This is another chain mail I found, but this one is probably my favourite ever! I can laugh for hours, so enjoy =D
"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually کہا in court, word for word, taken down and published سے طرف کی court reporters. Just goes to دکھائیں how bad the law profession has gotten.
ATTORNEY: Are آپ sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were آپ in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: آپ forget? Can آپ give us an example of something آپ forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband کہا to آپ that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do آپ know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: آپ do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the اگلے morning?
WITNESS: Did آپ actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were آپ present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are آپ shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the تاریخ of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were آپ doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are آپ for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: سے طرف کی death.
ATTORNEY: And سے طرف کی whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do آپ suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can آپ describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male یا a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have آپ performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would آپ like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did آپ go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do آپ recall the time that آپ examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the میز, جدول wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are آپ qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are آپ qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before آپ performed the autopsy, did آپ check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did آپ check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did آپ check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when آپ began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can آپ be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my ڈیسک in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."
"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually کہا in court, word for word, taken down and published سے طرف کی court reporters. Just goes to دکھائیں how bad the law profession has gotten.
ATTORNEY: Are آپ sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were آپ in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: آپ forget? Can آپ give us an example of something آپ forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband کہا to آپ that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do آپ know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: آپ do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the اگلے morning?
WITNESS: Did آپ actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were آپ present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are آپ shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the تاریخ of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were آپ doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are آپ for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: سے طرف کی death.
ATTORNEY: And سے طرف کی whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do آپ suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can آپ describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male یا a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have آپ performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would آپ like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did آپ go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do آپ recall the time that آپ examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the میز, جدول wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are آپ qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are آپ qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before آپ performed the autopsy, did آپ check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did آپ check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did آپ check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when آپ began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can آپ be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my ڈیسک in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."
