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posted by flipflopkitteh
-Cats: Will treat آپ like slaves.
-Dogs: Will always see the best in you.


-Cats: Do not bark.
-Dogs: Make it their life's mission to bark.

-Cats: Shred your furniture.
-Dogs: Shred your shoes.


-Cats: Insist on being fed.
-Dogs: Wait for آپ to feed them.

-Cats: Will sleep on your face without a thought.
-Dogs: When allowed, will sleep on your بستر and take up all the space.


-Cats: Will barf on your clothes.
-Dogs: Will barf on the rug.

-Cats: Think they're royalty.
-Dogs: Think they own the house.


-Cats: Will sleep on the remote then have a hissy fit (pun intended) when آپ try to retrieve it.
-Dogs: Will eat the remote.

-Cats: Will insist on your undivided attention, but only when they want it.
-Dogs: Will want your attention when the cat has it.


-Cats: Will make a point to sleep on your folded laundry.
-Dogs: Will eat your dirty laundry.

Philosophy:

Life is like a kitten. Sometimes it meows a little, and at night when it gets lonely, and wants to cuddle with you, and آپ just can’t resist, so آپ let it. All through the night it moves around and paws at آپ and wakes آپ up, but آپ think, "Hey, it’s a kitten. Give it a break." So آپ just smile and roll over. Then آپ wake up in the morning, with a sleeping cat on your face and life has gone and clawed your cheek and vomited a little on your favourite گلابی pyjamas…

Life is life a puppy. Sometimes it's cute, and sometimes it pees on your bed, eats your shoes, and destroys the living room.

Now, the Ultimate Question: Cats یا dogs?

I love them both, personally, but now I suddenly don't want a pet as much as I used to...
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posted by karpach_14
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 سیکنڈ AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The اگلے morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her روب, چغہ and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
posted by Midnight__Sun
Why is it that when someone tells آپ that there are over a billion stars in the universe, آپ believe them, but if there is a 'wet paint' sign somewhere, آپ have to touch it to make sure?

In case آپ needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:



1. On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)


2. On a bag of Fritos -- آپ could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?


3. On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion:...
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