These are our rules! Please note ... these are
all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, آپ need it down. آپ don't hear us
complaining about آپ leaving it down.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what آپ want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable جوابات to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if آپ want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we کہا 6 months پہلے is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all تبصرے become null and void after 7 days.

1. If آپ won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If آپ think you're fat, آپ probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we کہا can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes آپ sad یا angry, we meant the other one.

1. آپ can either ask us to do something یا tell us how آپ want it
done. Not both. If آپ already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever آپ have to say
during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. کدو, لوکی is also a fruit. We have
no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and آپ say "nothing," we will act
like nothing's wrong. We know آپ are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.

1. If آپ ask a سوال آپ don't want an answer to, expect an
answer آپ don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything آپ wear is fine.
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless آپ are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, یا monster
trucks.

1. آپ have enough clothes.

1. آپ have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank آپ for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
سوفی, لٹانا tonight, but did آپ know men really don't mind that, it's like
camping.