1. Offer him مونگفلی, مونگ پھلی مکھن fudge کی, لغویات that آپ cooked yourself, and tell him that آپ named it Cornelius fudge کی, لغویات because it’s "nutty." Make sure it’s sticky and overdone.

2. Tell him that لیموں, چونے green isn’t really his color, and that he’s really مزید of a winter.

3. Offer to take him to the mall to buy him some new clothes in different, مزید flattering colors.

4. Try to get him to شامل میں a conga line with آپ and Voldemort and look very hurt if he refuses.

5. Tell him that "Scrimgeour always seemed like so much مزید of an authoritative figure."

6. Make up a theme song for him to the tune of "The Brady Bunch" and sing it wherever he goes.

7. Make up flyers containing the printed version of the theme song and hand it out to important Ministry officials.

8. Try to get him to شامل میں S.P.E.W., because "elves are people too!"

9. Paint a scar on your forehead and hop around singing, "We were telling the truth! We were telling the truth!" in an annoying, high pitched voice.

10. Give his بولر, گیند باز hat to the giant squid. If he gets mad at you, tell him that آپ were just trying to دکھائیں your care for all species. Make sure to stare at him with big, کتے eyes.