آپ know, whenever I am not reading a whole bunch of shitty fanfiction, I read different books… Yes, I actually read books. It’s weird. Shakespeare just so happens to be one of those stories I read. One of his stories being the classic play, The Tempest. This was one of his last plays before he died, as it portrayed a story of kindness and love in a story filled with hatred and revenge. It was a wonderful story…. So naturally, Hollywood came to give it a proper anal raping that all films based on کتابیں get. Let’s take a look and see how Hoolywood fucked this story so hard.
So, if آپ remember the story of Shakespeare’s Tempest, آپ will remember that the story was about Prospero, the ex-Duke of Milan, being forced out of his kingdom سے طرف کی the king, Alonso, and having his place taken سے طرف کی his brother, Antonio, and he and his daughter, Miranda, head to an island where they meet Ariel, a spirit, and Caliban, a son of a witch, and here, Prospero plans his revenge on those who had wronged him سے طرف کی sending a tempest toward them when they sail near the island, leaving them stranded on the island. Here, the members on the ship are forced into different stories. Ferdinand, the son of Alonso, is taken سے طرف کی Prospero where he and Miranda form a romantic relationship. Alonso believes Ferdinand is dead, while Antonio and the king's brother, Sebastian, plan to kill the king and take over the kingdom of Naples. Meanwhile, Caliban meets the jester Trinculo and the butler Stephano, where they plan to kill Prospero and take the island. Now, the movie does indeed follow this… but it’s done in such a stupid way, that I can’t even believe this was necessary.
So, first off, let’s start with the first major fuck up of the film. Prospero being gender swapped. I’m not even making this up. The completely changed Prospero from a man to a women. Now, this could have been done for a مزید serious sort of role, to make it a lot مزید different but faithful to the original story…. It wasn’t. The creator just wanted an excuse to put Helen Mirren in this movie. What makes it worse is that this goes against everything Shakespeare had put in his story. Miranda was the only female in the entire story, and she was seen as a kind and friendly character, while everyone else were selfish and hateful. This entire gender swap completely destroys the moral from the original play, as the play showed Miranda as someone مزید special due to her gender, but since pretty much anyone can be a girl, it just fucks everything up.
Now, let’s talk about the characters themselves. Other than the major fuck that is Prospero’s DeviantArt Gender Swap come to life, we got Miranda, who seems to enjoy the facial expression of staring endlessly at the camera, mouth agape, while pretty much doing nothing interesting. I swear, everytime I see an actor stand there with their mouth open like their sucking on an invisible nipple, I just want to fucking مککا, عجیب الخلقت my TV screen in hopes I’ll be able to مککا, عجیب الخلقت the shitty actor and knock some sense into them so they can actually act. Miranda’s actress is one such actress. Then there is Ferdinand, who I swear to god, is just as bad. I mean, granted, he knows how to keep his mouth closed when not saying anything, but every time it shows a close up of his face, it looks like he’s gonna vomit. Also, his singing is fucking horrible. This makes Kid’s Bop look like the hot shit. Then آپ got… the creature characters. Oh سے طرف کی god, these guys. These guys are like the Tommy Wiseau's of this film. First, there’s Ariel, a naked pale Edward Collin, who is always overreacting EVERYTHING! Overreacts anger سے طرف کی shouting like a madman, overreacts sadness سے طرف کی whimpering and crying. He even finds a way to overreact to just being quiet. Then there’s Caliban. He looks like a fucking rejected Mortal Kombat character, and even then, that’s giving him too much credit. And he always yells all of his lines. And when he’s not yelling, he’s throwing shit around like an angry five سال old who can’t get his پسندیدہ type of Hershey Bar at the store. Then there’s the other guys like Alonso, Antonio, Gonzalo, Sebastian, and Stephano. Honestly, they're either really bored for being in this film یا doing a real shit acting job. And then… there’s Trinculo. Tell me, in the name of god, how the director of this “masterpiece” managed to get ahold of Russell fucking Brand of all people and put him in this movie? I mean, for fucks sake. And the best part is that his humor is genuine. There is no bullshit here. Brand probably read over the script and thought “Wow! This is fucking terrible”, and did it just for a good laugh. آپ can tell that on screen, this guy knows he’s in a shitty movie, and is having fun with it. Just screw it, this movie is shit. Might as well have fun in it’s downfall.
