Clean- 20 years later-ish

Kelly

آپ probably would never guess that I was in a rehab centre at 17. But I was and I’ll never forget it. I’ll always remember the stupid things they thought would fix us like art therapy and addiction themed movie nights. I remember Shirley. I remember Jason, Olivia, Christopher and Eva. They were my cure. Even though they were as fucked up as I was, maybe more, they taught me everything I needed to know to change into this woman I am now. I am a business woman. I work long hours and the only stress I have now is from work. Not from needing a drink یا a line یا a boy I hardly know to make me forget my own problems. I don’t have problems now. I pretty much left them when I left that place. It wasn’t all fine and dandy the سیکنڈ I graduated but it was easier. I was lighter, and everything was clearer once I encouraged myself to believe that I was worth something. I deserved a life. I deserved a place in this world. So that’s what I did. I made myself a place instead of a drink and I put real thoughts inside my head instead of blurry whispers that were voiced سے طرف کی my addiction. I’m not a role model, but I’m a survivor. I don’t make huge commitments but I know now that I’m capable of it.

Olivia

It was hard becoming a mother when really I never had one. I had no گزشتہ experience. I had absolutely no recollection of a warm and loving childhood. Sure, it was better after I reconnected with my father, and yeah, maybe I had found a new respect for my baby brother, but there was no one there to really understand simple things like finding the right outfit for my first تاریخ یا the severity of my period cramps. No one to brush the hair away from my face when I was crying about school, friends, boys, یا the overwhelming absence of the only true دوستوں I ever had. It was all new to me, and I must say, I am an exceptional mother. Compared to mine, I am mother Theresa. I love my children for who they are and never once did it occur to me to slip them some strong prescription pain meds to keep their weight slightly under average. I would love them even if they were the fattest, most ugliest kids on the planet. I may have failed at overcoming my obsessive compulsive disorder but it is tremendously better. I have never once gone back to the darkest time of my life where I actually had a seizure because I was so skinny. Having 3 kids assured that I would never quite be in tip سب, سب سے اوپر shape again. I’m a soccer mom. I buy family value groceries and I help my kids with their homework. I don’t make sure they record their calories. I make sure that they have everything I didn’t.

Jason

When my father died, I didn’t go to his funeral. I maybe thought I would regret it but when he all but killed me he didn’t come to my funeral. I do not regret it. I did not love that man. Like my old friend Olivia, only half my parents really cared about me. I honestly think my father read the “Parenting for Dummies” and followed it to a t. And I never forgot Kelly. Maybe I loved her, maybe not. I, Jason Ford, am not my father, and I will never forgive myself for putting an innocent girl in that position. Most of all I remember Christopher. Christopher made it seem possible to actually change. Good little church boy, about to smash a guy’s skull open with a chair, and there I am, tough-guy/douche-bag stepping right in to stop him from doing something he’d regret. I sincerely cared about Christopher. I didn’t want him to hate himself for the rest of his life like I thought I would for hurting my little sister. But I don’t blame myself anymore. I really just want to help. I’m a councillor now. Can آپ believe it? A fucking councillor! But I learned everything I know from Shirley. I’m no longer tough-guy Jason, but I’m also not this new mushy-sensitive Jason. I’m just Jason, and I am not my father.

Eva

Do آپ remember? When everything was a سوال and nothing was an answer. Now there are new جوابات around every corner. There are جوابات to سوالات آپ never even thought to ask. Do آپ remember when she was hanging on سے طرف کی a thread? When she was so lost that the girl and her father tried desperately every chance they got just to listen to each other? Now they hear everything because she says everything. That girl that thought she would forever be silent poured her دل into pages preserving every last painful thought until it wasn’t painful anymore. Pain just disappeared along with all the questions. She still misses her mother. She still gets shaky at parties when all the other grownups are drinking but the child inside of her knows what the adult should never be exposed to. But the best thing about this new girl is that she knows she’s beautiful. And she gets told that every دن سے طرف کی her best friend. Her best friend is like kindness personified. He is light and hopeful and caring and they’ve known each other since the first دن of the hell that would change their lives forever. So don’t ever forget it. Don’t ever forget the darkness that came before the light because then you’ll never even know if you’re slipping away again. Do آپ remember? Don’t forget it.

Christopher

It feels like it’s been so long right? But then again it hasn’t. It feels like forever پہلے that I was letting myself go to be taken advantage of just to get high right under my dear mother’s nose. But it feels like just yesterday that I found Val and she was helping me find my own path. One where I could assume that my god will always forgive me. My god doesn’t judge me but loves me and everything that I do. I have a boyfriend now and he’s nothing like Todd. He’s مزید like Jason, Kelly, Eva, and Olivia all put together because they are me. I’m with someone who understands me. I know I deserve that. If someone asked me today what I wanted to be when I was 16 I would have been like “…” oh wait I didn’t know anything when I was 16. All I knew was drugs, shame, confusion, hurt, and a whole wide world that I feared because I hadn’t had half the experiences of a regular 16 سال old guy. But im not scared of the world anymore. Really, I’m not scared of anything. There’s nothing that will reduce me to that confused little church boy strung out on meth that didn’t even know what it felt like to get angry. I am who I am. I am beautiful just like Eva. I am strong just like Jason. I am determined just like Kelly. I am adaptable just like Olivia. And I will never forget that for a second.

Kelly

It sounds crazy even to me, but I’m clean.

Olivia

I have no time to ruin myself. I’m too busy living my own perfect happy life. Being clean is so much better than being… dirty.

Jason

Yep I’m clean. But not everyone is yet. I’m here to help them.

Eva

And at last, finally after all that hard work, she was pure. She was clean.

Christopher

I’m shiny, brand new. I’m clean with only the underlying memories of when I wasn’t.