Random Article: Stupid Attorney Lines =D

39

posted by pollyloveshouse

This is another chain mail I found, but this one is probably my favourite ever! I can laugh for hours, so enjoy =D

"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually کہا in court, word for word, taken down and published سے طرف کی court reporters. Just goes to دکھائیں how bad the law profession has gotten.

ATTORNEY: Are آپ sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were آپ in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: آپ forget? Can آپ give us an example of something آپ forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband کہا to آپ that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do آپ know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: آپ do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the اگلے morning?
WITNESS: Did آپ actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were آپ present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are آپ shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the تاریخ of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were آپ doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are آپ for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: سے طرف کی death.
ATTORNEY: And سے طرف کی whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do آپ suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can آپ describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male یا a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have آپ performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would آپ like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did آپ go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do آپ recall the time that آپ examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the میز, جدول wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are آپ qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are آپ qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before آپ performed the autopsy, did آپ check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did آپ check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did آپ check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when آپ began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can آپ be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my ڈیسک in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."

DramaQueen1020, blackpanther666 and 37 others like this

Chandlerfan LOL! I remember getting this one too quite a while back! XDD

claire-aka-bob rofl!!!! i love this! :P ♥

DoctorSpud LOL!!!!!!! This is so funny! I can't believe some of these are real!!!

hm94991 haha! this is great. *props*

stapleface LOLLLLLL.

geekmeister34 that was funny!!!!!!!!

Chrisztine lmao! oh myg od this is funny! I can't believe people are actually stupid enough to ask these types of questions =P.

luvmurtagh33 LOL!!

luvmurtagh33 i luv the last one

iemand OMG!!!! i have tears from laughing!!!!!! LMFAO!!!! xD

green6244 SO FUNNY!

larouxbestfan HAHAHA funny!

mrsspencereid Wow... These people are stuupid.

8

some cool funny quotes

posted by lloonny

-Last night I lay in بستر looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

-The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

-The road to success is always under construction.

-When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

-If آپ die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

-After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist کہا something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

-Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone...

5

50 things girls should know about guys.

posted by Kyle_XY

1.Guys HATE sluts.(unless they are one themselves)

2."Hey are u busey?" یا "Are آپ doing something later?" are two phrases to help prevent awkward silences.

3.Guys may be flirting around all دن long but before they go to sleep they always think of the girls they truely care about.

4. Before guys call u they reherse what they are about to say so that way they dont sound like a total looser. (But 9 times out of 10 they get nervous when u pick up the phone and forget it all)

5. Guys go CRAZY over a girls smile.

6.Guys will do anything just to get attention from آپ girls.

7.Guys hate it when u talk...

8

Daddy.... It hurts. Please stop.

posted by vlad_todd_fan

This is A TRUE STORY AND IF آپ DON'T PASS THIS ON آپ DON'T HAVE A SOUL!!!

My name is Chris,
I am three,
My eyes are swollen..
I cannot see.

I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made,
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy,
Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong,
I can't speak at all,
Or else I'm locked up,
All دن long.

When I'm awake,
I'm all alone,
The house is dark,
My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come home,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get,
One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car,
My daddy is back,
From Charlie's bar

I hear...

12

سب, سب سے اوپر 10: Cruel Things Women Do To Men

posted by Mallory101

سب, سب سے اوپر 10: Cruel Things Women Do To Men

link :
I didn't write this & it's coming from a guys point of view.

10.They Don’t Pick Up The Phone

You convinced her to give آپ her number and you’re feeling good about yourself. Your charm and good looks have obviously made an impression on her. Unfortunately, when آپ try to call, she doesn’t pick up or, worse yet, she’s دیا آپ a fake number. Some women will give آپ their numbers because it’s easier than trying to tell آپ why she’s not interested. What’s more, in the age of caller ID, it’s easy for her to avoid your calls. At least...

7

Gross Facts

posted by EllentheStrange

Warning: This مضمون contains disgusting facts that just as the عنوان states, آپ may not want to know! With that being said, please read on with caution.

Next time آپ lean in for a kiss, آپ might want to think about this:

1. The nose drips into the back of the mouth and آپ may get mucus mixed with saliva when kissing.

2. Fungus is constantly growing in the oral cavity.

3. The white blood cells from your partners mouth will attack yours when embracing in a kiss.

More random Gross Facts:

1. One of the gasses in your farts is actually flammable. If آپ attempt to light your gas on آگ کے, آگ it...

18

55 Reasons I Love You: Girls Point of View

posted by milorox18

Reasons I Love You:

1) The way آپ stand سے طرف کی my side 

2) The times آپ make sure nothing will harm me 

3) How آپ always find a new way to "WoW" me

 4) When I'm sad, آپ take the pain away with a joke

 5) How آپ always look deep into my eyes

 6) How آپ can make my دل melt with your soft lips 

7) The way آپ hold my hand so tight 

8) The way آپ never let my hands go

 8) How آپ always watch out for me 

9) They way آپ make sure I have everything I need 

10) How آپ always know what to say when I get mad at you 

11) When آپ buy me things out of the blue 

12) How آپ say the cutest...

