Twilight Series Article: آپ Know You're Reading Twilight Fanfiction When...

5

آپ Know You're Reading Twilight Fanfiction When...

posted by pompeybabe

Lemons ... get it?

I found these on Tumblr ... thought they were funny (and pretty damn accurate).

This is a little graphic for those of آپ who shy away from this kinda stuff ;)

1. Bella is clumsy, shy and constantly bites her lower lip when she’s nervous

2. Edward finds her lip biting habits sexy

3. Edward is jealous, over protective and a bit controlling

4. Edward has a temper

5. Though there are no vampires and no werewolves, Human Edward can actually GROWL

6. Edward has the greenest eyes she’s ever seen and a panty dropping crooked smile

7. Edward always has velvety smooth, warm voice that turns to rough when he wants Bella

8. Bella has the deepest brown eyes and he can see to her soul through them

9. Edward has a monster cock that deserves an award and can put any other to shame ;)

10. Though some might think physically impossible, Edward can get hard in less than 3 سیکنڈ after seeing Bella only bite her lip

11. Tanya is a bitch

12. Rose is the coolest badass ever

13. Esme is always wiping tears from her eyes somewhere

14. Carlisle the kindest and most compassionate Doctor ever… unless you’re reading a SAVAGE story [Lorabell note: یا Emancipation Proclamation where he’s a straight up badass]

15. Unless it’s a sex marathon story یا a Dadward/Momella story, you’re gonna have to wait till they say “I love you” before sex

16. Edward always gets Bella to come only 2 سیکنڈ before him and both always happen explosively with white spots behind their eyelids

17. Alice is referred to as a pixie, loves Bella barbie and always takes her shopping against her will

18. No matter how long the story is یا what genre but you’ll ALWAYS find Edward in a towel somewhere with Bella there to drool over the V between his hips

19. Bella hates wearing heels, calls them “death traps” and they’re usually forced on her سے طرف کی Alice یا Rose

20. Edward has LONG fingers that can do wonders with موسیقی and Bella’s [*cough* and Lorabell’s *cough*] lady bits

21. Charlie is always always always fishing… I mean, dude get a life - no one fishes 24/7 not even in Canon

22. Jacob is bad. If he’s not bad, he’s gay. If he’s not gay, he’s a dog. Literally.

23. Mike is a douche. No matter what he does and how nice he is, he’s always a douche with a small dick

24. EVERY TIME Bella and Edward have sex, it’s better than the last and the best sex they have ever had. EVER.

25. Jake almost ALWAYS ends up with Leah

26. Rosalie always smacks Emmet on the back of his head… if she’s not around then it’s Esme

27. They always rip condoms with their teeth

28. At one time یا another you’ll find that “she/he saw something unreadable flicker in his/her eyes but it disappeared before she/he could see what it was”

29. The مصنف will almost always sneak in at least one book یا movie quote

30. When most normal people would have reached for the telephone and dialed 911, Bella is NOT freaked out سے طرف کی Edward watching her sleep

Elle-C, BloodyObsession and 3 others like this

2

Hello, My Name Is: Death ~Vol. Two~ [FOUR]

posted by BuffyFaithFan1

Hello, My Name Is: Death
Volume Two
BuffyFaithfan1
__________________
[FOUR]
    I jumped up and whipped out my gun, aimed it for Haus' chest and fired twice. Haus went down in a second.
    "Let's go!" I کہا and Rick jumped into the room, brandishing his knives.
    Tabra grabbed his arm, twisted it around and snapped it. Clean break, sounded like, if not, good! He deserved the suffering. Rick went down on one knee, and I shot at him, the bullet entered his skull. He's a goner.
    A chick walked in then, carrying a whip and slung it at Tabra. It wrapped around his neck and she started to pull.
    "Let him go!" I shouted and shot at her, she got hit in the leg.
    "You bitch!" She said, released Tabra and slashed her whip at me.
    It knocked the gun out of my hand.
    "Let's do this," She dropped her whip and walked towards me.
    "First class whore!" I spat and she gasped.
    "I'll kill آپ for that."
    Uh-oh!