Another thing I should point out about this film is the music. One side, it’s just your typical generic موسیقی used to add emotion to some pretty scenes that look مزید like they belong on a Window’s Movie Maker slideshow. Then آپ got the موسیقی for Ariel’s flashback when he sent a tempest on the ship. Tell me, why in the fuck did they use a fucking metal electric گٹار for the موسیقی here. Didn’t this play take place in like the the Renaissance? Why the fuck is their an electric guitar. Like, seriously, I could handle this فلمیں bullshit, but this is just so goddamn stupid, that I could literally see people in the theater fucking groaning in unison. It’s like the Jonestown of the facepalm. But, I am sure this movie was okay in the box office…. Right? Yeah, think again. This movie’s budget was over twenty million U.S. dollars. How much did this film make? three hundred thousand! This film didn’t even make one million. This film got bombed مزید than Hiroshima. آپ couldn’t fuck up this bad even if آپ tried. Even films like The Room managed to make over nine million dollars for their دکھانا in 2012. And The Tempest was made in 2010, and it still came out like this. This looks like something that belonged in the 80s if it was ever going to be made. Instead, this film crawled its way up until the 2000s like some H.P. Lovecraftian abomination and came into the world as this bastard child of a film.
So, after all of the terrible writing, terrible designs, and god awful acting, do I recommend this film? I sure as hell do. This is another one of those films that are so fucking terrible, that they are incredibly hilarious. There is not one scene in the film that آپ won’t laugh at. Weather it’s the intentional laughs سے طرف کی one Russell Brand, یا the piss poor acting and writing from everything else, this film never goes without a laugh for too long. If آپ love so bad, it’s good فلمیں like The Room, Robot Monster, The Troll 2, Manos: The Hands of Fate, یا Batman and Robin, then this is something آپ must see. But, hey, that’s only my opinion. What’s Your Take
So, if آپ remember the story of Shakespeare’s Tempest, آپ will remember that the story was about Prospero, the ex-Duke of Milan, being forced out of his kingdom سے طرف کی the king, Alonso, and having his place taken سے طرف کی his brother, Antonio, and he and his daughter, Miranda, head to an island where they meet Ariel, a spirit, and Caliban, a son of a witch, and here, Prospero plans his revenge on those who had wronged him سے طرف کی sending a tempest toward them when they sail near the island, leaving them stranded on the island. Here, the members on the ship are forced into different stories. Ferdinand, the son of Alonso, is taken سے طرف کی Prospero where he and Miranda form a romantic relationship. Alonso believes Ferdinand is dead, while Antonio and the king's brother, Sebastian, plan to kill the king and take over the kingdom of Naples. Meanwhile, Caliban meets the jester Trinculo and the butler Stephano, where they plan to kill Prospero and take the island. Now, the movie does indeed follow this… but it’s done in such a stupid way, that I can’t even believe this was necessary.
So, first off, let’s start with the first major fuck up of the film. Prospero being gender swapped. I’m not even making this up. The completely changed Prospero from a man to a women. Now, this could have been done for a مزید serious sort of role, to make it a lot مزید different but faithful to the original story…. It wasn’t. The creator just wanted an excuse to put Helen Mirren in this movie. What makes it worse is that this goes against everything Shakespeare had put in his story. Miranda was the only female in the entire story, and she was seen as a kind and friendly character, while everyone else were selfish and hateful. This entire gender swap completely destroys the moral from the original play, as the play showed Miranda as someone مزید special due to her gender, but since pretty much anyone can be a girl, it just fucks everything up.
