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posted by karpach_13
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: How can آپ tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick کے, جوائے سٹک is wet.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her مزید attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What do آپ say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are آپ boys all in the same band?
A3: Do آپ guys all play for the Green خلیج, کھاڑی Packers?

Q: How do آپ make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The مزید آپ bang it the looser it gets.

Q: What does a blond and a بیئر bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do blonds and سپتیٹی, اسپگیٹی have in common?
A: They both wriggle when آپ eat them.

Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Q: How do آپ get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave

Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What do آپ call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.

Q: What do آپ get when آپ turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the سٹریٹ, گلی when the sign کہا "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a کوٹ hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because بھیڑوں, بھیڑ can't bring بیئر from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window نشست on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it کہا From 2-4 years.

Q: How do آپ confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E یا does it go between M and W?"

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What is the blonde's پسندیدہ potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q: Did آپ hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Did آپ hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!

Q: What do a کے moped, موپیڈ and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees آپ on one.

Q: How do آپ know when a blond's been in your frige?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All آپ have to do is scratch the box to win.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray

Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q: What do آپ call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up سے طرف کی 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around سے طرف کی the tits.'

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air

Q: Did آپ hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When آپ have a tire پمپ to reinflate it!

Q: What is a blonde's پسندیدہ part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: Did آپ here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: What's a blonde's پسندیدہ nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did آپ name the other one ?"

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Because she blows the horn!

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.

Q: Did آپ hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in بستر سے طرف کی 10?
A: She picks up her پرس, تھیلی and goes home.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when آپ pull your meat out of it.

Q: Did آپ hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.

Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a مٹر, مصری چنا in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q: A blonde is walking down the سٹریٹ, گلی with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did آپ get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: A blonde ordered a پیزا and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six یا twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What's a blonde's idea of محفوظ sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q: Did آپ hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
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سب, سب سے اوپر 10
WatchMojo
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okay im gonna write in a special way

girls that are goth
they hate jocks
they hate it when u talk about sports
they hate it when u talk to much
they never want to do anything when their in a mood
they dont watch american idol
they dont like u to talk about american idol
they hate it when u say "why do u always wear black?"
they hate it when u bring them flowers
they hate it when u try to "make moves"
they hate it when u bring them to parties with people she doesn't know

girls that are smart
they like it when u say "your smartness is cute"
they hate it when u defer her smartness
they dont like it when u...
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posted by Cantwait4book5
Dear Noah,
We could have sworn آپ کہا the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your کتابیں are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
Sincerely, Anonymous


Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada

Dear Boyfriend,
I can make...
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posted by karpach_13
The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. آپ have to catch it yourself. ~Benjamin Franklin


Even if happiness forgets آپ a little bit, never completely forget about it. ~Jacques Prévert


If آپ want to be happy, be. ~Leo Tolstoy


Happiness is never stopping to think if آپ are. ~Palmer Sondreal


Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy. ~Robert Anthony


The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. ~Mark Twain


If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. ~Edith Wharton


Happiness...
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10. Blind People Dream

People who become blind after birth can see تصاویر in their dreams. People who are born blind do not see any images, but have dreams equally vivid involving their other senses of sound, smell, touch and emotion. It is hard for a seeing person to imagine, but the body’s need for sleep is so strong that it is able to handle virtually all physical situations to make it happen.

9. آپ Forget 90% of your Dreams

Within 5 منٹ of waking, half of your dream if forgotten. Within 10, 90% is gone. The famous poet, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, woke one morning having had a fantastic...
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1. paint everything in your sisters room black see what happens

2. get your sister یا brother a drink put pepper in it....

3. play all your موسیقی really load

4. blackmail them O.o

5. act like a cow.

6. lick them O.o

7. give them a روٹی سینڈوچ

8. set their alrm for two in the morning

9. bite them

10. flush the toilet when their in the shower

11. ding ding ditch their room

12. eat their food

13. be right in their face when they wake up

14 sit on them

15. put your cat یا dog on their face see if the animal farts in their face XD
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