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Article by halo_monty posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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Last night I had a dream. It was no normal dream. I was at the photography studio where my mom works and I was talking to Ian Somerhalder. That was *awesome*. But then Paul Wesley appeared and gave me a weird look then walked away. All of a sudden, Ian Somerhalder was playing baseball in the تصویر shoot room. I walked out of the room and returned منٹ later. Ian had turned into a vampire! A real one, not Damon! I gasped and begged him not to drink my blood, but he smiled and said, "It's okay, I'm a fruit vampire!" He pulled a بیر out of his pocket- which was weird because before I left the room, his skinny jeans didn't have pockets- and started sucking the رس, جوس out it. When he was done, Paul Wesley came back with a normal expression and the two leaned against a window, just like the poster in my room. I think I've looking at that poster to much…
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Opinion by jessicamc26 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.

The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie,"Yeah, I have a job for you. How would آپ like to paint the porch?"

"Sure that sounds great!" کہا Julie.

"Well, how much do آپ want me to pay you?" asked the man.

"Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked.

"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."

The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife. "Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.

About 45 منٹ later, Julie knocked on the door.

"I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner.

The man was amazed. "You painted the whole porch?"
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Opinion by jessicamc26 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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Two guys were picked up سے طرف کی the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge.

The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give آپ a سیکنڈ chance rather than jail time. I want آپ to go out this weekend and try to دکھائیں others the evils of drug use and pursuade them to give up drugs forever. I'll see آپ back in court Monday."


Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge کہا to the first one,

"How did آپ do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."

"17 people? That's wonderful. What did آپ tell them?"

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."


"That's admirable," کہا the judge. "And you, how did آپ do?" (to the 2nd guy)

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
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Opinion by jessicamc26 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

"Well I was trying to commit suicide" the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide سے طرف کی shooting your finger off???"

"No silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest.

"So then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"So then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
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Opinion by jessicamc26 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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A little old lady walked up to the cashier and placed a bag of cat food on the check out counter. The cashier said, I'm sorry but I can't sell آپ that cat food. Why not? asked the little old lady. The cashier replided.. we have had complants that some senior citizens who don't have very much money are buying pet food and eating eat, and it's not healthy for them. If آپ can prove to me that آپ own a cat, then I can sell آپ the cat food.
The little old lady left the store and returned about an گھنٹہ later with her cat, purchased the cat food and went home.

About a week later she tried to buy a 50 pound bag of dog food and the cashier said, mam, we went thru this before, دکھائیں me that آپ own a dog and then I can sell آپ the dog food. The little old lady left and in an گھنٹہ she returned with her dog and purchased the dog food.

A couple of weeks passed by, the little old lady walked into the store with a small box in her hands, walked up to the same cashier smiled and told her to stick her finger into the hole in the box. The cashier replied...I'm not sticking my finger in that box, there could be a snake in there and I could get bit. Oh no,...
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Opinion by jessicamc26 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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Last Thanksgiving, my mom decided to play a trick on my sister (who's blonde). To get her out of the house, she convinced her that we needed مزید half and half for the coffee.

While my sister was out, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, then put it inside the turkey, packing stuffing all around it. She then put the turkey back in the oven.

When everything was ready, my sister took the turkey out of the تندور and began to remove the stuffing. When she felt something, she reached in and pulled out the Cornish hen.

Pretending to be shocked, سے طرف کی mother exclaimed, "Patti, you've cooked a pregnant turkey!"

My sister began to cry and was inconsolable. It took us half an گھنٹہ to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

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Opinion by jessicamc26 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.

The blonde driver looks all around in her پرس, تھیلی and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.”

“Well, do آپ have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.

The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”

“Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known آپ were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”

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Opinion by aya3 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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okay here`s some tips for those who dont know how to date.....
1- be always self confident , have some self a steam .
2- be always c00l.
3- turn off ur cellphone during the date...always.
4-be always happy, happy with everything..with ur life.
5- if u really want him as ur bf یا date.....try to be cool ,use the words like: yeah totally,or however....try to be little care less about him... ...lol
6- dont be bushy....stay calm and dont complain alot ....jst a little but not alot....
i cant remember anymore so......ill see u the اگلے time.....thank u all for reading this..and plz تبصرہ ,have all a gr8 day..peace ^_^
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Opinion by aya3 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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ill give u some tips.......:
1- if u r bored in fanpop,and there is no frnd online: go to anyclub u like یا love and start adding some Qs and picks,and then comeback and see ppl that answerd it....it is really fun.
2- if u want to earn مزید fans......add random ppl.to ur fanlist then they will add u back the u will earn مزید fans.in no time.
3- if u wanna earn تمغے ...u have to add مزید pixxx in ur fav clubs....u can add articals too,and pix ppl will rate then u have مزید تمغے .
4- another way to earn fans....go to the chat room and then meet new ppl know them u will get مزید fans.....and frnds too.

