HELP! please :)

I've been working on a very short story called "Haunted Lullaby" but I can't seem to make it work. Maybe it's just me but I feel like there is something drastically wrong with it. I also need help with the grammar. It's only a few paragraphs...could someone please just look it over? Give me honest criticism.

Here is the link: link

thanks I'll love آپ forever :)
 Buffygirl1988 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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Writing جوابات

Thalia_huntress said:
i'll help i need something to keep me busy :)
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posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک 
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Thanks so much :)
Buffygirl1988 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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i love it and all u need is to put your not آپ and relised is spelled relized i hope i helped i really would love to read مزید
Thalia_huntress posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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i love it but i think y ou should change "my sweet" to my love.. sounds better
iheartfashion posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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