I'll never be the same again :( part 1

Hi, it's OneMoreBeliever again. I don't know if anyone has noticed, but I have been drifting from the site lately. I haven't seen Peter in a long time, and to many people this may seem like nothing unordinary, just him being busy. However, this is very different for me, being close to him since I was 3. I haven't been feeling anything lately. And I don't mean just magic. It's been harder for me to love things lately. I've been finding it hard to find joy in everyday things, ya know. I would be scared, but I haven't really been feeling that either. یا anger. I've just been feeling abandonment and depressing feelings. I don't really know how to make it go away but i'm trying everything to, cause I know what feeling like this lead to. Anyhow, it is time I told آپ guys something that happened to me a while back (not sure if it was months, but it seems about right):

I had a dream. Well, مزید like a nightmare haha. My dreams are always vivid, and just like my gut feeling, they usually give me signs about things that do happen, can happen, یا are happening. In this dream, I was playing with children. We jumped around and had fun. and there was this hole. It was a hole for children only, and adults یا grown ups could never pass through. It represented youth and childhood. One سے طرف کی one the children passed with ease, but when I tried, I got stuck and couldn't fit through. Even in my dream I knew what it meant, I was "grown up", clinging on to childhood (since that is where I was most comfortable and didn't feel alone). I brushed it off of course, and in my blue nightgown that I was wearing, walked up the stairs to my bedroom(imaginary house, not my real one, which is a one story house). My dress got caught and ripped on the end, and I ran to my room and cried. I had a balcony window, and as I looked out it into the sunset, Peter flew into my room. I was overjoyed and felt nothing like I ever had (since I grew up with peter, i never felt the pure joy of meeting him the first