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It sounds like a cat.XD
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posted by ilovetech29
1."My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."
2."Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot."
3."Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."
4."Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."
5."Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a درخت and misplaced his hip."
6."John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."
7."Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."
8."Megan...
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Just reading some of the Terminator Quotes through again... and actually found a hint on what happened between Arnold and the maid. Enjoy my version!


Maid: Nice night for a walk, eh?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nice night for a walk.
Maid #2: Wash دن tomorrow? Nothing clean, right?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nothing clean. Right.
Maid: Hey, I think this guy's a couple cans short of a six-pack.
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Your clothes... give them to me, now.
Maid: Fuck you, asshole!
Arnold nods.


I know there are a lot of people making fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger since he admitted to his wife that he's not only a cheater but a liar as well. آپ might get annoyed سے طرف کی it and think "Oh poor Arnie". But honestly? This guy just ASKED for it. It takes a big jerk to have a child with another woman, an even bigger one to keep it a secret for 14 years and the biggest one to only reveal it to his wife after he quit his job so there'd be no damage to his position.
posted by lloonny
1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
2. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
3. Chuck Norris will never have a دل attack. His دل isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
4. If at first آپ don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris can set ants on آگ کے, آگ with a magnifying glass. At night.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
7. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
8. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
9....
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INT. A SHOPPING MALL WE'VE USED BEFORE - DAY.

The mall. Teenage girls bury their heads in piles of clothes and giggle. A Sale Sign goes up and they scream. Mothers drag kids سے طرف کی their heels. As the people pass by, they glance uncomfortably at something off-screen then hurry along. The children point, faces uncomprehending.

Pan over to find ZIM and GIR in a dark corner, near a waste receptacle, dressed as clowns. ZIM just stares out evilly at the passing people. GIR simply stares, holding balloons.

ZIM (to GIR)
Look at them, GIR. THEY think we are clowns. But we are not clowns.

GIR gasps in shock....
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posted by KateKicksAss
 This is your new mascot. All hail the bunny!
This is your new mascot. All hail the bunny!
Of course, if آپ are TRULY random, آپ shouldn't even need a guide, O_O

Randomness, randomosity, randomology, whatever آپ may call it, is using improvisation to create original humorous phrases یا monologues یا pine cones on the spot. 'Randomosity' is fun to express in the presence of دوستوں یا logging companies, but can quickly become extremely obnoxious. Have fun with your randomness, don't force it. Remember, if آپ got it, Flaunt it!

Steps

1. Break free of conventional rules. Finishing your sentences is not mandatory, merely optional and آپ can do it on Tuesdays but not on Wednesdays...
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posted by invadercalliope
When آپ turn around, who is that behind you?
Bury your claws in the darkness and shred the night
The raindrops turn to drops of blood and trickle down your cheek
If آپ have no place to return to
Stop on this finger, on this finger of mine
Where the evening cicadas cry in the forbidden forest
آپ cannot turn back anymore

__________________________________________________

furimuita sono ushiro no sorewa dare
kurayami ni tsume wo tatete yoru wo hikisaita
amadare wa chi no shizuku to natte hoho wo tsutaiochiru
mou dekonimo kaeru basho ga nainara
kono yubi tomare watashi no yubi ni
sono yubi goto tsuretetteageru
higurashi ga naku akazu no mori de
atomodori wa mou dekinai
"An old woman haunted me!"

One night my and سے طرف کی brothers and I were sleeping up stairs while my mom was downstairs reading. I was lying in بستر and heard this light stomping sound. Then the stomping sound got a little heavier. Soon, it became so loud that my brothers and I all came out of our room because we were scared. My mom had heard it too and she thought it was one of us playing a joke, but it wasn't - we were all in bed! We had no idea what to make of it and were really freaked out. But then, things got creepier....

"We found her stuff in the attic, her name was Tamara!"

I went over to...
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(CREATED سے طرف کی RAE RI, NOT ME)

Chuck Norris can make onions cry.


Chuck Norris can خارج the Recycling Bin.


Ghosts are actually caused سے طرف کی Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.


Chuck Norris can strangle آپ with a cordless phone.


Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.


Chuck Norris once had a دل attack; his دل lost.


Chuck Norris doesn't turn the light on; he turns the dark off.


The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.


Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.