3

Hello, My Name Is: Death [EIGHT]

posted by BuffyFaithFan1

Hello, My Name Is: Death
Volume One
BuffyFaithfan1
____________________
[EIGHT]
We got into Tabra's truck, and started over to the headquarters of the Death Clan of the Fallen. I was nervous, and I felt like I was gonna' throw-up.
"Is it too late to back out?" I asked him and he laughed nervously.
"Right now, yes." He kept on driving, and I thought to myself how better life will be once this is over.
Alright Cyd, stop being nervous! Sure آپ can die, but think about how much پچھواڑے, گدا you'll kick!? Think about how bad پچھواڑے, گدا you'll be pointing and shooting a gun, especially at the guy who threw a knife...

3

Hello, My Name Is: Death [FOUR]

posted by BuffyFaithFan1

Hello, My Name Is: Death
Volume One
BuffyFaithfan1
_________________________
[INTRO]
So, if آپ forgot the last three things that have happened, here is exactly what did happen:
1.) A چھری was thrown at my head.
2.) I almost consumed a poisonous chicken
and 3.) The Death Clan of the Fallen are after me.
Pretty scary right? If آپ think it isn't, well then leave right now, because it is. Not only do they know where I live, but they probably have been watching me for a while. Hopefully Tabra and I can get through this. We have to, right? Hero triumphs over the Villain!?
I sure hope so...
___________________________...

4

A Life Of Death Part Three

posted by a-jforever

Heres part three.....I think. Enjoy.XXXX

What do آپ want of me?” I asked straightening up to try being civil.

“Ok you’re going to think me a complete freak when I tell آپ so come inside and sit down.”

“NOT INSIDE.” The bronze haired one protested.
Alice closed her eyes growing very still and then opening them.

“See Edward she won’t hurt Renesmee.” Edward nodded stepping out the way of the door. But whatever Alice had done hadn’t convinced him enough as he hurried in before us.

“Are آپ Phoebe?” A little girl with Bronze curly hair came round the corner smiling at me her...

4

the follow up to a beautiful death part 8

posted by xroylex

"hey! nessie!" blake greeted me in the car park he must of been waiting for me.
"heya blake whatssup?"
"well i was just wondering did آپ want to do something tonight?" he sounded nervous but he wanted to be confident and i needed a night out and pluss i didnt want to go back there. not tonight anyway.
"sure what did آپ have in mind?" i smiled as his eyes widened.
"erm well my mum and dad are going out tonight so we could have a film? i mean i can get other people around? if آپ want?"
"no thats fine i would love to come and watch a film with you. see آپ tonight then"
i didnt really know most...

4

Cullens meet Hales part 2!

posted by Cullens4eva

I LOVE MY SISTER SOOOOOOO MUCH! We all screamed till our throats hurt, this is just amazing. As we stopped mom walked in and started to tidy up the lounge. To be honest I'd forgotten she was actually here.

"Girls that's enough. Now what's all this screaming about hey? There's no need for it." She finished doing some light dusting and sat down with a book. Probably some romance knowing mom, she was so predictable. Her life is a romance novel, her meeting my dad after nearly jumping off a cliff, falling helplessly in love, having 3 beautiful girls, living in a house to die for...

We all sat down...

3

Hello, My Name Is: Death [ONE]

posted by BuffyFaithFan1

Hello, My Name Is: Death
Volume One
BuffyFaithfan1
_________________________________________
[ONE]
This was like no other Monday. Why آپ ask? Well, maybe if a چھری flew at your head, آپ would agree with me. And it wasn't like magic flying, it was like an assassain threw a چھری at my head and tried to kill me! At first, all I could think of was RUN, but later on I knew why he was after me. Here is exactly what happened...
I was driving to the store, and I got out of my car and went inside. I was almost done, I just needed دودھ and cookie dough, and they were in the same isle, so I picked up...