7

Trick سوالات

posted by Shelly_McShelly

Welcome to The Weakest Link.

Here is a very simple little test comprised of four سوالات to determine the level of your intellect. Your جوابات must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating یا wasting time.

And NO CHEATING. On your mark, set....GO!!!

1: آپ are competing in a race, and overtake the runner in سیکنڈ place.
In which position are آپ now?

Answer:

If آپ answered that you're now coming first then you're completely wrong. آپ overtook the سیکنڈ runner and took their place, therefore you're coming second.

For the اگلے سوال try not to be so dumb.

2 : If آپ overtake the last...

4

The 16 MBTI Types (Personality Type)

posted by Fitch

What's your personality type?

Picks/Polls
link, link, link, link, link, link, link, link, link, link
link

(E) Extrovert
-Tend to focus on the outer world of people and the external environment
-Like variety and action
-Often impatient with long, slow jobs
-Are interested in the activities of their work and in how other people do it
-Often act quickly, sometimes without thinking
-Develop ideas سے طرف کی discussion
-Like to learn new task سے طرف کی talking it through with someone
-Need to experience the world in order to understand it and thus tend to like action

(I) Introverts
-Focus مزید on their own inner world,...

38

21 Ways to Annoy a McDonalds cashier

posted by Guste_LT

1.Stand at the counter and ask for everything that they give out free (including smiles)
2.Keep walking back and forth suspiciously and taking straws, 10 at a time
3.Put “out of order” signs on all their cashes
4.Change your mind whenever your total is دیا to you
5.Take a chair and sit at the counter to eat
6.Only ask for ketchup. Do this at least 10 times.
7.Make an “important” phone call while you’re ordering. If they ask آپ any سوالات tell them to be quiet.
8.Demand to get the smallest super-size meal they have
9.Throw ketchup packets at them from a distance. If they kick آپ out...

1

My own little review on Helluva Boss (or least my opinions)

posted by Canada24

So I'll try to make this sound professional, but I'm not a real critic, I use to like pretending I was but.. I'm not..

Now as we all know this دکھائیں has gone a long way, the اندازی حرکت changed, but what hadn't changed is who my favourite character is.. It's Blitz.

Right from the pilot I always liked Blitzo, Brandon Roger's infectious energy just immediately hooked me, and I never even heard of Brandon Rogers, I looked him up shortly after. I have sort of mixed feelings about the rest of his performances, least at first. He did grow on me, but I still much prefer him as Blitzo.

And I also knew right...

1

NikPiks - Ed, Edd n Eddy is an Animated Classic

posted by Windwakerguy430

So I talk about quite a few things on here, most of them with varying levels of popularity. So what better way to grab people’s attention then with good old 2000s nostalgia. So I wanna talk about Ed, Edd, n Eddy, a favoite دکھائیں of mine from my childhoo- wait, Ed, Edd n Eddy came out in the 90s, fuck!

Ed, Edd n Eddy is one of the greatest cartoons in, probably of all time. I know for a fact that it’s my پسندیدہ show. Where other famous shows tried and failed, Ed, Edd n Eddy succeeded. Spongebob is good, but it had some rough years. The Simpsons is alright, but it is in desperate need...

2

Love Hina Keitaro Urashima spanking Sarah McDougal

added by NagisaFurukawa-

2

THE RETURN OF THE RANDOM BOOB JUSTICE!

added by TheLefteris24

The Ed Edd n Eddy Theory - Creepypasta

posted by slenderman777

We hadn't always been here. But the neighborhood has. Even before it was a neighborhood on earth this one had been here. Here for those that would be lost on those cursed grounds, here for those who would die long before their real life ever truly began, here for those who never really wanted to grow up.

We come from different times and we come from different lives, but one thing remains true of all of us. We lived on the earthly realm of the neighborhood at some point in our lives and died long before our time was supposed to come. We don't remember much of our lives in the cul-de-sac since...

The Crawlspace - Creepypasta

posted by slenderman777

In my room there is a small door leading to where the air conditioning unit is housed, this door has no locking mechanisms what so ever so it wasn't uncommon when it opened up سے طرف کی itself when there was a draft, its impossible to close the door behind آپ once آپ get beyond it and enter the crawlspace type area it leads to. i have lived in this house for five years now and for the first 4 i never gave the door a سیکنڈ thought,it wasn't until the fifth سال that the door made me feel unsettled, a few months پہلے i was ہوم alone,i'm 17 and i live in the bonus room which is connected to the crawlspace....