I recieved and میل ای with a فہرست of Random jokes I thought I'd share it with آپ guys :)
Lawyer Joke
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" کہا the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he کہا he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he کہا everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job یا not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," کہا the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
..................................................
Blonde Joke
A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.
The اگلے سوال will give آپ the سب, سب سے اوپر prize of One Million dollars if آپ get it right ... but if آپ get it wrong آپ will drop back to $32,000 -- are آپ ready?"
Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it........
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."
"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...
No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.
Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do آپ want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back ہوم in Birmingham."
(ringing)
Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."
Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.
The اگلے voice آپ hear will be Barbara's and she'll read آپ the question.
There are 4 possible جوابات and 1 correct answer and آپ have 30 سیکنڈ to answer -- آگ کے, آگ away Barbara."
Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush"
Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."
Barbara: "You think?"
Maggie: "I'm sure."
Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)
Regis: "Well, do آپ want to stick on $500,000 یا play on for the Million, Barbara?"
Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Barbara: "It is."
Regis: "Are آپ confident?"
Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."
Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and آپ کہا C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - آپ have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
Here is your check. آپ have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."
(clapping)
That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did آپ know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?
Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."
..................................................
End of part one :)
Lawyer Joke
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" کہا the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he کہا he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he کہا everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job یا not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," کہا the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
..................................................
Blonde Joke
A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.
The اگلے سوال will give آپ the سب, سب سے اوپر prize of One Million dollars if آپ get it right ... but if آپ get it wrong آپ will drop back to $32,000 -- are آپ ready?"
Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it........
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."
"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...
No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.
Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do آپ want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back ہوم in Birmingham."
(ringing)
Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."
Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.
The اگلے voice آپ hear will be Barbara's and she'll read آپ the question.
There are 4 possible جوابات and 1 correct answer and آپ have 30 سیکنڈ to answer -- آگ کے, آگ away Barbara."
Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush"
Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."
Barbara: "You think?"
Maggie: "I'm sure."
Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)
Regis: "Well, do آپ want to stick on $500,000 یا play on for the Million, Barbara?"
Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Barbara: "It is."
Regis: "Are آپ confident?"
Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."
Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and آپ کہا C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - آپ have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
Here is your check. آپ have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."
(clapping)
That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did آپ know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?
Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."
..................................................
End of part one :)