5

the follow up to a beautiful death part 5

posted by xroylex

the morrning passed quickly so when i started to walk towards the dining hall i was thinking about what had happened the two leasons i was in.
i sat at the back with my ڈاکو, ہڈ still up when they asked me to take it down i just looked at them and they just کہا oh no matter keep it up. this was teachers. the students looked like they hated me allready so i kept it up.
but i guessed i could go round with my ڈاکو, ہڈ up all دن so as i grabbed my lunch and caught sight of ڈریک staring at me smiling patting the chair oppersit him. i started to walk over listerning to him and his mates chatting.
"bet...

3

the follow up to a beautiful death part 2

posted by xroylex

"wait stop" i pleaded
i felt the air shake as if something starang and out of the ordanary was happerning
"who are you? turn slowly we need to see something" this dark but some how fimiliar voice oreded so i did i turned very slowly not giving them reason to kill me.

there he was. paul.
"omg! paul! its been ages" i started to اقدام toward him but he stepped back and did what jake onse did. he shook.
"hey calm down paul geez if jake was here he would be laughing" i sighed as he tensed at the sound of his best دوستوں name.
"how do آپ know jake?" he asked he wasnt so violent anymore so that must...

6

Blackout!!! Part 10

posted by smileyfaceddude

I sighed with relief as the phone conversation was over and snapped it shut. God! Edward, is way too curious, and pushy, he asks too many questions, as if he was interrogating me; which he kind of was. I thought over tonight, and Renesmee's little adventure. I had to get rid of those bottles, so that would NEVER happen again, (and my new shoes, which i had just started to like). I'm not sure what would best for us right now, and Edward was asking what’s going on, and where precisely Renesmee was, I was glad he couldn’t read my mind from the phone.

Renesmee

Oh.
What a throbbing headache!...

4

Holiday ch 3

posted by amy_r_cullen

Edward's pov

"Daddy say somthing, آپ haven't کہا anything for about ten miniits i'll read you're mind if آپ don't tell me". Renesmee pushed.

"Sorry Renesmee i was just thinking can آپ read you're mothers mind". I questioned.

"Errr I think so why, do آپ wan't me to". Renesmee replied.

"well yes please, it's just you'r mother only lets me in her head when she wants me there, and the rest of the time I have to guess". I was trying to persuade Renesmee to help me.

"Why do آپ want to know what goes on in momma's head". Renesmee pushed.

"I just want to know if she is happy یا not یا if she worries...

7

True Lies,Teen Girls(Chapter Eight)

posted by moolah

Bella’s P.O.V:
I pulled up my hair. Then took off my dress, only leaving my bra and panties on. The sexy one’s Ali bought me. About 10 منٹ later I heard my cell phone ringing, “Fireflies” سے طرف کی Owl City. It was Alice. I immediately answered it, “Alice!” Someone chuckled, “No,” I frowned, “Edward?” “No, but its Victoria.” I screamed, “WHAT DO آپ WANT WITH THEM?” I started putting on my jeans, and put on my tank top. “I want you. I want to kill you-you killed James, and if آپ run, I have a army of newborns and they will kill you, Bella.” She snarled, “Victoria,...

5

Gone Part 8

posted by CarlislesLover

Sorry I haven't گیا کیا پوسٹ this in ages.
XXXX

6 Years later.
I’m now twenty-four years old. I’m married to Edward and we live in Canada together. I still have my job as a fashion designer and I do model. But lately I’ve been asked to do other things. I got a letter through the post a few days پہلے about being in a film. I didn’t دکھائیں Edward because I knew he would say no, so I kept it to myself. I really would like to be in the film, but it would mean I would be away from Edward for ages. I was already spending a lot of time away from Edward. He’s at ہوم right now whilst I’m in New Zealand....

3

Heidi's past Part 5

posted by a-jforever

Ok heres Heidi's Past part 5. Please comment.XXX

I had been in pain for so long. Let it be over soon I thought to myself. The coldness has disappeared almost as soon as it had arrived. I could feel the آگ کے, آگ racing nothingness towards me heart, my body was failing to it. This wasn’t right. This couldn’t be death, so what was it. It got to the point where the آگ کے, آگ got to my دل and it felt like my دل was taking off, then nothing. I couldn’t even hear my own heartbeat anymore, یا even feel my heart. My senses were sharper; my instincts told me I was alone. I didn’t like to be alone....

