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50 Fun things to do in a Grocery Store

1. Ask the produce manager if he happens to have any fresh Oompah Loompah fruit.

2. While holding a cantaloupe directly in front of your chest, squeeze it and smile dreamily.

3. Every time آپ turn the corner with your shopping cart, shout “Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!”

4. Go up to the manager and tell him یا her that you’ve lost your mommy.

5. While waiting in line at the checkout, juggle some lemons.

6. Tiptoe stealthily up and down the aisles – and around corners – with a magnifying glass.

7. While scratching frantically, ask the manager if he یا she has anything for body lice.

8. After visiting the bakery section, go up and down the aisles exclaiming, “My buns are squishy!”

9. While arguing with an invisible friend, آپ proceed to play tug-of-war over an item.

10. Hold your nose while standing in line at the meat department.

11. Ask the deli clerk how much potato ترکاریاں, سلاد it would take for two people to comfortably wrestle in.

12. Fake cell phone conversation: “Doctor, I couldn’t possibly have malaria. That was weeks ago!”

13. Start doing a river dance in front of the corned beef.

14. Tell the checkout cashier that آپ have to hurry, یا your spaceship will leave without you.

15. Tell the checkout bagger that آپ knew him in a former life, and ask why he left without a note.

16. Ask someone if they saw your picture in the post office and remark that it was one of your best.

17. On a hot summer day, ask the manager if someone can help آپ clean the snow from your car.

18. Tell a customer that you’re from the future and have just zapped back for an historic vacation.

19. Walk around holding a copy of the Scarlet Letter while sporting a big red “A”.

20. Ask a clerk if آپ can test several types of deodorant before making a decision to buy one.

21. Using a stethoscope, listen intently to several coconuts in the produce aisle.

22. Tell one of the lobsters that you’ve brought the potion to turn him back into a man.

23. Run up to the fresh vegetables in the produce aisle and yell, “Boo!”

24. Play peek-a-boo with a little old lady while waiting in the checkout line.

25. When the clerk in the deli asks for your order, mime it.

26. Walk around smoking an invisible cigarette – and get great satisfaction from it.

27. Pretend to cook a meal using the pots and pans in the housewares aisle.

28. Bring a concealed whoopie cushion with آپ and activate it every couple of minutes.

29. Ask if anyone has seen your pet snake – he was just in your pocket a منٹ ago.

30. While waiting in the deli line, pretend to read an invisible book – be sure to turn the pages.

31. Hold up a can of bug spray and ask someone what type of کریکر would go best with it.

32. Shout out, “OK, who squeezed my melons?!”

33. If آپ see someone offering samples, keep circling like a شارک and snatch snacks at each pass.

34. Invite other customers to شامل میں آپ in a game of limbo using a pepperoni stick.

35. Go up to a dead مچھلی on ice, sob and say, “We were supposed to be married on Saturday!”

36. In the middle of one of the aisles, scream, “Food fight!”

37. Stand in front of the ice cream freezer, look intently at it, and scream intermittently.

38. Squirm around a lot and shout, “Quick – where’s the hemorrhoid cream?”

39. Pick up bananas at random; act as though you’re on the phone and say, “Sorry, wrong number!”

40. Point accusingly at one of the cucumbers and say, “I thought I told آپ to wait in the car!”

41. Holding a flea collar, ask a clerk how آپ get the flea to hold still so that آپ can put it on him.

42. Look for someone holding a jar of honey, and then explain that this is actually bee vomit.

43. Every time آپ pass a particular type of meat, imitate the sound of the animal.

44. Walk down the aisles like a turkey, while opening your eyes as wide as physically possible.

45. As آپ pass the lettuce, turn toward it, fold your arms and say, “You’re out of your head!”

46. Pick up a jar of pickled pig’s feet and – in a distraught voice – say, “Oh, no! It’s Babe!”

47. As آپ pass people in the aisles, look startled and run in the opposite direction.

48. Bring a ventriloquist dummy and argue about what to buy for رات کے کھانے, شام کا کھانا as آپ go through the store.

49. Tell the produce clerk that the bananas are fighting again, and that they’re all getting bruised.

50. Tell the manager to call for a clean-up in the laxative aisle.
posted by BlondLionEzel
Out in the darkness, someone is rending the silence
Awakening this planet from its sleep
Who is it?

Look, evil spirits are right before you
There's nowhere to run, so take 'em straight on!
Someone tells me to erase my "worries" and "fear"
We reconstruct our minds
Clench your fists strongly
Believe in the bonds between us
And fight!

So all I can do
And all آپ can do
Is spread your wings and transform
Take the anger piercing your دل and turn it into strength
Now all I can do
And all آپ can do
Is shine and transform
To the stage of evolution
Touch and go!

Listen closely! It's a new "beginning"
Why do آپ think...
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Dating Version 2.0: Modern Dating

Some of the old ways of dating could be use an upgrade. Welcome 2014 with these new and improved rules!

For most of us, the best--and usually our first--source of our dating advice is our family. We rely on the experiences and wise words of Mom, Sister, and in some cases even Grandmother, for the do's and don'ts of boys and relationships. But as years pass by, it might be time to rule out some of Mom's and Grandma's old (and old-fashioned) rules on dating and come up with reasonable guidelines that appeal to مزید modern minds.

The Old Way:
~Date only boys who...
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posted by uploaded900
For a while, I've been thinking of making an مضمون on my influential celebs and here they are. This فہرست is just on entertainers. I'm not the biggest celebrity person, but these have inspired me in some sort of way and I love them! Instead of putting trashy people and basic bitches (whose names I won't name) on a pedestal, here are some people I'd like to talk about who should get some credit for the great individuals that they are. I'd also like to add that it's just my opinion and I'd love to hear what you've got to say.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

 The Realist
The Realist


Emma Watson
Emma Watson is one...
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Survey reveals سب, سب سے اوپر 50 funniest jokes ever told

[HK]

A joke about a male bus passenger insulting a woman's ugly baby has been voted the funniest gag ever told. Researchers examined مزید than 1,000 jokes before whittling them down to a final 50 and getting 36,000 people to vote for their favourites. Source: Onepoll.com

Comedy genius Tommy Cooper had سے طرف کی far the most jokes in the list, which also includes gags سے طرف کی Peter Kay and Lee Evans.

Jokes ranged from the legendary one-liner about a zoo with just one dog being a 'shitzu' - to ones about wives, husbands, blondes and foreigners.

The study was...
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