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posted by smileypop9
Found this on www.funny.com. I find a lot of things there that I post...


A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The دن came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing آپ know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now آپ sir?', he asked the سیکنڈ man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and آپ don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' کہا the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very مقبول cliché for speed.' He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, آپ step out of the house and on the دیوار there's a light switch. When آپ flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the بارن, گودام comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' he said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the گزشتہ three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' کہا the interviewer, stunned سے طرف کی the response.
'Oh sure', کہا BUBBA. 'You see, the other دن I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, یا TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already s**t my pants.'
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
added by emmett
 Pete
Pete
As a journalist, I decided to go to the animal, and interview some of the "inmates". I wanted to know what it was like in there from their perspective. What follows is not for the faint of heart.

I entered the building, and one of the workers accompanied me to the holding area. This is where dogs are kept before they are allowed up for adoption. IF they are allowed up for adoption. If the dogs are found to be aggressive in any way, euthanasia is employed. Fortunately, if "fortunately" is the word to be used here. In this establishment, and they use lethal injection, not a gas chamber.

The shelter...
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posted by E-Scope90
The mind is typically defined as the organized totality یا system of all mental processes یا psychic activities of an individual.c
Many philosophers hold that the brain is a detector of the mind and that the mind is an inner, subjective state of consciousness.h
Philosophers have used a variety of metaphors to describe the mind, including a blank sheet, a hydraulic device with different forces operating in it, یا a ویژن ٹیلی switchboard.h
Attempts to understand the mind go back at least to the ancient Greeks. Plato, for example, believed that the mind acquired knowledge through virtue, independently...
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posted by hetaliaitaly
If your someone that hates being alone یا just feels they dont fit in then maybe آپ will understand what i mean.

Lots of peope think they would love to change lots of things about there life but really what would آپ change? i would change how people treat me and this why ok! if آپ have ever been depressed آپ will understand what i mean people think just because آپ have one happy دن with a friend means your back to normal.

But really one happy دن with a friend wont make all your problems go away being alone hurts alot مزید than it sounds infact being alone is the one feeling some people...
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Taylor's POV:
The اگلے night I had a bad dream,I did all week,But Friday's scared me most:
I dreamed I stood in the kitchen,The lights were kinda blueish blackish.I heard a guy say:
Guy:Hello Taylor.
The guy was my dad
Taylor:DAD?*Turns around*What?
Dad:STOP!If آپ step any closer,Lizzy...DIES!
Taylor:NO!!!LIZZY!!!
Dad:Taylor,Since the police saw that there was my finger prints.I will be going to prison tomorrow!So I wanna make this last!One way to keep your friend ALIVE,Is to walk outside...Barefoot...And stay all night!GOOD BYE!*Disappears*
I woke up,Opened the door,Walked down the hall,outside.Gulping,I stepped out.It was very cold!It was snow!I couldn't do it!But I had to!
*morning at recess*Nobody's POV
Lizzy:TAYLOR!WHERE ARE YOU?WE'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERY WHERE!*Sees Taylor and gasps*Taylor?
*Shakes*Taylor!WAKE UP!!Whats this?*Sees a scratch*AMY!!MRS AMY!!
posted by kassilove
When I was “CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET, I found an old CD of Eminem aka “THE REAL SLIM SHADY”. I started listening to it and “SANG FOR THE MOMENT". I have always been a “STAN” of Eminem and WITHOUT HIM(ME) I think I might LOSE MYSELF(YOURSELF). And, “TILL I COLLAPSE” I want to fly like a “MOCKING BIRD” یا even better as “SUPERMAN, because “WHEN IM GONE” I want to let everyone know that my life was “BEAUTIFUL”. I am “NOT AFRAID” to hit “ROCK BOTTOM” because I was born “LIKE A TOYSOLDEIR
posted by reb1009
The "Rick Roll" Hotline: 772-257-4501


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Have your دوستوں call 772-257-4501 for a special message from a certain 80's musician...
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April Fools دن Assistance Hotline: 413-497-0033


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Celebrate our پسندیدہ holiday (or any دن for that matter) with the April Fool's دن Assistance Hotline: 413-497-0033. Perfect for pranks!
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Prankster's Assistant Hotline: 781-452-0842


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Use the Prankster's Assistant Hotline for your pranks! 781-452-0842.
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The Urgent Message Hotline: 240-258-4005

(i had to add that extra gunk) XD
posted by Cantwait4book5
Why Can't I Own a Canadian?

