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posted by Shelly_McShelly
•    Stand on سب, سب سے اوپر of the high board and say آپ won't come down until your demands are met.

•    Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because آپ have seen at least 15 people drown today.

•    Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.

•    Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.

•    Take a flutter board and pretend آپ can't swim.

•     Hit strangers with your flutter board.

•    Ask an attractive lifeguard to practise CPR on you.

•     Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''

•    Sit on the سب, سب سے اوپر of the water slide and don't move.

•    Swim near a stranger and go ''Dammit I knew I shouldn't have had تربوز, واٹرمیلاون before I came here.''

•    Insist that آپ saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.

•    Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say ''HA-HA, fooled you!''

•    Scream as someone is trying to do something when jumping off of a diving board.

•    Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.

•    Tell people آپ saw the lifeguard pissing in the pool.

•    Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.

•    Try to negotiate the price of getting in.

•    Take a really long time when آپ are on سب, سب سے اوپر of the high dive and then act as though آپ were pushed off.

•    When in line, ask strangers if they think invisble people get a discount.

•    Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say ''Wheee! I'm Batman!'' while running around.

•    Hit strangers with your wet towel.

•    Throw people's things into the pool.

•    Sing and dance on سب, سب سے اوپر of the diving board, then do a belly-flop as your Grande-finale.

•    Play Marco-Polo سے طرف کی yourself.

•    Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.
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posted by karpach_14
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 سیکنڈ AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The اگلے morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her روب, چغہ and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
posted by Midnight__Sun
Why is it that when someone tells آپ that there are over a billion stars in the universe, آپ believe them, but if there is a 'wet paint' sign somewhere, آپ have to touch it to make sure?

In case آپ needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:



1. On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)


2. On a bag of Fritos -- آپ could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?


3. On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion:...
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