when i have مزید ideas ill give it......now i dont i hope this مضمون will be useful have a gr8 دن everybody and type ur تبصرہ plz....thanks alot for listening...^_^ have a gr8 day.
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Fan fiction by amethyst_14 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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EVERYTHING seemed slower, یا maybe i was just too fast. Funny, i wasn't even moving. It must have already started, the feeling is all too familiar, the mixed emotions; sadness, desperation, rage, and pain. I could feel myself getting warmer سے طرف کی the second, the blood racing through my veins, and the adrenaline mixing along with it. Every ماہ it's the same, for five days, every full moon.
It's a good thing I got away from humans before it had started, I wouldn't want to be responsible for a mourning family, یا an unexplained massacre of one. I was away, far away from any ridiculously fragile and delicious human, I hope nobody planned on camping tonight, یا camping....not really. GAAH!! I'm so hungry, just get on with it already! Oh wait, it's done already? Finally, after the burning sensation, the grotesque sound of bones cracking, rearranging themselves to create a new frame, a new body. The worst part is over, now the rest will be easy...i hope. "Riiip! " there goes my shirt, "Riiiip!" another one my shoes this time, "Rip!" and shoes...plus pants. Why do i even bother to wear clothes. Grose is that drool? Well looks like it's my teeth's turn. I could feel my mouth getting...
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Fan fiction by amethyst_14 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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Long ago, the moon lived on land, سے طرف کی the ساحل with the sea, the one she loved. She loved him bec. he was the only one who had appreciated her not just سے طرف کی her looks, and he was the only one, who had shown her her true beauty. Together, they would dance on the shoreline, back and forth, back and forth. And they lived happily ever after, یا so they hoped for amidst them watching, was the sky. The sky loved the moon just as much as the sea, but not for the same reason. The sky tried his best to immitate the sea, even taking parts of it and making them into clouds to make beautiful patterns in the sky, but alas, it did not catch the moon's attention and so he would return them to the sea, in rage and create thunder.
One night, while the moon and sea were dancing together the sky had thought of a plan, a plan to lure the moon into his grasp and keep her all for himself. "Oh beautiful moon, may i ask a favor from thee? May آپ please come and see if my stars are beautiful? for only beauty may judge beauty." and so the moon obliged, but as soon the she was done and tried to return to her beloved, she quickly realized that the sky was not about to let her go, so she called...
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List by sickla posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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1.imitate sirius black,order a پیزا and say: i spent 12 years in azkaban then died 2 years later so this better be the best پیزا ever.
2.when angered pick up a pencil and yell "stupefy!" when doesnt work demand to know where your wand is.
3.walk into your classroom, look around say "this isnt hogwarts." yell "so long muggles!" march out and see who follows.
4.at random times yell "i killed sirius black!" reapeatidly.
5. at a bathroom hiss at the sink and say that آپ are trying to get into the chamber of secrets.
6.name anyone at all after harry potter poeple.
7.post this فہرست ev.er.y. where. [but give me credit]
8. replace the lyrics of all the songs آپ know with harry potter lyrics.
9.do not give up the thought that آپ are a muggle born even if آپ did not get a letter.
10. make everthing harry potter themed

thats it! i hope آپ liked it!
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Opinion by jessicamc26 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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سب, سب سے اوپر BUMPER STICKER'S SEEN AROUND THE WORLD1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.2. Practice محفوظ Sex, Go Screw Yourself.3. If آپ Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?5. If آپ Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe آپ Could Drive A Little Better.8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.9. Thank آپ For Pot Smoking.10. To All آپ Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.11. If At First آپ Don't Succeed...
blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".13. If آپ Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.14. Horn Broken...
Watch For Finger.15. It's Not How آپ Pick Your Nose, But Where آپ Put The Booger.16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home19. I Have The Body Of A God...
Buddha20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?24. The Face Is Familiar...
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Opinion by jessicamc26 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is angry, She opens her پرس, تھیلی to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blond جوابات "Shut up, you're next."
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--sorry i need to make this longer to publish
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Opinion by jessicamc26 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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A wife arrived ہوم and found her husband in بستر with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged him out of the house, into the tool shed in their back yard and put his penis in a vice. Securing it tightly and removing the handle of the vice, she then picked up a hacksaw. Terrified, her husband screamed, "Stop! Please! آپ aren't going to cut it off, are you?" Placing the saw in her husband's hand and with a gleam of revenge in her eye, the wife replied, "Of course not! I'm going to set آگ کے, آگ to the shed. آپ do whatever آپ have to do!"