October 2002

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she کہا that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned سے طرف کی a east coast resident, which was گیا کیا پوسٹ on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank آپ for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share...
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posted by xSiVePux
I wait...

for 2 years long to reach my happiness, an unaswered سوال has been solved out سے طرف کی the miracle of its own.

I never feel so happy unlike when I was 12-13 years old, those number is a crack of my flaw and the sorrow of my life but in return...
I always got stabbed in the back سے طرف کی those foolish mortals.

Those things were all just my past, those hurtful memories begun to fade away from my scene but the scar on my دل still marked its pain.
When will it heal for sure? when will this agony vanish forever?

well the answer was this,

More pain I got when I broke my eyes, unfortunately it has happened...
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posted by demon_wolf
noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.
–noun
1.
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.
a feeling of warm personal attachment یا deep affection, as for a parent, child, یا friend.
3.
sexual passion یا desire.
4.
a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5.
(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, یا the like): Would آپ like to see a movie, love?
6.
a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7.
sexual intercourse; copulation.
8.
( initial capital letter ) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros یا Cupid.
9.
affectionate concern for the...
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I know some سوالات about canada that non-canadians ask about Canada, i'm going to tell آپ the جوابات


first, آپ can NOT see polar bears in the سٹریٹ, گلی and we don't ride the them either we use CARS.


second, we live in houses, not igloos we would probably freeze after awhile


Thats all i know but know آپ won't think canadians live in igloos and if Miley cyrus is reading this and did say canada sucks,WELL IT DOESEN'T SUCK!!!!
IT ROCKS!!! i'm proud to live in Canada.

:)
posted by InvaderStorm
He leaned against the wall, دل thumping and out of breath. He’d managed it, what everyone told him was impossible. He’d escaped them for what must have been the millionth time. He had told the world about it, but of course, nobody believed him, as nobody ever escapes them.
    They had unimaginable power, with forces and numbers greater then anything آپ have ever seen. They wanted him dead. Not the ‘you چرا لیا, چوری کی my soda and I am going to kill you’ dead, they didn’t stand childish antics like that. No, they wanted him 6 feet under dead. But he escaped every time....
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posted by dramaqueen00
 eat it now!
eat it now!
How come you're always such a fussy young man?
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no کشمش, مویز Bran
Well, don't آپ know that other kids are starving in Japan
So eat it, just eat it (prrr)

Don't wanna argue, I don't wanna debate
Don't want to hear about what kind of food آپ hate ooh
You won't get no dessert 'till آپ clean off your plate
So eat it, don't آپ tell me you're full


Just eat it, eat it , eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some مزید chicken, have some مزید pie
It doesn't matter , it's broiled یا fried
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, ooh

Your table...
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added by PrettyGirl_Rock
added by LovableXNerd
Source: Google
added by Crazedsitcomfan
#1: LUCY:
I haven't actually seen this movie, but somebody told me how stupid the ending is.
Lucy reaches 100% of her cerebral capacity and disappears within the spacetime continuum, where she explains that everything is connected and existence is only proven through time. Only her clothes and the black supercomputer are left behind.
And she herself suddenly disappears into thin air.
leaving only a text, saying, "I AM EVERYWHERE!".
It's bad enough Hellsing pulled that line..

#2; TWO AND A HALF MEN:
I loved this show, but it become less and less مقبول after Charlie left. And the producer, espically...
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 Razilee and Elijah Part 3 Unconfirmed Poster
Razilee and Elijah Part 3 Unconfirmed Poster
The new and secretively hidden Razilee and Elijah Part 3 film hasn't made any impact یا any appearances during November 2020 Kindness دن Project, یا at YT Winter Fest 2020, unlike the سیکنڈ film, Razilee and Elijah: Part 2's first announcement in December 2019.

With that said, an unusual release تاریخ was announced for a November 2021 release at the third Razilee and Elijah film. Nothing of the film has surfaced, storyline, plot, new project and effects prepared for the third film has been announced. In other words, the third film is as secretive as a film could get. The release تاریخ of November...
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added by KanonKyu
Source: Sweet photography پرستار art سے طرف کی me - KanonKyu