Now, let’s talk about the characters themselves. Other than the major fuck that is Prospero’s DeviantArt Gender Swap come to life, we got Miranda, who seems to enjoy the facial expression of staring endlessly at the camera, mouth agape, while pretty much doing nothing interesting. I swear, everytime I see an actor stand there with their mouth open like their sucking on an invisible nipple, I just want to fucking مککا, عجیب الخلقت my TV screen in hopes I’ll be able to مککا, عجیب الخلقت the shitty actor and knock some sense into them so they can actually act. Miranda’s actress is one such actress. Then there is Ferdinand, who I swear to god, is just as bad. I mean, granted, he knows how to keep his mouth closed when not saying anything, but every time it shows a close up of his face, it looks like he’s gonna vomit. Also, his singing is fucking horrible. This makes Kid’s Bop look like the hot shit. Then آپ got… the creature characters. Oh سے طرف کی god, these guys. These guys are like the Tommy Wiseau's of this film. First, there’s Ariel, a naked pale Edward Collin, who is always overreacting EVERYTHING! Overreacts anger سے طرف کی shouting like a madman, overreacts sadness سے طرف کی whimpering and crying. He even finds a way to overreact to just being quiet. Then there’s Caliban. He looks like a fucking rejected Mortal Kombat character, and even then, that’s giving him too much credit. And he always yells all of his lines. And when he’s not yelling, he’s throwing shit around like an angry five سال old who can’t get his پسندیدہ type of Hershey Bar at the store. Then there’s the other guys like Alonso, Antonio, Gonzalo, Sebastian, and Stephano. Honestly, they're either really bored for being in this film یا doing a real shit acting job. And then… there’s Trinculo. Tell me, in the name of god, how the director of this “masterpiece” managed to get ahold of Russell fucking Brand of all people and put him in this movie? I mean, for fucks sake. And the best part is that his humor is genuine. There is no bullshit here. Brand probably read over the script and thought “Wow! This is fucking terrible”, and did it just for a good laugh. آپ can tell that on screen, this guy knows he’s in a shitty movie, and is having fun with it. Just screw it, this movie is shit. Might as well have fun in it’s downfall.
Another thing I should point out about this film is the music. One side, it’s just your typical generic موسیقی used to add emotion to some pretty scenes that look مزید like they belong on a Window’s Movie Maker slideshow. Then آپ got the موسیقی for Ariel’s flashback when he sent a tempest on the ship. Tell me, why in the fuck did they use a fucking metal electric گٹار for the موسیقی here. Didn’t this play take place in like the the Renaissance? Why the fuck is their an electric guitar. Like, seriously, I could handle this فلمیں bullshit, but this is just so goddamn stupid, that I could literally see people in the theater fucking groaning in unison. It’s like the Jonestown of the facepalm. But, I am sure this movie was okay in the box office…. Right? Yeah, think again. This movie’s budget was over twenty million U.S. dollars. How much did this film make? three hundred thousand! This film didn’t even make one million. This film got bombed مزید than Hiroshima. آپ couldn’t fuck up this bad even if آپ tried. Even films like The Room managed to make over nine million dollars for their دکھانا in 2012. And The Tempest was made in 2010, and it still came out like this. This looks like something that belonged in the 80s if it was ever going to be made. Instead, this film crawled its way up until the 2000s like some H.P. Lovecraftian abomination and came into the world as this bastard child of a film.
So, after all of the terrible writing, terrible designs, and god awful acting, do I recommend this film? I sure as hell do. This is another one of those films that are so fucking terrible, that they are incredibly hilarious. There is not one scene in the film that آپ won’t laugh at. Weather it’s the intentional laughs سے طرف کی one Russell Brand, یا the piss poor acting and writing from everything else, this film never goes without a laugh for too long. If آپ love so bad, it’s good فلمیں like The Room, Robot Monster, The Troll 2, Manos: The Hands of Fate, یا Batman and Robin, then this is something آپ must see. But, hey, that’s only my opinion. What’s Your Take