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added by r-pattz
Source: tumblr, where else?
added by popalj
posted by ilovetech29
1."My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."
2."Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot."
3."Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."
4."Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."
5."Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a درخت and misplaced his hip."
6."John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."
7."Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."
8."Megan...
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Just reading some of the Terminator Quotes through again... and actually found a hint on what happened between Arnold and the maid. Enjoy my version!


Maid: Nice night for a walk, eh?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nice night for a walk.
Maid #2: Wash دن tomorrow? Nothing clean, right?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nothing clean. Right.
Maid: Hey, I think this guy's a couple cans short of a six-pack.
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Your clothes... give them to me, now.
Maid: Fuck you, asshole!
Arnold nods.


I know there are a lot of people making fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger since he admitted to his wife that he's not only a cheater but a liar as well. آپ might get annoyed سے طرف کی it and think "Oh poor Arnie". But honestly? This guy just ASKED for it. It takes a big jerk to have a child with another woman, an even bigger one to keep it a secret for 14 years and the biggest one to only reveal it to his wife after he quit his job so there'd be no damage to his position.
posted by lloonny
1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
2. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
3. Chuck Norris will never have a دل attack. His دل isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
4. If at first آپ don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris can set ants on آگ کے, آگ with a magnifying glass. At night.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
7. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
8. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
9....
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posted by KateKicksAss
 This is your new mascot. All hail the bunny!
This is your new mascot. All hail the bunny!
Of course, if آپ are TRULY random, آپ shouldn't even need a guide, O_O

Randomness, randomosity, randomology, whatever آپ may call it, is using improvisation to create original humorous phrases یا monologues یا pine cones on the spot. 'Randomosity' is fun to express in the presence of دوستوں یا logging companies, but can quickly become extremely obnoxious. Have fun with your randomness, don't force it. Remember, if آپ got it, Flaunt it!

Steps

1. Break free of conventional rules. Finishing your sentences is not mandatory, merely optional and آپ can do it on Tuesdays but not on Wednesdays...
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"An old woman haunted me!"

One night my and سے طرف کی brothers and I were sleeping up stairs while my mom was downstairs reading. I was lying in بستر and heard this light stomping sound. Then the stomping sound got a little heavier. Soon, it became so loud that my brothers and I all came out of our room because we were scared. My mom had heard it too and she thought it was one of us playing a joke, but it wasn't - we were all in bed! We had no idea what to make of it and were really freaked out. But then, things got creepier....

"We found her stuff in the attic, her name was Tamara!"

I went over to...
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posted by yoshifan1976
Doctor Mario was in his office when suddenly there was an urgent phone call. It was Daisy. "Mario, come quick. Luigi's very sick." "I'll be there right now, Daisy", Mario told her. Nurse آڑو was very concerned. "What's wrong, Mario?" "Luigi's sick", he answered with worry. "Go", آڑو told him kindly. "I can take care of things here." "Thanks, Peach". He gave her a kiss and then rode over to Luigi and Daisy's house. گلبہار, گل داؤدی hugged Mario and led him upstairs. "Hey little brother", he smiled at Luigi. Luigi smiled back. He loves his big brother Mario. No one understood the brotherly bond between...
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added by EmzLovesCheryl
added by h2o-fen-site
کیبن for the Summer
Chapter Ten: Chelsea & Others
(I know this isn’t supposed to be Chelsea’s chapter, but since Chelsea and James broke up something is going to happen!)
By: moolah

    “I can’t do this anymore!” I screamed in his face, tears running down my face. “Stop yelling at me!” He yelled, a fist at his side. “It’s not helping anything!” Tori walked downstairs in her PJ’s and her eyes looking heavy. All the lights downstairs were on and Beth and David were trying to sleep, but I didn’t care. James had come back to the کیبن drunk again with...
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"My name is Melody Willgrove and I am a werewolf."
"Now I never found myself pretty یا anything I am just a normal girl(well as normal as a werewolf girl can be any way).''I am just a normal girl .Though every guy in the pack thinks I am sexy, but I have know idea why .''I mean what so good looking about me I have deep red hair (which has a mind of it own ),I am too skinny (blow away in the wind to skinny ),I am a shorty (5 foot ) ,and I am pale (burn a lot ).''The only two things I like about myself is my grey eyes(their like my dad's ) and my b-cups ,hey if I am going to be skinny I derserve...
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posted by lilred96
Mysterious love

-chapter five-

As we were walking down the stairs too the lunch room he said"So how was reading and math?"
"Boring"I کہا he kinda smiled and کہا "Well..." but trailed off
I was going too ask why when rebecca came up and looked at us she sort of examined us ,I guess is a better word.She said"June do آپ no if the librarian has a nother copy of that geometertry book I need it for something?"I just کہا "Umm I dont think she has one" When mathew کہا "I bet i have a copy at home,you can borrow"
I looked at him wondering why he was reading it in the لائبریری when i came in too look...
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Just decided to write something random! My first مضمون so تبصرہ if آپ want!!! یا not!


Why am I writing this?
Why is it hot یا cold?
Why is the sky blue?
Why, I don't know!
Why does sound so corny?
Why is your name your name?
Why are goldfish orange?
Why is fanpop fanpop?
Why is this random?
Why are your panrents your panrents?
Why do we like pie/cake?
Why don't we like pie/cake?
Why are there glasses?
Why do we have 10 toes/fingers?
Why do we eat?
Why do we have clothes?
why why why plz tell me why.
I laughed so hard when I read this and I just had to share it

1. Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them!

2. "Hey, are آپ busy?" یا "Are آپ doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

3. Guys may be flirting around all دن but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're going to say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

5. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile when they’re...
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added by Rodz
Source: desktopnexus
-Im sorry did my back hurt you're knife?

-Never turn you're back on a friend, thats the best target.

-While you're stabbing my back, آپ can kiss my پچھواڑے, گدا too.

-All the mistakes in the world couldnt measure up to the دن i thought i could trust you.

-Yeah, being apathetic is a pathetic way to be...
but I don't care, what matters to آپ does not matter to me

-When your up, your دوستوں know who آپ are.
When you're down, آپ know who your دوستوں are.

-You can't laugh last If I stab آپ in the throat with...the چھری آپ left in my back.

-I was the one who کہا things changed;
you were the one who proved...
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just being random!
video
added by cici1264
Source: The rock dressed as miley cyrus