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I laughed so hard when I read this and I just had to share it

1. Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them!

2. "Hey, are آپ busy?" یا "Are آپ doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

3. Guys may be flirting around all دن but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're going to say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

5. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile when they’re attracted to them

6. Guys will do anything just to get آپ to notice him.

7. Guys hate it when آپ talk about your ex-boyfriend یا ex love-interest. Unless they're going for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.

8. A guy who likes آپ wants to be the only guy آپ talk to.

9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.

10. Don't talk about your guy دوستوں to your boyfriend.

11. Guys get jealous easily.

12. Guys are مزید emotional than they'd like people to think.

13. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never mind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what آپ are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.

16. Girls are guys' weaknesses.

17. Guys are very open about themselves.

18. It's good to test a guy first before آپ trust him. But don't let him wait too long.

19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with آپ may end up being admired سے طرف کی your boyfriend.

20. If a guy tells آپ about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. آپ don't need to give advice.

21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes آپ is when he teases you.

22. Guys love آپ مزید than آپ love them if they are serious in your relationships.

23. Guys will brag about anything.

24. Guys use words like hot یا cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes آپ a whole hell of a lot.

25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.

27. Any guy could write out a rulebook یا advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.

28. Try to be as straightforward as possible.

29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's
too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be mature and grown up.

30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the اگلے couple days یا until the اگلے time he spends time with the girl.

31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.

32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance کتابیں that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.

34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

36. When a guy asks آپ to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."

37. Guys don't really have final decisions.

38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, آپ know something's up.

39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid آپ یا is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.

40. When a guy looks at آپ for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

41. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

42. Guys don't like girls who مککا, عجیب الخلقت harder than they do.

43. A guy has مزید problems than آپ can see with your naked eyes.

44. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.

46. Guys talk about girls مزید than girls talk about guys.

47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.

48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even مزید to them.

49. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

50. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.

51. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesn’t mean he represents ALL of us.

52. We don't like girls who are too skinny.

53. We love it when girls talk about there ass.

54. Always make sure آپ know what kind of stuff your getting into before making out with a guy , like whether it's a one time deal یا not .

55. Believe it یا not shy guys are the most easiest to talk to. It may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like کتابیں after آپ just ask them سوالات about their lives and unnoticeable tell them about yours.

56. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants آپ sexually.

57. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs.

58. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets آپ keep doing it, it means that he really likes آپ یا his neck really hurts.

59. Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is آپ want to let him go and he will respect that after آپ let him know a couple times.

60. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes آپ and wants to be with آپ as much as possible.

it's so true too!!!! (I think)
posted by chillyneon
Use these on your friends. They are fun and awesome. Just like me :)))))))))

F = Friend M = Me

F = Do I need to lock the door?
M = Do I need to tell آپ a hundred times that were not going to have a zombie attack?

Robber = Wheres the money?
Me = In your mouth where your last girlfriend told آپ to put it.

F = How do I swim?
M = Just don't drown.

M = If آپ die, I call getting ALL of your awards for being a smart-alex.

The مقبول girl = Your so stupid!
Me = At least I'm not wearing my شرٹ, قمیض on backwards.

Your friend is telling a long story. If آپ are getting annoyed say this.
Friend = Blah blah blah blah......
Me = I need some asprin

Some random guy/girl = Is this نشست empty?
آپ = Yes and this one will be too if آپ sit here.

I'll write مزید soon!!!
NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President یا Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a سال plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:...
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posted by reb1009
The ووڈکا, شراب Hotline: 772-257-4492

Outsource-A-Breakup To India: 631-403-2029

Bible Stories in 60 Seconds: 240-258-4010

The "Free Marijuana" Hotline: 267-436-5129

The Divorce Hotline: 631-403-2016

IRS Tax Extension Help Line: 267-436-5139

The "Loud Talkin' Redneck" Hotline: 401-285-0705

A Life-Saving Message: 267-436-5115

"Twilight" Obsession Hotline: 973-409-3307

Ruminations: 631-403-2013

Tech-Support Hotline: 772-257-4678

Automated Sobriety Test: 781-452-3027

movie hotline 781-452-4066

Gay Marriage Debate Line: 413-497-0148

Beer Goggles Hotline: 954-482-4332

Your Status ڈیٹس اپ Are Annoying: 267-436-5224

"Travel...
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posted by samuraibond005
I find homework to be arrogant and inefficient. Schools think they are so important that they can dictate whether یا not the kid can have time after school for other, also important things. yeah, we learned all this in class and some kids didn't get it, but first of all, it is not like nobody else in the class understood it, سیکنڈ of all, they won’t get it any better without a teacher to help, and third of all, if they care enough to get anything out of their education anyway, they will ask somebody for help.
Of course, there are classes in which homework makes sense, such as my AP world...
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1. Everytime your reach a new floor, scream "Glory hallelujah! We will reach the promised land!!!"

2. Interrogate people as if آپ worked for the FBI.

3. Make wild turkey noises and when people tell آپ to stop, say "You have no respect for animal rights, do you?"

4. Sing your پسندیدہ song and when people get annoyed, sing louder.

5. Follow random people off and tell them what to buy every منٹ یا so. If آپ get in trouble, say آپ were helping the person make educated choices.

6. Press every button, and try and get off, then, speak into your کالر and say, "Houston, we have a problem, floor#__...
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1. Take someone's shopping کی ٹوکری, رکن کی نمائندہ and switch the items with stuff from the person اگلے to them's کی ٹوکری, رکن کی نمائندہ
2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen آپ in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment
3. Smash the person in front of آپ on the head with a ham
4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!! etc."
5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _____
6. اقدام "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas....
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posted by jessicamc26
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posted by musicfanaticXD
When آپ are dating..... Farting is never an issue.
When آپ are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times.

When آپ are dating..... He takes آپ out to have a good time.
When آپ are married ....He brings ہوم a 6 pack, and says "What are آپ going to drink?"

When آپ are dating..... He holds your hand in public.
When آپ are married ....He flicks your ear in public.

When آپ are dating..... A Single بستر for 2 isn't THAT bad.
When آپ are married ....A King size بستر feels like an army cot.

When آپ are dating..... آپ are turned on at the sight of him naked....
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