3

Adventure in New York

posted by alicecullenrox1

Chapter 1- The Unimaginable

Kate's POV

New York. When آپ go, آپ imagine a nice vacation, maybe a business meeting. آپ wouldn't dream of having your entire world crash around آپ as the past, becomes part of the present.

I was leaving the shopping center when I noticed something peculiar going on in the city. I imediately dialed Alice's number. Hearing the ringing echoing in my ear was like torture.

“Hello?” I heard Alice ask, she sounded afraid. Something was up....

"Alice! Something's wrong! People in the city are acting strange! I was waiting for آپ guys at the shopping center and everyone...

8

Kayla's Visions, Chapter 37

posted by twilight-7

Kayla’s POV

“Cheat!” Emmett shouted, throwing the controller down. He was careful not to throw it so hard that it might break.
“No I didn’t!” I shouted back. “You’re a sore loser!”
He stood up and I stood up. We narrowed our eyes.
“Let’s settle this,” he said. “One on one. Outside.”
“You’re on.”
“I don’t think so,” Rosalie, who had been watching us play the game, stood up and squeezed herself between us.
“Rose, don’t get involved,” Emmett said, trying to push her away.
“She’s pregnant, آپ idiot,” she smacked him across the head. “Sit down.”...

4

Renn and Micahs Life Chapter 1. (A continuation of Renn and Jakes Life)

posted by WritenOnTheSand

Nessie Black

I sat at the computer, typing an میل ای to my worried parents. Ever since I moved Micah and I to Colorado four years ago, they have been going crazy. They come down and visit whenever they can, but since the sun is out all the time, that is rare.

"Mommy," I hear Micah's little voice from the kitchen. He has grown so much in the past few years. Since he was premature, I thought he would be pretty tiny, but he has grown big like Jacob.

"What Micah?" I look at the door frame and see him sanding there with his thumb in his mouth.

He sighs and looks up sadly at me.

I stand and walk over to him....

3

Talent Part 2

posted by CarlislesLover

We finished shopping finally. “I’m sorry I have to go now”

“Ok, I’ll see آپ whenever I اگلے wake you”

“Ok bye”

“Bye”

She left me going back to her grave. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t go back and see the faces of my family. Jasper was likely to kill me if I went back. Edward would be like oh Bella I love آپ so much none of this is your fault and Jasper would be like she knocked my wife unconscious I hate آپ and I’d be sat there like whatever guys leave me alone. So I decided to go back. I walked in and they were all sat in the living room on the sofa. “I’m...

4

Eclipse Revision (jakes pov of chpt. 10. Scent.) pt2

posted by LexisFaith

"Well the sent was easy enough to catch. سے طرف کی the way, your room reeks."
"I'll buy some air freshener." She replied.
I laughed and silence took over. Guess now is as good of a time as ever.
"Can I ask آپ something?" I asked taking the plate from her hand.
"That depends on what آپ want to know."
"I'm not trying to be a jerk یا anything-I'm honestly curious." I assured her.
"Fine." She sighed. "Go ahead."
I stalled for a moment deciding if I really wanted to know یا not. I finally asked anyway. "What's it like-having a vampire for a boyfried?"
She rolled her eyes. "It's the best."
"I'm serious. The idea...

5

Why the Twilight saga should be watched at home, alone.

posted by robin931009

As I removed the New moon-disc from my dvd-player, I thought to myself: Maybe I shouldn't see Eclipse in theaters?

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Twilight and want to see Eclipse as soon as possible. The thing is, when I was first introduced to the series, it was through the first film. I had rented it and didn't know what it was. I sat alone in my room with a glass of coke and watched it late at night. I was instantly hooked. I couldn't get over how incredibly interesting it all was; the story, the characters and above all the کتابیں i hadn't yet read. I quickly hurried to my computer...