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posted by deathding
*I've learned that آپ can't make someone love you.
All آپ can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

*I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.

*I've learned that it takes years to build up trust and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

*I've learned that whatever hits the پرستار won't be evenly distributed.

*I've learned that آپ shouldn't compare yourself to others.... They're مزید screwed up than آپ think.

*I've learned to not sweat the petty things.
And to not pet the sweaty things.

*I've learned that we're all responsible for what we do.
Unless we're celebrities.

*I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

*I've learned that the people آپ care most about in life are taken from آپ too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

And the real pains in the butts are permanent.

*I've learned that آپ should always be nice to everyone...
So they don't end up treating آپ like a douchebag.

*I've learned that if you're ever trying to kill a مکڑی on your ceiling, it's never going to end well.

*I've learned that your room is going to be Dust City if آپ don't take care of it every two seconds.

*And finally, I've learned to never screw around with a wasp.

They took my only twenty dollar bill.

Pass this along to four friends... Trust me, they'll appreciate it. Who knows, maybe something good will happen.

If not... Tough.
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Chongjin, North Korea. A town اگلے to the Sea Of Japan.

Guards: *Walking along a stone wall*
Guard 3: *Looks at a بتھ, مرغابی in the water, then smokes a cigarette*

While he was looking away, the بتھ, مرغابی turned out to be part of a hat, worn سے طرف کی CIA agent, Johnny Lightning.

Johnny: *Gets out of the water, and punches the North Korean guard*
Narrator: Out cold. Now it's time to find the explosives.
Johnny: *Finds a silo, and pushes on a panel, revealing a secret door. He goes inside, and finds missiles, C4, and several barrels of nitro glycerin*
Guard: *Turns around*
Johnny: *Shoots him with his 1911R1*
Guard: *Falls...
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