shanise: Don't آپ mean 13?
Pam: I heard that, Ashford and Shrimpson!
[leaving a message]
Cole: Mom, I don't like it here. I wanna come ہوم and my place is wack! See آپ later. Oh, and سے طرف کی the way, this is your son, Cole.
[Gary Coleman guest stars as "Maddog"]
Maddog: Let me tell you, I'm gonna start making money the right way. I'm a florist now.
Martin: What'chu talkin' 'bout, Maddog?
Mama Payne: Oh don't play dumb with me Gina! آپ know damn well what this is about! آپ got too much head to be stupid! آپ didn't even invite me to the wedding! I'm still pissed about that... Thin Thighs!
Martin: When you're with Pam, read the signs. When آپ feed bears, they follow ya home!
Gina: There's nothing wrong with my head, Martin! There's nothing wrong with my head!
Martin: Cole, do me a favor. Remind me to give آپ an ass-whoopin' tomorrow.
Cole: [pulls out pen & pad] What time is good for you?
Martin: Cole, do me a favor.
Cole: What's up?
Martin: Remind me to give آپ an ass-whoopin' later.
Cole: [pulls out pen & pad] What time is good for you?
Martin: Ummm... how 'bout 6:43?
Cole: I'm busy at 6:43... but I'm free at 6:44 though.
Martin: Oh, alright. Then at 6:44, I'ma be waitin' on that ass-whoopin'.
[At haunted house, a howling sound is made from the background]
Martin: That's just Pam, letting us know she's alright.
[the gang thinks Tommy is rushing into marriage]
Gina: This is ridiculous! How's Tommy gonna marry someone he just met?
Shanise: At a church, Gina. Duuuh!
[Martin has insulted Pam during a ٹوسٹ to her marriage]
Gina: Martin, stop it!
Pam: Nah, nah, it's ok Gina. I mean, Martin did climb all the way down from that wedding cake to make this toast.
Martin: Tommy, it's all good. If آپ like her, then we like her. It don't matter what color she is. I don't care if she's black, white, green, یا whatever.
Cole: [laughing] Martin, c'mon now! آپ know you'd be trippin' if Tommy was dating a green girl.
Martin: [about Cole's lousy new apartment] Cole, c'mon now! This place is so small, that آپ gotta go outside to change your mind!
Cole: See آپ later, Pam... my little chocolate ho-ho.
Pam: [offended] What did آپ call me?
Tommy: He meant "ring ding"... like the cupcake.
Sheneneh: [shouting] Is that your wife, یا is your dog walking backwards?
[Two midgets want Tommy to step outside with them in regards to some beef]
Martin: [ready to rumble] Tommy, آپ alright? Want me to come with you?
Tommy: Martin, c'mon now! I can handle this on my own. I mean, what they gonna do? Untie my shoes?
[laughs hysterically]
[leaving message on answering machine]
Cole: Mom, I wanna come back. I'm lonely and my place is wack. Oh, and if آپ get this message, it's me, Cole.
Brother Man: I'm Bruh-Man.
[holds up four fingers]
Brother Man: From the fifth flo'
Martin: آپ know I'm sensitive about my job, آپ didn't have to go there!
Pam: آپ know I'm sensative about my buck shots, آپ didn't have to go there!
Martin: There's a difference, a good job is hard to come by, but they got Dark & Lovely on damn near every corner آپ pass!
Sheneneh: Kid, can آپ kiss me like آپ did that light-skinned girl in House Party?