When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters; not even a mirror is stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris's tears can cure aids, too bad he never cries. (silvaze9)
posted by yoshifan1976
Doctor Mario was in his office when suddenly there was an urgent phone call. It was Daisy. "Mario, come quick. Luigi's very sick." "I'll be there right now, Daisy", Mario told her. Nurse آڑو was very concerned. "What's wrong, Mario?" "Luigi's sick", he answered with worry. "Go", آڑو told him kindly. "I can take care of things here." "Thanks, Peach". He gave her a kiss and then rode over to Luigi and Daisy's house. گلبہار, گل داؤدی hugged Mario and led him upstairs. "Hey little brother", he smiled at Luigi. Luigi smiled back. He loves his big brother Mario. No one understood the brotherly bond between...
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added by loonybug
Source: tumblr
No, I seriously hate it whenever I hear kids talk about Disney and celebrities, they say crap like "OMG Justin Bieber is awesome!" "The Jonas Brothers are having a new movie!" "Have آپ watched Shake it up? It's the best thing Disney has made!"
It sickens me that parents allow their kids to watch & listen to the mediocre shit Disney Channel produces now rather than to have them watch & listen to some REAL Disney & music. Even the trash فلمیں like Prom, John Carter, Mars Needs Moms, and some of the Disney direct-to-video sequels are better than the crap Disney Channel has to offer....
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posted by hetalianstella
This is in no particular order.

- I hate how people automatically assume آپ are Chinese just because you're Asian, یا automatically assume آپ are Mexican just because آپ are Hispanic.

- How people always say they COULD care less when they COULDN'T care less!

- When people use an elevator.....for one floor!

- Perverts....I mean, I don't hate perverts. Some of my best دوستوں are perverts. But I'm not a pervert, so don't act like a pervert around me. Anywhere else is fine, but please respect my asexuality.

- When people overuse lol.
Especially when there is nothing funny!
Same with OMG. I...
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added by 8theGreat
 Fullmetal Alchemist Live Action Movie.
Fullmetal Alchemist Live Action Movie.
So i watched the Live action Fullmetal Alchemist Movie on Netflix with a friend. IT is a good movie. I liked how it stayed true to the FMA/Brotherhood story. And Edward Elric the actor is too tall looking. But other than that,the live action FMA Movie is spot on. Glad they did not fully mess up with this movie. Hope they make another one.

I feel that Netflix and Warner brothers did a good job on this movie. People out there in the world need to stop comparing عملی حکمت live actions to the episodes. It's like how Marvel and DC فلمیں change and is not similar to the comics and cartoons sometimes....
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added by SilentForce
(Just a heads up for anyone who doesn't take nicely to curse words, they دکھائیں up in this article. So, viewer discretion advised. Though it is discernibly less profane than most of my other work.)

Hidelly ho, neighborinos! Surprise surprise, I'm not actually dead.

Well, at least not yet anyway. Have I jinxed myself before this مضمون has even started...?

Quite possibly, Jared. آپ fucking idiot.

Anyway, since I've got some ideas and motivation up my sleeve, I decided to write a song for ya'll. I'm sure the عنوان alone will win myself a million Grammies.

And when I say that, I'm not referring to...
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It was a peaceful, King Dedede-free morning in Pop Star. Birds chirped. Bunnies hopped around. All of the folks are playing merrily, and then there's... Kirby, who was flying in his Warp سٹار, ستارہ for the reason of feeling the breeze through his light, گلابی skin. Normally, he'd use the Warp سٹار, ستارہ as a mode of transportation, but today was the day.

Kirby: [singing] I believe I can fly,
I believe I can touch the sky,
Here in Pop سٹار, ستارہ I can fly so high.
On my Warp Star, won't it make me cry...

Unfortunately, Kirby had happened to fly too far, in fact, TOO far that he went off bounds from Pop سٹار, ستارہ and flew...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Song: link

Narrator: Sugar. Spice, and everything nice. These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little girls, but Professor Utonium accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction. Chemical X!
Professor: *Gets moved backwards سے طرف کی an explosion, but smiles when he sees what he created*
Narrator: Thus the Powerpuff Girls were born! Using their ultra super powers, Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup have dedicated their lives to fighting crime, and the forces of evil.
Blossom: *Flies through the sky*
Bubbles: *Flying to the right of Blossom*
Buttercup: *Flying to the left of...
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 Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see. *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see.
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see. *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see.


It was a typical دن in New York City. People were walking down the sidewalks, and cars crowded the streets, but in front of a coffee shop, a man was sitting, while typing on his laptop.

SeanTheHedgehog's

Person 94: *Typing on his laptop inside the coffee shop*
Background People: *Drinking coffee, and eating donuts*

SeanTheHedgehog's
Wonderful World

Taxi Driver: *Going over 60, passing several other cars*
Man 89: *Hugging his suitcase* Do all taxi drivers drive like this in the city?
Taxi Driver:...
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