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Article by jessicamc26 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor. The first nurse said, "I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear. The سیکنڈ nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all his condoms. The third nurse fainted.***************
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Article by jessicamc26 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car آگے saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story: If آپ are hung like a horse, آپ don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
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Article by jessicamc26 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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Want some chicken? A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he was doing 50 MPH. He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right اگلے to him. He speeded up to 75 MPH and the chicken passed him up. The man noticed the chicken had three legs. So, he followed to chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer "What's up with these chickens?" The farmer کہا "Well, everybody likes chicken legs. I bred a three legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire." The man asked him how they tasted. The farmer کہا "Don't know, haven't caught one yet."
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Article by jessicamc26 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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A سپر مارکیٹ had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. "don't worry, ya ," he said. "I'll pack some مزید trays and have them ready for آپ سے طرف کی the time آپ finish shopping." Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."
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Opinion by juviechick1339 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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TRY NOT TO LAUGH​ ( i didnt​ belie​ve it, but it works​!​)​
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Start​ think​ing about​ somet​hing آپ reall​y really want

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آپ have just been visit​ed سے طرف کی SERAH​.​ I will grant​ آپ one wish.​ Make your wish when the count​ down is over.

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MAKE A WISH!​!​
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Article by MovieManiac95 posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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Are You MAD!?
-Jumped And Hit Nothing
-Fell UP The Stairs
-Eaten your hand
-Swallowed nothing but choked anyways
-Gone Without Blinking
-Scratched An Itch That Was Never There
-Craved Cake but ate cereal
-Wished to fly, but had wings all along
-Skipped Without Moving
-Talked without talking
-Looked at nothing
-Done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
-Wished for school to be over, but miss it in the end
-eaten a cookie in your dream and tasted it

???????????????????????????


IF SO, LEMME KNOW :)
_________________________________________
If you're wondering what that was all about,
it was merely an introduction to my strange-ness,
and it's a way for آپ and me to connect.

آپ know, آپ may have مزید things in common with people than آپ could ever imagine.
[Or Maybe Not.]

I figured that out personally.

Anywho, my name is Courtney and I am delighted to say that I have been apart of this great community for at least 10 days.
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Article by justinbieberfw posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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1. Cause it felt like it.

2. mayb it wanted 2. EVR THINK OF THAT!!!!!????

3. It wanted 2 make chiken soup

4. it wanted some chiken soup.

5. it needed 2 get to the other side

6. it saw Justin Bieber (all chickens r شائقین of him u no)

7. on the other side of the road was a KFC

8. the ppl on his side kept asken Y did the chicken پار, صلیب the road

9. he had reasons 2

10. he was lost

11. he wanted to make this joke

12. he wanted 2 bcome famous with this joke.

P.S. i coodnt member the rest of the original joke!lol
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Opinion by tooch posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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I do not own any of these. If used, please credit teenthings@twitter.com

We all do, say, think یا relate to these, in some way یا another:

-When آپ forget someone's name آپ wait for someone else to say it so آپ don't look like an idiot asking.
-I pick things up with my feet because I'm too lazy to bend down.
-I don't خارج my texts until it's 99% full.
-I hate when dinner's ready and آپ are in the middle of something.
-I still sometimes buy kids meals only for the toy.
-I hate how I look after I cry.
-Saying 'Are آپ kidding me?' even though آپ know the person isn't.
-Stop pretending like آپ care, I can tell آپ don't.
-Finding money in your pants pocket from a long time پہلے and getting excited.
-Going on the computer as soon as آپ get home.
-When someone asks آپ for a favor, آپ say maybe because you're not sure what it is.
-You know creepy facts about your پسندیدہ celeb.
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Article by TOTALIzzyluver posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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Ok its been a while since i made a Drukies مضمون but here goes!

Awesome- Z tomorrow is the last دن of school!!

Z- WICKED I can't wait for cheese!

Awesome- Cheese?

Z- yeah Cheese ya know the stuff آپ put on s'mores?

Awesome- Girl آپ wack!

Z- Last night i was board so i read the phone book

Awesome- Learn anyone's number?

Z- yeah George Bush's, and my teacher's number.

Awesome- Why would Bush's number be in the phone book? We don't even live in Washington DC!

Z- DUDE! PUT DOWN MY مونگفلی, مونگ پھلی BUTTER!

Awesome- Your alergect to مونگفلی, مونگ پھلی butter...

Z- DUDE SERIOUSLY PUT IT DOWN MY CHUNKY!

Awesome- I don't have any مونگفلی, مونگ پھلی butter!

Z- Want a lolly pop?

Awesome- ooo what flavor?

Z- Mystery

Awesome- Your a mystery!

Z- whats that suppose to mean?

Awesome- OMG The bus is on fire!!!
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Opinion by shomill posted پہلے زیادہ سے سال ایک
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respect- sit down, shut up, and treat the other person like a god/goddess no matter how they really act

love- being nice to someone all the time, even when they obviously can't stand آپ and and آپ and them both would be much happer if آپ weren't together

loyalty- sticking around for no reason, except possibly that you're too insecure to leave

faith- belief in something even in a complete absence of proof

hope- no matter how impossible your wishes seem, you're stupid enough to keep wishing

cynic- a realist, hardened سے طرف کی a lifetime of emotional bondage
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